A Year in the Life of a Complete and Total Genius
Page 10
Don’t leave your story until the last minute! I’ve given you a lot of time to work on it, and I hope you will use your time wisely and write an outline and a few drafts. A piece that is thrown together the weekend before the due date is easy to spot in a sea of polished stories.
Due: June 6
• • •
MS. WHITEHEAD
We are sorry to announce that Ms. Whitehead has broken her hip in a skiing accident this weekend and will not be at school for a few weeks. She is recovering comfortably at home and is in good spirits despite the accident.
If any students would like to sign a get-well card for Ms. Whitehead, please visit the office before Thursday.
• • •
March 14th
Dear RJ,
I can’t believe Ms. Whitehead broke her hip! I knew she was older because only old people break their hips. But she can’t be that old—she was skiing! She must be very fit for her age.
I feel bad for Ms. Whitehead. I’ll write something nice in the get-well card. I’m sure that will cheer her up.
I wonder if this means we don’t have to turn in that short story assignment we just got.
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
• • •
Romeo and Juliet—a Star’s Reflection
By Romeo
Act 2, Scene 3
In this scene I am debating whether Juliet really wants to be with me. I mean, REALLY wants to be with me. It seems that I am making all these plans for our future together, and all she does is talk to her nurse about stuff and occasionally say nice things about me from her balcony. It’s very infuriating. So I am sitting back and taking stock of what is really important. I know I love her, but does she love me back? She seems to be really into Mercutio instead. I mean, maybe she loves me in secret and that would be okay, but at some point she has to commit to being my girlfriend.
I think you misread this scene, Arthur. This is not quite what Romeo is doing in the play, and I’m not sure that he really ever questions Juliet’s love in this manner. If you have any questions about the language Shakespeare uses, we can discuss it after rehearsal. I find it’s best to read it with your heart, not your head. Trust in your soul!
Mr. Tan
• • •
Assignment: Reading Comprehension Worksheet
We will be continuing our active reading by discussing different techniques that can be used to keep the reader’s interest. Please read the first short story in your anthology. After you’re done, fill in some of your own reflections about the story on the worksheet and hand them in to Mrs. Carrell by the end of the period.
There will be no extensions given on this assignment. It is imperative that you use your class time effectively.
• • •
Arthur Bean
7A
“The Lake” Worksheet
1. Who is the protagonist of the story? How do you know?
The protagonist is the main character of the story. I know because he is the one the author talks about the most.
2. Where does the story take place? What is the time of year?
The story takes place on a farm, because all of the most boring Canadian stories take place on farms. This one is different because it takes place in the summer and Canadians normally only write about winter.
3. What is the mood of the story? How do you know?
The mood is quiet and sleepy. I know because I fell asleep reading it.
4. Describe the plot of the story in 3 to 5 sentences.
The main character Johnnie goes to the lake. He drops a ball in the lake and cries about it because his father is mean. Johnnie gets the ball out after thinking about it for a long time. He decides to leave the farm but he leaves the ball on his bed.
5. What is the theme of the story?
The theme of the story is that balls prefer sleeping to swimming.
6. Many authors use symbols in their stories. What do you think the ball symbolizes?
The ball symbolizes Johnnie’s love for his father. It might symbolize the world, since it is also round. It could also symbolize how the author wants to drown himself because he knows that he is really boring and ruining the lives of students everywhere by writing the world’s worst story.
Dear Ms. Whitehead,
Mrs. Carrell is making me write you a letter to explain my answers on the worksheet. I explained to her that my best work is not done working in restricted space, and that I did the best I could answering the questions. It’s not my fault that she reads my answers as being “impertinent” and “disrespectful to the learning process.” I think that my answers to her worksheet show my creative thinking and my attempt to go above and beyond the exercise. At least when you were here we didn’t just fill in the blanks on a stupid worksheet.
Get well soon.
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
• • •
March 16th
Dear RJ,
I came up with a really great story idea! I’m thinking that my story will be about a snake tamer. He’ll work for the circus as a snake trainer, and he’ll have all these really dangerous snakes that work for him, and he can hypnotize them and stuff. He gets the snakes to commit a crime of some kind and then the circus goes on to the next town, so he’s like a mastermind criminal and he decides to do something big or something. I don’t know what will happen next, but I think it’s a good start. I’m going to start writing it this weekend. It can be all mysterious and I can describe a lot of foggy nighttime scenes. This could be it, RJ! I think I’ve got a winner!
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
• • •
Assignment: Limericks
Since today is St. Patrick’s Day, I thought we would write limericks in class. As you know, a limerick has a very specific rhyme scheme and syllable count. Grades will be awarded based on the adherence to the specifications of the limerick poem. Remember, the limerick is often a cheeky and fun poem, but this is a school classroom. I don’t want to see anyone crossing over any lines of good taste, so keep your poems clean or I will have to bring your behavior to the attention of Ms. Whitehead for discipline upon her return.
Mrs. Carrell
Due: March 17
There will be no extensions given for this assignment. It is imperative that you use your class time effectively.
