Casting Shadows (The Ash Grove Chronicles)

by Amanda DeWees

  She smiled, that brilliant smile that brought her face to life. “That’s why you have me,” she said.

  Chapter 15

  Tasha caught up with Maddie in the coffee bar at morning break later that week. Her amber eyes were worried. “Have you talked to Joy lately?”

  “No, is anything wrong?” Her mind immediately went to problems with the baby, but Tasha reassured her.

  “It’s just that she seems kind of down. She wouldn’t say at first, but then she tried to joke about being treated like a scarlet woman when she goes out in public.”

  Maddie glowered. She’d had a taste of that lately, with all the stares and jeers on campus after the “She Says Yes” episode. “If Mr. Supermodel would just put a ring on it—”

  “Not our business,” said Tasha warningly. “I think the two of us should take her out for some retail therapy and get her some prettier maternity clothes. The things she’s wearing now are enough to depress anybody.”

  “That’s a great idea, Tash.”

  “Should I invite Sheila?”

  “No,” said Maddie, too quickly. “I mean, Sheila’s still kind of on probation where Joy is concerned.”

  Tasha accepted that, much to her relief. “All right then. Even if it’s just the three of us, I’ll bet Joy won’t get the nasty comments she does when she’s alone. We can stare down anyone who tries to make her feel bad.”

  “We can do even better than that,” said Maddie, as inspiration struck her. “We can draw fire.”

  They arranged with Joy to pick her up on Saturday for a road trip to Asheville for a girls’ day out. When they arrived that morning in Tasha’s car, they found Tanner on the point of taking off on his Ninja. As the girls got out of the car and he got a full view of them, a broad grin broke over his face.

  “You two are the greatest,” he said, and dismounted. “I’ll get Joy.”

  When he led her out on the front porch, she started laughing so hard after one look at her friends that it brought Dr. Sumner out of the house as well. He shook his head in amusement. “I’m not even going to ask,” he said.

  “Whose idea was this?” demanded Joy. “Maddie, it had to be you.”

  “Tasha thought up the girls’ day out,” said Maddie. “It was my idea to check the theater costume stock.” She and Tasha were both wearing pregnancy pads under their clothes that made them look almost as pregnant as Joy. “And look, the best part.” She and Tasha showed their left hands. “No wedding rings.”

  Joy made her way down the front steps and came to hug them—as best she could with their bellies in the way. “Y’all are the best. Thank you.”

  “It’s the least we could do,” said Tasha. “Maddie and I are lucky—we get to take these off at the end of the day. I don’t know how you do it, Joy. Even just getting in and out of the car is hard with this thing on.”

  “Well, I have the end result to look forward to.”

  The morning passed satisfyingly. Joy forgot her self-consciousness and was soon caught up in the fun of shopping, as Maddie and Tasha helped her choose cute outfits for the baby and for herself. Pedicures were the next order of business, as Joy confessed that she hadn’t been able to reach her toes for weeks.

  They got some looks from other shoppers, conspicuous as they were, but no one approached them to inform them that they were contributing to the downfall of the country’s morals. One woman did make some passive-aggressive mutterings to herself about children having children, but Tasha just murmured, “That’s one of the hardest things about being Afro-Judeo-Mormon. No one understands our faith,” and the woman backed away, silenced.

  “This has been wonderful,” sighed Joy over a late lunch in the mall’s food court. They were surrounded by shopping bags, and all had sparkling toenails that showed in the makeshift flip-flops provided by the salon to wear until the polish dried. “I hadn’t realized how much I was craving some pretty things to wear.”

  “I wish we could have found you a wedding dress, though,” said Tasha.

  Now who’s minding Joy’s business, thought Maddie, but she didn’t intervene.

  Joy shrugged it off. “There’s not much point in me trying anything on right now, without a date set. But I haven’t decided what kind of dress I want anyway. I don’t really want to do the traditional white gown.”

  “Not feeling very virginal, huh?” asked Maddie, and Joy made a face at her.

