This Guy Kills Me

by Anlyn Hansell

  “For your information, it is. And it’s not crap. It’s pretty good. Well, it was pretty good up until the point that you ruined it.”

  *****

  “Stop humming.”

  “I can’t help it, it’s catchy,” she stated with a shrug as the street lights situated alongside the highway passed quickly in an almost strobe effect. A few moments of silence before the theme song just sort of forced its way from her brain out through her closed lips once again.

  “Jane!”

  His warm hand encased her mouth and jaw hiding the smile that took over her face at his obvious discomfort.

  She had to be the worst hummer. Like, ever. Hopefully she was just kidding. Her lips were so soft to the touch, it was all he could do to pull his hand back and not caress them with his thumb. Instead, his fingers pressed the button on the radio and immediately began scrolling through the stations until Bob Seger’s raspy voice overtook the small, confined space.

  She kept her hands clenched in her lap for fear she might touch the area that was still tingling from the contact. That would be obvious…

  I-75 was crowded but the pace was quick as they drove deeper into the heart of the city. The Ren Cen rose like a beacon above the revitalized downtown area, the glass tubes somewhat out of place against the older high rise buildings but nonetheless a symbol of the city itself.

  “So, where is this tasteful establishment located?” She muttered, turning her body ever so slightly toward him.

  “Houston Whittier and Chalmers.”

  “Ooo…lovely,” she stated with a grimace. “What if he’s there? What are you going to do? Are you gonna whack him?” she asked nervously as she watched his profile illuminate and darken under the passing street lights.

  “No. I don’t know. I guess we have to find him first.”

  “You know, he used to beep me and there was always a different number to call him back. I’m assuming you took my purse. Did you check any of those numbers?”

  “I did. They’re all public phones situated all over the city and suburbs so no help there. You didn’t think that was odd?”

  “What?”

  “The fact that the number was always different?”

  “Umm. No? I’m not a detective, I just needed the money. I didn’t really dwell on it.”

  He veered the car off the freeway and onto the off ramp. His snarky retort lost root in his brain as the desolate scenery surrounding him reminded him of a post-apocalyptic movie scene rather than an actual city. Turning right on Chalmers, the scene only worsened as there were about two burned out or crumbling houses for each one that was still intact. Even businesses were abandoned and taken over with weeds and urban rot.

  “There it is,” he stated and a small lit sign could be seen from a distance. A lit sign that was situated in front of one of the only intact and occupied buildings on the block.

  “Welcome to Bubble Butts. Amateur Night every Friday. Cum on in for a good time,” she read aloud as they pulled into parking lot. “Are you serious? They put ‘cum’ on the sign? You can do that?” she asked in obvious awe.

  “It’s Detroit. I hardly think it causes concern,” he returned absently as he swung the car in the partially occupied lot. The building was actually in rather good shape, freshly painted, well-lit and free of weeds. Someone even bothered to plant a tree and some bushes in front of the rather large, flesh colored building.

  “I’ve never been to a strip club before,” she admitted after removing herself from the vehicle and slamming the door.

  “Try to act normal, OK? No weird stuff,” he commanded before wandering around to the front of the building.

  No weird stuff. If only he would open his mind, she could convince him but he was so damn closed off. Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe she wouldn’t like what she found, she thought as she followed him.

  As soon as he pushed open the heavy door, thumping music filled the air and darkness surrounded them in the small confined entrance. Stepping in to the main room, black lights lined the walls and swirling colors twisted and spun on the open space. A huge stage jutted into the center of the room where a girl dressed only in a G-string undulated against one of the poles situated in the middle of the stage. She looked almost prepubescent; she was so small. Men were seated at tables, at the stools surrounding the stage. One guy was standing with a bill outstretched as another girl sashayed over to him and basically placed his face between her exposed breasts and wiggled her torso.

  For real?

  Blinding white light caused her to blink then shield her eyes as she stood behind Pete at the bouncer’s perch.

