Hidden Barriers

by Sara Shirley

  “It’ll be okay. We’ll get him. Nick and his guys are working hard, and you know Drew is working around the clock as well. Someone will get him, and everything will go back to normal around here. There is just too much unknown right now for you to be alone,” Josh says, trying to comfort me as he reaches to grab his phone that’s vibrating next to the bed.

  “I hope you’re right,” I say dejectedly.

  “Hey, cheer up. We can’t have you all sad at a time like this.” He nudges me as I look at him with confusion written all over my face. I shake my head at him as though I have no idea what he’s talking about and then hear my own phone vibrating next to the bed. Grabbing it, I glance at the screen to read the incoming text from Courtney. Turning my head back to Josh, I see the smile spread across his face.

  “Get dressed. We’ve got a baby girl to meet.”

  It’s been a week since we were first introduced to baby Brittany. Even at a week early, Sue delivered a healthy seven-pound baby. Both she and Dave have learned quickly that being parents isn’t an easy task. Once Sue and Brittany were released from the hospital, my mom took them under her wing

  My brother and Emily moved into a house of their own just a few blocks away from my parents, so Sue and Dave moved into their old apartment above the garage, allowing Mom to teach them everything they need to know about being good parents. I can’t think of another woman better suited for the job. Apparently, from what I’ve been told, Dad is also helping, but in more of a supporting role. My dad may have the mouth of a sailor, but he’ll be there for Dave, helping him learn how to cope with being a new dad every step of the way. And, knowing my dad, there will be a cold bottle of beer waiting for Dave in the garage whenever a pep talk is required.

  I have never imagined life without a family of my own, but after seeing Sam in the hospital last week holding Brittany, something shifted near my heart. In that moment, I knew without a doubt that I wanted a family with her as I watched her smile spread across her face while she rocked that little girl in her arms.

  It wasn’t until she stood and walked over to where I was standing that something really happened deep within my soul. With Mom next to me, Sam handed Brittany over to me, saying, “Time to meet Uncle Josh, baby girl.” Her tone was so gentle and motherly that I wished Brittany was our daughter.

  I held the baby in my arms for the first time as Sam ran her fingers softly over Brittany’s light brown fuzzy hair before she kissed the spot she had just touched. As I watched her, the words slipped from my mouth before I had a chance to hold them back. The minute I asked Sam if she wanted a baby for herself, I couldn’t take it back. I forgot I even had an audience. Mom choked back tears, Jeremy held Emily in his arms as they stared in shocked silence, and Courtney stood by Sue’s bedside while both of them grinned from ear to ear.

  Sam’s response shattered me. I handed Brittany over to my mom, turned back to Sam, and asked her if she was sure. Then, the words, “Yes, I absolutely want to have a baby, but only if it’s with you,” came out of her mouth, and I kissed her there in the hospital room in front of everyone before I told her if that’s what she wanted, then I’d have no problem working all day and night to make sure it happened for us.

  Mom chuckled and headed over to place Brittany back in Sue’s arms as the rest of the guys in the room groaned for Sam and me to get a room.

  I couldn’t think of a better idea at the time. No better time than the present to get started on making those babies for Sam, but that day would have to come for us. It’s just not going to be anytime soon. Sam found it funny that I suggested finding an empty hospital bed to get started, but said she’d prefer to be married first before bringing a baby into the world.

  I’m sitting with all the guys in my parents’ family room in the basement waiting for Sunday dinner. The girls told us to remain here until they gave us the okay to come up. That struck me as odd, but the rest of the guys didn’t seem to be questioning it, so we’ve been watching the Sox and the Yanks go at it for almost a half hour.

  Finally, the stairway door opens, and Mom steps down, calling, “All right, boys, you can all come up now. We’ll be eating on the back patio tonight.” She turns to make her way back up the stairs as all of us look among each other, wondering why on earth we’d be eating Sunday dinner outside tonight. In all my life, we’ve only ever had dinner together in the dining room. Mom never strays from tradition, especially when it comes to Sunday dinner with family.