  “It just wouldn’t be very flattering, especially if I haven’t had the baby yet. I’d look like Mount Everest. And anyway, white was Melisande’s color. I’d rather not remind Tanner of her, especially on our wedding day.”

  The mention of the name cast a more serious mood on the table. “How is Tanner doing with everything?” asked Tasha.

  Another shrug. “Okay, I guess. I think he has some PTSD, but he won’t get screened for it. I guess I can understand. Nobody’d believe a world-famous supermodel tried to kill him. But he doesn’t ever get the chance to forget about her, either—she’s still on all the tabloids everywhere we go, and people still ask him about her.”

  But Maddie didn’t want Joy’s day out to get dragged down.

  “What’s it like living with a hunk like Tanner?” she asked. “Is it distracting having someone so gorgeous around the house? If it was me, I’d spend all day just watching him. It wouldn’t matter if he was just loading the dishwasher; I’d just pull up a chair and stare.”

  “Well, he can be distracting,” Joy admitted, dimpling. “And sometimes I do have to pinch myself. But it’s hard to idealize someone who leaves his sweaty running clothes in a pile on the floor. And once you’ve seen a guy floss his teeth, he doesn’t seem quite as much like an earthbound god.”

  “But you’re still in love, aren’t you? You’re still happy together.”

  “Oh, absolutely.”

  But something in her tone sounded flat. “What’s wrong?” asked Tasha.

  She dropped her eyes and poked at her chicken salad with her fork. “It’s this whole domestic routine,” she said in a low voice. “I worry that he’s getting bored with this life. With me. After all, he spent almost two years as a celebrity, living the glamorous life. Now he’s stuck in this poky back-of-beyond place, about to be saddled with a wife and a baby.”

  “Joy!” exclaimed Tasha. “Don’t be silly. You’ve told us how much he hated the celebrity life. And he loves you.”

  Joy took a moment to answer. “I know he does, but I’m not sure that’ll be enough.”

  “That’s ridiculous,” said Maddie flatly. “You’re inventing trouble.”

  “I don’t know, Mads. Sometimes I think I should be preparing myself in case he leaves.” Her hand went to her belly as if to reassure the baby. “I can manage on my own if I have to—it’s not like I’ll lie down at the side of the road and die. I just want so much for him to want to be with us.”

  “But he obviously does want to be with you,” said Tasha firmly. “The guy’s got a million connections in the business that he could have called on if he wanted out. He chose you and Rose.”

  “And besides,” added Maddie, “what if he does decide later that he wants something more than small-town life? There’s nothing to stop you from moving. Hell, you’ll probably decide you want something more. You can figure out things together, work out what’s best for the two of you. I mean, three of you.”

  “Exactly,” said Tasha. “Getting married and having a baby doesn’t mean you’re in prison—either of you.”

  Joy gave them a grateful smile. “Thanks, y’all. I tell myself the same things, but it sounds more convincing coming from you.”

  “Speaking of people in love,” said Tasha in a different voice, leaning across the table conspiratorially, “what’s up with William and Sheila? She’s been actually pleasant in class, and he looks like a new person.”

  Maddie felt herself tense up. She concentrated on her Cobb salad. She only ever ate tossed salads when there weren’t any guys around, because they were s
o messy. She didn’t care if her girlfriends saw her trying to stuff unruly lettuce leaves into her mouth, but if she was going to end up spattered in vinaigrette she wasn’t going to do it around potential suitors.

  Not that there had been any of those around lately. But that was by her own choice. She realized now, with surprise, that this was the longest she had gone without a boyfriend in ages. And apart from her unhappiness about William, it had actually been a pleasant change from the relationship drama she was used to. It was nice not to be fighting with someone all the time, and she liked having time to herself, even if she didn’t do anything more exciting with it than watch movies or noodle around on YouTube.

  It was just too bad that all that extra time made it harder not to think about William.