  “Hey. Check you out. You performing?” a deep voice asked as the light continued to shine in her face.

  “What?”

  “You dancin’ or what?”

  “Me?”

  “No, the dude you’re with,” he stated with a sarcastic snort then added, “Yeah, you.”

  “Ahh…no.”

  “Teej, check her out!” the voice boomed as her hand immediately lifted to shield her face from the light.

  “What, man?” Another voice boomed as her other hand found and connected with the offensive light, slapping it away. It immediately returned.

  “Oh, yeah. She’s hot. You dancin’?”

  “Not if I can help it,” she breathed out. “Could you, umm…not shine that in my face?”

  “What you mean, ‘not if I can help it’? You bring this fine piece of ass in here and she ain’t dancing?” he was clearly directing this to Pete.

  “I…just came to see Mimi,” Jane quickly supplied as the light finally retreated. Blinking away the strange green spots in her vision, she focused on the huge black man seated next to her. An equally huge white guy stood next to him and both sets of eyes were fastened on her.

  “You know Mimi? Aww man, I shoulda known. She has the hottest friends -”

  “Yeah…is she here?” Her eyes scanned the partially occupied room, skimming over the multitude of men and the occasional woman seated at the tables and around the stage.

  “You see her?” he asked, causing Jane to bite her lip nervously.

  “I can’t see anything; it’s too dark in here.” She responded quickly. For all she knew, the woman on the stage was Mimi. “Is she back from Vegas?”

  Her question was met with another snort that emanated from one of the two men standing next to her, she wasn’t sure.

  “What?”

  “She’s back, but she ain’t here. Moll is pissed.”

  “As usual,” huge white guy added with a slight eye roll.

  “Moll?”

  “Yeah, boss-man. She never mentions him?” huge black guy asked with a hint of suspicion in his tone.

  “She only ever calls him a dick. I didn’t even know his name.” She crossed her fingers behind her back, hoping by the expression on their faces that Moll wasn’t a beloved boss to Mimi. Her statement caused both men to stare at her for a moment then burst out laughing.

  “That’s Mimi! She’ll be at the after party tonight. You should come,” huge black guy stated before leaning in. “Ditch your boyfriend,” he whispered in her ear before straightening up and shooting a narrow eyed glance at Pete.

  “She can’t come to work, but she’s always up for a party. Moll will be so fucked up by then he won’t even care if she shows up at his place,” huge white guy added before folding his massive arms over his chest.

  “Sure. So where -”

  “So, you dancin’ or what?” Great.

  “Maybe?” she blurted before taking another look around the room as male voices began cheering. Two topless women were grinding against each other in the middle of the stage much to the delight of the men surrounding it. Her eyes widened and blinked before shifting quickly back to the men next to her. Maybe not.

  “Is Moll here?” she asked innocently.

  “Yeah. He’s in one of the back rooms sampling the goods if you know what I mean,” huge white guy’s eyebrows
were bouncing up and down.

  “He’ll be back there a while…” black guy stated with a knowing grin.

  “If he can get his wiener working,” white guy added before the two started cracking up like a couple of teenage boys.

  “Anyway, back to the dancing. I’ll give you a hundred bucks…”

  “I’ll give you a hundred bucks,” white guy emphasized, both of them completely disregarding Pete.

  “I’ll think about it.” Damn. Two hundred bucks…How crazy was that?

  The door shut behind her and new voices could be heard filling the small entryway. She could see Pete step forward before a loud voice halted him.

  “You. Twenty bucks. She’s free,” black guy barked before shooting a very obvious wink in her direction. Pete handed over the money before grabbing her hand and leading her to one of the tables near the back of the room. Some of the tables were full, some had only one patron. The crowd was somewhat quiet with the exception of a large group near the side of the stage. Jane kept her gaze from lingering too long on anyone in particular.

