Deserter

by Myers, Shannon

  * * *

  “Thank you again for agreeing to come over for lunch,” Richard said, before stabbing another forkful of fried chicken.

  I rested my arm against the back of the dining room chair. “I didn’t.”

  Celia squeezed my thigh under the table in a warning. “Thank you for inviting us, Daddy.”

  “Now, don’t be shy. I’ve got more mashed potatoes in the kitchen,” Norma stated proudly before sitting down across from us.

  It was like the fucking Twilight Zone around here. After the ceremony, our friends had drifted out of the stone church, but Norma and Richard had stayed behind to ask us to Sunday dinner.

  As if that was something we did every week.

  I’d opened my mouth, ready to politely order them to fuck off, when Celia accepted. Mother and daughter embraced with tears while I worked to gather my bearings and determine what the fuck had just happened.

  I did what I wanted, when I wanted. Granted, Celia had brought me down some, but I still called the shots. That was the way it had been since I took over the club and I expected it’d be that way until I left this earth.

  Maybe it made me a selfish bastard, but in my head, I’d decided that we were going to see my son. It had been too long and if anyone deserved our time, it was that little boy, not some rich pricks who’d abandoned their daughter when she needed them the most.

  End of motherfucking story.

  Celia had looked up at me with those big green eyes and the next thing I knew, I was sharing fried chicken and mashed potatoes with people I despised.

  “So, Celia,” Norma began. “How did you do fall semester?”

  I looked up from my plate to see Celia frozen, her fork halfway to her mouth and eyebrows bunched together. “Mama, I didn’t take classes last semester.”

  This time, I leaned over and squeezed her thigh. “My wife’s been a little busy with being knocked up, Norma. She’ll go to school when she’s ready.”

  She turned to face me in surprise. “Really? You’ll let me go to school?”

  I ground my molars together, wishing like hell that we didn’t have an audience. The way she asked, like I was holding her hostage. “Never said I wouldn’t, princess.”

  Norma speared a baked carrot with her fork while watching me through narrowed eyes. “Is education important to you, Grey?”

  “Mama, it’s Jamie.”

  She didn’t acknowledge Celia’s comment, and continued staring me down. When that didn’t have the desired effect, she snapped, “Are you going to forbid Mary Katherine from getting an education when she’s old enough too? Sell her to the highest bidder for your club?”

  I dropped my knife and fork, letting both fall to my plate with a clatter. “The fuck did you just say?”

  “That’s enough!” Celia shoved her chair back and stood up. “I hadn’t even thought about school until you brought it up. If I choose to do that, Jamie will support me.”

  Norma’s fork slipped from her fingers and fell onto the white tablecloth and she looked to Richard to say something. As usual, he kept his head down and stayed silent.

  I pushed back from the table and stood up. “Going outside.”

  I had the cigarette lit up and in my mouth before the front door closed behind me. I leaned against the bricks and inhaled, letting the nicotine hit my lungs.

  I was starting to think that Norma and Betsy weren’t all that different. They both seemed to turn up just when things were coming together and refused to leave until they’d destroyed everything in their paths.

  “Mind if I join you?” Richard pulled the door shut behind him and stepped out onto porch.

  I shrugged. “Do whatever you want. It won’t change the fact that we’re leaving as soon as I finish this.”

  “She shouldn’t have said that about Mary Katherine. I think she’s just trying to navigate Celia not being a little girl anym—”

  With the cigarette still in my mouth, I cornered him up against the bricks, exhaling a long stream of smoke into his face before flatly stating, “Don’t you fuckin’ justify this, Dick. She’s outta line and you’re gonna deal with her. Celia’s a grown woman and she makes her own choices.”

  He nodded. “She does, you’re absolutely right. I think… I think Norma just needs a little more time to come around to the idea of you two together, you know?”

  I frowned. “She better get used to it because this ain’t temporary. And you be sure to tell her that if she ever speaks to my wife or little girl like that again, she’ll be dealing with me and not you. You feel me?”

