The Search for Soaring Hawk

by Terry O'Reilly

  Sam felt himself blush. He smiled at Dexter. “Yes, Dexter, in every way,” he said.

  “I was right about that, too.” Dexter nodded sagely.

  Sam returned the nod.

  “We got them skins you was a wantin’ all loaded,” Tanner said as he and Nils returned to the room.

  “We’ll be on our way then,” said Sam. “We have a dog that may need our help if her pups decide it’s time.”

  “Molly?” asked Dexter.

  “Yep,” Nils said. “She got herself mixed up with somebody’s dog and from the looks of it, he was one big son of a gun.”

  “Well, you gotta eat anyways so why don’t ya’ll stay for a meal then you can be on your way?” Tanner suggested.

  They agreed. The men made their way to the kitchen, where Tanner rustled up food for them. While they ate, Dexter said he was sorry the men were out on the trap lines as he was sure they would want to see Sam again, especially Russell. Sam agreed it would have been good to see them.

  After they were finished eating, the men said their good-byes, mounted up and made their way back to the homestead. Arriving just before dusk, Nils was quick to check on Molly, who hadn’t come to greet them. Sam unsaddled the horses and unpacked the skins. After turning the horses out in the pen, he hurried to the shelter. He found his friend on his knees next to Molly, who was curled up on a pile of skins and clothing. Sam kneeled down beside him.

  He saw right away Molly was in no distress, but it was clear she had made her birthing nest. Nils looked at him as Sam joined them.

  “Well, looks like it’s about time,” he said, a note of anxiety in his voice.

  Sam put his hand on Nils shoulder to reassure him. “Looks like. She seems all right, though. You stay with her. I’ll go take care of the stock.”

  “Thanks,” Nils said. Then, as Sam was about out of the shelter, he added, “What about the milkin’? You think you can handle that?”

  Sam turned and chuckled. He placed his hand in front of his crotch and made a stroking motion. “I think with all the practice we’ve had the last couple of days, I got the hang of it.”

  They both laughed. Molly wagged her tail as if she, too, enjoyed the joke.

  Chores finished, Sam returned to the lean-to, herding the flock of chickens before him. Once they were safely caged, he came and knelt beside Nils, stretched out on his side beside Molly’s nest.

  “How’s she doing?”

  “She’s gettin’ close, I think. She’s lickin’ herself and startin’ to leak a little milk.”

  Sam put his hand on Molly’s abdomen. He immediately became concerned. There was no movement. As big as she was, there should be something. He looked at Nils.

  “What’s wrong?” Nils concern heightened.

  “Something doesn’t feel right,” Sam said.

  Just as he said that, Molly whined and raised her back leg. Sam could see her strain. Labor had started. Nils looked from him to the dog. He went pale.

  Things happened very quickly after that. Molly’s water started to protrude, and she whined and strained harder.

  “Come on, girl,” Sam said gently. “You can do this.”

  She strained and strained, but nothing happened. As Nils and Sam watched, the brave little mother tried valiantly to give birth to her puppies, but it was apparent she was not able to. They were just too big and probably already dead.

  Sam looked at Nils. “We’re gonna have to help her. You sit by her head and hold her.”

  “What’re ya gonna do?”

  “Open her up.”

  Nils stifled a sob.

  Sam got up and got his knife from his pack. He wiped it off and looked at Nils. “Ready?”

  Nils nodded.

  Sam made a small incision along her abdomen. The blood ran freely. He wiped it away. He looked up at Molly; her tongue was hanging out, her eyes closed. Her gums were pink, a good sign. He retraced the incision. A body appeared at the entry he had created. With care he pulled it out, wiped the membranes away and laid it aside. It was dead. He pulled out another and another. In all, he pulled out six pups. All lay lifeless on the skins beside the nest. He looked up at Nils, who still held Molly’s head on his lap. Her breathing was labored, but she appeared to be doing well.

  “Wolves,” Sam said. “No wonder she was so big.”

  “That all of them?” Nils asked.

  Sam checked inside once more. He felt one more pup. This one, incredibly, wriggled at his touch. “There’s one more. It’s alive.”

