Hotbox

by Delia Delaney

  “We have to be careful!” Dean yelled. “Do you know what this means? Do you understand how risky this has become? Oh my God,” he groaned, almost laughing to himself. “I can’t believe this. We’re all going down because of some chick—”

  “Quiet,” Olevsky finally spoke. The room was silent again except for the deep breath he took. Finally he said, “I’ve had enough of all this. I should just have all of you removed and retire sooner.” He looked at everyone in the room until he settled between Dean and Roy. “I think Tyler is right. The both of you are paranoid fools. You are blowing this way out of proportion. And Dean, you’re making a mountain out of a mole hill. I’ve got a business to run and we’re all going to go under if this next contract doesn’t work out as planned.”

  Dean looked pretty pissed, but Olevsky ignored him entirely and silently dismissed Bobby. Bobby looked relieved and took off up the stairs, tripping twice as he scampered up them.

  “However,” the boss continued, looking at me, “I can’t work like this, either. Tyler, you need to ditch the girl for good.”

  “What?” I exploded. Both Dean and Roy had matching smug faces and I just wanted to beat them both to death. “You can’t be serious.”

  “I am very serious. I wanted this to all just go away, but it hasn’t. And now I’m behind on my business endeavor and people are upset. That makes me upset. I need my employees back to work,” he almost growled. “This nonsense has gone on long enough.” He stood up and looked at me hard. “You have a week and I want it done. Over with entirely. Dean will make sure it happens if you decide it’s too difficult to take care of yourself. And when it’s done, I don’t want you talking to her again. That’s an order.”

  He headed up the stairs with Cue right at his heels.

  I sat there, feeling something that I couldn’t believe I was feeling again. My entire life was over, and the man responsible for it was sitting there, smiling triumphantly.

  “Now who has the boss wrapped around his little finger?” Dean boasted haughtily as he stood up and left the room. Dax and Roy went with him, and I was left alone.

  I sat in a spinning room for I don’t know how long. Finally I dropped my face into my hands and cried.

  I wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but eventually I dragged myself up the stairs and out the back door. I walked between two buildings to take the long way to my truck. I wondered if I should just keep walking and see where I ended up. Maybe I could step in front of a moving bus and make things easier on Jayden.

  If my night wasn’t already devastating enough, Dean and Dax were standing across the street when I made it to my truck. Dax remained where he was, smoking a cigarette, but Dean crossed the street and approached me.

  “Cheer up, Ty. There are worse things,” he smiled.

  “Oh? Like what?”

  “Well, I can think of a lot of things but…I’m not sure you’d want to hear ‘em.”

  I shook my head and opened the door, only for him to slam it shut again.

  “You know, I always wondered why we never got along, Ty,” he sneered. “There are a dozen men that I’d like to see dead, and I’ll be honest… You’re one of ‘em. But this…this is even better. Trading my services to the boss, just so I can see you suffer. It’s like five Christmases rolled into one. This is going to be a blast to witness. I can’t wait.” He paused for a second, gave me a big smile, and walked away. “Until next time,” he called over his shoulder.

  I didn’t want him around me for another second, but something was eating at me. “Wait,” I called.

  He stopped in the middle of the street and slowly turned around. The smirk on his face was the last thing I wanted to see, but I had to know. “Why tell me to forget breaking it off with her? You got your way and it would have happened. Why drag it out. You tried to be the ‘nice guy’? What the hell does that mean?”

  He stepped closer to me as his smile grew. “What, you don’t think I have it in me to be nice?” He waited for a response but I didn’t give one. He crossed his arms across his chest. “I meant the nice guy in a business sense, Ty. Don’t get your hopes up. I was willing to renegotiate, but it just didn’t work out to my favor. And then for some reason, Kristof seemed all too eager to change the rules again. I don’t know why and I don’t care, but business is business. And the news from Bobby happened at the same time… It just worked out the way it did. Do I think Jayden knows anything? No. But that doesn’t mean she won’t. You’ve put yourself in a stupid position and you only have yourself to blame.”

  He turned around and left, leaving me speechless because he was right. My past had always been chained to my ankle, and happiness with the perfect girl had blinded me into forgetting that.

  I sat in my truck for quite a while after that. I couldn’t face Jayden that night. I just couldn’t.

  The engine started and I drove out of town. I headed north, to Tacoma, to see my father. Somehow I felt better knowing that I didn’t lie to Jayden about that. I expected to have to search the bars to find him; I’d pour out my problems to him whether he was drunk or sober.

  But to my surprise I found him at home watching TV. He was shocked to see me, and probably even more shocked that I broke down right in front of him. He sat me on the couch and listened to me unload the tragic saga called my life. If that wasn’t bad enough, my phone rang halfway through with a call from Jayden. I was in no shape to talk to her and I felt horrible about it, but my father answered and said that I had fallen asleep. She was considerate and told him to keep me for the night so I didn’t try to drive home tired. She also wanted him to pass along how much she loved me.

  That caused me to break down all over again.

