Hotbox

by Delia Delaney

  “Yes, it is.”

  “And that’s what you’re looking for when you go to church?”

  “Yes. I feel happy when I go, but it’s just not…that really good feeling yet.”

  I lounged back on the couch with my hands behind my head. “Are you really looking for a church to attend regularly? You’re already a pretty spiritual person. You pray, you read from the bible, you seem to already...follow a higher law, I guess. It almost seems like you’ve been religious your whole life.”

  She shook her head no. “My father grew up in New York. His mother’s family was devoutly Catholic, but after years of strict Catholic schools and religion being shoved down his throat, he was through. I don’t remember ever going to church as a kid. Sunday was usually a day where we’d do something fun, like go to the river, go fishing, or barbecue with friends—especially after my mom left and it was just my dad and I. Church wasn’t exactly on our to-do list,” she smiled. “What about you?”

  I scoffed. “Are you kidding? My dad usually spent Sundays completely hung over.”

  With a sympathetic smile she asked, “So you’ve never even been to church until you met me?”

  I shrugged. “I think I’ve been in a couple. For a few weddings, and I think my aunt might have taken me a few times when I was a kid. You know, for Easter or Christmas, maybe. Must not have been too spectacular since I don’t really remember much of the experience.”

  “What about now? You come with me, but is it something you like, or just do for me?”

  I thought for a second. “Mmm, both I guess. I do it for you, but I like it.”

  “You do?”

  “Mmhmm. It makes me feel like I’m somehow making up for a lot of the stupid things I’ve done.”

  She scowled at me. “Like what?”

  “I don’t know. Nobody’s perfect. I’m sure I’ve messed up somewhere along the line… Hmm, let’s see here…”

  She laughed at my arrogance and playfully shoved my leg.

  “Oh, I know… Last year we needed to get our runner home and I struck out. We lost the game.”

  She laughed harder. “That doesn’t even count!”

  “Well that’s a pretty big sin in my book.” Her smile remained, but she looked a little sad, so I asked, “What’s the matter?”

  “I don’t know,” she shrugged. “I guess I just miss baseball.”

  It made me smile and I said, “Yeah, so do I.”

  She gave me an expectant look and I knew right then that she actually did have a preference for whether or not I continued playing. Before, she had always told me she’d support whatever I chose and that she didn’t favor either decision.

  “You really want me to play,” I told her.

  She looked surprised at the accusation. “Well, uh…”

  “Jayden, you want me to play but you don’t want to push me into it. Am I right?”

  I sat up, waiting for her answer. But she just sat there, staring at me. Finally she shrugged.

  “Is that a yes?” I asked with a smile. “You want me to play?”

  She sighed. “Ty, you’re just…really good. And I loved watching you play. It honestly was the highlight of my week. I was happy seeing you do something you were so good at, especially because you were happy doing it. But that’s the key. You were happy doing it. If it’s not something you’d be happy with, then I don’t want you to do it. My answer is still the same as it’s always been, honey. Are you waiting for me to say, ‘Ty, I really wish you’d play baseball’? Is that what you’re waiting for?”

  It was, wasn’t it? I really did want to, but I also didn’t want the hassle. I had everything I wanted right now, so I didn’t see the point in changing anything. I was afraid of making a decision that might backfire on me.

  After sharing that with her I admitted, “But yeah, I guess I would rather make you decide. But that’s nothing new. I’ve told you that before.”

  “Yeah, you did,” she agreed with a chuckle. “Then maybe we should stick with our original plan. Just try out in the spring and see where it gets you. If you fail miserably then we’ll take that as a sign.” She was trying not to laugh, but she did anyway.

  I nodded. “Thanks for the encouragement.”