• • •
Assignment: My Limerick
By Arthur Bean
There once was a kid who’s a nerd
He never liked following the herd
When a trend they would keep
He would “BAA” like a sheep
So they treated him just like a turd
Mr. Bean,
The language and subject matter is clearly inappropriate, despite clear instructions in the assignment. See me after class.
Mrs. Carrell
• • •
Assignment: Famous Author Biography
Ms. Whitehead has asked me to start the next unit on Famous Authors. We’ll be studying the lives of some of the great poets and novelists of yore. I would like each of you to write two to four paragraphs about your favorite author. Please talk about his or her life and career. Are you inspired by their life story or something they wrote? Why is he/she your favorite author? Do you have a favorite book by them? Make sure your grammar and spelling are correct and that you use different types of sentences.
Due: March 24
There will be no extensions given on this assignment.
• • •
March 18th
Dear RJ,
I tried starting my snake trainer story, but I can’t get anywhere. I have nothing to say about it. All I got was a description of the fog, and it was so boring I almost
put myself to sleep. Plus I couldn’t come up with an actual plot. All I have is a snake trainer and snakes that can be trained to commit crimes. It’s not enough. I don’t even like it anymore. Back to the drawing board. Watching TV is helpful, right? Because that’s all I feel like doing.
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
• • •
From: Kennedy Laurel (imsocutekl@hotmail.com)
To: Arthur Bean (arthuraaronbean@gmail.com)
Sent: March 19, 14:55
Hi, Arthur!
I’ve finally finished my story!! At least, I think it’s done! It’s pretty different now than the first part I sent to you LOL! But I really like it! I’m sure you’re CRAZY busy right now, but if you have time, can you read it before I submit it? I think you’ll give me good feedback on it, and that you’ll be honest if there’s anything I need to change!
I gave it to my parents, but they just said that it was awesome LOL! Parents!! Sometimes they are really nice, but they aren’t very helpful LOL! Anyway, it’s pretty long, so if you’re too busy to read it, that’s OK too! I know you’re busy getting your story ready too!!
Kennedy :)
From: Arthur Bean (arthuraaronbean@gmail.com)
To: Kennedy Laurel (imsocutekl@hotmail.com)
Sent: March 19, 15:13
Dear Kennedy,
I would love to read your story! I am pretty busy putting the finishing touches on my story too, but I’m never too busy for you. My mom used to say that I have an eagle eye for detail, so I can give you good feedback for sure.
I know what you mean about feedback from parents. My dad sometimes reads what I write and then he tells me that it should be published. My mom was good for finding mistakes, but sometimes she was crazy about finding mistakes in my grammar. I mean, who even knows what a participle is? Who cares?
Yours truly,
Arthur Bean
From: Kennedy Laurel (imsocutekl@hotmail.com)
To: Arthur Bean (arthuraaronbean@gmail.com)
Sent: March 19, 20:34
LOL! I had to go look up what a participle was to know what you were talking about!
Thanks Arthur! That’s so sweet of you to take time to do this for me! I’ve attached it here.
Kennedy :)
Attachment included: Strangers Among Us
STRANGERS AMONG US
The brains of the alien were lavender and slate, and splattered all over Sophie’s perfectly matched brown-and-pink off-the-shoulder top and dark skinny jeans. She flicked her ponytail over her shoulder, showing off her rosebud earrings.
“Well? What should we do with it now?” she asked, slinging her bazooka over her left shoulder. She wiped the crimson blood from her hands on her back pockets and looked over.
“I’d say we should bury it. Real deep,” Tom replied. He looked at his own navy coveralls, covered with a red-and-green flannel shirt and also splattered with the rest of the alien’s insides.
“Well, I guess we should start digging,” Sophie said, reaching for the shovel…
Sophie woke with a start. She’d had that dream again. She sat up and shivered. The dreams were getting worse. Dreams though? No. She knew they were more than that. The aliens were real. She had seen them. She had strangled one until its eyeballs burst out of its head. There was a gargantuan mess of crimson and white and light-blue tendons all over her favorite teal dress, the one with the black piping and oversized buttons at the collar. She couldn’t make that up. She had the dry cleaning bill to prove it. She shut her eyes and wished for the morning to come.
Sophie woke up early the next morning with a plan. She knew that her Uncle Tom had a barn full of weapons to fight with. She just had to get there before the aliens did.
She looked around for the fastest way to get out of town and spotted her favorite car, a bright-red Corvette convertible. She ran over to it and looked inside. Luckily, the keys were still sitting in the ignition.
“Well, I don’t have time to stand around looking pretty,” said Sophie, tossing her long chestnut ponytail to the side and adjusting her favorite purple hoodie. “There’s a war to fight!”
Sophie got in behind the wheel and the convertible roared to life. She threw it into drive and pulled out, heading down the highway to her uncle’s farm.
