Hidden Barriers

by Sara Shirley

  Sam opens her door and pushes her feet into her flip-flops before walking over to the fence. I turn to step out of the car, shutting the door behind me. I watch as she silently stares at one of the horses moving cautiously toward her. I rest my forearms on the top of the car, allowing her the time she needs to process whatever it is she’s thinking. The black and white spotted horse stands inches from her now, moving his head up as Sam reaches out to stroke the spot between his eyes with her flattened palm.

  “If I let my mind go there again, I will not be able to live my life,” Sam says as she turns around to face me. “If I wake up every day and fear him, he wins, even if he never comes after me again. If that happens, I know everything we’ve worked through will be lost.” My head rests in my palms as I allow her words to sink in. She’s fighting for us to stay together. I’m the one breaking it apart again by not allowing her to live her life. The sound of her sandals flapping against her heels lets me know she’s nearing me. I feel her arms wrap around my waist as she rests her head against my back. “We need to try to not fear what we don’t know, and you cannot break down on me. I need you to be the strong cocky ass I fell in love with. That’s what keeps me smiling everyday because you showed me how not to be afraid.”

  I bring a hand down to wrap around hers as I turn around to see her face. “I need to make sure you’re safe. I don’t know how to do this any other way.”

  “I need you to try,” Sam says as she kicks at the gravel on the side of the road. Pulling out of my grasp, she walks back to the other side of the car. “I think it’s best if we call it a day. I don’t feel like looking at any more houses today.”

  “Sam, don’t be like this. C’mon, you know I’ll do whatever you need me to do for you.”

  “That’s just it. I need you to be the Josh I fell in love with, not Officer Page.” She swings open the squeaky car door and then shuts it with intensity behind her. I let my head fall back as I silently scream inside. Once I calm a little, I open the door and sit with added force before slamming it. Sam sits with her arms crossed over her chest, her leg bouncing nervously as she stares straight ahead at nothing. “Take me home, Josh. I love you, but I need some time with just the girls.”

  I turn the key and listen to the rumble of the engine. Throwing the car into drive, I make the twenty-minute drive across town to the C-Naughtie house. The entire time Sam says nothing, and with the radio turned off, the silence is doing nothing but tormenting me.

  As I pull into her driveway, I notice all the girls’ cars are here, and Nick’s cruiser is parked to the side. I knew he was planning on stopping by; I just didn’t know he would be on duty when he did.

  Sam springs from the car as soon as I park and shut off the engine. Throwing open the front door, I follow a good distance behind, shaking my head. How was I wrong in trying to protect her? I know I might have been a little smothering, but maybe she’s been keeping her fear suppressed for too long that she’s using this as her only way of coping.

  As I walk into the house and shut the door behind me, I see everyone in the kitchen. Nick stands in his uniform as Lucy looks like she’s about to pounce on him. Kim and Rose are busy making drinks, I think. Kim is rimming martini glasses with sprinkles as Rose pours in some bright pink concoction and finishes them with a cherry.

  Nick catches my eye and moves over to where I am standing. The girls all loiter around the martini glasses before I hear them say in unison, “Feel the rhythm. Smell the grime. Move your ass. It’s derby time!” Then, one by one they all start sipping. Sam’s eyes roam over to Nick and me before turning back to the others. I overhear Rose say that she and Kim will be leaving in a few weeks for New York with their all-star team for a race.

  Nick pulls a folder from under his arm and hands it to me. “I pulled all of this from the files this morning. I need Sam to confirm that the description inside matches Stone. Apparently, a woman came in after seeing the BOLO on the PD website and said she thought she saw someone that resembled his police photo around town last week.”

  Grabbing the folder, I open it and see the face of the man who causes Sam so much turmoil these days. I can’t imagine what the knowledge of him being nearby will do to her.

  If she thought I wasn’t giving her space before, this bit of information will end up suffocating her, because I will not leave her side for a minute until Stone is found and put behind bars again.

