Garret

by Allie Everhart

  I hate this so much. I want to go down there and hug her and stop her tears. I want to tell her how much I care about her. How much I miss her. How sorry I am for making her feel this way. And how sorry I am for getting her involved in my fucked-up life.

  A few minutes later, she stands up and wipes her eyes as she leaves the track. I get up and go to my car and wait until I see she’s safely in the dorm. Then I drive to the party.

  When I get there, Decker greets me, a red cup in his hand. “Hey, you made it.” He’s wobbling a little, like he’s already drunk.

  “Maybe you should slow down there on the drinks,” I tell him. “It’s not even 9 yet.”

  “Blake brought his dad’s good bourbon. I gotta drink it before it’s gone.” He points to the bar in the back of the room. Blake’s standing there pouring drinks.

  I eye the bottle of bourbon. I haven’t drank since having those beers over at Kenton’s place. I told myself I was taking a break from alcohol and so far, I’ve stayed away from it. But after knowing what I did to Jade, seeing her crying on the track, I could really use a drink. Just one and then I’ll stop.

  Blake comes over, stumbling even more than Decker. “Kensington. Where’s Ohio?”

  I assumed Blake was the one who told my dad about Jade and me, but I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he’s the reason I’m not seeing her. So I try to remain calm and say, “I’m not hanging out with her anymore.”

  “Why not?” He drinks whatever’s in his cup.

  “Blake, leave it alone,” Decker says. “He doesn’t want to talk about it.”

  “Your dad find out?” Blake smirks and that’s all it takes to set me off.

  I grab his shirt and yank his face to mine. “I know you fucking told him. Why can’t you mind your fucking business? What the fuck do you care if I hang out with her?”

  Blake’s smirk changes to a lazy, drunk smile. “I didn’t tell him. But I bet Ava told him. That chick’s obsessed with you, man.”

  I let him go, not sure if he’s lying. But he’s right. It could’ve been Ava. She was pissed that night Jade told her we were going to the movies.

  I spot Ava in the corner, hitting on some guy from the football team. I leave Decker and Blake and make my way over to her. She’s rubbing her hands all over the guy’s chest but he’s too drunk to notice. His eyes are heavy and he looks like he could pass out any minute now.

  I stand in front of her, ignoring the guy. “Did you talk to my dad?”

  “Garret.” She says my name slow and drawn out. She’s about as drunk as the guy she’s with. “This is—” She looks at the guy. “What’s your name again?”

  He doesn’t answer.

  “I don’t know his name.” She lets out a drunk, high-pitched laugh.

  I’m clearly not going to get any answers from her, not that she’d tell me the truth if she was sober.

  I’m sure it was either Ava or Blake who told my dad about Jade and me. Or they told someone else and word got back to him.

  I head to the bar and fill a cup with beer from the keg. I drink it down, then refill it again. It’ll take a lot of beer before I feel the effects, so I stop filling the cup and set it down and go over to the hard stuff. If I want to feel numb, I’m not wasting my time with beer. I pick up the vodka and reach over to get another cup.

  “Hey, Garret.”

  I look to my side and see Harper standing there. I suddenly feel guilty, like I’ve been caught drinking and now she’s going to tell Jade. Then I remember that it doesn’t matter anymore.

  “Hi, Harper.” I set the vodka down. “Did you just get here?”

  “No, I’ve been here for about an hour.” She points to a group of girls standing a few feet away from us. “I’m here with some girls from the team.”

  I glance over at them, then back at Harper.

  “Did you come with someone?” she asks, and I know she means a girl. Does Jade think I’m dating someone? Did she send Harper here to find out? Does Jade think I stopped talking to her because I’m going out with some other girl?

  “No, I came by myself.”

  “So Jade said you and her aren’t friends anymore. That’s too bad. I could tell she really liked you. I mean, as a friend.”

  Harper doesn’t seem mad at me, which I know she would be if she knew what really happened.

