What the Family Needed

by Steven Amsterdam

  Giordana said, “Lance can be a bit circumspect at first.”

  That’s dumb, Alek thought, and in a flash made himself familiar to the dog. Amazed at his own good fortune, Lance’s eyes went big with excitement. A tap on the knee and he jumped up, licking madly. Alek scratched the dog’s neck, and Lance fell against him in canine ecstasy. There, that was better.

  As he stood up, Ben leaned in close, clapping a hand against Alek’s shoulder, saying, “Ivan really appreciates you being here for this. Give him some of your time today, if you can. He talks about you for months after every visit.”

  Every visit? What would Lance have needed to get comfortable? Alek looked in the hall. More pictures were blinking open into new existence. There he was at graduations and barbecues at the pond. The memories would be seeping in shortly.

  Janelle said, “Personally, I think you provided him with the spark to take a risk like this.”

  Alek took a step away from the family circle. It was safer to observe what else was different before saying something foolish. He reverted to his silent self. A few pictures shuffled themselves on the wall. Only Alek saw.

  Once, he had tried to demonstrate this shift to Vicenta, hoping that her hawk-eyed attention would catch it midstream. The goal had been for her to forgive him for being late again. Protesting the distraction, she agreed to write down her wish on a piece of paper. It was for a pair of gray ankle boots that she could in no way afford. Easy. Telling her to keep her eyes focused, Alek put the boots on her feet. She was dumbfounded. In the instant after that, the other details followed and she was furious that he had taken her mother’s money to buy them. This was before he had mastered any delicacy. “You can’t always get what you want,” he started to sing, but she wasn’t amused. In another few seconds, the piece of paper in her hand disappeared, as did the knowledge of what had happened.

  “What?” she said to him, exasperated. Alone again, naturally.

  “Nice boots,” he said.

  “Don’t change the subject.”

  The subject of the day, it turned out, was Ivan’s big trip. Alek had been visiting, but everyone had come for Ivan’s going-away party. Peter had cooked all morning and they would have a late lunch before sending him off to the airport. Ivan was the one collecting all the hugs and questions. And Alek was the one responsible for Ivan’s wanderlust. The tinkering had been worthwhile. His visits home had yielded a result more impressive than a responsive dog.

  At lunch, Ben talked a lot about carbon footprints while the others copped to various wasteful behavior.

  Alek decided to listen instead.

  Giordana wanted Ruth to buy a safer car, but there was nothing she could tell her mother that wouldn’t result in Ruth whipping out a stapled journal article to prove exactly why Giordana wasn’t fully informed.

  Jonah watched his wife eat salad, experiencing what he could only describe as “a certain thrill.” Since she’d gone vegetarian, there had been a distinct uptick in her sex drive.

  Ben was sorry that his son was taking this big life adventure by himself. When Ben and Janelle did their traveling, they had their send-off right in this room, with Janelle’s parents still alive. It was romantic, like a pre-wedding honeymoon. Going it alone was so—solitary.

  Janelle wondered why she was wasting precious brain space on a flirtation with a work colleague. He was married and lived one time zone away. Still, he would be working at her office for the next two months. She would be tempted. Nothing would ever happen, or if it did, it would lead directly to trouble. Maybe all she wanted was the drama. She looked around at everyone and wondered if she could find the nerve to leave them.

  Sasha had the brochures with him for the place he wanted his parents to move to. It was closer to the city. It was an apartment complex for all ages, so they wouldn’t feel like they’d been dumped with a lot of other seniors. No stairs. The garden was shared. How could they say no?

  Damon hadn’t told Sasha about the layoffs coming at his office. He wasn’t definitely out but he wasn’t definitely in. Better to mention it now. Maybe later in the car. If he and Sasha could get a better mortgage nailed down while he still had his job, they could keep everything swinging.

  Ruth was irritated with the dimness of the women in her book group. If she was going to make good on her threat to quit, she wanted to have a better activity lined up. She had no clue what it would be. With Ivan gone, she’d see Ben less than ever, so there’d be even more time for clients, but they were wearing her out. If Giordana would allow it, they could plan a once-a-week phone call for half an hour that would be a dedicated book group for just the two of them. Ruth would be willing to read from Giordana’s area of study, if that was what she wanted. Never in a million billion years would her daughter say yes to a plan like that.

  Alek’s father was going over the Skype instructions Ivan had given him. As if this would make up for the distance while he was away. Ivan’s visits had been a bottomless cup and now he was leaving them. Not one of the kids gave a second thought to jumping on a plane and flying away. But Ivan should enjoy himself. Peter hoped that whenever Ivan settled down he had a bunch of kids, if only to keep the family’s numbers up. A pack of them, so they would protect each other and remember Ivan after he was gone. Tomorrow, Alek’s father wanted to clear out the kitchen cabinets to figure out exactly where the mice were getting in.