  He extracted the final puppy, removed the sack and massaged its body. This pup was smaller than all the others, and while they appeared to be grey or black, this pup, although damp, Sam could see was a golden red, like his momma.

  Sam worked to get the small dog to begin breathing.

  “Come on, little guy, come on. You wanna see your momma, right? Come on.”

  At last, the puppy wiggled and let out a whine. Molly opened her eyes and tried to get up. Nils held her down. The pup continued to mew as Sam dried it off. He laid the pup next to Molly, who began to lick it in earnest. Sam looked at Nils. There were tears flowing down his cheeks.

  Sam turned his attention to getting Molly closed up. He went outside and got a rabbit bone splinter from the waste pile behind the shelter. He then peeled a thread of sinew from the carcass. Fashioning a crude needle, he stitched up the incision he had made, and washed the area with clean water. Molly had endured the procedure, being intent on caring for her one surviving baby. Sam then disposed of the rest of the litter.

  Later that night the men lay facing each other, with Molly and baby between them. The pup had tried to nurse. Sam thought he had gotten some nourishment, but he seemed weak. So he had gotten some cloth, tied a strip of hide around it and made an artificial teat. He had dipped this in goat’s milk and squeezed a few drops of the liquid into the puppy’s mouth. Sam hoped this would strengthen him, so he could nurse on his own.

  “Well, what’ll you call him?” Nils asked.

  Sam looked at his partner. “He’s yours, Nils. You should name him.”

  “No,” said the big blond. “You saved him. He’s your dog. You name him.”

  Sam smiled down on the little ball of golden hair, sleeping peacefully next to his mother. “S’unktokeca.”

  “Shun to…what?” Nils said, looking puzzled.

  “Shunk toek tah,” Sam said slowly. “S’unktokeca,” he said again and laughed. The puppy stretched and yawned. “See, he knows his name already.”

  “Shunk toe,” Nils tried again. “Bugger! I’ll never get that. What does that mean in English?”

  “Wolf.”

  “How about this then? Varg,” Nils offered.

  “What?” Sam said frowning.

  “Varg,” Nils repeated. “That’s ‘wolf’ in Swedish.”

  “Varg,” Sam repeated looking quizzically at the pup.

  “Don’t like that much, huh?” Nils said.

  Sam didn’t want to hurt his friend’s feelings, but he shook his head.

  “Well, then, I’m callin’ him Wolf, even though with that color he don’t look like one. Never saw a gold wolf.”

  Sam looked at Wolf and smiled. “Maybe one day he will.”

  * * * Over the next few days, the men spent their time feeding the hungry little pup, encouraging him to nurse, working on the lodge and making love. By the third day, Wolf was strong enough to nurse on his own. Molly couldn’t have been a better mother. She fussed over her baby, kept him fastidiously clean and guarded him from the chickens when they wandered too close to Molly’s nest.

  Nils laughed at this. “When that boy gets a little bigger, it’ll be those stupid hens that’ll need guarding.”

  Sam smiled. He would teach Wolf not to bother the chickens.

  On the fourth day following their trip to the post and the birth of Wolf, they finished the lodge. The men moved their belongings into their new home. Molly watched the proceedings with interest. Halfway through t
he move, she went back to the shelter, picked Wolf up and brought him into the lodge. She laid him on the sleeping mats next to the fire pit. Then she proceeded to move her nesting materials and arrange them. When she was satisfied with her work, she placed Wolf in the nest and lay down beside him. Sam and Nils watched with pride.

  “Well, guess that makes it official—this is home,” Nils mused. Sam put his arms around his partner and nodded.

  That night after dinner, they sat together by the fire with an elk skin wrapped around their naked bodies. The warmth of the past week was giving way to cooler weather, but both men were reluctant to trade the pleasure of skin-to-skin contact for the added insulation of their union suits. Molly curled up with her son, snug in her nest. The fire light danced on the walls of the newly constructed lodge. Sam had a sense of deep contentment as he gazed around the lodge.