  “What are we doing? She’s not here,” she stated after he stopped at a vacant table.

  “Sit down.”

  “But…”

  “Just sit.”

  “Can I get you something to drink?”

  “No. Oh my gawd -” Jane blurted as her eyes practically bulged at the sight before her. She flopped the rest of the way into the chair and concentrated on picking her jaw off the floor. One quick glance at Pete confirmed he was not in the same shocked state. In fact, he didn’t even seem affected at all by the sight of the thin woman with her extremely large breasts exposed in front of him.

  “Two Cokes,” he stated before she nodded and turned to wander away. If the front was crazy, the back was insane. Both butt cheeks were completely visible. She wore a G string and thigh high boots. And that was pretty much it…

  A man’s voice boomed over the music announcing something to seemingly disinterested and sporadic applause throughout the crowd. A woman appeared on the stage and began immediately shedding what little clothes she wandered in with, moving in time with the music. She basically shimmied her way across the stage and began to swing around the pole with expert ease. Apparently she had done this before…

  “I’ll be right back.”

  Her eyes immediately darted to Pete as he pushed back his chair. “What? No! Don’t leave me,” she pleaded with widened eyes.

  “You’ll be fine.”

  “Where are you going?” Her hand automatically gripped his.

  “Bathroom.”

  “Yeah, right. What are you up to?” She leaned in.

  He looked around quickly before focusing his attention back on her.

  “I’m assuming Moll has an office, I’m just going to take a look around, see if I can get an address.”

  “Why don’t we just follow the bouncers, duh…” she added, emphasizing the duh.

  “You can’t go in the party, duh. What if Rick’s there? You don’t think he’ll recognize you? Besides I need to stake the place out. Sit tight.” He gently removed her hand and continued to push the chair back.

  “So, you dancin’?” a familiar booming voice could be heard next to her chair. Wonderful.

  “No.”

  “Yes” Pete stated at the same time as her ‘No’.

  Her head immediately began to shake emphatically at Pete.

  “Really? Come on, let’s get you ready,” huge black guy stated as Jane continued to shake her head at Pete.

  “Noooo,” she mouthed before setting her lips in a grim line.

  “Can I get a second? She needs some encouragement,” Pete announced before leaning in.

  “Just get up there, it’ll distract them,” he whispered in her ear.

  “I can’t dance,” she whispered back.

  “Of course you can,” he countered in a placating voice.

  “No. I really can’t.”

  “You’ve never danced…” he leaned back and fixed her with a disbelieving glare.

  “Never. I’m rhythm challenged. Seriously.”

  “I find that hard to believe. You’ve never danced…”

  “I had an aerobics class in college once.” She shrugged with a sheepish look on her face.

  “Perfect – there you go.”

  “I can’t take my clothes off,” she whispered loudly.

  “No one’s asking you to.”

  “It’s a strip club, it’s kind of implied -”

  “Ten minutes. Just get up there and tease them for ten minutes. That’s all I need.”

  Her head swiveled from the stage to Pete and back again nervously.

  “Besides, you get two hundred bucks, remember?” he stated.

  Her eyes immediately locked on huge black guy. “Ok, let’s go.”

  *****

  The sound of grunting and panting became louder and louder as he walked down the dimly lit hallway. A female voice gasped and something unintelligible was groaned out as the sound of skin slapping against skin became apparent. A series of rooms lined one side of the hallway; all were open except for the room at the very end.

  “Moll, baby…it’s so good…” More groaning, more slapping.

  Pushing the curtain only enough to peer in, he could see a naked woman bent forward over a chair, a pudgy man with his pants around his ankles was enthusiastically pumping into her from behind. Closing the curtain quickly, he squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head before turning and wandering quickly in the opposite direction.

  The announcer was quickly firing off words over the fading music as a new song began thumping loudly and a few cheers and random whistles could be heard from the main room. Hopefully she was being modest about her dancing ability. She was a beautiful woman, maybe it wouldn’t matter…

  Passing the restrooms, he continued down the hall, testing the knobs on two doors revealing a supply closet first and an empty room before grabbing the knob on the door at the very end.

