Make Me Crazy (Loco, Texas)

by Gary, Codi

  Miranda couldn’t stop blushing, nervously tugging her hair. “Thank you, ma’am.”

  Red rubbed his arm and gave her a dark look which she returned by sticking her tongue out.

  “Real mature,” Red said with a smirk.

  Jake squeezed her hand and she turned to see what he wanted. He kissed her cheek and whispered, “Jay has been watching you since you walked in.”

  Rand would have turned to look but she was mesmerized by the flecks in Jake’s eyes and the warmth his kiss had left on her cheek.

  “Stop looking at me like that or I’m going to forget we’re in a church,” he said it quietly but Red must have been listening because he squawked, “What?!”

  Rand’s face was crimson as the pastor began his sermon and she looked around, catching Jay’s eye. He gave her a smile and a wave and Rand waved back, thinking for a man who should be overcome with jealousy, he looked awfully cheerful.

  Jake was grinning by the time church ended. He’d held Rand’s hand the whole service, trailing his thumb over her skin and loving her reactions to him. He didn’t know what it was about Rand, but he didn’t want to stop touching her which was a major complication if she was going to marry someone else real soon.

  He led her out of church and wasn’t surprised when people kept stopping them and complimenting Rand.

  “Why Miranda, how wonderful you look,” Mrs. Donaldson exclaimed kindly.

  “Thank you, ma’am,” Rand said quietly.

  Mr. Donaldson slapped his shoulder and said, “Well, damn Jake, if she isn’t the prettiest girl in church today. Miranda dear, you clean up mighty nice.”

  Rand clenched his hand and he could tell from the look on her face she wanted out of there. “That she does, Mr. Donaldson. If you’ll excuse us.”

  He kept leading her towards the door and she whispered, “Thank you.”

  “Don’t thank me yet. Kim is standing by the door looking fit to be tied.” He heard her groan and said, “Well hiya, Kim.”

  Kim looked like she had swallowed a lemon. “Why Miranda, don’t you look different.”

  Jake wanted to cheer when Rand’s chin tilted up. “I don’t mean to be rude, Kim, but we need to be going.”

  Kim blinked at Rand like she’d never seen her before.

  “Miranda, you look so nice. I trust my son is being a gentleman,” his mom asked behind them.

  “Yes, ma’am, he was brought up right,” Rand said, giving him a knowing smile.

  “I’ll take the credit for that. This one has a bit of a wild streak, you know.” His mom said it smiling as she patted his cheek, ignoring Kim.

  “Yes, ma’am I do,” Rand replied.

  “Hey, standing right here ladies. Mom, I’ll talk to you later.” Jake steered Rand away from his mom, who had an expression on her face he didn’t like at all. Like she was already planning his wedding. One thing about the mamas of Loco, they wanted their boys to marry a good southern girl. Apparently she thought Rand fit the bill.

  They had almost made it to his truck when Red’s voice stopped them. “Hey, y’all wait up.”

  Jake and Rand turned to face him and Jake said, “Hey Red, I was just going to take Rand home.”

  Red couldn’t seem to take his eyes off Rand which was getting on Jake’s last nerve. Red, oblivious to Jake’s irritation responded, “Well ma wanted me to invite y’all over for dinner tonight. Your mama’s already coming.”

  Rand answered him, “Please thank your mother, but I always go to Earl’s on Sunday afternoons for pie.”

  Jake looked at her with surprise. She still went over to cranky old Earl’s house?

  “That’s fine, dinner ain’t until six and then we usually do a game or two.”

  Jake’s mouth thinned. Red had been his best friend since they were in diapers. So why did he feel like breaking Red’s nose for looking Rand over like he was interested?

  “Alright, I’ll come over afterwards,” Rand said with a smile.

  Red looked way too pleased. To his surprise, Jake squeezed her hand and said, “Don’t you mean we will, sweetheart?”

  Rand blinked at him. “Of course I meant us. After all, you’re coming with me to Earl’s, aren’t you…baby?”

  Jake started to open his mouth and say, “The hell I am” but caught Red looking at them like they had two heads, one body, and eighteen legs. “Of course, honey, I can’t wait to catch up with Earl.”