Sophie hoped that Uncle Tom still had the bazooka in the barn, next to the cows. As a kid, Tom had told her stories of aliens her whole life. She knew the aliens had tried to take over the world and failed three times before, but each time they left a few aliens behind. Spies, Tom called them. They were hiding in disguises that made them look like very ugly humans, and the aliens ran dollar stores and late-night pizza windows. If they were launching their full attack now, Sophie was sure she wouldn’t be eating pizza for a while.
She quickly reached Tom’s farm. “Oh no!” The house and the barn were on fire. Sophie ran over to the farmhouse, calling Tom’s name through her tears. He had to still be alive! He just had to!
Just then she heard a muffled cry from the barn. She listened again and heard her name carried on the wind. “Uncle Tom!” she cried, and ran into the smoking barn, where she found Tom in a corner under some hay. He was hurt, badly, but he was alive!
“They’ve taken almost everything,” Tom said. “They’re here, and they’re going to take over! You’ve got to stop them!”
“But how can I do that?” said Sophie.
“Build a bomb. They were heading to the hospital next. They are evil and sneaky aliens. Bomb the hospital and you can take them out,” Tom said. “You must get all the fertilizer from the farm. You can build an explosive big enough to take them all out.” Tom closed his eyes and went limp.
“Tom! No!” Sophie sobbed. Sophie cried for a while, then wiped her eyes and stood up. “Now I must save the world. For Uncle Tom. For me,” she said to herself. “Quick Sophie. Get to work!”
Sophie worked hard to gather all the fertilizer, and some gasoline and matches. She loaded it all into Tom’s pickup truck and drove back into town in silence. She arrived at the hospital. It was eerily quiet.
“The aliens must be here,” said Sophie. “I’d better make the fertilizer bomb.” She decided to put piles of fertilizer at the four corners of the hospital, watching out for any aliens or people. Her thoughts turned to her old friends, now dead because of alien attacks, and she shivered. That could have been Sophie. But instead of thinking about it too much, she continued working, and soon she had four large piles of fertilizer and put them on the hospital corners.
Just then she heard a noise. It was a growling noise, and it was getting louder and louder. Sophie looked around, but she didn’t see anything. Then the noise was high-pitched, and soon she couldn’t hear anything except the screeching. It sounded like a thousand nails on a chalkboard. Finally Sophie looked up. Hovering above her was a giant round disc. It was the alien ship! It was so close that she could see alien heads in the windows. Their tiny mouths were open, like they were talking, but all Sophie could hear was the screeching.
Suddenly, she felt something whoosh past her, and she jumped into the car. Something exploded! She screamed, but her voice was drowned out by the horrible noises of the aliens. “No! I won’t let you do this to my world!” Sophie cried, and she ran to the stack of gasoline cans in the field. She pulled the pack of matches out of her pocket. The alien ship was descending closer to her, and when she looked up she was able to see their tiny nostrils twitching like a bunny nose.
Sophie watched with horror through the window as an alien lowered itself into a girl’s body and then zipped it up again, like the human body was a jacket. The girl-alien stood up and twitched her nose, then stared down at Sophie. Sophie was propelled into action. She tried four more matches before one of them caught fire, and she threw it down onto the gas cans. Suddenly there was a blast of fire and the ship moved hi
gher into the sky like a giant hand pushed it up. Sophie squatted down close to the ground and watched the fire snake across the field toward the hospital. The flash was blinding when the fire hit the first fertilizer pile, and she kneeled down with her arms over her head. The sound was deafening, and Sophie felt the heat as each pile exploded. She looked up, only to see a giant piece of concrete heading right for her. “NOOOO!” she screamed, but there was nowhere to go. The world went black.
Sophie woke up and was lying in a hospital bed, with a giant bandage covering most of her head. She tried to sit up, but found that her arms were restrained to the rails on the bed. A nurse came into the room.
“Oh! You’re awake! That’s great!” the nurse said in a chipper voice.
“What happened?” Sophie asked groggily.
“Well, there was a fertilizer explosion at your uncle’s farm. You got hit with concrete. You almost died. Thankfully, we are here to take care of you,” the nurse said. Then her eyes narrowed. “You are lucky we are here. We are here to take care of everyone on earth. Forever,” the nurse said. She twitched her nose. Sophie stared at her, and she was certain she could hear the sound of someone’s nails on a chalkboard coming from down the hall.
The End
• • •
March 19th
Dear RJ,
It’s official.
I’m totally screwed.
• • •
JUNIOR AUTHORS CONTEST
This is a reminder that your stories are due on April 1st at the end of the day. One more week to put your final touches on your story! Good luck to everyone entering the contest; it’s been a pleasure working with all of you and seeing the creative juices flowing.
Choosing the finalists will certainly be difficult!
• • •
March 20th
Dear RJ,
Okay, RJ. I’m not kidding this time. We’ve got to come up with a story. I had one last night in my dreams but I’ve forgotten it now. It’s not fair!
I wish I had electrodes on my brain that were connected to a computer that was writing everything down. I should invent that. Then I could be a famous inventor, because at this rate, I’m sure not going to be a famous writer!