  “You know what I mean,” she replied, sliding onto my lap. She kissed me for a few seconds and then held my face in her hands. “I used to have my life all planned out. When I was going to get married—I’m a year overdue, by the way,” she smiled, “—How many kids I was going to have, how far apart they were going to be in age, what kinds of activities I wanted them to be in… But I really don’t care about that anymore. I’m very happy with you, and I don’t care if we have everything planned out for the future, or if we just live week to week. Everything else can change in our lives, but my love for you and my need to be with you never will. As long as I have that stability… I don’t care about anything else.”

  She waited until I nodded my understanding. “I feel the same way.”

  “Good,” she smiled, “because I have a few baby names to go over with you.”

  “Baby names?” I chuckled. “What happened to not planning everything out?”

  She shrugged. “Some things can wait; other things are just fun to think about.”

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  It was about that time. Things were going really well in my life; I was happy, and looking forward to marrying the girl of my dreams. I didn’t like to think my life could be so predictable with its ups and downs, but unfortunately, it was.

  The following week was the beginning of the end of my life. It began with a phone call on Thursday night; the boss was back in town and he wanted to meet with me. I wasn’t too worried about it. I was somewhat glad that he’d be able to get Dean to back off, just in case he decided to cause me problems.

  I took a long lunch break on Friday afternoon to meet with Olevsky at Perdita’s. Lou was pretty relaxed about it, especially if he thought I was meeting Jayden for lunch. He particularly liked it when she would drop in to see me, claiming that the shop could use a touch of class. “She sure pretties it up in here,” he once said.

  I ate on the way to the restaurant. Kristof always offered me food, but I decided long ago that I would never take anything from him, not even a dime. I sat across from him in his private dining room, just like any other meeting.

  “You look good,” he told me. “You look very happy.”

  “I am happy,” I admitted.

  “So I take it she said yes and all that, and now the two of you are planning a wedding?”

  “Yes.”

  He didn’t even smile like I thought he would, and it gave me an uneasy feeling.

  “Is there a date set?” he asked.

  “November.”

  “Oh, I see,” he replied with surprise. “That’s quite soon. She just seems like a spring bride to me… Fresh and vibrant, like a spring flower.” He tilted his head in question. “Is there a particular reason you’re getting married so soon?”

  “Besides the fact that I love her? No.”

  “Oh, so she’s not…”

  “No,” I replied dryly.

  He slowly nodded. He laced his fingers together and set them on the table. “I’m aware of Dean and his stupid little mistakes. I do apologize, Tyler, for allowing him pull you in again. He’s quite upset with you.”

  “With me? He’s the one threatening my fiancée—”

  “He did what?”

  I sighed. “Look, all I told him was that I don’t answer to him, and Jayden knows nothing about what’s going on and she never will. I don’t care about his dirty cop. He’s not my concern. I don’t want there to be any problems.”

  He sat in silence for a few moments as he leaned forward on the table. “It’s already too late.”

  “What’s already too late?”

  “The problem is already there.”

  “What exactly is the problem?”

  “My two most valuable employees are
unhappy. Dean is who keeps my organization at its peak, and Roy is who allows it to remain successful. Without them I would have many other business associates very upset with me.”

  “You’re the boss,” I said, as if I actually needed to remind him. “They operate according to your instructions.”

  “Yes, and I can control their very fate. But right now I need them both happy and content so my next business venture runs smoothly. When that is finished, maybe I’ll think about making some changes.”

  “So… What are you saying? Are you telling me that you’re not gonna tell Dean to back off? You’re going to let him do whatever he wants just so you can keep him around until—”

  “Relax, Tyler. Dean isn’t going to harm Jayden. I promise you. She is absolutely off limits to him.”

  I took a slow, deep breath of relief. “She doesn’t know anything,” I couldn’t help but add.

  He nodded his head. “I believe you. But it doesn’t mean she won’t someday.”

  I shook my head. “I never want her to know. Ever. If everyone would just stay away from me they wouldn’t have to worry about anyone finding out. I only want to forget everyone and just…move on with my life. I just want to get married and never look back.”

