On 4/19 (On 4/19 and Beyond 4/20)

by Lisa Heaton

  It was when John told her about visiting her dad to ask for his advice that she suggested they go to see her parents. Up until then, in the back of her mind, she’d dreaded telling her family. Since they had walked with her through so much hurt and depression over the past few months, she feared they would hold it against John. Knowing John had asked her father first was rather shocking but something that caused her to admire him more than ever. That couldn’t have been an easy thing to do. No telling her father’s response originally, but clearly he gave his consent or else John wouldn’t have contacted her otherwise. She couldn’t help but wonder if her father mentioned him paying off the loan against the farm. If he did, she would be surprised. He was an awfully proud man.

  Not exactly ready for the whole family thing, John suggested, “We’ll go in the morning.” Kissing her softly, he admitted, “Tonight, I want you all to myself. Tomorrow, we’ll pack your things and you can stay there while we plan the wedding. I’ll stay here at home.”

  “At home, huh? I like the sound of that.”

  “Me too.” Pulling her nearer, John felt tremendous relief. With Chelsea in his arms, nothing beyond that mattered to him. He realized for the first time, since he arrived in Oklahoma, he hadn’t once thought of work or chasing the deal. Often he wondered if a man could truly become so new that he actually forgot to be himself. At some point, he needed to check in, but for the life of him, he didn’t care when. Who is that man?

  Late into the night, they lay on the sofa together, Chelsea sleeping, John praying. As she slept, she looked even younger than she actually was. It caused him to worry about her future. Prayer was the only thing that brought him peace about it. Neither of them was promised years to come, so worrying about her life without him was pointless. After what happened with Tracy, he realized the same could happen to Chelsea. That thought caused him to hold on to her a little tighter, his heart thudding painfully at the prospect of ever having to let her go again. Refusing to allow such a train of thought to continue, he instead thought of her final words before she drifted off to sleep. She promised, “No matter what, I’ll always love you.” He believed that with all his heart.

  As many women as had chased him over the years, as many as he kept at arm’s length, Chelsea was the only one to never pursue him. From the very beginning, it was he who pursued her. Never had he had the desire to please anyone the way he did her. How many nights had he lain awake and thought of ways to make her smile or to give her all the things she never asked for. From researching the safest car to locating a three million dollar condo blocks away from him, he was infatuated with her all along. At the time, he convinced himself it was to help her have the best life possible while she was with him, but in hindsight, he realized that he was in hot pursuit of her heart all along. Nothing was enough for her, in his estimation, and when he discovered she wanted so little, that caused him to want to give her more. All the while, all she ever did want was him. No one had ever simply wanted him and nothing more. Always there was a hidden agenda. Not so with Chelsea.

  It was after two a.m. when she stirred enough that he knew she was awake. With hardly enough room for them both, he suggested, “Go to bed. I’ll be fine here.”

  Rolling toward him, she buried her face in his chest. “You couldn’t pay me enough to leave this sofa.” She breathed in deeply, drawing in the scent of his aftershave, and filled anew with him, she easily fell back to sleep in his arms, listening to the sound of his beating heart.

  Stroking her hair, he sighed, “That’s my girl.”

  Early the next morning, Chelsea and John rode out to her parents’ farm. They had breakfast with her parents and Preston. Immediately after breakfast, the Whittaker home became wedding central. Soon, Caitlin arrived with the kids and then Macy with hers. John, hoping to get out of the way, took Preston out to the airfield with the intention of taking him up for a flight. Once the wedding plans commenced, he wasn’t quite so certain he would be missed. By the fifth time Chelsea texted him, though, he knew his absence was felt. Not one time did she have a wedding question. Each time she simply gave him a current best and worst. One said, Best: planning a wedding, Worst: waiting for the day. Another said, Best: you, Worst: today - nothing.