  Locked. He immediately grabbed the set of feeler gauges from his pocket and placed the thickest one between the door and jamb. His eyes gave a quick scan behind him as the door opened. Stepping inside, he closed the door quickly and began searching the desktop for any clue as to Moll’s home address. A pile of envelopes lay scattered near the corner of the desk and his hands immediately began flipping through, searching for any address other than the building he was currently in. Random bills all revealed the same Chalmers address and he laid each one back almost exactly in the same pattern of disarray before shifting his attention to the desk drawers. His eyes shot up at the sound coming from beyond the door. Apparently she must have been causing quite a stir amongst the crowd. She probably lied. She probably could dance. If he could just find what he was looking for, he might actually get to witness that. Not that he should. This was already shaky, untested territory: this cohabitation with a woman that he couldn’t trust but found harder and harder to resist. What was it about her?

  Was that cheering? That didn’t sound like a cheering. More like…yelling. His eyes looked up toward the door, concentrating on the sound before snapping his attention back to the task at hand. The commotion outside seemed to get louder as he opened the top drawer and began to root around. Pens, notepads, condoms…lots of condoms, nothing revealing an address.

  What was she doing out there?

  Voices seemed even more elevated as he tested then opened another unlocked drawer revealing manila files, various desk implements; more envelopes. He sifted through them quickly, looking for and finding exactly what he sought. Grosse Pointe Shores. The same address on each credit card bill. His eyes quickly scanned and memorized the address as he carefully placed them back in the drawer. The sound had now escalated so much that it almost seemed as though it was coming from the hallway. Opening the door a crack, he watched as Moll stomped down the hall, fastening his pants at the same time as he yelled a quick succession of expletives before turning into the main ro
om.

  The sound was almost to the point of a deafening roar as he quickly locked the door from the inside and stepped out, closing it behind him and walking quickly toward the direction of the sound.

  This was bad. Raised voices were talking, or rather, yelling at the same time. The scene before him was chaotic. A half-naked woman lay motionless on one of the tables directly off the main stage, men standing around her, some in groups; some near the front door. The two bouncers were blocking the door, arguing with a small mass of patrons, but one thing was apparent. Jane was nowhere to be seen. His eyes scanned the room once again, but nothing.

  What the hell?

  He slowly walked through the room, the noise level dropping considerably as Moll wandered from group to group promising what sounded like free drinks. Most of the men began returning to their tables, some continued ranting at the two men at the front door before being lured away by Moll. The male voice boomed over the loud speaker apparently trying to settle the crowd down as the woman was fanned and poked at by some of the men.

  “You.” The white bouncer pointed directly at him. “Get your ass over here,” he commanded, causing him to walk quickly toward the front door. “What the hell?” Huge black guy added when he neared them.

  “Where is she?”

  “Who? Jane Fonda? I had to toss her ass outta here before they killed her,” white guy stated.

  Jane Fonda?

  “Don’t ever bring her back here. Do you hear me?”

  “What’d she do?”

  The black guy threw his hands in the air. “Oh my god, it was so funny. But we ain’t a comedy club, man. Never bring that crazy bitch back in here, for real.” His face turned serious suddenly.

  “For real,” the white bouncer added in a grave tone.

  “Did she do that?” He jabbed his thumb up over his shoulder to indicate the woman on top of the table.

  “What do you think? Go get your crazy-ass, sweatin’-to-the-oldies girlfriend out of here before Ginger gets up. You hear? She’ll whoop her ass good when she wakes up -”

  “If she wakes up. Go. Now,” white guy added then pointed to the door with a stern look in his eyes but a small smirk on his lips.

  “Never bring her back. Seriously, dude!” black guy yelled as Pete opened the door and stepped out.