  After lunch, Alek’s mother was going to ask Ruth to come live with them. She could take Alek’s room. It wasn’t for her old nursing skills, though they would inevitably come in handy. It was more emotional than that. She wasn’t embarrassed to voice it: she wanted her little sister closer. In fact, she wanted everyone closer. Constantly. As close as they were right now. Looking at the faces at the table, she could eat all of them up, as her grandmother used to say. That way she would always know where they were. They would be inside her, always.

  Ivan was thinking about the books he had packed for his trip. Over lunch, he decided to leave them in Alek’s room. Plus, the iPod and camera. They were all middlemen for the experiences he would have. A few changes of clothes and an ATM card would do it. He couldn’t wait to get away. Additionally, he was planning to masturbate on the plane.

  Alek felt no need for any intervention. Mostly, they had managed this long without him. They would continue.

  “You have that elsewhere look in your face,” Giordana whispered to Alek. “Do you want to take a walk around the block?”

  “No,” Alek said. “It’s strange. I like it here.”

  “It’s not that strange,” she said.

  To his surprise, the person he understood most at the table was his mother. All the faces, with the hundred-armed clatter simmering behind them, this was what he’d been missing. They were his and he was theirs.

  Alek surveyed the house, not sure where he belonged. Ivan gave him a wink from the kitchen doorway and asked for one last game of basketball before he had to head to the airport. Apparently, Alek had also learned how to play basketball.

  In the living room, Sasha was spreading out the brochures while his father scoured the room for his reading glasses.

  “Really,” Sasha called out to Alek in the hall, “you might like the vibe of this community.” Alek held up his palm. No thanks.

  “They’ve got places for crazy bachelors like yourself,” Sasha said.

  Their father shook his head at Sasha. “You’re a cutup. Leave him be.”

  Directly under the hall light, Giordana held Natalie’s head at an angle so a few stray whiskers could be trimmed from her cheek. Janelle was showing off her new phone to both of them. His mother waved at him with her right hand and said, “Beauty treatment.”

  Alek called to her. “You wanted to leave a message for the physical therapist.”

  She was perplexed. “About what?”

  “To reschedule. You mentioned it when we were coming in before.”

  “From where?”

  The conversation hadn’t h
appened.

  “Never mind. I misremembered.”

  She gave a furrowed glance to Giordana. Right. If he planned to stick around, he would have to stay silent. Otherwise, the cycle of specialists would begin again.

  He looked at the pictures on the wall. Where had he been for the last decade: here or traveling?

  Ivan was still in the doorway, spinning the basketball on the tip of his forefinger. “What’s up, Al? Are you in or are you out?”

  Ben gave Alek a friendly shove. “Don’t take all afternoon to ponder it. Go give the kid one game. We don’t have him around for long.”

  In front of the garage, Alek’s fingers grazed the ball on its way up and he missed the shot.

  Ivan grabbed it, drove it up the driveway, and dunked it. He softened his win with a confession. “The real deal is, I’m kind of nervous about the trip.”

  “That’s healthy. It’ll keep you alert. Lots of freaks out there. Freaks who want things.”

  “That’s not what you’re supposed to be telling me.” He kept possession and made another easy shot. “Can’t you paint some beautiful lie about how cool it’s going to be?”

  “I could, but—” Alek picked up the ball. “It’s not. Not all the time.”

  “Fucking nifty. But it’s the same if I stay home too.”

  “True,” Alek said. “Anything can happen, anywhere. You can be flying over your neighbor’s house and looking in the windows, or you can be dying on your bed upstairs. Or you can be playing your very first game of basketball right this very minute.” Alek tried to emphasize his point with a basket, but missed.

  “What?”

  At least he hadn’t lost his ability to confuse. Ivan stole the ball and Alek chased him up and down the driveway, already puffing. “All I mean is there’s no profit in worrying. By the time you get where you’re going, the story will have changed anyway.”

  “Easy to say.” Ivan dunked again. He finally took pity and passed to his uncle, who fumbled it.

  Ivan looked doubtful. “You’re way off today. Should we quit?”

  The ball rolled behind the garage. Alek didn’t see much reward in going after it.

  “I think so. Tell me: What would help your trip? What do you want most of all?”

  Ivan raised his eyebrows, looking for permission to wish big.

  Alek nodded.

  Ivan made a devilish smile as he went after the ball. Kicking his way through the hedge, he retrieved it. He bounced it against the side of the garage for a solid minute. On a final bounce, Ivan caught it and held it to his chest.

  “It would be sweet if you were coming with me,” he said.

  Alek found Janelle and Ben in the backyard, standing with Giordana, Jonah, and Peter, and watching Lance do minor tricks.