  “I’m so glad to see him finally find a girl who appreciates him,” Tasha was saying, unaware of how the words stung Maddie. “I never thought it would be Sheila, but it’s great to see him so happy. He definitely deserves it.” To Maddie she added, “I guess you don’t approve, though.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Well, you and he used to hang out all the time, and now I hardly ever see you together.”

  “These days, hanging out with William also means hanging out with Sheila,” Joy explained, as Maddie was trying to think of something to say. “And even though she’s acting a lot nicer than she used to, it’s going to take some time to build up our tolerance for her. Like arsenic. Small doses over time.”

  Maddie sent her a grateful look for heading off the question, but Tasha wasn’t going to let her off the hook so easily. “There’s more to it than that. Something happened between you two.”

  Maddie broke down and confessed. She knew she didn’t come off looking very well in her account of what happened, but she thought Tasha might be able to find some ray of hope in the situation. Tasha’s response surprised her.

  “Why did you freeze him out afterward?” she asked.

  “I told you. He thought it made him my boyfriend.”

  “What’s wrong with that? Why didn’t you want William to be your boyfriend?”

  Taken aback, Maddie could only say, “C’mon, he’s William. He’s a great guy, but… I’ve never felt the least bit romantic about him.”

  “You must have felt something, or you wouldn’t have slept with him,” Joy pointed out.

  “And he’d be a wonderful boyfriend. He’s so thoughtful, and smart. And cute.”

  “Why are you two ganging up on me?” Maddie protested. “I made a mistake, and I was doing damage control.”

  Tasha speared an olive on her fork. “What we’re saying is, maybe there wasn’t any damage to control. Y’all might have been good together.” Maddie was silent, taking this in, until Tasha added, “Anyway, it’s moot now that he’s with Sheila. And I guess that means he’s over his crush on you.”

  “What crush?”

  Tasha gave her a pitying look. “Oh come on, don’t tell me you didn’t know.” She appealed to Joy. “You saw it too, didn’t you? It was plain as day. I noticed as soon as we all came back this fall.”

  “That’s ridiculous,” said Maddie. “Joy, tell her.”

  Joy didn’t answer.

  “Joy?” repeated Maddie, her voice rising.

  “I’m sorry,” she said helplessly. “He swore me to secrecy.”

  Maddie sat in silent horror. Now she finally understood why he had been so ticked off at her after they hooked up. No, not ticked off: do him the justice of being accurate. He was devastated.

  All those times she’d teased him to make him blush, all those times she and Joy had wondered why he never asked anyone out; had he felt this way about her as long as that? Every time she confided in him about a boyfriend—she shut her eyes against the thought. If she had deliberately set out to make her friend’s life a misery, she could hardly have done a better job.

  If only she had known. A tide of frustration and anger rose in her. Why hadn’t Joy told her, or William himself? Things would have been so different…

  Well, yes, they would have been different, but not necessarily in a good way. She would have felt awkward and embarrassed around William, and he’d have been the same way around her. They probably would have stopped hanging out together. Their friendship would have ended a lot sooner… but at least she wouldn’t have torn out his heart and tap-danced on it. No wonder he had written that horrible song about her. It wasn’t because of hurt pride. It was heartbreak.

  She was silent on the drive back, and at first Joy and Tasha kept up a tactful conversation between themselves, leaving her to her thoughts. Finally Joy caught her eye. “Should we not have said anything?” she asked.

  Maddie shook her head. “No, I’m glad you did. I understand things better.” I understand how totally I fucked everything up.

  “I’m sure that whatever’s going on with him and Sheila, he’ll snap out of it.”

  “Maybe not, though,” said Tasha. “He’s happier than I’ve seen him in a long time, and he deserves to be happy.”

  “I never said he didn’t,” retorted Maddie. “Good for Sheila if she realizes what a great guy he is. I just never figured she was that perceptive.”

  She was still processing this new information when she joined Clark for dinner that evening. Picking at her food, answering Clark in monosyllables, she was staring into space when Sheila walked into the dining hall, hand in hand with a tall, good-looking guy. It was a second before she recognized him as William.