  I’m the last one to make my way onto the back patio, and as my eyes adjust to the evening light, I have to blink a few extra times to be sure of what I’m seeing. The patio tent is set up with Japanese lantern lights strung along the metal frame underneath. The dining set is setup with plates for everyone, and a buffet table is littered with some of my favorite foods.

  My eyes stop dead in their tracks as I look beyond the patio. Adirondack chairs circle the fire pit, as another small table appears to display balloons and gifts. Dad’s old canoe sits on the ground filled with ice, beer, and wine bottles, and just beyond that, a trail of lanterns leads to three assembled camping tents.

  Sam appears at my side as I put it all together. “Are you surprised?” she asks as my eyes trail down from the backyard to meet her smiling face. “Happy Birthday!” she exclaims. Everyone looks over at me as Sam pulls me in their direction. Each of them wishes me a happy birthday before grabbing dinner plates as they make their way over to the buffet table, taking what they want. Sam hands me a plate of my own before boasting, “You had no idea, did you?”

  I walk along with Sam as I see what’s on the buffet. Leaning down to kiss her on the cheek, I inquire, “You wouldn’t have had something to do with this little shindig, would you? And, what is up with the camping tents?”

  “Well, I suggested a camping trip for all of us up north, but we wanted Sue and Dave to be able to join in as well as your parents, so Courtney thought of the backyard idea. Do you like it?”

  Before I can respond to her, I’m interrupted as Courtney and my mom come out with dessert lit by a single candle. Courtney is holding her hand in front of the flame to make sure it doesn’t blow out. Everyone starts singing “Happy Birthday,” and I remember why I hate birthdays. Throwing on my best fake smile until the singing is over, I blow out the candle on what appears to be my favorite dessert, cherry pie. I still have no idea how Courtney makes that damn pie, but shit, if it isn’t the best thing on the buffet table.

  Everyone starts taking their places at the dining table as I load up my plate with Chicken Parmesan, Caesar salad, and grilled asparagus. I make my way over to the canoe and search through the various beers stuck in the ice.

  “Find anything you like so far?” Sam asks from behind me. I turn as I pull the latest Vermont microbrew from the ice.

  “I take it you are responsible for the beer and wine selection.”

  She grabs the bottle of chilled Pinot Gris from the boat. “You could say I donated to the party or consider it your birthday gift.”

  “I don’t even know how you found this specific beer,” I say, holding up the can and showing Sam the label, “but either you spent a fortune, or you have some serious connections in Vermont.” Sam and I start walking back to join everyone else at the table, but before we make it back, she grabs my elbow.

  “Josh, are you happy with the party? I mean, I didn’t know if this was okay, but you’ve done so much for me that…I mean…a couple of hard to find beers and a backyard camping trip just doesn’t seem like it’s enough,” Sam professes.

  “Sam, you could have given me a handmade paper card and a night with you, and it would have been the best birthday ever, and you know why? Because it meant you were my gift, and that’s all I need, so all this other stuff tonight is just an added bonus on top of you. Thank you.” Careful not to spill my plate of food, I lean down and kiss her on the lips.

  Keeping Josh’s birthday plans secret became a little more complex than I thought, but sitting around the fire
pit now and looking at him laughing along with everyone else, makes putting myself at risk all worth it.

  When Sue went into labor last week with Brittany, I knew I would have to do something that Josh would be livid over. I would have to go out alone. He was so dead-set on me always being with someone that it made being on my own feel awkward.

  Courtney was busy trying to finish her college courses, Grace was busy helping Sue, and Emily and Jeremy were busy moving. I took my car from the C-Naughtie house and drove over to Vines to make sure I was able to pick up the special deliveries from Vermont. A friend of Drew’s took a trip up there to his condo just south of Stowe, Vermont. A craft beer festival was held that weekend, and I had Drew make sure his friend found three specific beers I knew Josh couldn’t find anywhere around here and not even my distributors could get.