  After a brief pause he sighed. “Tyler, I said that I wouldn’t allow Dean to harm Jayden. Physically. But now it also means you can’t be with her anymore.”

  “What?” I exclaimed, my heart dropping into my stomach. It couldn’t be true. “Are you kidding me?” His expression told me that he was not. “That’s bull,” I said angrily. “Did Dean make that bargain with you?”

  He paused again but simply replied, “Yes.”

  I nearly hit the ceiling, but in order to refrain from doing so, certain words came out of my mouth instead. He opened his eyes in astonishment, not used to hearing such things leave my lips. I took a deep breath and rubbed my forehead to keep from saying any more, but it didn’t keep the anger from continuing to build.

  “I understand you’re upset, Tyler. I know you and Dean don’t get along very well, but this is the way it has to be. I need for things inside the police department to remain as they are. I can’t have any problems right now. This is the only solution I have—”

  “No, it’s not even a solution. How is it solving anything?”

  “It’s fair in keeping both sides pacified.”

  “Fair? Are you joking? Dean is a prick. He hates me. All he wants is the upper hand, a way to prove he has the power to do damage to my life. And you’re letting him. How is that fair?”

  “It’s fair because you are keeping her safe. If you don’t separate yourself from her, then we’re going to have to do it for you. Do you understand what I mean?”

  I was speechless. He was honestly telling me that I had to stop seeing Jayden? If I wanted to protect her very life, I had to give her up? My head was whirling, and I swear the room was in motion. I had to close my eyes, but then it felt like my whole body was spinning around the room.

  “Tyler.”

  My eyes opened and the room came to an abrupt stop. But even though I was sitting there, I didn’t even feel like I was there. It was an odd tunnel-like feeling, as if I was placed in a surreal moment without any type of tangible connection to it. It was like a dream, a nightmare, and I was stuck there until I could wake myself up.

  Finally I took a deep breath, causing a bit of life to enter through me, and I felt a state of misery take up residence instead.

  “You’ve got to do something else,” I said, my voice barely carrying.

  “I’m sorry, Tyler,” he sighed. “Dean and Roy have something important going on right now. It can’t fall apart right now.”

  “No,” I growled. “You have to do something else. Anything. I don’t care what it is. Do you want me to work for you? –Because I’ll do it. You just name it and I’ll do it. I can’t lose her! Please…I’ll do anything.”

  I couldn’t believe I was pleading with him. I had never begged for anything so severely, and at the same time I felt desperation to keep Jayden in my life, I also felt doomed anyway.

  He sighed again. “I’m sorry, but this is the way it has to be. This is bigger than you, Tyler.”

  “No,” I barely said. “I can’t do it. You’re asking too much. I think I’d rather die.”

  “Well, if Dean has his way, I think that could be arranged.” He was smiling, like his humor was going to make the devastation go away.

  “I’m not even kidding. You think I’m kidding? I’d rather die. If I’m dead then everyone’s secrets are safe, and I won’t be alive to suffer from losing her. You can keep making your millions. Why this? Who am I to Dean anyway? Why is this so important to him? Why do I have to lose the one and only good thing in my life? Why?”

  “The whole world does not revolve around you, Tyler. I have people that are counting on me, and if I fail on my end of the deal, then we all fail. Do you understand? This is bigger than you can comprehend, and someday, when it’s all said and done, I’ll have some things to discuss with you. For now, Dean has a job to complete for me. He’s the only one at this particular time that can finish it. I’m a businessman, Tyler. You were the only part of the deal that he required, but it’s also the most difficult agreement I’ve ever had to make. But for now I have to do this or…” He paused and then sighed again. “If there was another way, I would consider it. But I’m telling you right now that you have a week to figure out how you’re going to break it to her, and then I can help you make it happen.”

  “A week?”