  “Sam,” I say, getting her attention as Nick and I move over to the girls. “I need you to listen to me. Someone thinks they saw Stone around the area last week. Nick needs you to read the person’s description and confirm if you think it’s him, okay?” Sam’s eyes stay with mine, but her body begins to quiver.

  “I can’t.” She squeezes her eyes shut as I pull her into me.

  “Listen to me. I need you to do this. If he’s around, we will find him. Nick and I and the rest of the police department, we’ll find him if it’s him. I won’t let him get to you. You hear me?”

  Sam nods as she eyes the closed manila folder on the counter. The rest of the girls move in closer to pull Sam into a group embrace. Sam’s shaky hand reaches out, flipping open the folder in front of her. Stone’s police mug shot is the first thing she sees.

  A loud gasp comes from Lucy’s mouth as she stumbles back, hitting the fridge. Her hands cover her mouth as her eyes snap open with terror. Sam looks over her shoulder at Lucy. “Lucy, what’s wrong? What is it?” she asks timidly.

  Lucy’s eyes dart around to all of us before pinning on Sam. “Sam…I had no idea…Oh my God,” Lucy stammers out words as though she’s hyperventilating. She continues to mumble as her feet give out beneath her, and she collapses on the floor.

  Nick is at her side, instantly checking her out. “Lucy, can you breathe? Lucy? Tell us what’s wrong?”

  “That photo… Stone… he was at our derby event weeks ago. He hit on me, and then I let him follow me home. I brought him up to my room, and we…oh my God... I’m going to be sick.” Lucy stands and runs down the hall to the bathroom. Rose and Kim are quick to catch up to her. Sam stands next to me white as a ghost. Nick and I exchange glances, and he understands exactly what this all means.

  Sam slowly walks to the living room, muttering to herself before collapsing onto the sofa. Knowing what he needs to report, Nick grabs his cell phone to make a call as he walks out the front door to his cruiser. As I grab my own cell phone from my pocket, I make my way to the sofa. Sitting next to Sam, I pull her body into mine. She immediately rests her head on my lap as she cradles herself in a fetal position. My finger slides over the screen to dial the one person I didn’t want to have to call. I thought I could handle this on my own until about ten minutes ago. Things change when we don’t expect them. The ringing continues through the earpiece, and I hear him pick up on the third one.

  “Drew, it’s Josh. We have a problem, and I’m going to need your help.”

  I lean against the telephone pole just a short distance away from where I plan on getting my revenge. The single streetlight casts enough light for me to see the time on my watch. It’s 1 A.M. Taking a final drag from my cigarette, I drop it to the pavement and stomp it out with my steel-toed boot.

  I’ve been watching closely since that chick let me walk right through the fuckin’ front door almost two months ago. Jesus, if it was any easier, I wouldn’t be standing here right now. But, shit, if that easy lay didn’t just offer me all her roommates’ info on a silver fuckin’ platter. I never even had to ask about Sam. That tight little number opened her mouth as fast as her legs, and I had her begging for more.

  It’s too bad I’ll have to use her in my big plan and then kill her, too. Oh, well. She bored me after two fucks anyway. Sam at least was a challenge back in the day, but Lucy, that blonde freak, is into some kinky shit.

  Yawn.

  I need a chick to put up a fight to get me hard on a regular basis. Dark, empty back alleys are usually where I work best, but this house will have to do. I’ll
fuck Lucy once more, but this time, she won’t want it as much as she did before. This time when I tie her up and take her, she’ll know exactly who I am and what I’m going to do to her. Then, I’ll wait for Sam.

  I would have done this a while ago, but damn, if Sam didn’t find herself a twenty-four hour security detail. To top it off, that bitch found a cop to saddle up with. He won’t be able to save her like her dick brother did. This time my plan is so well planned out that I actually found myself lingering out in the open just to see if anyone would catch on to who I am.

  Two weeks and the cops still haven’t found me in town. A local police cruiser is parked in the driveway as I see the officer sitting in the driver’s seat calling in what most likely are my details. What a bunch of stupid shits they are. I’ve been right under their goddamn noses for months, and all it took was not checking in with my parole officer for them to finally take notice. I even stood in the pisser right next to that dumb ass boyfriend of Sam’s at the derby event. If these guys were real cops and friends of Sam’s, they would have already known my face. Just proves they aren’t worth shit around here.

