by Nicole Dykes
Unfortunately, we don’t get far before he pulls back and asks, “So, does you inviting me to Christmas dinner mean we are official?”
Shit. Shit. Shit. I really like Chris, but let’s face it, I’m fucked-up. I just lied to him about not lying. I can’t get Shriller out of my head.
Chris deserves better than this.
He smiles and shakes his head. “It’s cool, Alex.”
I stare at him blankly. Did he just say he’s cool with me not being able to commit? “It is?”
He nods. “Yeah, I know you ended a really serious relationship not all that long ago and I’m cool with taking it slow. Really getting to know each other before deciding we are in this for the long haul.”
Seriously. Perfect. Guy.
His look turns mischievous and he asks, “We can still keep fucking though, right?”
I bust out laughing at that and nod my head, giving his lips a quick peck. “Hell yes.”
He kisses me again with intensity and passion. I’m so glad he didn’t run away from the train wreck that is me.
Chapter 9
Shriller
I
t’s Christmas day and I’m driving down the quiet street to Brooke and Dylan’s house. It’s fifty degrees and sunny today. That’s Kansas for you. It’ll snow six inches the week before Christmas and give you the finger on the actual day, by being nothing like Christmas weather. I kinda love it though.
I park my rental car and climb out. There are a lot of cars parked in front of the house. I would expect nothing less. I go immediately to the back-seat door and grab an arm full of presents I bought yesterday. I make my way up to the house and ring the doorbell.
I’m instantly pissed when I see it’s Alex’s asshole older brother, Trevor, who answers the door. He just stands in the middle of the doorway, blocking it with his arms crossed. “Prick.”
“Douchebag,” I extend the same type of greeting right back.
“Heard you ditched the family for a bit.”
I laugh bitterly at that. “Oh, you’re one to fucking talk. You’ve always disappeared for months at a time.”
“Yeah, that's the difference. I didn’t just suddenly disappear jackass. And I was here for Thanksgiving.”
I’m sick of this shit and the presents in my arms are getting heavy, so I push past him and walk inside. Gabby, who was sitting in the living room next to Dylan, on the couch runs up to me and wraps her arms around my leg. “You’re here! You didn’t miss it.”
I smile down at her, “I’m not missing anything again. Merry Christmas, Gabs.”
She smiles brightly up at me and thank God, I think she’s almost totally forgiven me. “Merry Christmas, Shriller.”
She lets go and then walks with me to the insanely decorated tree to help me unload the presents. I thank her and then greet everyone in the living room. It’s mostly the guys. Holidays can be a little clichéd around here, with the women in the kitchen and men in the living room usually watching the game. I sit down next to Jax on the love seat.
Trevor is in the backyard on the phone. Dylan and Michael are in a heated conversation with Luke, Hunter and Cam about the football game that is currently gracing the TV.
Gabby bounces off to the kitchen and Jax nods to me. “Alex is bringing Chris today. I just wanted to give you a heads-up.”
I stare at him a little blindsided, although I assumed she would. “They aren’t here yet?”
Jax shakes his head. “No, but they will be. Just don’t be a dick. He’s a good guy and I think Alex likes him a lot.” This is my warning.
“How long have they been dating? She start going out with him again as soon as I left?” No one is paying attention to our conversation or I probably wouldn’t have asked, but I need to know.
“No, they didn’t go out again until a couple of weeks ago.”
“And she’s already bringing him to Christmas?” I ask with way too much interest showing.
“She likes him. He’s a good guy,” Jax repeats slowly as if I’m slow witted.
“I get it. I’m not here to cause problems,” I say.
He scoffs, “Look man, I still don’t know all of the details, but she’s happy.”
“Thanks for letting me know,” I say and then add, “I won’t start any shit don’t worry.”
“So, you aren’t going to try to get her back?” He seems almost disappointed. I’m probably reading that wrong, though.
The laugh that comes out of my mouth is cold and bitter. “Get her back implies that I had her once. I never did.” I turn my head to look out the bay window in Brooke and Dylan’s living room. “I just want her friendship again.”
“It’s Alex. That may take a while.”
“I know.” This is too much talking for me. For the strong and silent type, Jax sure talks a lot lately.
I stand up and go into the kitchen. Cassie who just got in last night runs over to me and gives me a big hug. “You’re here!”
Christ. I hug her back and I don’t miss how similar her reaction is to Gabby’s. Jax was right. These kids, all four of them, can’t handle abandonment after the shit they’ve been through. “Yeah, I’m sorry I wasn’t here on Thanksgiving, Cass. It won’t happen again.”
She pulls back but her hands are still on my shoulders, like she’s afraid to let go. I can see fresh tears glistening in her eyes. “I’m just glad you’re here now. No one thought you were coming back.”
Fuck I really messed up. I try to give her my best reassuring look. “Cassie, it will never happen again.”
She gives me a weak smile and nods her head before joining Hannah, Vanessa, Charlotte and Dani at the kitchen table. Gabs is helping Brooke with the rolls at the counter.
Brooke nods a greeting to me, but she’s in the zone. She makes the holidays her bitch every year.
I sit down at the table next to Hannah and she turns to me, “What, did they chase you out? Luke being an ass?”
I laugh. “Nah, just thought I would catch up on my gossip,” I joke.
Vanessa and Dani seem to have wrangled in their crazy for now and are being civil. Last time I saw them, Vanessa pushed Dani in the pool. “You just missed all the good stuff,” Vanessa says with a smile.
“Yep, now you’ll never know who’s having whose baby,” Charlotte adds.
