Hidden Barriers

by Sara Shirley

  “Josh!” Sam cries as Nick’s voice tries to calm her down. I’d roll over or say anything right now to let her know I’m alive, but until someone helps roll me over or tells me I can physically move, I’m staying where I am. I’d shout to her that I’m alive, but my chest hurts too much right now for me to even try it.

  The minute I see her kneeling above my head and her red puffy eyes staring back at me, I know she’s all right. The police and medical team are asking questions about what hurts and if I can move certain places, but all I care about is Sam alive and well in front of me. Minutes pass before one of the two EMTs finally rolls me onto a hard board and the other straps me to the stretcher, but I’m still able to see Sam above me. Her eyes trail away to Stone’s lifeless body a short distance away from her before it all begins to process in her mind.

  “Josh,” she whimpers as her fingers lightly run over my forehead and down my cheek.

  “Shhh…it’s over now.” My raspy voice scratches through just barely above a whisper. Clearing my throat first, I try to speak louder even though the extra effort causes more pain in my chest. “You don’t have to worry about him anymore. Don’t worry about me. Are you okay?” I wince as I smile through the pain that shoots through my side. Sam closes her eyes as she nods that she’s unharmed.

  Nick appears behind Sam as I notice another EMT working on Lucy. “Never say I’m a lousy shot again, but shit, if I’m not glad we got here when we did. A second later and it would have been lights out for you, dude,” Nick insinuates as he pats my shoulder.

  I attempt to shimmy myself on the board, but I’m strapped in too tight. “Thanks, man, I owe you my life for that,” I say just as Sam starts sobbing again and gently grabs my hand at my side. “How’s Lucy?” I ask, wondering if her condition is worse off than I imagined before entering the room. Nick turns his head from where they continue to load her onto a stretcher.

  “It appears she has a pretty bad concussion and a decent size gash on her neck, but she should be okay physically,” Nick confirms before excusing himself to go talk to another officer, probably to give his statement.

  Seeing Stone’s body covered by a white sheet on the floor does nothing but bring me joy. He deserved exactly what he got after everything he did to Sam years ago and then again these past few months. Another officer walks over to Sam, asking her to step outside so she can be checked for injuries as well as be questioned about the events that occurred tonight. After she tells the officer she won’t be seeking medical attention and will give her statement once her father, her lawyer, is present, she returns to my side.

  Sam continues to sob as she covers her mouth with her trembling hand. Her other hand cups the side of my face. While the medical team prepares Lucy for transport, I have a few minutes alone with Sam. “Tell me he didn’t do anything else to hurt you. Please, tell me you’re all right,” I beg, knowing if he touched her or hurt her more than I can visibly see, I’ll blame myself for leaving her in the house to head back to my parents.

  Shit. My parents.

  Sam shakes her head, still not saying a word, which concerns me more than anything. Knowing Stone didn’t do any deeper damage to her, I now have to worry about getting in touch with our families. The EMTs return to my aid and begin raising my stretcher to wheel me out of the house. After a few more simple questions regarding my medical history, I call out for Nick until he appears over me. I attempt to turn my head to talk to him, but the EMT is busy placing the secure brace around my neck to prevent any further injuries.

  “What’s up, Josh?” Nick asks.

  “Can you take my cell phone from my car out front and get in touch with my parents, and then make sure Sam’s parents are aware of everything that happened? Her father will want to know, since he is her lawyer,” I explain, grimacing as the neck brace digs and pushes into my throat. They really ought to call this thing a torture device instead of a brace. Nothing about this setup is helping relieve any pain from my injuries. I try to search out Sam in the room, but this damn brace is only allowing me to stare at the ceiling. “Sam?” I call out, since I know she hasn’t gone far.

  “Yeah, I’m here.” She sniffles as she scoots over beside my head.

  “It’s not exactly the way I planned on spending our engagement night, but I swear I’ll make this night a distant memory and create a new memory ten times better,” I declare to her as her lips move slowly until they press against my forehead. When she pulls back her lips, her fingers tenderly brush over my mouth as my tongue slips out, licking one of them.