  “It won’t happen again.”

  I took the last drag off my cigarette with a laugh as Kate began wailing from inside the house. “You know how often I hear that shit? It’d be nice to believe it for once.”

  Richard grabbed the door and ushered me back inside with a solemn nod. Kate screamed and kicked her feet as Celia worked to free her from the car seat.

  “It’s okay, Katydid. Mama’s here.” She lifted her up and I grinned at my splotchy-faced little girl. Her small body shook with sobs and she began frantically rooting around on Celia’s shoulder, looking for a meal.

  “You gonna nurse her before we go?” I asked from the doorway.

  She looked up at me with a smirk and sank down into the recliner that Richard had sat in the day we broke the news. “You think she’d even consider allowing us to leave first?”

  I held my hands out and she passed her up to me so she could get settled. Kate, who was having none of it, began fussing again in my arms. “Your mama’s coming, baby girl. Gotta be patient.”

  She opened her eyes long enough to glare at me before unleashing the unholiest of screams. I winced and tried rocking her, which only seemed to make the cries louder. “Jesus, Darlin’. Daddy’s gonna need a new eardrum.”

  Celia continued fighting with the snaps on her bra. “Screw it,” she grumbled before slipping the strap off and reaching up for Kate.

  I passed her over with a grin. “You know, on second thought, Daddy’s gonna need something else.”

  “I bet you say that to all the dairy cows.”

  I cupped her chin and lifted her face up toward mine. “Look at me. You’ve got a body that would put a Playboy centerfold’s to shame.”

  She leaned into my palm with a small smile. “You’re just saying that.”

  Bending until my mouth was next to her ear, I whispered, “I look like the kind of motherfucker that just says shit? It’s hard seeing you like this and keeping my hands off, but you bet your curvy ass that as soon as the doctor says you’re clear, I’m gonna be deep inside you.”

  Celia released a shuddered breath. “Holy… okay.”

  I nipped her ear lobe before straightening with a cocky smirk. “You need anything, babe? Water?”

  “Do you mind? My water glass is on the dining room table.”

  “I got it.”

  Richard had disappeared again, but Norma still sat at the table, stabbing vegetables like they’d wronged her family. When I lifted the glass, she began shaking her head and wagging her finger at me like she was scolding a small child. “What are you doing? No, no, no, young man. We don’t take drinks into the den.”

  Jesus fuck.

  What was it with this woman? Had she taken classes on mastering the art of being a condescending bitch or had it come naturally?

  I pinched the bridge of my nose with a sigh. “Your daughter needs a drink. Is that allowed?”

  She pursed her lips before harpooning another carrot. “You know, I have to say that I was rather impressed with your table manners, Grey.”

  I ran my tongue over my front teeth, trying to determine if she was paying me a compliment or not. “Is that so?”

  “Oh, yes. You see, I just assumed that being raised like you were, you wouldn’t know your salad fork from your dinner fork.”

  When she thrust her chin up at me in defiance, I immediately saw where Celia got it from. Unlike her daughter though, she d
idn’t look cute doing it. She looked like what she was—a bitter cunt who knew she’d lost.

  My jaw tightened. “Raised like I was… and how was that, Norma?”

  “Like an animal, I expect. But I suppose that even the most savage of beasts can be—”

  I cut in. “Yeah, heard enough. We’re out as soon as she’s done nursing, and don’t hold your breath on us making a return visit.”

  The back of her chair hit the wall with a dull thud. “She’s what?” She quickly got to her feet and marched past me.

  I stared longingly at the liquor cabinet against the wall before following her into the den. She’d stopped in front of the recliner with her hands against her hips. Any second now, she was going to start foaming at the mouth.

  “What are you doing?” She finally snapped.

  “What? What’s wrong?” Celia glanced up from Kate with a frown, looking between the two of us for an explanation.