  “Tyler, I hate to threaten you, but if you don’t do this I’m going to be very upset. I have other things to deal with right now and I don’t need any more problems. If for some reason she finds out why you are breaking things off with her, I won’t hesitate to make her suffer—her father, her friends—they mean nothing to me and I can easily have them removed. If she even has a hint as to what is going on, I won’t think twice about punishing you by punishing her. You’d better just leave the real reasons out of it. Am I clear?”

  The room was spinning again, but this time I wanted to throw up. He didn’t wait for my response, and frankly, I’m not sure I could even speak at that point anyways. I wasn’t even able to move; I had been completely crushed. Annihilated.

  “Tyler, I know it means nothing to hear me apologize. I’m not a very caring man. But I do care about you. I do want you to be happy. If Jayden is everything you claim her to be, then she’ll forgive you and maybe you can start over at a later time. I’m not sure when that could be, but Tyler, you can get her back. Let me finish up this arrangement, and I’ll make this right. I’ll explain everything, and you can get her back. I promise.”

  I scoffed, and my anger helped me to find my voice. “How could you do this to me, and then promise I can undo it? You can’t promise that! This is my entire life, and you’re taking it away from me!”

  “It’s the only choice I have,” he said in a low, menacing voice. He was getting upset with me, and although I had never heard him yell or curse, his way was even more threatening. But I didn’t care. There had to be another way out of this because I wouldn’t be able to do it. I couldn’t give her up. She was the only thing in my life worth fighting for.

  “What if I can keep it from him?” I barely said. “You can help me do that. What if I just…”

  “What about the wedding?”

  “I can find a way to hold off on that.”

  It appeared like he was thinking about it, but then he shook his head. “It’s not possible for you to hide your relationship with her, Tyler, and you know it. And this isn’t something that Dean is going to forget about or let you get away with. He’ll make sure it’s done, one way or another. Don’t even think about running off with her; you’ll leave her father and friends exposed to a countless array of misfortune. Don’t even think about going to the police; you can’t beat this Tyler. I know all of her ties—I know each of her friends well, including her famous
friend in L.A. and his cute little boy. My reach far outreaches yours,” he finished.

  I was angry again. I hated being threatened. But my emotions were so shocked I didn’t know what to feel. When I thought about the situation and the people I was dealing with, I wanted to kill someone. When I thought of actually breaking things off with Jayden, I wanted to cry. No, worse… I wanted my life to be over.

  “I’ll be in touch in about a week,” he continued.

  “How long?” I asked, swallowing hard. “How long until I can try to get her back?”

  With a cold, indifferent stare he replied, “I don’t know, Tyler. That isn’t something I can determine at this point. It could be a year.”

  “A year?” I shook my head. “No, I was thinking a couple of months.”

  “This is a very international…situation. It might take some time.”

  “What about Dean? Is there- is there any way…?”

  “Any way he’ll change his mind?” He lightly shrugged. “I don’t know, but the deal has been agreed upon, and I don’t want anything to interfere with my arrangements. I don’t have time for games, Tyler.”

  “Games? That’s exactly what this is! It’s a game to him!”

  “And sometimes games can be fun, but right now it’s not my move. I need Dean to cooperate effectively until this very intricate arrangement is complete. There are some very significant people that need to be handled properly, and then I’ll consider what I want to do with Dean. But for now, this conversation is over. I’ll see you in a week.”

  He motioned for me to leave, but I didn’t even think I could stand. I was still in somewhat of a sick stupor when I felt a pair of hands lift me up from the chair and shove me toward the door. I glanced one last time at Olevsky, but he was just sitting there, staring at the table.

  I couldn’t go back to work. I called Lou and told him I was sick and heading for home. At least it wasn’t a lie. I actually felt physically ill. I locked myself in the house with all the lights off and the curtains drawn, and collapsed onto my bed. I sent a text to Jayden, telling her not to come over after work because I wasn’t feeling well. I couldn’t bear to actually talk to her on the phone. She messaged back and said she was sorry, offering to bring me anything if I needed it. I told her I just needed to sleep and I would call when I felt better. Then she texted one last time: ILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOU!!!!