  Red felt his own forehead. “I swear I don’t have a fever, but I must be febrile because this can’t be real.”

  Jake shrugged. “Should have come to movie night, buddy.”

  Red shook his head. “I’ll see y’all tonight.”

  As he walked away Rand turned to him, looking confused. “I thought we were trying to make Jay jealous. Why didn’t we just tell Red the truth?”

  Jake laughed. “Because I loved seeing the look on his face.”

  Rand’s lips kicked into a smile. “You’re mean.”

  “Are we really heading over to Earl’s place,” he asked.

  Rand reached for the door and said, “Actually we have to stop by the house first to grab the pie and change.”

  He beat her to the door and opened it with a stern look. “No way in hell. If I have to spend hours with ornery old Earl, then you’re staying in that dress.”

  “What the hell are you wearing?” Earl hooted from the porch.

  “It’s called a dress, old man!” Rand yelled back, glaring at the cackling termagant.

  “I know what it’s called! Guess a better question would be, why are you wearing it?”

  She heard Jake chuckle and glared at him across the hood of the truck.

  “Who’s that you have with you?” Earl was coming down off the porch with a purpose in his step.

  “Get down Reba!” Rand growled at the hound as Reba jumped up onto Jake’s slacks. She would have laughed at his terrified expression as he watched Earl, but she knew how intimidating Earl could be. “You know Jake, he runs the feed store.”

  Earl pointed his gnarled finger at Jake. “He’s also the little hoodlum that used to steal my blackberries.”

  She reached out and put his finger down by his side. “Only until I started bringing him home baskets of them.”

  He scowled at her, looking her up and down, and let out a “harrumph.” He took her hand and held it up, spinning her. When she faced him again, he was grinning so wide it reached his twinkling eyes. “Well, now, looking a might girly there.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I am a girl.”

  He tucked her hand into the crook of his arm. “Purty too.”

  “Please, I can’t take any more teasing,” she said, her cheeks burning.

  Earl turned his attention to Jake and his expression darkened again. “Well, boy?”

  Rand tried to cover her smile as Jake stepped forward and held his hand out to Earl. “It’s good to see you, sir.”

  Earl reached out and squeezed Jake’s hand. “Most people in town run when they see me coming.”

  Jake deadpanned. “You can be kind of ornery sir.”

  Rand coughed to cover a laugh and Earl looked at her with a knowing twinkle in his eyes. “Well, boy, why don’t you get that pie I know you brought out of the truck and come inside.”

  Rand let Earl lead her inside and Earl said out of the corner of his mouth, “I like this boy.”

  Rand laughed. “But you don’t like anyone.”

  Earl “Harrumphed” again and shot back, “If that were true, I would have sent a certain brown-eyed girl packing first time she tried to steal my prized laying hen.”

  If someone had told him three weeks ago he’d be sitting in Earl Humphries’s kitchen, eating pie with him while Rand served them wearing a dress, he’d have laughed his ass off. Rand set his pie down in front of him and he looked up as she moved away. Her brown hair caught the sun and the shiny strands fell over her shoulder as she cut another slice. She tucked the hair back with a curse and he smiled.

>   “Enjoying the scenery?” Earl’s voice snapped his attention back to the crotchety critter sitting across from him.

  Jake caught Earl’s dark look and said, “Yes, sir.”

  Earl waited until Rand placed a plate in front of him before he leaned over and hissed, “Just so you know, I was a Marine. You hurt that girl and I know a hundred different ways to kill you without leaving a mark.”

  Jake blinked at Earl. “Understood, sir. Rand’s been my best friend for twenty years. I’d never hurt her.”

  “Just remember if you do…” Earl took his finger and slid it over his own throat.

  Rand sat down and looked between the two men suspiciously. “What are you two talking about?”

  Earl took a bite of his pie. “My days in the Marine corps’.”

  Rand grinned and turned to Jake. “Did he tell you he could kill a man a hundred different ways?”

  Jake took in Earl’s warning glare and said, “He may have mentioned it.”