  “What’s wrong?” Norma screeched, startling Kate to the point that she jerked her head back with a cry, milk running from the corner of her mouth. “Breastfeeding is for the poor, Celia! Surely, you can afford formula.”

  “Why does it matter so goddamn much to you?” I growled.

  “She had everything with us,” Norma patted under her eyes. “Everything. Now, look at her. Nursing her baby like something on the cover of National Geographic!”

  I ran a hand over my face. “Jesus Christ, do you hear yourself? There’s a difference between wanting what’s best for your daughter and going out of your fuckin’ way to make her feel inadequate.”

  “Was this your doing too? She can’t go to school… she can’t use formula… you’re ruining her!”

  Celia passed a red-faced Kate up to me before hurriedly buttoning up her dress. A tear ran down her cheek, quickly followed by another and I knew that I was seconds away from a blow up. “Take us home, Jamie.”

  Norma placed a hand on Celia’s shoulder and squeezed, trying to stop her. “I’m just trying to help you. I love you and only want what’s best for you.”

  People like Comedian used their fists, and with the exception of my wife, they were seen for what they were.

  Evil.

  It was the ones like Norma that you had to watch out for though. The ones that claimed love before thrusting a knife into the hearts of those closest to them.

  Kate continued shrieking in both fright and hunger as I settled her into the car seat, but I wasn’t letting her, or her mama stay in this house a second longer.

  I pried Celia from Norma’s grasp and strode toward the car, calling over my shoulder, “You’re so goddamned worried about what people might think that you’ve destroyed any chance at a real relationship with your daughter and granddaughter.”

  She fell back against the bricks near the front door with a cry and, like clockwork, Richard suddenly appeared in the doorway. He never seemed to intervene until the damage was done.

  Once the girls were safely settled in the Suburban, I turned back to the house. “Stay the fuck away from my family, Norma. I won’t tell you twice.”

  Richard closed his eyes and retreated into the house, but she stayed where she was, clutching her chest and sobbing. It was pathetic.

  Chapter Twenty

  Grey: 1990

  We drove home in silence while our daughter bawled in the backseat. When we pulled up, Celia grabbed the baby carrier and moved on autopilot toward the nursery while I stayed behind in the den.

  I didn’t know what to say.

  The ticking from the mantel clock was ominous, magnified in the silence of the house. I cracked my neck and stepped out onto the front porch, letting the screen door slam shut behind me while lighting up a cigarette. I wanted to jump on my bike and pay another visit to Celia’s parents, but forced myself down onto the swing with a heavy sigh.

  My brief interaction with them made managing the club seem like a cake walk.

  Maybe it was.

  In my world, a threat like Norma would’ve been dealt with by spilling blood. I’d run my club and most of the town through fear for as long as I could remember. I lived by Wolverine’s mantra—put enough people down and the others quickly learn their place.

  I was young when I took over and that respect had come at a steep price; one I was willing to pay until the message became clear. The streets could run red and I’d still rule my empire with an iron fist.

  Any other way and I’d watch the entire thing slip through my fingers.

  Unfortunately, that line of thinking didn’t work in my wife’s world. They saw me, and Celia by association, as trash; something to be ground under the heels of their expensive leather shoes.

  I couldn’t demand that they submit to my authority, their respect had to be earned. I just didn’t know how when they were playing by a different set of rules.

  I took another long drag and exhaled a stream of smoke up toward a cloudless blue sky. This was supposed to have been a good day for my family, but it had turned into one dick punch after another.

  Anxiety from my earlier conversation with Wolverine returned with full force and I let my forearms drop to my thighs as the swing moved forward.

  How was I supposed to handle this?

  I stubbed my cigarette out against the handle of the swing and retrieved my kutte from the Suburban before hopping on my bike. With one last look back toward the house, I fired it up and took off down the street, ignoring the narrowed eyes of my neighbors.

  Fuck sticking around.

  That was my problem. I’d been stuck in a goddamn cage when I should’ve been on the back of my bike with the wind in my hair.