  Time seemed to have no meaning and, before I knew it, midnight rolled around. Although there was no solution to my problem, I was glad that I had someone that understood what I was up against. My father had probably been through more problems with Olevsky than I was aware of, and after going through my own suffering because of the man and his employees, I felt a new respect for my dad. I felt a little more forgiving than I used to be, and even though he had made some bad decisions that severely affected me over the years, I could easily see how it happened. I wasn’t condoning his choices, but I was no longer angry with him. I myself was on the verge of cracking open a bottle and drowning my sorrows.

  “How about you just…move all your stuff back here again,” my dad said. “There’s no way you can live in that town if this is how it’s going to be.” I didn’t reply so he continued with, “Well the way I see it, it’s how it’ll have to be, son. They can’t expect you to break off all ties while you’re still living there. It’s impossible. You might still see her around, her friends are around, and she knows where you live… If Olevsky were desperate to keep you there, then maybe there would be a way out of this. But you’re not an employee of his; he doesn’t need you there.”

  I had finally made a stand, broken free from the organization, and now that’s exactly why I had no way out? It was all a bunch of crap. It was just too much. My father had been right: there really was no way to shake them.

  We talked for another hour until I was just too emotionally drained to speak coherently. I fell asleep on the couch, but it was a tormented sleep. I had nightmares all night long, mostly of how hurt Jayden was going to be. She was going to hate me—I almost hoped she would hate me instead of feeling hurt—but her friends were definitely going to hate me.

  My dad was right. There was no way I could stay in that town.

  The next morning I found some paper and began writing a letter. After several tries, I finally came up with what I felt said the least, but the most at the same time:

  Dear Jayden,

  First of all I want you to know that I love you more than anything and I never wanted to hurt you, but we can’t be together right now. I can’t explain it just yet, but as long as you believe that everything we shared was real, that’s all I care about. I hope I can someday make you
understand. For now I am so sorry and I hope you’ll forgive me.

  I’ll always love you and I’m yours forever,

  Ty

  When I was done, I cried again. I don’t think I’d ever cried so much in my life.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  I was somehow able to have a normal conversation with Jayden on Saturday afternoon. It was really hard, though. I felt like the breakup had already happened and wished I could just stay out of town and leave it at that.

  I mentioned that I was probably going to stay with my dad for another night. She was a little surprised, but was happy about it. I knew she supported any progress that the two of us might be making, but she was disappointed that I wouldn’t be going with her to the Davis’s to celebrate Patti’s birthday. I told her it might be good to occasionally go places without me.

  “I actually went out last night,” she said. There was a little different tone to her voice.

  “Oh? With who?”

  “Cali.”

  “Yeah? What’d you guys do?”

  “Just met up with Silvia and went out to dinner.”

  “Did you have fun?”

  “Yeah, we did. I missed you, though.” There was still an odd tone to her voice.

  “Yeah, I missed you, too.”

  Why did I have to say stuff like that out loud? Why did I have to drag her through this? I was so close to just telling her right then, over the phone, that we couldn’t see each other any more. But the opportunity was lost when Cali arrived at her house and she said she had to go. They were going shopping for a little bit.

  “Jayden, I love you,” I couldn’t help but say.

  “I love you, too,” she replied. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Hopefully.”

  We hung up and I realized my dad was in the room. I saw the look on his face and I knew exactly what he was thinking.

  “Maybe you shouldn’t drag this out anymore,” he finally said.

  I groaned to myself, but I didn’t have a response.

  “Are you hoping that something’s going to change again? Are you holding off, hoping that you won’t have to do it?”

  “Maybe,” I barely mumbled.

  He nodded but didn’t say anything further. I flipped the TV on, trying to find something that might distract me.

  “We have an opening at the shop, Ty. You can come work with me. The pay will be fair, and we could really use you. I can talk to Kent about—”

  “Please, Dad. Not now. I’ll- I’ll think about it, okay? Thanks for the thought, though.”

  He nodded and headed into the kitchen. “Can I make you a sandwich? Soup?”

  “Sure,” I replied vacantly. I wasn’t even hungry. In fact, I hadn’t eaten since lunch the day before.

  A few minutes later my dad set a sandwich and a bowl of soup on the coffee table in front of me. I felt like a kid when he instructed me to eat it, although I couldn’t for the life of me remember a time when my dad ever served me food. It was a very odd moment.

  I spent Sunday much the same way. It was suiting to stare outside at the gray sky and the rain pouring down. It seemed to fit my mood. Either that, or it was making me feel worse. It even hailed with thunder and lightning throughout the evening. My dad suggested it was a sign that I just stay another night, and I actually agreed.

  Jayden called me again that night. I was wondering if she was already sensing that something was up because she sounded really odd on the phone. She seemed a little distant, almost spacey, and she didn’t even talk very much. But it was just as stormy down south, so she insisted that I stay with my dad as well.

  I called Lou and told him my situation and he was fine with me coming in late on Monday.

  “Great weather to start October, huh?” he laughed.

  I was tempted to tell him that he’d need to find someone to replace me, but maybe it was one more thing I was trying to hold off on. My father was right. I was still hoping for a miracle.