  After I left the bar with beers in tow, I had to go to the store to grab decorations, food supplies, and tents. I knew I had tents back home in Connecticut, but there would be no way for Drew to get home in time, and Mom and Dad wouldn’t be coming to stay with Travis and Grace for another couple of days.

  Going out alone was my only option. It felt good and liberating to finally be doing something without constant supervision, but a part of me was constantly looking over my shoulder, fearing Stone would pop up out of nowhere. Fortunately, nothing happened, and Josh didn’t find out. I’m here now in one piece celebrating his birthday, and that’s all that matters. Not even Stone still being on the loose is going to ruin that.

  As I roast my giant marshmallow on a stick over the fire, my charm bracelet twinkles against the roaring flames. Josh reaches out and starts playing with one of the charms. It’s the one I love the most, the heart that is adorned with both of our birthstones. He leans over, and my eyes move away from the fire to look at him.

  “I didn’t bring a change of clothes for tonight’s surprise campout, so I can only assume we’ll be sleeping naked in that tent over there, right?” Josh winks at me before taking a sip of his beer. Before I can outwit him, I notice my marshmallow is engulfed over the fire. I quickly bring it to my lips and blow it out. After grabbing my graham crackers and chocolate squares, I squeeze the marshmallow between them until it oozes out the sides. Then, I turn to Josh who watches as my tongue darts out to lick the edges of the ooey-gooey yumminess in my hands.

  “I kind of had other plans later on in that tent over there that might involve these s’mores.”

  “Sugar, I’ll lick as much food off you in that tent as you want me to, but the only thing that’s going to be melting is you underneath me.”

  My eyes enlarge as I lean back to stare him in his eyes and lick the melting chocolate from the s’more in my hand. I moan seductively before taking a bite out of the corner. My tongue runs slowly along the edges of my lips as my mouth opens wide. Josh backs away and swiftly moves out of his seat to grab another beer from the canoe while muttering something that I think sounded like, “Fuckin’ woman is going to be the death of me. She’ll pay.”

  Either the wine begins flowing around the fire pit or I finally become overly exhausted from dealing with the Stone situation because I pass out. The last thing I remember is sitting on Josh’s lap around the fire and laughing with everyone.

  My eyes flutter open as I realize I am being carried across the yard. Josh’s voice wakes me up from my exhausted state. “Wake up, Sam,” his deep voice says against my ear. A moan seeps through my throat, and in my relaxed state of mind, I just want to go right back to sleep. “Mmmm.” I yawn. “What time is it?” I murmur into his neck as my arms dangle down toward the ground.

  A low chuckle vibrates through his chest. “I think it’s time to put you to bed.”

  The following morning the sun shines its rays through the tent skylight at the perfect angle to wake me up from a deep sleep. Strong arms wrap around my waist, bringing me tighter into his chest. I rustle under the cool dampness of the blankets as a cold chill makes me back into Josh’s warm bare chest even more. I realize I only have on my underwear as my arms wrap around his under the blankets. “Josh, what happened last night? Did we?”

  “Josh isn’t awake right now. Come back later. Go back to sleep, Sam.”

  I elbow him in the gut. “Seriously, what happened?”

  “Well, I never got any birthday sex nor did I manage to eat s’mores off your naked body, if that makes you feel any better.”

  “Oh thank God!” I say in relief before bringing my arm up over my head.

  “What did you say?” Josh runs his fingers over my hip and starts tickling me in places that only he knows will drive me wild. The sounds of my laughter bellow through the tent as Josh maneuvers so I’m underneath him.

  “Would you two keep it down over there? Some of us are trying to sleep!” Jeremy shouts from the other tent.

  Josh lifts his head from my neck where he’s been kissing his way down my collarbone. “Dude, you just got married. Shouldn’t you be banging your wife instead of sleeping over there?” he yells through the tent walls as I continue to giggle once he goes back to kissing my neck.