  Rand laughed. “He loves to tell people that. Like he thinks it will intimidate anyone.”

  “I found it very intimidating.” Jake said the last with a straight face.

  Earl pointed his fork at him but looked at Rand when he said, “See? I like him.”

  Jake’s mouth dropped open. “You like me?”

  Earl took another bite of pie and shrugged. “Doesn’t mean I won’t kill ya.”

  “I just need to change and feed the animals.” Rand jumped out of the truck and walked around towards the house.

  Jake stopped her by spinning her into his arms. “Why don’t you go change and I’ll feed the animals.”

  She hesitated for a second before saying, “Actually that would be great. If I’m going to have dinner with the Calhoun clan, I at least want to be comfortable. I like Red’s mom, but she scares the hell out of me.”

  “What about my mom,” Jake teased.

  She looked up at him seriously, “Actually today she made me a little nervous. She kept giving me this smile…” Jake started laughing and she glowered ay him. “What’s so funny?”

  “She scared me a bit too. Pretty sure she’s already planning our wedding.”

  Rand couldn’t stop her gasp. “We have to tell your mom! We can’t let her think…”

  He patted her shoulder. “I’ll tell her. It‘ll be fine.”

  “I can just imagine she wants me to have six little boys just like you.”

  Jake’s smiled disappeared, his face a blank mask and she wondered what had struck a nerve. Before she could ask what his problem was, he was already headed towards the barn.

  With a shrug, she went inside to find something to change into. She grabbed a pair of jeans from her drawer and then stared at her closet. For some reason, she had no desire to pull on any of the hanging western shirts and flannels. Even the t-shirts and sweaters held no appeal; she didn’t want to look like she always did. She wanted to look nice; to have people pay attention to her, and not in the usual way. And she especially wanted Jake to tell her, even with just his eyes, he liked what he saw.

  What has gotten into you? You hate people to notice you.

  Under normal circumstances yes, but today had been lovely. For the first time in years, Rand hadn’t felt like the odd duck in the room. Not that she was overly concerned with appearances, but it had been nice to be admired.

  Look at that. Slap a dress on her, and she becomes a real girl

  Trying to ignore the warring voices in her head, she walked down to her granddaddy’s room. He had saved a box of her grandmother’s clothes, always saying he didn’t have the heart to part with everything. She dragged it out of the closet and ripped off the tape. Pulling out each article of clothing, she came across a loose red sweater and held it up to her chest, liking the way the bright color looked.

  I wonder if Jake will like it.

  It wasn’t sexy by any means, but it was soft and feminine. Without giving herself a chance to change her mind, she headed to the laundry room and threw it in the dryer with a cling sheet.

  Leaning against the washer, her mind drifted to the day’s events. Jake had held her hand through the whole service when he hadn’t needed to; it wasn’t like Jay could see their clasped hands. And why hadn’t he wanted to tell Red it was all a ruse?

  It was all very puzzling. So far, whether it was fake dating or real, it was all much too complicated for her and making her usually intelligent brain turn to mush.

  After ten minutes she grabbed the sweater from the dryer and headed back to change, hearing the front door open. “You almost ready,” Jake called from the entryway.

  “Almost!” Rand pulled the dress over her head and yanked off the panty hose.

  “Do you need any help?” The taunting tone came from the other side of the bedroom door.

  She pulled the sweater over her head quickly and started to yank on her jeans, hopping around. “No I’m Fi-oof.” She lost her balance and fell over onto the hard wood floor.

  “Rand, are you ok?” Jake rattled the door knob and Rand reached down to pull her jeans all the way up.

  “I’m okay, just tripped.” She grabbed socks and her boots, and finally opened the door. “I’m ready.”

  His eyes trailed over her and she fidgeted as she waited for his approval.

  “You know, if we were really dating, I’d back you into your room and kiss you until we forgot all about dinner.”

  Her heart made a ker-plunk in her chest. It was things like that which were making her crazy and confused. “I guess it’s a good thing we’re not really dating.”

  He didn’t smile as he replied, “Yeah. Good thing.”

  Was it her imagination, or did he sound disappointed?