  I, on the other hand, well, who knows what broad I’ll move on to in the next month. Once I’m done here with Sam and Lucy, everyone will be so grief stricken they won’t think to start looking for me until I’m long gone. It’s too bad, too. I usually like a good funeral.

  My worst nightmare is happening again, and I don’t have a clue how to function. Stone going MIA was one thing. I was able to live and work, even if I wasn’t entirely sure where he was. The news tonight is crippling my soul all the way down to my bones.

  He was here, in my house, and he had sex with Lucy. He’s going to come back. I know he is. Why wouldn’t he? He knows exactly where I live. God, Lucy, what did you do? She would never have known either. I only ever called him Stone, and I never kept a picture of him, simply because the only one I ever had is the one currently sitting on my kitchen counter.

  I move away from Josh who continues to talk on his phone with my brother. I scuffle my heavy legs through the room over to the kitchen cabinet I need. Josh watches me with concern written all over his face, but I know there isn’t anything I can say to make him leave. If I thought not having space before this was bad, unless by some miracle they find Stone soon, there won’t be anyway I can handle Josh’s overprotective nature for another week.

  I pull open the cabinet and grab the bottle of Jack, foregoing the shot glass. I shut the cabinet door and twist the top off the squared bottle. As I bring the bottle to my mouth, the stinging smell hits me first before I tilt my head back and chug until I can’t take the burn anymore. I straighten my head, coughing as the burn wears off in my throat until I feel the warmth coat its way into my system. Only this isn’t what I need right now.

  I stare at the bottle in my hand and start laughing hysterically before screaming at the top of my lungs. As I continue to scream and laugh, tears well in my eyes, but not before I catch sight of the girls rounding the corner to see what’s going on. Josh stands there, silently watching me mentally break down. Nick storms through the front door, most likely thinking the worst has happened, considering his hand is already on his holster ready to draw his gun. All of them think I’m losing my shit and quite possibly I am.

  For three years I was safe and happy with my new life and friends. I had just found love and a future with a man who was willing to deal with all my bullshit, and in less than a few weeks, I’m back to where I was three years ago. Everything I worked so hard to overcome is disappearing in a flash.

  My hand curls firmly around the bottle as I let out the loudest, most painful wail I can before my vocal chords go silent. Before I have time to think, my arm pushes back, and I hurl the half full bottle of Jack across the room, hitting the wall and shattering into a million pieces. Brown liquid drips down the yellow painted walls and onto the tiled floor. The tears that flooded my eyes have now breached and are trickling their way down my cheeks. Lucy cautiously moves in my direction. Her eyes are bloodshot and puffy, probably from throwing up and crying as well, but mostly, I can tell she is in pain and thinks she’s to blame for this.

  “Sam?” Lucy hesitates before lowering her head. “I’m sorry. I had no idea it was him. Please, forgive me,” she openly cries as hiccups interrupt her attempt to take a breath and speak. Both of us know there is nothing we can do now except stick by each other and wait to see if the police find Stone before he finds us again.

  Lucy reaches out to pull me into a hug. As I wrap my arms tightly around her, I glance up to see Rose and Kim cleaning up the broken shards of glass on the floor and Josh standing at the opposite side of the room. Nick’s hand grabs his shoulder as he says something to him out of earshot. Josh raises his head, agreeing with whatever Nick just said to him. Then, Josh’s eyes grip me as I notice the wetness on his cheek. He turns his head slightly and sees me staring at him. Quickly, he wipes at his cheek and pushes away from Nick, heading to me.

  He walks toward me with determination. Lucy senses someone behind her as she pulls away from me. “We’ll talk later, Luce,” I tell her, knowing we will have to talk through all that has happened.

  “Yeah, I’m going to go talk to Nick. I’m sure I’ll have to answer some questions anyway,” Lucy says as she walks toward Nick, who’s talking on his two-way radio strapped on his shoulder and writing something down on his notepad.