  John smiled at the last one, Best: deciding to wait, Worst: three months to go. Without having to ask, he knew what she meant. They talked about their wedding night the evening before. Even the thought of it caused his heart to race and his breathing to become shallow. He’d once told her whomever she married would get a tremendous gift. Ultimately, he would be that man. All the years she waited, she was always waiting for him. That thought was so tremendously humbling, especially after his past with women, he knew he could never deserve such a gift. For the remainder of their lives together, he would make sure God never regretted extending him such grace and giving him a chance at a new life with Chelsea.

  Chelsea sat at the kitchen table with her mother, Caitlin, and Macy. The current topic was colors and Chelsea found she couldn’t care less. Maybe when she was dating Tuck she thought of a wedding, but that dream had long since passed. For as long as she’d been in love with John, she had never even dared to dream of planning a wedding. So there she was, her wedding three months away, and all she could think of was him, not colors or fabrics or food.

  “Chelsea.” Gail was finding Chelsea’s lack of involvement frustrating. “We can’t plan this without you.”

  Looking up from John’s latest text, she wondered aloud, “Why not?”

  Gail, Caitlin, and Macy all stared at her blankly. Finally, Caitlin asked, “Yeah, why not?”

  From there, it was decided that Chelsea trusted them completely with the remaining decisions. She had very few requests. For one, they would all fly to Atlanta to find a dress, which was John’s idea. Next, she loved white, white flowers and tulle and fabrics. The food mattered little to her. They could invite anyone they chose along with whomever John wanted to invite. Caitlin, Lexie, Lucy, and Macy would all be bridesmaids. Other than that, the wedding was up to them. When they asked for a budget, she grinned. As John had said the night before, she repeated, “No budget.”

  Chelsea waited on the porch for John to come back for her, certain the women inside never missed her input. From the moment she said no budget, they all went wild. Chelsea heard words like buttercream, groom’s cake, and venue, but immediately, her mind drifted back to her groom. Standing there on the porch, she decided that from that moment forward, unless it was absolutely necessary, she never wanted to be away from him again. They would squeeze the fullest life into the time they had before them. So whether it be ten years or thirty, she wanted every moment to matter. One thing was for sure, planning a wedding was not where she wanted to spend her time. Instead, she wanted to simply show up and marry her groom.

  Smiling, she thought of dress shopping. John would go with her, he said, but he didn’t want to see the dress she chose. As she recuperated after the accident, they watched dozens of episodes of Say Yes to the Dress together. Surprisingly, she found him to be very opinionated as one woman after another tried on dresses. He, like her, leaned toward more simple gowns. While they watched, often she felt a sense of longing that she tried to ignore. Many times she wished she would someday try on dresses, knowing he would be her groom. At the time, it seemed to be an impossibility. What she ultimately discovered, though, was that nothing is impossible with God.

  Chelsea watched as Lucy made her way down the sidewalk of the school toward her. Several days each week, Lucy came to her house instead of going directly home. They spent the afternoon going over Lucy’s homework, baking, or playing the piano. Usually, Tuck came around to get her before dinnertime. In the past few days, however, she’d seen nothing of Tuck. When he arrived to pick Lucy up, he just blew the horn and waved at Chelsea, not getting out of the truck. Once John told her of Tuck’s trip to L.A., she presumed he made himself scarce in anticipation of John’s arrival. Considering how he felt about her, for his
sake, she was still terribly sad. Knowing that what you want most is out of reach is one of the worst states of being. If anyone knew that feeling, she did.

  All day Chelsea eagerly anticipated Lucy’s reaction to John’s arrival and the plans for the wedding. Finally, it was time to tell her. Waving, she greeted her, “Hey, doodle bug.”

  Grinning widely, bundled in full winter gear, Lucy tried to wave in return. Her coat was stiff, though, allowing little in the way of movement. “Hi, Chelsea.”

  Because the weather was so bitterly cold, Chelsea had driven to pick Lucy up, a rare thing. Usually, the walk home was their time to discuss the best and worst of Lucy’s day. On the way to her car, Chelsea said, “I have some pretty big news.”

  Lucy took hold of Chelsea’s hand, looked up, and excitedly asked, “What?”

  “John came last night.”

  Lucy stopped, her eyes growing wider. “He came?”

  Squatting down before her, Chelsea said, “He did.”