  “Seriously, I’m about to go step in front of the next speeding car if I have to visualize you two guys having sex again!” Courtney exclaims from the other tent. I continue to chuckle softly at the crazy Pages. In some ways I feel bad for Courtney, being the single one. However, I know when Drew shows up here in a few days, those two most likely will start their fling all over again.

  Courtney has said the two of them aren’t serious about each other; that it’s just a physical attraction and nothing more. Liar, liar, pants on fire. As awful as the visual is of my brother and Josh’s sister together, I suppose it could be much worse.

  The ringing of a cowbell outside has Josh groaning as he unzips the tent just behind my head. “Dad! Really?! The sun just came up, and today is my last day off.”

  Josh’s dad spouts off something about learning to always wake up before your wife or something like that. Then, the familiar sound of an overly friendly dog barking ensures we are all awake. After getting dressed, all of us girls wrap ourselves in the blankets from the tents and run inside the house where it is warm, and the coffee is already made.

  The guys proceed to take down the tents and clean up the backyard while we girls sit in the kitchen and flip through the pictures Courtney took of Jeremy and Emily’s wedding. They are mesmerizing. Emily really was a beautiful bride.

  Sue walks in moments later with Brittany in the carrier. “Good morning,” she whispers to us, careful not to wake the baby. Brittany’s little hands scrunch up around her face while she makes the cutest little puckering faces as she sticks her tongue in and out. Sue heads over with Courtney to grab some coffee, whispering something out of range as Emily and Grace continue to look through the wedding pictures.

  Shaking her head at them, Emily must catch what they say because she immediately clears her throat as Sue and Courtney look back at her. I narrow my eyes at all of them as I try to figure out what the hell is the big secret.

  Before I can ask if I was missing something, Grace grabs my attention and asks me about what it is she can do to make my parents’ stay with them easier. She adds that Drew is more than welcome to stay with them if he gets bored at Nick and Josh’s place. Somehow I find it hard to believe Drew will get bored with the guys, but if there is anything that can get my mind off a secret conversation going on around me, it’s talking about my family with Grace.

  I have a plan. It isn’t a very good plan, but it’s still a plan nonetheless. With Sam at her derby event south of Boston today, it gives me time to finally sit down and hash out all the specifics with the whole family. I used the excuse that I was ordered into work for another trooper in order to avoid being caught and having my cover blown with Sam. That gave me a reason to miss her bout. Her family arrived a few days ago. Drew took Courtney down to watch her event, leaving me with the people I need to back me on my big plan—her parents.

  Over the course
of the last several months, Sam’s parents have learned just how much I love their daughter and would give my life for her. Until now, we have never really had a chance to sit down face-to-face and get to really know each other. So, today both of our families are headed into town for lunch to discuss where the police are with the investigation of finding Stone. Having her family here for a while has at least given me a sense of relief. I know she’ll spend plenty of time with them while they are in town. I think she was getting tired of all the same faces around her anyway.

  There is more to the report than I describe to Sam’s parents to avoid any further worry at this point. I explain that someone did call the local police station with an anonymous tip at the beginning of the week. According to Nick, the tip they received was from a male who stated he passed someone fitting the description from the police bulletin a few days ago. I couldn’t tell them the person who called the station said they saw him walking on Oxford Street, only a block away from Sam’s house. Given Sam’s reaction the past few times we talked about Stone’s whereabouts, I can tell you there isn’t a chance in hell I am ever going to tell her he may be lurking in the shadows around her neighborhood.

  As we finish our lunch at the Italian restaurant down the street from Vines, Sam’s parents express how proud they are of Sam’s success at the wine bar and Drew’s accomplishments in the Marine Corps while keeping up at the law firm. My mother, God bless her, attempts to start a conversation about Sam’s roller derby team. The expressions on Patrick and Corrine Daley’s faces speak for themselves. I know they aren’t one hundred percent on board with Sam’s derby lifestyle, but when they quickly change the subject, I know that conversation has been squashed.