  “What did she say about us?” I ask.

  “Just that you stopped hanging out. That you were busy with school and the swim team and didn’t have time.”

  I’m surprised Jade didn’t tell her the truth. Given how upset Jade’s been, I thought she’d talk to Harper, who is Jade’s one and only friend now that I’m gone. But instead Jade hid what happened. That’s why she was running. She has no other way to deal with her feelings. Just like I have no other way to deal with mine, other than with the vodka I’m about to drink.

  “She misses you, Garret.”

  I was spacing out just now, but I heard Harper talking and I think I misheard her.

  “What did you say?”

  “Jade misses you.” She looks away. “Maybe I shouldn’t tell you this because I don’t really know what’s going on with you two, but Jade’s been really depressed since you two stopped hanging out.”

  “What do you mean by depressed?”

  Harper looks at me again. “She barely leaves her room except to go to class or go running. I think she runs too much. Sometimes she runs for hours.”

  “Yeah, I know she does.”

  “I can’t get her to go anywhere. I keep inviting her to do stuff but she turns me down. Maybe you could talk to her.”

  “I can’t. We kind of had a fight.”

  “Oh. I wondered if that’s what happened. Well, can’t you guys just talk it out?”

  “I’d love to, but I think it’s too late for that.”

  “I don’t know what your fight was about but I think you should talk to her and try to work this out. She likes you, Garret. And she’d never admit it, but I know she misses you.” Harper waves at her friends. “I need to go. I think we’re leaving. But think about what I said.”

  “I will. See ya, Harper.”

  She leaves and I’m tempted to grab the bottle again. Any bottle. Vodka. Tequila. Bourbon. Doesn’t matter. I just need something to help lessen the pain I feel over hurting Jade so bad she won’t even leave her room.

  But Harper’s wrong about Jade missing me. Why would she miss me after what I did? I’m sure she hates me and she’s staying in her room because she’s sad and angry that I treated her the way I did.

  I don’t want to be at this party anymore. And I don’t want to drink. I need to feel this pain. I deserve it and I need to feel it.

  I leave, not saying goodbye to Decker. When I get to the dorm, I stand outside Jade’s room, but stop before I knock.

  I need to talk to her. I need to help her. Make her feel better.

  But I can’t. I have to stay away from her. It’s what’s best for her.

  And yet it’s not. It’s not what’s best for either of us.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  On Sunday I want so badly to go downstairs and take Jade for pancakes. I started that tradition and she was so excited about it and now it’s over. They were just stupid pancakes but they made her happy and I took that away from her.

  Damn, she must really hate me. And she should. I deserve her hate and every other bad feeling she has for me.

  Sunday afternoon I play flag football, then go watch a game at Kenton’s place. I have some beers, but only two like last time. When the game’s over, I stay and watch another one because I don’t want to go back to my room.

  The next week goes by and I feel like I’m just going through the motions; going to class, swimming, working out, studying. It’s like I’m doing these things but not really aware I’m doing them.

  My mind can’t stay focused on anything but Jade. I think about her all the time. She’s in my dreams and my thoughts and everything rem
inds me of her. English class is pure torture. I want to look at her but I won’t let myself. So instead I just stare at my laptop screen.

  On Saturday I go to my house to swim with Lilly. While I’m there, Katherine leaves without even telling me where she’s going or when she’ll be back. And of course my dad’s not around. So I guess I’m babysitting again.

  After we swim, I take Lilly to the park and out for ice cream. When we get back, Katherine’s there and yells at me for taking Lilly out. She never lets Lilly leave the house unless it’s with her or my dad.

  Once again, I get no appreciation for the fact that I gave up my entire day to watch Lilly while Katherine went out and did whatever the hell she did. I got no thank you. I just got yelled at. I’m used to this, but it still pisses me off.

  I go back to campus and spend the rest of the weekend studying. I haven’t been doing my class work and I’m way behind. My life is bad enough right now. I don’t need to make it worse by flunking out of college.