  Lucy wrapped her arms around Chelsea’s neck and squeezed her tightly. “Please don’t leave.”

  Grasping Lucy by the shoulders, Chelsea moved her back so that she could see her face. “I’m not leaving. He’s moving here. We’re getting married.”

  “Promise you’ll stay here?”

  The look on Lucy’s face tugged at her heart. “Yes. I promise. I won’t leave you, Lucy.” At that, Chelsea scooped her up into her arms. “I never want to be apart from you, never.”

  Lucy sighed in relief, happy for Chelsea but sad for her dad. She’d often wished they would get married someday. Then Chelsea could be her real mom. If Chelsea married John that would never happen. No matter what, though, she was glad that Chelsea’s old man friend came. She’d prayed so hard for it, just so Chelsea wouldn’t be sad anymore.

  John waited on the porch as Chelsea pulled into the driveway. Anxious to meet Lucy, he watched as the two walked up the sidewalk hand in hand. Waving, he called out, “You must be the famous Lucy.”

  Giggling, Lucy asked, “Famous?”

  “I hear you play the piano nearly as well as Chelsea.”

  Looking up at Chelsea, she asked, “Did you say that?”

  “I told him you are magnificent. And you are.”

  When they reached the top step, John knelt and offered his hand to Lucy. Lucy grinned and shook his hand, and then surprising him entirely, leaned in and hugged his neck. Quietly she whispered, “I’m so glad you came. I prayed that you would.”

  Stunned by her sweetness, John wrapped his arms around her and sighed. “Thank you for being Chelsea’s friend.”

  As the two embraced, Chelsea felt tears pool in her eyes. Images of John with their own children sprang to mind. He wanted children desperately. To her surprise, the night before, in the quiet hours of the night snuggled together on the sofa, he admitted how long he’d wanted them and that he’d become convinced he would never be a father. Seeing him with Lucy, she found herself just as eager to have children right away. Selfishly, when he first brought the subject up, she found herself wanting to wait, to just be them for a while, but in that moment, moved by the look on John’s face as he held Lucy to him and spoke so softly to her, she would agree to begin trying immediately if that was what he wanted. Understanding his urgency, Chelsea would never withhold something so important from him.

  Once inside, they sat at the kitchen table eating the cookies that Chelsea and Lucy had baked the afternoon before. Assuring them it was the best cookie he’d ever eaten, John went on and on about it. “I think you may have baked love right into this cookie. I taste it.”

  Lucy giggled. “Love in the cookie?” She giggled again and handed him another. “Taste this one and see if you taste love.”

  Instantly, Chelsea could see that Lucy was a bit smitten by him. She giggled at almost everything he said and hung on to his every word. When she offered him a third cookie, she leaned in and said, “I think you can be a boyfriend. You look much younger eating cookies than in your pictures”

  Glancing at Chelsea, unsure of what Lucy meant, he said anyway, “Thank you. I think you look much older than six. You look at least eight.”

  Beaming, Lucy told him, “I’m six and a half. I will be seven in August.”

  With John helping Lucy with her homework, Chelsea sat and watched the two interact. As much as Lucy was taken by John, and how could she not be as John poured on the charm, John was just as captivated by Lucy. Chelsea was tremendously relieved at how well they got along. Lucy had come to mean so much to her that she could hardly imagine life without her in it. Thankful that John was prepared to move to Oklahoma, it would mean she wouldn’t be moving back to L.A. and leaving Lucy behind. While their relationship was quite unusual, it worked. Over the months, each had met a tremendous need in the other’s life.

  On several occasions Lucy told Chelsea that she wished she were her mom, and each time, Chelsea assured her that if she where her daughter, she’d be the proudest mom ever. Secretly, Chelsea wished Lucy was hers, probably even more so than Lucy desired her as a mother. The thought caused guilt to creep into her heart over the way she avoided Lucy early on and especially how she felt about her before coming home. Before meeting her, she harbored a feeling that could only be considered contemptuous. In her mind, she’d always believed Lucy would make her remember her pain, when instead, she found that she brought such joy to her life that not knowing her longer was a great loss.