  “Josh, I don’t need any new memories or a party to forget tonight. We have a lifetime ahead of us to wash away all of this. Let’s just get you and Lucy to the hospital, and then we can worry about everything else.” A soft, yet forced smile forms on her lips. I can sense her struggling to come to terms with the night’s outcome, let alone the past few months. Hell, the past few years have been causing her pain. I know she’ll need family and friends to help her get over everything that took place here tonight. It won’t be easy for any of us, but at least the future is a brighter place.

  “I guess I owe you a candy buffet now, huh?” I ask as the EMTs start rolling me out of the room with Sam following close behind us.

  “A candy buffet? Why would you owe me that?” Sam’s voice sounds more like her usual self as we leave the bedroom and head down the stairs, all while I’m staring at the ceiling until they load me into the ambulance. After the EMT asks her if she wants to ride along, she hops in without hesitation, shuffling her way down the bench to sit next to me. “So, why again do you owe me a candy buffet?” she asks again. I can barely hear her over the roar of the ambulance’s engine and sirens.

  “Well, the night I asked you out on a date, things didn’t turn out so well with a simple bag of candy. I asked you to marry me, and all this happened with a simple s’more. I guess I have to go big to make sure everything goes right in a night,” I suggest as she begins to laugh. My own laughter follows hers until the pains in my side and ribs overwhelm me. Grimacing through the shooting pain, I hear the EMT tell me we’ll be at the emergency room within a matter of minutes.

  Sam’s left hand reaches out to grab mine. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you laugh. We’re almost there.” Her thumb continuously strokes over my knuckles, but all I can feel is the cool metal on her ring finger.

  “Hey,” I say, grabbing her attention. “If I could hold you right now and tell you how much I love you, I would. Look at how strong you’ve become. You survived and fought like a trooper tonight, no pun intended.” I chuckle again, wincing in pain as we come to a stop. “I’m so proud of you.”

  Her hand squeezes mine a little tighter as a smile curls on her lips. “Yeah, well, some guy I know seems to have taught me that I have to fight for those I love instead of running from them,” Sam says as the doors to the ambulance are pulled open, and I’m slid out of the vehicle. I watch as the night sky above me turns into a white foam ceiling and then a swarm of voices surrounds me.

  I can hear my mom calling out my name along with a commotion a few feet away. Sam runs to catch up to my side and surprises me when she doesn’t immediately rush to her brother. My mom steps into view and pulls Sam into a soft embrace before turning her attention to me. Tears pool in her eyes as she wipes at her nose with a tissue.

  Sam’s parents appear at her side as I’m about to be admitted for my injuries. Just as the EMTs and nurses are about to wheel me through the doors to be examined, Sam yells from down the hall in a panting voice before standing next to me, “Wait! I need to go with him!” The doctors explain they are only taking me into X-ray, and then I will be placed in a room where she can see me.

  “Sam, it’s okay. I’ll be fine. You need to talk to the police and your dad anyway. Nick or someone should be by to take your statement. Just explain everything as it happened to them, and there won’t be any issues,” I tell her through my scratchy voice. Between the neck brace and lack of fluids, my throat fe
els as though it’s being scrubbed with sandpaper.

  She leans down until her lips barely skim my ear. “I love you, Josh. You better hurry up back there because we’ve got a wedding to plan and a lifetime to live, and it’s no good if you aren’t here with me to do it.”

  “Sam, the minute I’m out of this hospital, I’ll be showing you exactly what a lifetime with me will be like,” I whisper so only she can hear.

  “Sounds like a deal,” she says before placing her soft, warm lips on mine.

  A throat being cleared sounds behind her, interrupting our moment before I’m moving through the long, narrow hospital halls and thinking of the moment Sam walked into my life. The irony of the night. Once I knew I had to finally move on from my past, Sam came rolling right in and never stopped for a second to realize just how much she has impacted every second since.

  Sitting in the dining room of Josh’s parents’ house, we are all gathered around the table to console each other after what has been an exhausting and horrific twenty-four hours for everyone. Lucy remains hospitalized after suffering a severe concussion and a laceration on her neck that required a number of stitches.