  Nils, too, looked about. “This is really nice. I wonder if we should even bother with a cabin?”

  Sam looked at Nils. For a moment, a spark of hope leapt in his heart, then died.

  “I’m not sure Sally would appreciate this,” Sam said somewhat wistfully, stirring the fire with a stick.

  Nils sighed. “No, you’re right. Sally expects a cabin and even that isn’t gonna be something she’s used to. No, we’ll build her a cabin.”

  They were silent for a time. Then Nils turned his face to Sam. “I want to thank you for all you’ve done for me, saving Molly, building the lodge and all.”

  Sam pulled him close. “Being here with you like this is all the thanks I need.” He kissed Nils.

  “You know how much I like it when you let me come inside you,” Nils continued.

  Sam nodded.

  “Well, I was thinking you must like that, too, and…well…I wanna give that to you to say thanks.” His simple, innocent smile made Sam feel warm all over.

  “Are you sure? It isn’t very comfortable the first time.”

  “Heck, a little discomfort is nothing compared to all you’ve done here. ’Sides, I’ve been thinking, I might like it a bit, too.” Another smile broke across his boyish face, made all the more endearing accompanied by a slight blush.

  Sam thought back to when he had offered himself to Lean Bear for the first time. He remembered the joy it had brought both of them. He returned Nils’ smile and said, “If that’s what you want, I’m happy to oblige.”

  “Well, that’s what I want,” Nils said.

  Later that night, Sam lay spooned against his sleeping partner. Nils’ breathing was deep and even. He held Sam’s hand, which rested on his chest. From Molly’s nest, he could hear a soft mewing followed by the sounds of suckling as Wolf woke to eat. A feeling of bliss and permanence stole through Sam’s being.

  He snuggled against Nils, pressing his face into the blond curls that covered his neck. He breathed in the scent of his man. His first penetration had been painful for Nils. Although he’d tried not to show it, Sam had seen the grimaces that the smiles failed to hide. Sam knew it would get better for him, and he loved Nils all the more for his willingness to allow Sam this pleasure, despite his discomfort. He had reciprocated by letting Nils achieve gratification by coming into him.

  The next day they would start on the livestock shelter and when that was completed, the cabin. The thought of the cabin brought a moment of melancholy to dampen the good feelings his evening had engendered, but only temporarily. The completion of the cabin was a long way off. Much could happen between now and then.

  * * * As the weeks passed and turned into months, the men fell into an easy routine. They worked first on the new animal shelter until it was complete, then on the cabin. They also hunted and, when the first snows arrived, frolicked like children with Molly and the now-eighty-pound golden wolf dog.

  Wolf had grown into a magnificent beast. He resembled his wolf ancestors, but his coloring was a deep rich gold, accented by white. He was intelligent and responded well to Sam’s training. He had killed one of the chickens, but one day of having the dead bird tied to his neck quelled his appetite for that sport.

  They laid out the cabin some distance from the lodge. For now it was to be a one-room affair, with plans for adding more rooms if needed. Sam had shown Nils how to use the horses to drag the heavy logs to the site. The coming of the snow made this task even easier.

  Several times during the winter and early spring, Dexter, Tanner, Russell and the men from the post came by to check on progress and share a time of camaraderie. Dexter’s suggestions for the work on the cabin had proven to be very useful. They also brought news of developments in the area. Dexter told them of a new family who had begun to set up a homestead just before winter had set in, and how the men had helped them get a shelter built before the worst of the snows began. But Nils firmly rejected the offer to do the same for him with the cabin. Sam and Nils were grateful for the friendship that was developing, especially with Dexter and Tanner.

  Nils and Sam spent their evenings in the lodge next to a warm fire. The men relished these times together. They sat and talked, often with one or the other of the dogs curled up next to them. Hardly a day went by without an expression of their physical love for one another. As Sam had hoped, Nils came to enjoy taking Sam within him. Sam felt he had found all he ever wanted in leaving his people. Only the specter of the completion of the cabin and the time of Sally’s arrival intruded into his happiness and contentment.