  The whole next week I study and work on my assignments and by Friday I feel like I’m caught up again.

  It’s now been three weeks since I stopped talking to Jade and I thought by now I’d be getting over her. But I’m not at all. I miss her more each day and I can’t get her out of my head.

  Saturday, my grandmother calls and reminds me about the dinner at her house. I don’t want to go because my dad will be there and I’m still not talking to him. But I know I can’t get out of this. My grandparents are very formal and if you’re going to cancel on dinner, you need to give them a really good excuse and at least a week’s notice. And since I did neither of those things, I’ll be going to dinner.

  I get there at 7:45. Dinner is at 8. My grandparents’ house is a mansion that’s even bigger than ours. But it looks similar inside; cold and stark, with white walls and white tile floors. My grandparents collect art, so in addition to the very expensive paintings on the walls, they have massive sculptures everywhere, which make the place feel even colder.

  I don’t like coming here and I rarely do, other than for the occasional dinner like we’re having tonight.

  A maid shows me to the dining room, like I don’t already know where it is. The room is huge and off to one side there’s a bar. I walk in and my dad and grandfather are there having a drink. They both have suits on. I wore dress pants with a shirt and tie but no jacket. I’m sure I’ll get yelled at.

  “Hello, Garret.” My grandfather has a stern look on his face. He never smiles. He’s always very serious.

  “Hi. I think I’ll go get a soda.” I start to leave but I hear him talking.

  “We have soda at the bar.” My grandfather waits for me to walk over there. He looks me up and down, then turns to my dad. “You didn’t teach the boy it’s proper to wear a suit to dinner?”

  My dad clears his throat. “Garret is an adult now. I’m not able to control his attire.”

  “That’s why you teach him. So he knows, without you having to tell him.”

  “I’m sorry about the suit,” I say. “I was in a hurry and I didn’t have time to stop home and change.”

  “Perhaps you could plan better next time,” my grandfather says.

  My dad puts his hand on my shoulder. “Why don’t you tell your grandfather about your classes?”

  I’m still angry at my dad and I get even more angry when he pretends nothing’s wrong. “My classes are fine. There’s not much to say.”

  “So you don’t find your classes interesting,” my grandfather concludes, even though that’s not what I said. “That’s why you should’ve gone to Yale. You would’ve had much a better education.” He shoots an angry look at my dad. My grandfather insisted I go to Yale and my dad insisted on Moorhurst and won.

  “I didn’t say Moorhurst was a bad school. I just—” I stop because I sound angry. But I’m not angry at my grandfather. I’m mad at my dad.

  “Garret, I need to speak to you.” My dad’s hand is still on my shoulder and he squeezes it to tell me this is important.

  My grandfather refills his drink as my dad takes me out in the hall.

  I can’t even look at him, so I look at the sculpture behind him. A big white pillar.

  “Garret, don’t fight with me in front of your grandfather. I don’t want him knowing about this issue with Jade.”

  “There IS no issue. I followed orders. I don’t talk to her anymore.”

  “Still, this needs to remain between you and me. He can’t know about this.”

  “Why would I tell him? Like I really need another person yelling at me about this? And what’s there to tell? I told you, I’m not talking to her anymore.”

  “Good. Then we’re done here. Let’s go back in the dining room.”

  “Wait. Why do you care if Grandfather knows I was friends with Jade? You don’t care if he yells at me.”

  “Of course I care. You’re my son, not his, so if anyone’s going to correct your behavior it will be me. It’s not his place to do so.”

  “Correct my behavior? Is that what you call controlling my life? Ruining it, so I can never be happy?”

  “I’m not arguing with you about this. We’ve already discussed it and you’ve taken the appropriate action.”

  I can’t stand it when he talks to me that way. Like I’m one of his employees.

  He turns to leave but I step in front of him. “What were you going to do to her?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “What did you mean when you said there’d be consequences if I stayed friends with Jade? What were you going to do to her?”