  I needed a minute to catch my damn breath and clear my head. I knew Celia was mine; even when I couldn’t give her the three words she needed to hear. Maybe I did nothing.

  Maybe I just buried that shit so far down that it never had to be addressed. She would know how I felt by my actions; anything else was pointless.

  I took a left when I hit the highway and headed south, suddenly knowing where I needed to go. Wolverine spouted off all sorts of shit—didn’t mean he was the authority on love and relationships.

  There was another man who’d been just as much of a father figure to me growing up and I had a feeling he wasn’t going to buy into Wolverine’s bullshit.

  That was what I needed; someone to talk me down off the ledge before I did something stupid, like blow away Celia’s parents or worse, confess that I was in love with her.

  He was sitting on the porch steps with a beer in his hand when I pulled up. The lit joint dangled from the edge of his mouth, dangerously close to falling onto the walkway in front of him.

  “Angel,” I said by way of greeting as I killed the engine and stepped off my bike.

  I’d been shocked as hell when he showed up on our wedding day, in a suit no less. The purple circles under his eyes were the only signs that things weren’t what they seemed, but I’d just chalked it up to lack of sleep.

  “Jamie.” He took a drag and offered it to me. “Had your greens today?”

  I took it from his hand and inhaled before joining him on the step. “You look old as fuck. When’d that happen?”

  “Shit,” he laughed. “You looked in a mirror, son?”

  We slipped into a comfortable silence, passing the joint back and forth before he finally asked, “The fuck you doin’ out this way?”

  I ground my teeth together. “Came to talk to you about something. I ain’t ever asked you for the truth; just took Wolverine’s version as gospel.”

  He exhaled slowly, staring off into space. “You’re here about your ma.”

  I nodded. “What I can’t figure is why Wolverine let it slide. Nobody in that club sneezed without him knowing it, yet he turned a blind eye to you and my mother. Why is that?”

  “You’re smart, Jamie. You tell me. Why would Wolverine allow something like that to happen?”

  “Don’t fuckin’ know. That’s why I’m here. I’m just supposed to b
elieve that she had enough acid in her system to make hooking up with you seem like a good idea?”

  His jaw clenched. “I don’t fuckin’ know why he let it go on, but don’t talk about her like she was no better than one of the club whores. I won’t tolerate it.”

  I smirked. “You won’t tolerate it? The fuck you going to do? You’re seconds away from keeling over.”

  He gripped the edges of my kutte and yanked me toward his face. The joint fell from my hands as I stared at him in shock. His dark eyes, so brown they were almost black, held mine in a glare. “Don’t.”

  One word.

  A warning.

  He shoved me back and retrieved the joint before going back to staring into nothing.

  “Angel—”

  “It’ll be ten years this year. You think I don’t fuckin’ think about that night and wish that I had done something different?” He looked back to me and roared, “I fuckin’ failed her, Jamie! And I don’t need you showing up to remind me of that.”

  I pinched the bridge of my nose, forcing myself to stay in the present. “And you think I don’t see her face when I close my eyes? I’m reminded of that night every time I step foot in the den. I just want answers. I ain’t a kid anymore, Angel.”

  He ran a hand through his hair with a defeated sigh. “Mary and I grew up together. She lived next door.” At my expression, he asked, “What’s the matter, son? Can’t believe that trash like me lived next door to a saint like your ma?”

  “It’s not that. She never mentioned it—not that she would—fuck, I never would’ve guessed.”

  “I’m sure her parents loved the idea of their perfect daughter spending time with the neighborhood fuck up, but Mary was good. She never let what anyone said affect how she treated me.” He fell silent and looked down at the blades of grass sprouting from the cracks in the walkway.

  I was suddenly regretting my decision to come. No way in hell Angel was going to be the ally I needed. “So, you and her?”

  He shook his head with a low growl. “Nah, she was saving herself for marriage and I never saw myself as the settling down type.