  “Sam.” Josh’s voice brings my attention back to him. I see how much I’ve hurt him since this afternoon in the car and now with the way I handled the news of Stone. “Tell me what you need me to do for you. I love you, and I will do anything for you, but you are not going to push me away like last time. I’m not going anywhere. Please, let me help you. I know this has to be tearing you up inside.”

  I know he’s hurting inside the same as me, and he most likely fears I’ll do what I did before. I know how sincere Josh is right now, which is why I know I can’t be pushed back into a corner again. When Stone comes for me, I need to be prepared as best as I can. That way at least I know I fought for myself this time around. Drew and Josh can’t be expected to protect and save me. I have to save myself.

  I reach out to grab his hands in mine before he pulls me in close to his body. “I can’t lose you. Do you understand, Sam? If he hurts you…” Josh says, his voice cracking as the words suddenly become too painful to voice.

  I nudge him lightly, grabbing his attention. “Who says he’s going to hurt me? The way I see it, I’ve got two cops here who can help me on my self-defense tactics, and the home security system just needs to be reprogrammed. And, I don’t even want to know what Lucy and the girls will do to him if he tries to get near us again.” I successfully lighten the mood as Josh’s lips curl slightly upward.

  I notice Lucy walking back into the kitchen with Nick. Rose is dumping the remaining glass pieces into the garbage as Kim continues to scrub the liquor from the grout between the tiles.

  Nick glances over at me as he stops behind Josh. “I called Cara. She and Brian are going to cover Vines the next few days for you. She also said she’d stop by tomorrow to see you. I have a lot of paperwork to fill out, so I ought to get back to the station soon. But, for now, I think we all should sit down and come up with a plan of attack, just in case,” Nick says as we all gather around the kitchen island.

  Just in case.

  Yeah, you know, just in case Stone decides one victim isn’t enough in this house, we all have to be prepared for what we might be up against.

  Every day that goes by without any sign of Stone is another bullet to my chest. Every second that passes is agony. As I drive around in my cruiser at work, I grow more anxious not knowing if Sam is safe or not. My duty belt and bulletproof vest already cause my body to be uncomfortable on top of my anxiety level. Add in the tightness in my chest right now at the thought of her at work without Nick or me around is making it hard to breathe. I roll down the cruiser window, hoping the cool evening air will help cal
m some of my stress.

  It’s been damn near a week, and Nick and I still haven’t stumbled upon that asshole. I know he’s playing a game with us; he has to be. If he’s been in the girls’ house and around town recently, we all know he’s been plotting and up to no good. The key is to stay vigilant and hope to hell that we play our cards right and get to him first.

  Nick has made sure the local police have added presence around the downtown area and the girls’ house. The security system at the house was reprogrammed the next day to alert police and also my own cell phone if there are any issues.

  Given the circumstances surrounding the reappearance of Stone and the safety of Sam and Lucy, Sam felt it was necessary to fully explain to Nick what happened three years ago. Before Nick went back to the station to file his report from Lucy, Sam provided him the details the restraining order may not have fully disclosed and how dangerous Stone can be. Nick never pried into her past, even after all these months. He knew there was something in Sam’s past, but he wanted to respect her privacy by not looking further into it. He told Sam if it was important enough for her not to say anything before, then he would value that and wait for her to tell him instead of finding out on his own.

  When I talked to Drew, he said he was at drill and that he’d be up to see Sam as soon as he could. He’s been in the Boston office ever since finding out whatever he could. His only advice to me was to allow Sam the space to process everything on her own.

  After Nick left the house that night, the girls left Sam and me to talk alone for a bit. Lucy was still somewhat rattled from the night’s chaotic events. Once Sam and I retreated to her bedroom, I told her I would be staying the night, simply because as of that moment, it was no longer about protecting only her. There were other potential people who could be hurt in the house, too. Sam understood and quickly realized she might have overreacted before, saying she knew I meant well, but that she still needed space to be able to continue living her life.