  Chapter Seven

  Awkward did not begin to cover Rand’s feelings among all of Red’s ultra-feminine sisters, Jake’s bright eyed mama, and Red’s constant staring. And the worst part about it was dinner hadn’t even been served yet.

  Jake slipped his arm around her shoulders and squeezed. “You doing okay?”

  Rand nodded. “I thought you were going to tell your mother this was all a scheme?”

  Jake shrugged. “Haven’t found the time yet.”

  Before she could respond, Red’s sister Tabitha came over in a slinky black top and a pair of wranglers so tight it was a wonder her legs weren’t numb.

  “Miranda, I love your hair. I wish I had natural wave to mine, but it’s just so flat without a hundred products.”

  Rand shifted her feet, unprepared for the other woman’s enthusiastic compliment. “Thank you. I usually just throw it up, but Jake likes it down.”

  “Well of course he does. Men like a little something to grab onto in the bedroom which is why I keep mine short. Swearing off men for the rest of my life. Mama keeps saying I’ll change my mind, but if she wants grandchildren, she better find me a good sperm bank and a turkey baster.”

  Jake choked next to her and Rand asked before she really thought about it, “What’s the turkey baster for?”

  Tabitha stared at her like she had spoken French. “Well, you know, the sperm needs to get up there somehow…” She looked helplessly at Jake.

  Rand stared at the two of them, taking in Jakes shaking shoulders and Tabitha’s mouth twitching in amusement.

  Mortified, she said, “You know, I need to use the bathroom.”

  She moved out from under Jake’s arm to the bathroom and while she was washing her hands she got Tabitha’s meaning and groaned. “Oh man, that is so gross.”

  She came back out to find Jake smirking at her and she returned his amusement with a disgruntled, “This is not funny. She’s going to think I’m stupid.”

  He wrapped his arms around her and said, “Naw, just a little naïve.”

  She tried to pull away, but he held fast. As Red approached them, Rand noticed he was frowning darkly.

  What’s the matter with him?

  “Jake, I want to talk to you,” Red said gruffly, barely meeting her ey
es.

  “Alfred, get in here and help me bring out this food,” Hannah Calhoun called from the kitchen.

  “Why can’t one of the girls do it,” he hollered back.

  His father, Alfred Senior, yelled from in front of the TV, “Don’t you sass your mother, boy! Get your ass in there before I put my boot print on it.”

  Red left them with a grumble and his mother whacked him with her wooden spoon as he passed.

  M.J., Red’s oldest sister, approached them and handed Rand a card. “If you’re ever interested in being a hair model for me, I would love it. You have an awesome head of hair. So thick and beautiful.”

  M.J. reached out her hand and picked up Rand’s heavy locks, running her fingers through it. Rand had never been comfortable with invasion of her personal space, unless you were about six foot three with sandy hair and green eyes

  She gave Jake a look she hoped he’d interpret as “Help me” and lord bless him, he said, “Excuse us, M.J., that’s a kind offer and I’m sure Rand will let you know if she changes her mind, but I actually love her hair long.”

  M.J. waved her hand. “I wouldn’t take off much, just enough to give it some shape.”

  Rand had an irrational fear that the other woman’s hand would turn into sharp scissors at any moment and start hacking away at her hair.

  She decided to take matters into her own hands. “I should probably help your mother set the table. Excuse me.” She practically ran past M.J. and into the very crowded kitchen.

  “Can I help with anything?” She meant to ask it quietly and politely, but it came out more high pitched and impatient. Red, his mama and Jake’s, all turned to her with a mix of curiosity and surprise and she repeated, “Sorry, I just like to be useful.”

  Hannah smiled and held out a platter. “Well then here. We wouldn’t want you to feel useless.”

  Rand took the plate and carried it to the table, sitting down next to Jake and realizing that Jake’s mother had taken the seat next to her. Smack in the middle of her fake boyfriend and her fake boyfriends mama? How bad could it be?

  Wow, Jake didn’t realize how bad things could turn so fast. Only a few hours ago, Rand had looked ready to head for the hills, and now she sat between his mama and Red’s, sharing stories of their exploits.