  Often Chelsea thought of Lucy’s mom, wondering again and again how she could leave such a precious little girl behind. Many times she wondered what would happen if Lindsey ever did come back into the picture and what that would mean for her. Of course she thought too of what would happen when Tuck found someone else. What woman would be okay with an ex-girlfriend in the picture? What Chelsea discovered was that the longer she knew Lucy and the more she came to love her, the more fear accompanied that love. Eventually, she came to decide it was becoming the love any mother felt, love filled with what if’s and why’s. These were the things she pondered while the man she loved talked tenderly with the girl she cherished.

  It was just after five when Tuck arrived. This time, rather than honking, he knocked on the front door. When he refused her invitation to come inside, Chelsea reached for her coat and stepped out onto the front porch with him. “Lucy is gathering her things.”

  “Okay.” He found he could hardly look at her face. She was positively glowing, which came as no surprise. Bobby called to tell him John was in town, again, no surprise. Since leaving L.A. he knew it would come. And he knew the old guy, John, loved her. That was at least one positive in the whole ordeal. Considering all a man like John could give Chelsea, Tuck knew she was better off with him. All he could’ve ever offered her was farm life and everyday things.

  Chelsea was glad when Bobby called her earlier in the day telling her about his conversation with Tuck. Relieved that she didn’t have to break the news to him, she still dreaded what she was about to ask. “I wanted to ask you something. And if you say no, I’ll understand.”

  He smiled, trying to hide the fact that he was dying inside. “I can’t imagine I’d say no, but go ahead.”

  “Will you allow Lucy to be in my wedding?”

  The question not only took him off guard, it took the wind right out of him. Feeling as if he’d been punched in the gut, he turned from her. “I suppose that’ll be okay.” Shifting his thoughts from his own regrets and pain toward Lucy, he could only dread what the implications of Chelsea’s wedding would ultimately mean for her.

  Tuck was understandably hurt. Reaching for his arm, Chelsea whispered, “I’m sorry. I know this must be difficult for you.”

  Glancing back at her, allowing her hand to rest on his forearm, he assured her, “I’ll live.” In that moment, it hardly felt true, but it was. He had a daughter to care for, a farm to work, and a tangled mess of a life to unravel, so he had no choice but to go on.

  The look on his face caused her heart t
o ache for him. He’d lost all hope. Wasn’t that the look she encountered in the mirror just a few days before? “I don’t know why you did it, but thank you for going to see him. Whatever you said, it changed everything.”

  Finally, turning back to look at her, he asked, “Seriously, you don’t know why?”

  Sighing, Chelsea whispered, “I know.”

  Lucy came through the door and hugged her daddy. Already she was beginning to tell him about John and the fun she’d had playing with him. Tuck bent over and kissed Lucy on the forehead, saying, “Go on to the truck where it’s warm. Daddy’ll be right there. I need to talk to Chelsea for one more minute.”

  When Lucy was out of hearing range, Tuck suggested, “I think for now, it’s best if Lucy comes on home after school. I know you have a wedding to plan and a life to live.”

  Devastated, Chelsea simply stared at Tuck. When he took one step backwards, intending to turn and leave, only then did she find her voice to say, “Please,” grabbing again for his arm, she pled “don’t take her away from me.” Tears spilled over her lashes. “I know you feel hurt right now, but don’t keep her from me.”

  Tuck was stunned by her reaction. Reaching for her face, intending to wipe her tears away, he then thought better of it and moved his hand quickly back to his side. But he knew, if he would have touched her skin, it would have been the most natural thing in the world for him. After all those years, in his heart, she was still as much his as when they were so young and in love. To try to protect her and care for her came as naturally to him as breathing. It was all he ever envisioned doing.

  “I didn’t mean it that way. I would never do that to you or to her. I meant it for you. Everything has changed, and I thought that you may want to… I don’t know, start new with him and without us.” As soon as he said us he regretted it. “I mean her.” Sighing, he looked down at his feet. “I don’t want her in the way, that’s all.”