  Jonah was selling them on a dog. “I’m not saying it would replace Ivan exactly, but they are more obedient.”

  Ben and Janelle gave halfhearted smiles.

  Alek reported Ivan’s request, casually, to see how the adults would take it.

  With a straight face Janelle said, “Would you? A real adult, at least at the start of this expedition. I’d feel so much better if you were there.”

  Ben added, “And of course Ivan would adore it.”

  Giordana and Jonah thought it was a reasonable idea.

  Even his father said, “Would you make sure he keeps himself showered and maybe even shaved?”

  Alek had impressed them so much on these visits of his that he had graduated to trusted chaperone. “Will do.”

  “But Ivan’s flying tonight,” Janelle said.

  “I’ve got a friend at the airport,” Alek said, arranging his ticket even as they stood there.

  Janelle said, “Please. This wasn’t what you were planning to do today. Would you at least let us pay half?”

  They were always uneasy if they didn’t understand where his money came from. He still made more sense if he was a sponge. “Sure.”

  Before he headed back inside, temptation beat his resolve. He brushed past Ben and Janelle, touching them each on an elbow. He squeezed as if he was grateful for their approval, but also stunned them back to the day before they decided to get married. They looked alarmed, as if what they were feeling might be visible to others. They caught each other’s glances.

  There, that would give her some drama to work out.

  Alek’s bag was already packed, not because he had arrived that morning but because leaving with Ivan had always been the plan. His mother insisted that he take a fresh towel, meaning one of the green ones from his childhood. It was rough from years of sun, but he folded it into his pack next to the letters, like another treasure. Ruth wrapped up some sandwiches and a few slices of cake for the ride to the airport. Sasha forced phone cards into Ivan’s hand. “They work anywhere except the moon.”

  The entire visit home had taken a few hours, but the good-byes were easy. They lacked the shakiness of his arrival. No one but Alek remembered that anymore. A stream of his visits had filled in the missing years, so the embraces were ordinary. The only extra pull came from the usual place, the endless human hope that they would all live long enough to hug each other on another afternoon.

  The plane half-rounded the airport and flung out into its arc over the ocean. As soon as the sparkle of buildings disappeared in a haze, Ivan stopped watching from the rounded window. He paged through the in-flight magazine, coming up with a schedule for all the movies he would watch.

  “Doesn’t it seem illegal, flying off like this?” he asked.

  “Why?”

  “What if my parents need me or something?”

  “They survived before you showed up. They’ll survive without you for a while.”

  “They’re older, though.”

  “They’re not that old. They’ll be all right. Your mother, I should tell you, is going to live to be one hundred. And healthy.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Because once, when she was your age, that was what she wanted.”

  “And she gets what she wants, doesn’t she?” Ivan asked.

  “As much as any of us.”

  The relief of departure inundated Ivan and he was asleep before the seat belt light switched off. Alek reached across to slide down his shade. The sun had diffused to a band of colorless light across the horizon. They would be into daylight in a few hours.

  Thoughts had been gathering together. All the alternate histories he remembered were adding up, organizing themselves without his efforts—like the frames in the hall—into a single idea. He looked at Ivan’s closed eyes and saw his parents and Ruth, all of them. They were the only people who couldn’t forget he existed and here he was, flying off again.

  No right-thinking person would give up the abilities he had, but there had never been a right-thinking person to ask. This was what his mother should have been crying about, but Alek allowed the thoughts to draw him further in.

  The lights above the other seats in the cabin went off one by one.

  Imagine it: No wishes to grant, no confusion over what had changed. Alek rubbed his hands across his face. Even as he did it, he felt its source: it was his father’s gesture of surrender.

  No more trying to remember which stories were true. Other people’s desires would be out of his jurisdiction. This was the freedom he’d needed. A single thought and it could be done.

  This would be remembered as the moment of his undoing, no doubt. He would finally experience the same powerlessness as those around him. His family would struggle, but he wouldn’t be able to save them. He would wake up to the first tick of his own death, but he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. Maybe he would find peace with a partner—but that too would lead to suffering that he couldn’t repair. The others would be by his side, consoling. You did what you could. He alone would know what he might have been able to do, what he had lost.

  No, he could fix that too. There would be no more solitary slabs of memory: he could forget his powers.r />
  “Water?” The stewardess held out a tray of half-filled cups.

  “Thanks,” Alek said, fitting one into the appointed groove on his tray table. A circle linked perfectly inside another. He pressed his thumb along the edge of the cup. It was half full. If they hit turbulence, it wouldn’t even spill. One wish and it would be done.

  “It’s a long flight. You tell me if there’s anything I can do for you.” She continued up the aisle with the same offer for everyone else.

  The only light that was on was his.

  Alek lifted the cup to his lips.