  The local and state police questioned me at the hospital about tonight’s events. Reliving the entire night over again to them was just as traumatic as it was in the moment, but they needed to justify the use of deadly force on Stone. I told them whoever fired that weapon may have taken Stone’s life, but that officer saved three lives that were in grave danger, one of which was Josh, who would probably not be lying in the guest bedroom resting with two fractured ribs and a bunch of bruises if it wasn’t for that officer.

  Tears spring to my eyes at the thought of almost losing him again as I pick at the chocolate peanut butter cake sitting in front of me. I know I’m exhausted or stressed when not even my favorite dessert interests me.

  Images of Stone’s menacing grin as he bashed Lucy’s head against the wall and sliced at her neck and as he nearly drove the same knife into Josh’s neck in front of me now make my stomach turn.

  Everyone else continues to discuss the night’s events as I excuse myself from the table and head to the kitchen to clear off my plate. I know I should be happy that Stone’s finally gone, and a huge cloud has finally been lifted from above me, but I worry that I might not know how this will affect both Josh and me.

  Since we met, Stone’s always been the underlying factor. Josh has been the protector, the one who forced me to be stronger than I ever thought possible. Now that Stone is dead, what does that mean for us? Will I become weak? Josh’s nature is to always protect. Will he get bored with me if there is no longer a threat against me?

  Drew appears in the doorway from the dining room as I place the clean plate into the dish strainer next to the sink. My head turns back to the dark window in front of me as my worn down reflection stares back at me.

  “Penny for your thoughts?” Drew asks as he pushes his way next to me, dropping his plate into the sink. I turn on the water to soak the frosting before turning to him.

  “Do you think he’ll get bored with me now that there’s no real threat against me?” I ask honestly, knowing my brother will never lie to me.

  Drew reaches out to grab my left hand, pulling it closer to his face. “I’m pretty sure this diamond isn’t sitting on your finger just because he thinks he needs to protect you,” he says before dropping my hand. “He loves everything about you, Sam. It’s never been about you needing him as a protector. He’ll always protect you from the dangers out there; that’s just who he is. Trust me. He’ll never stop loving you, and don’t you dare give him any reason to stop either.” He turns to wash off his own plate.

  I can only hope what my brother says is true, and honestly, I have no doubt he is telling me the truth, but right now, I don’t have the energy to have that conversation with Josh. With two fractured ribs, he’s out of work for at least six weeks until he is fully mended. I say goodnight to everyone, giving my parents hugs as Dad continues to discuss legal issues with Josh’s dad. I casually make my way up the stairs to Josh’s childhood bedroom where he’s been sleeping off the painkillers for the last couple of hours.

  I crack open the door a little more than it already is open and turn on the desk lamp near the door. The sound of Josh’s heavy breathing tells me he’s still sleeping soundly. Softly walking over to the bed, I cautiously sit on the edge of the mattress, so I don’t wake him. My fingers stir on my lap as I nervously twist them about in an attempt to keep from touching him.

  I stare at the walls, taking in all the police and vintage car posters. My eyes trail down to his bureau where model cars and framed photos cover the top. I see a picture of Josh, Jeremy, Courtney and Sue as kids framed next to Josh’s police academy graduation picture with his parents standing beside him. I stand and reach to pick up the picture of them as kids; they are all dressed in costumes, playing in the yard during a Halloween party.

  A figure moves out of the corner of my eye, and I glance over to the doorway to see Sue standing there with Brittany cradled in her arms. She gently bounces Brittany, trying to get her to go to sleep.

  “That was when we were all in middle school,” Sue whispers. “I used to be so smitten with Josh at that age, but we all grow up, and our paths change. Sometimes things that don’t work out then end up bringing the best outcomes for our futures.” She continues to stare at the baby girl in her arms before pulling the pacifier from her mouth once Brittany is asleep. “He may never say it, but we wouldn’t have worked out. You were always meant to come into his life.” Sue stares at Josh resting on his bed. “I can’t tell you what a relief it was to hear everyone was safe after what happened at the house. I know we haven’t been friends all that long, but I’m so happy to have you here now, especially for Josh. He truly loves you more than anything. You both deserve to finally just love each other without anything standing in your way.”