  But I did head for home on Monday. My dad seemed to sympathize when I reluctantly got into my truck to leave. He came to my window and stood, even though it was still pouring outside.

  “Call me if there’s anything I can do, okay? Anything. If you need me to come get you or…pack up your stuff…” He paused for a moment before he added, “I’ll even talk to Jayden if you want. Just let me know, son. Okay?”

  I took a deep breath and nodded. I really didn’t trust myself to speak. Backing out of the driveway, I waved at my dad while he still remained standing in the rain.

  The drive home was unbearable. I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts, but music on the radio drove me crazy. I don’t know how I managed to make it back to town, but I did. Instead of heading for home to finally shower and change, I went straight to Lou’s garage so I had something to occupy my mind.

  He talked casually about the weather and I was glad I only had to answer simple questions. I did ask him if I could stay late to make up for the morning I’d missed. He claimed there wasn’t much to do unless I wanted to help Charlie work on his own car for a while. I was more than willing to do that. I didn’t want to go home.

  I deliberately left my phone in the truck so I wouldn’t have to answer Jayden’s calls. That plan failed when Matt came to me and said she called him and was worried about me. I really didn’t know what I was doing anymore, and I realized that I had probably just made the situation worse.

  “I had no idea you didn’t tell her you were here, man. Sorry, but she seemed a little pissed.”

  I nodded. “Okay. I’ll call her when I’m done with this,” I replied.

  “No need. She’s on her way over.”

  My heart dropped and I swallowed hard. Matt went back to work cleaning up, and then he left the garage a few minutes later. That’s when Jayden arrived. I saw her from the corner of my eye and she was talking to Matt in the office. They both looked my way so I stuck my head back under the hood. Charlie was having me listen to the engine idle, but then it suddenly shut off. I looked at him to see what the problem was and he motioned his head toward the office door. Jayden was standing inside the garage, staring at me. She looked like she was about to cry.

  Charlie left us alone as she slowly walked toward me.

  “I’ve been really worried about you,” she said quietly.

  I rubbed my hands on a towel. “I’m sorry. I left my phone in the truck—”

  “And you didn’t even think to call me? –At any point during the day? On your way home, or when you got here?”

  “I’m sorry,” I said again.

  I took a deep breath. Just looking at her was painful and I had no idea what I should do or say. Maybe this was the moment that I should just do it. Maybe it was time to break it off.

  She shook her head and just put her arms around me. She had on a white button-up blouse, but she didn’t even care as she pressed against my filthy work clothes and held me tight.

  “I’m sorry I’m being so needy. I guess I’m just feeling a little emotional.”

  There was no way I could turn her away. I felt horrible. I was so torn over what I should do. But the only thing I did do was go with what was natural to me. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her head, enjoying the way she smelled and how she felt in my arms.

  “What’s going on? Why are you emotional?”

  “Uh, I don’t know,” she murmured against me. “Hormones, I guess.”

  I smiled. “Well…I’ll give you a free pass on that one. Is there something I can do?”

  She shook her head against me. “Just hold me.”

  So I did. And it felt amazing to have her in my arms again. I was suddenly hit with an array of emotions, myself. After all the heartache I went through over the weekend—preparing myself for a life without her—I became angry again. It wasn’t fair, and the more I thought about it, the more I felt we belonged together. There had to be a way out—there just had to be—and I began to rack my brain once again, trying to come up with any possible way to mak
e it happen.

  She slowly pulled away from me and sighed. “I’ll let you get back to work. I just needed to see you…to hold you. Sorry I interrupted.”

  “No, you didn’t interrupt. I don’t know how long I’ll be… I told Charlie I’d help him—”

  “That’s okay. Do what you need to do. Just…call me okay? Tomorrow or…”

  “I’ll finish up here. I want to be with you.”

  She almost seemed surprised, and that’s when it hit me. She knew something was up, but she was trying to give me some space. Jayden wasn’t one to pry or interrogate. She was more the type to wait it out, hoping I would share with her when the time was right. I loved that about her, but this time, I wished it were different. I almost wished she would pry—ask questions, interrogate, accuse me of something—because I wanted there to be a reason that would push me into telling her the truth. I was on that edge again, ready to just blurt it out and hope for the best.

  “Well,” she said quietly. “I’m going to head home, then. How ‘bout you give me a call if it’s not too late?”

  “Can you just meet me at my house like usual?” I asked.

  She eyed me for a moment. “Yeah, if that’s what you want. Just let me go home and change,” she smiled, glancing down at her white shirt that was now dusted with a layer of grime.

  “That will probably stain,” I warned her.

  She shrugged. “I don’t care. It was worth it.”

  She smiled again and slowly backed away before turning around to leave. I waited until she entered the office and disappeared, and then I turned my attention back to Charlie’s car. We were just about to get back to work when the office door opened again and Jayden was standing there with a frown on her face.

  “My tires have all been slashed.”

  “What?”

  I followed her outside and sure enough, all four of them were toast.

  I got a sinking feeling in my stomach.

  “Who would slash my tires?” she asked me.