  “Garret, we are not talking about this. We need to get to dinner.”

  “Were you—” I’m almost afraid to ask. “Were you going to hurt her?”

  He backs away, his face angry. “Why the hell would you ask me something like that? You know I wouldn’t harm her. I would never even think of doing such a thing.”

  “Then what were you talking about? What were the consequences? Were you going to take her scholarship away?”

  He hesitates. “No. Of course not. She’s a very smart girl and she needs to be at a good college.”

  “Then what did you mean?”

  “Stop asking questions. This is over. Leave Jade alone and everything will be fine.” He walks back to the dining room.

  I don’t get it. If it’s not the scholarship, what other consequences would there be? Maybe there aren’t any. Maybe he just said that so I’d stay away from Jade. Play by the rules. Hang out with the right people, like I’m supposed to do.

  “Garret, hurry up.” My dad’s standing just outside the dining room.

  When I get there, Katherine, Lilly, and my grandmother are all seated at the table. My dad and I sit down, followed by my grandfather who’s at the head of the table.

  The servers bring in the first course. There are five courses, all served painfully slow. It takes at least two hours to eat dinner here. And Katherine always scolds Lilly for not sitting still. No kid Lilly’s age can sit still for that long, forced to be quiet and eat fancy food.

  “Have you made any friends at Moorhurst?” my grandmother asks me during the salad course.

  “Not really. I’ve been hanging out with Decker and Blake, the guys I went to high school with.” It’s a lie. I see Decker at class and at parties, but that’s it. And I try to avoid Blake as much as possible.

  “You need to meet some different people,” my grandfather says. “Those families have nothing to offer us anymore.”

  I almost laugh at his honesty. He doesn’t even try to hide the fact that my friends are chosen based on how they benefit our family.

  “As the state attorney general, Blake’s father is still an asset,” my dad says.

  Great. I was hoping my fake friendship with Blake could end now that I’m in college. Maybe it still will. I hate Blake and I’m sick of being friends with him. I don’t give a shit about his dad. How useful could he really be?

  My grandfat
her sets his fork over his plate in the proper position to indicate he’s done with his salad. “Pearce, you need to investigate these families. See who Garret needs to befriend at this school.”

  “The Hamilton family could prove useful,” Katherine says. “Their daughter, Ava, attends Moorhurst.” Katherine sets her fork on her plate. “Hamilton Steel was just awarded a large contract with the military. Perhaps Ava’s father could pull some strings and get Kensington Chemical a contract as well.”

  My dad glares at her. “We already have a contract with the military. Your father made sure of it.”

  Katherine’s family owns MDX Aerodynamics, which makes plane engines and parts. They have a huge contract with the air force. Katherine’s father talked to whoever he knows there and got Kensington Chemical a contract as well. My dad was pissed because he wasn’t told about it until the deal was almost done. Katherine’s father worked directly with my grandfather instead of my dad. That was a couple years ago and he’s still pissed about it.

  “Our contract is with the air force,” my grandfather says. “Hamilton’s deal is with the army. Katherine’s right. There could be opportunities we’re missing out on. You need to look into this, Pearce. And Garret, you need to stay close with Ava.”

  Katherine smirks at me. She doesn’t care about the company. She only wants me with Ava because of that reality show and the publicity Ava still gets because of it. Katherine’s just looking out for herself, wanting to keep the elevated social status she got because of my involvement with the show.

  My grandmother sighs. “Let’s not talk business during family dinner.” She turns to my dad. “So have you met the scholarship recipient?”

  “Yes. She’s a very nice girl. Very smart.” My dad’s talking faster than normal. Is he nervous? Why would he be nervous? Maybe he’s not nervous. Maybe he’s talking fast because he’s pissed that my grandfather keeps telling him what to do. You’d think he’d realize he does the same thing to me, but he doesn’t.

  “She’s from the middle somewhere,” my grandmother says. “Isn’t that correct?”