  In that regard, it seemed to him Nils often found excuses not to work on the cabin. Nils rarely mentioned Sally. When he did, it was often followed by the suggestion they hunt instead of work on the structure, or take a day to play with the dogs, or some other chore that needed to be done. Sam never questioned his friend about this, but merely went along with any suggestion he made with a glad heart. The longer it took to finish the cabin, the longer he had Nils to himself.

  One warm spring evening, after they had been working most of the day on the final tier of logs before they hoisted the main beam of the roof, Nils walked away from the cabin to a pail of water sitting nearby. He dipped a tin cup into the water and took a long drink. Refilling the cup, he brought it back to Sam. He turned toward the unfinished cabin and stood with his hands on his hips, a stance which was very characteristic of the man Sam had grown to love so deeply.

  “Well, I’ve made a decision,” he said. Sam regarded the handsome profile. Nils stood for a long time, looking at the cabin that the men had labored on through the long winter. The twittering of birds and the mating songs of the frogs and peepers filled the vernal twilight. Sam waited patiently for what Nils would say.

  Nils turned to him. “I’ve decided not to send for Sally.” Sam’s heart seemed to stop for an instant. When it started beating again it was racing.

  “Nils, are you…”

  Nils finished the sentence for him. “I’m sure.” He turned back to the cabin and began to walk around it, surveying the structure.

  “What will you tell her?” Sam asked as he followed Nils.

  “Nothing. I’m just gonna disappear.” He stopped and looked again at Sam. Then he began to walk again, looking intently at the log building. “We’ll finish the cabin. Then we’ll sell it.” His voice took on an air of enthusiasm. “We’ll find another place and build another lodge. I’ll sell the cow and the goats. The chickens, too. I only got them because I thought Sally and I would need them. Besides, you never liked the milk anyway.”

  He stopped for a second time, turned to Sam and chuckled. “We don’t need them.” He walked over to Sam, placing both hands on the man’s shoulders and looking into his eyes, smiling broadly. “We’ll live off the land; hunt and sell the skins to Dexter, just you and me, Molly and Wolf. We’ll live like your people do.”

  Sam drew Nils into a tight embrace. He could scarcely believe what he was hearing.

  “Are you sure? I don’t want you to do something you’re going to regret later.”

  Nils kissed him, hard and full. “That show you I’m sure?” he said breaking
the embrace and holding Sam at arms’ length. “You’re the life I want. I knew it that day a year ago when you first walked into the tradin’ post. Only I didn’t know how that would ever happen. Then when you showed up here…well, it didn’t take me long to know I loved you. It just took some time for me to work out what was the right thing to do.”

  “And you think this is the right thing?” Sam asked, still not wanting to push Nils into doing something he would be sorry for.

  “Well, I don’t know if it’s right or wrong in the big scheme o’ things. I only know it’s right for me, for us. I only hope you feel the same.”

  Sam hugged him and kissed him hard and full. “That show you I feel the same?”

  Nils threw his head back and, still holding Sam, let out a whoop that stopped the birds and frogs from singing. It brought Molly and Wolf running to see what was going on.

  Nils looked back into Sam’s eyes. “This is the happiest day of my life. And it’s only gonna get better and better.”

  Sam took a deep breath. “Yes, Nils, better and better.”

  * * * That night, when they made love, Sam sensed a new freedom in his partner. He certainly felt it in himself. When they came together and Nils was deeply inside him, Sam knew there were no longer any barriers between them. He abandoned himself to the physical and emotional sensations their union brought him. His climax was intense, leaving him fulfilled as he had never been before. And later, when he guided his penis into his lover’s body, he could feel Nils offering himself to him in a new and deeper way. That night was what Sam had imagined a marriage night would be like for two people who were deeply in love, ready to embark on their life’s journey together.

  The next morning Nils was up early.

  “Come on,” he encouraged Sam to get out of bed. “Come on. Let’s get started.”

  “What?” said Sam, laughing softly.

  “I can’t wait to get the cabin done so we can get out of here. I

  want us to have our own place. This was never ours. It was for her. The sooner we get the cabin finished, the sooner we can have a home of our own.”