  “Sue…thank you.” I know we may not have started on the right foot, but I can see know how much she considers everyone under this roof family.

  Sue tips her chin up as her lips form into a soft smile, saying, “Make sure you take good care of him.” She starts to make her way out of the room just as Brittany begins to fuss in her arms. She looks back as she is about to head through the doorway. A soft yet gentle smile forms on her lips, and it’s as if the air is cleared. We both see each other as family now, but her words still linger in my mind.

  Take care of him.

  For once, it won’t be Josh taking care of everyone else; he’ll have to rely on his family and me while he’s recovering. As I make my way back toward the bed, I notice him stirring, but still sleeping. I sit in the same spot I had before and stare at his face before trailing my eyes back down to my hands that fiddle restlessly again. My fingers twist my ring on my left hand. I release a long sigh before softly uttering the words, “Please, don’t ever stop fighting for me, even if I’m not in trouble. I kind of need you around to push me to be better, stronger, and more open.”

  I force myself to stand, and as I’m at the door, I hear him behind me.

  “You’ll always be trouble,” Josh groans.

  Turning back to him, I see his eyes fluttering open before settling on me walking back to him. Josh shuffles a little to get more comfortable in bed. “Do you need me to help you at all? Need me to do anything?” I ask as I adjust the pillow behind his head.

  “Sam, the only thing I need you to do is become my wife, so we can start our lives together. Everything outside of that doesn’t matter after tonight. It’s you and me now,” he says as I narrow my eyes at him, wondering how soon he actually wants to get married. “I heard what you said after Sue left. I love you for you, your heart, your spirit, and I love seeing your face every morning when I wake up. We’ll have to work on the control over the remote because I cannot take watching Supernatural every night before bed, but other than that, you should know we have nothing in our way.” Josh tries to lighten the conversation by
bringing a smile to my face. “You are my life, Sam. I need you more than you’ll ever know.” He smiles as he reaches to hold my hand. I softly run my fingers over his forearm as I see his face scowl from trying to sit up more.

  “Josh, I love you so much,” I say as my lips move over to kiss him passionately. My tongue pushes into his mouth as it moves fluidly with his own. My eyes shoot open when I hear him groan, and I pull back immediately. “Oh my God! Did I hurt you?”

  “No, but if you keep doing what you’re doing, we’re going to have issues that cannot be resolved here tonight,” he says as we laugh quietly together.

  My mouth opens as I silently say oh. “Are you always going to think with the wrong head?” I ask.

  “Yup, and once I’m able to get back into action, I’m going to make sure you know it, too.”

  “You always have such sweet words when it comes to sex,” I sarcastically say as I chuckle at him.

  Three Months Later

  Today marks our first full day as the new owners of a three-bedroom old Victorian house around the corner from downtown North Andover. Sam fell in love the minute she laid her eyes on the stained glass windows and intricate woodwork on the staircase. We’re also within walking distance of Vines, which makes both Sam and me very happy. The quiet tree-lined street was just an added bonus. The minute we were handed the keys, our lives together truly began.

  The boxes continue to surround us in every corner of the house. If I didn’t already know Sam was still upstairs sleeping, I’d assume she was buried somewhere in between them. I make my way from the galley kitchen at the back of the house to the living room. My steaming cup of black coffee firmly held in my hands. I stop in the doorway and take in the chaos surrounding the cluttered boxes that line every inch of the room. I make my way to find the only available spot on the sofa to sit, placing my coffee mug onto the table before grabbing the box cutter to open the cardboard box labeled photos. I pull back the top flaps and begin tearing back the bubble wrap to pull out the first framed photo. I know regardless where I put these in the living room Sam is going to move them. She’s more organized than I’ll ever be. I slide the box over next to the sofa and take a sip of my coffee before trudging through the pictures. Staring at the picture, I see it’s the same one that used to sit next to my bed at my parents’ house since I was a kid. My mom must have finally parted with it as she began clearing out my old room, so she could set up a separate nursery room for Brittany. As I gaze at the picture, I think about how far we’ve come in the last few weeks.