  The haircut she’d had time to get used to. But he was wearing new glasses, with fashionably narrow dark frames that drew attention to a nice set of cheekbones. The most dramatic change was that he was no longer wearing a ratty old flannel shirt and threadbare jeans. Instead he was dressed in well-fitting new jeans and a forest green shirt that showed off nicely developed shoulders and arms. When had he started working out? He even carried himself with a confidence that Maddie hadn’t seen in him before.

  Clark was making admiring noises as they reached the table. “Sheila, how on earth did you get him to agree to such a change? Every time I tried to suggest we go clothes shopping he acted as if I wanted him to dye himself blue and put on a Smurf hat.”

  “I wasn’t that bad,” said William comfortably, as he and Sheila sat down.

  “You totally were,” she said. To Clark she explained, “The only reason I was able to get him to the mall was because the shirt he was wearing actually self-destructed. I kept telling him, with all the muscle he’s been putting on, his shirts have been getting too tight. But then when he went to put his arm around me and his shirt actually split—”

  “It was my Incredible Hulk moment,” said William. “I’ve never felt more macho in my life. I wanted to try it with all my shirts.”

  Sheila shook her head at him. “Dork,” she said, and leaned over to kiss him on the lips. Maddie felt her jaw go slack, and Clark caught her eye in scandalized delight. She had suspected, but not known for sure, that things had progressed so far between them.

  “So anyway,” said Sheila, emerging from the kiss, “I wanted to get him into something nicer than those nasty old flannel things, and he was all, I can’t be constricted by dress shirts when I perform. And I was like, there’s this amazing invention called stretch fabric…”

  “Which I have been telling him and telling him!” Clark again. “Honey, I have to hand it to you: William looks amazing. For a straight boy, anyway. What do you say, Maddie?”

  “Huh?” She had been thinking about how the dark green shirt brought out the green in his hazel eyes.

  Sheila looked at her expectantly. “Don’t you approve? Or do you think I overstepped?”

  As a matter of fact, she did, but she couldn’t exactly say so. Besides, William did look—well—fantastic. And she had to give Sheila props for that, as much as she hated to.

  “Clark’s right,” she said. “You’ve done wonders.”

  “Thanks a lot,” said William mildly. “I guess I d
idn’t know what an eyesore I was.”

  “I didn’t mean it that way.” The biggest change wasn’t in William anyway; it was in how she was seeing him. She had been vaguely aware that he was no longer the shy skinny guy she’d met freshman year, but seeing him like this, confident and at ease, was like seeing him for the first time. “You’ve always hated shopping for clothes,” she said.

  “I just needed the right personal shopper is all.” And he laced his fingers through Sheila’s and gave her a look that made Maddie’s heart lurch.

  “Having an incentive helped,” added Sheila. “We want him to make a good impression on my family over Thanksgiving. I can’t wait to show him off to my parents.”

  He was actually going to meet her family? Maddie looked at their hands linked on the table and thought, This could have been you.

  No, of course not. William and me? It wouldn’t have worked. Couldn’t have.

  But the thought persisted. If you’d seen a little earlier how much he meant to you, it could have.

  We’re too different. He’s so easygoing and level-headed, and I—

  It might have worked. It might have been great.

  Yeah, maybe.

  Maybe it would have been wonderful.

  Chapter 16

  After Joy left that morning to go shopping with the girls, Tanner went for a long day’s ride on the Ninja. He didn’t want to sit around in the house feeling the pressure of Steven’s disapproval. He wanted the wind and the noise of the engine to obliterate thought, until he was all feeling, just speed and motion and the sensation of cutting through the air.

  A few last trees were still changing; in the green and brown landscape, flashes of russet and red and orange sparked the woods as he flew past. As the day passed into afternoon he found himself heading without conscious intention toward Lake Chatuge and the dam. The narrow strip of blacktop led him away from the highway traffic, past peaceful fields and through close, silent woods, until he crested the hill and reached the parking area at the start of the walking path. Down from the parking lot a grassy track led to the tiny apron of sandy red beach where he parked the bike before sitting down to think.