“Or who’s having an affair,” Hannah adds in her own joke with a laugh.
These chicks are pretty funny. Of course, they have to be for it to work with the guys they chose.
“Nice,” I say and smile, but it’s gone when I hear Alex’s familiar voice coming from the living room.
Cassie jumps up, “Alex is here! I can’t wait to meet her new guy!” She says that to no one in particular and rushes out of the room.
I take a deep breath. Shit here we go. Alex walks in not long after with her boyfriend attached to her hip. She’s dressed in a long-sleeved, lacey red and black dress with leather boots that go up to her knees. Only a small slither of skin is showing, but I know exactly what’s under that dress. Every curve. Every tattoo.
Fuck.
Her hair is pulled up loosely, and she’s got all her piercings in her ears and the stud in her nose. At least she doesn’t have to hide who she is with this guy.
When she sees me, she automatically locks fingers with her new man. Yeah, I get it Alex, you’re with him.
I look away as Alex introduces Chris around and when she’s done, the fucker actually takes a seat next to me. Well that’s just great. “Hey, man. Merry Christmas,” he says it so fucking casually that I know Alex didn’t tell him shit. All I can think is, six months ago I was balls deep in his girlfriend in the laundry room that’s not even fifteen feet from where we’re sitting.
“Merry Christmas.” Asshole.
“I can’t believe it’s so warm and no fucking snow,” he says and snaps my attention away from watching Alex talking to Brooke and playing with Gabby’s hair. You know, like a total psycho stalker.
“Ar
en’t you used to that, being from California?”
He laughs and answers easily. Poor bastard has no idea that he should hate me. “Well, I’ve lived here for the last sixteen years so I’m starting to get used to the Kansas weather.”
“Been through any tornados yet?”
“Not any good ones. You get to experience any typhoons yet?”
Fuck. It’s just like I’m talking to Dylan or Jax when I’m talking to him. That pisses me off more. “Nah. The wildfires are fucking crazy though.”
He nods his head and is about to say something, but we’re rudely interrupted by a pissed off Alex. Guess she isn’t too happy about us being so chummy. “Chris, can you help me with something in the living room?”
Chris looks confused, but they are still brand new, he can’t really call her on her shit yet. “Sure.” He stands up and looks back at me. “Good talking to ya, man.”
I smile and halfway direct my response toward Alex. “Yeah, sit next to me at dinner. We’ll compare notes.” I say as he’s walking away with her. Alex catches my eye and I wink at her. She looks like she wants to set me on fire.
This could be fun.
Chapter 10
Alex
C
ompare notes about what? Shriller better not have told Chris about us or I swear, I’ll be on the news tonight. Crazy girl attacks Shriller the Thriller. I can see the headlines now.
When we get into the living room, Chris pauses so we are a considerable ways away from where everyone is sitting. “What did you need help with?”
Shit. I didn’t think this through. “This.” I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him into a chaste kiss.
He kisses me back briefly, but then pulls back with my arms still around him. “Really? Or did you just not like me talking to Shriller?”
Damn. I need to date someone stupider. “He’s an ass. Who knows what he’ll say.”
He laughs and shakes his head at me. “We were literally talking about the weather. Trust me, I can hold my own, Alex.”
“Sorry.”
He kisses the tip of my nose. “Don’t worry about it.” He removes my arms but takes my hand. “I wanted to catch up with these assholes anyway.” He says as he leads me to an empty chair in the living room.
He’s so easy going. I really need to start hiding my crazy a little better, but Shriller really brings it out of me.
I space out as the guys start talking about cars, but it beats the hell out of having Shriller and Chris talking.
Besides it’s not very long before Brooke calls everyone in for dinner. Luckily by the time Chris and I get to the table, Shriller has Gabby on one side and Cassie on the other. Not so luckily, there are two spots open across from Shriller and Chris pulls one of the chairs out for me.
I reluctantly sit down and he takes the other. Shriller has a mischievous grin on his face, and I shake my head at him in warning. What the hell is he doing?
When everyone is seated and served, we say Grace and then dig in. “They finally get your Camaro done?” Shriller asks Chris.
“Yeah, I picked it up yesterday,” Chris answers and then teases Jax who is sitting on the other side of him. “They did all right.”
“Please, fucker. That car is pristine,” Jax says and I see Dylan smirk.
I do love how well Chris fits in with the family. My ex-fiancé couldn’t stand them and stood me up too many times to count at these dinners.
Shriller laughs like he actually cares about Chris’s car. “That’s good, man.”
This small talk, getting-along bullshit is pissing me off. What can I do though? Say, stop being nice to Chris because we used to have sex and you abandoned us all for six months, so now everything is weird? No. That’ll scare Chris far, far away.
I don’t have to worry long because Michael pipes up and asks Shriller, “Hey, maybe before you leave we can go to the track. The weather is supposed to stay nice this week.”
I look over at Shriller, curious as to what Michael is talking about. As far as I know, it isn’t really racing season.
Brooke looks irritated and says, “Don’t do this today, Michael.”
“But Dylan said that Shriller is going to think about coaching me.”
Brooke’s gaze snaps to Dylan and she looks pissed. Dylan glares over at Michael. “I also said to keep that shit to yourself for now.”
Brooke crosses her arms over her chest. “Oh really? You told him to keep it from me? What the hell were you thinking? I thought we decided no.”
What the hell is going on? Michael wants to race?
“No. You decided. Dylan doesn’t give a fuck,” Michael says.
“Watch your mouth,” both Brooke and Dylan snap at Michael.
Dylan looks across the table at Brooke and I recognize the stubbornness in both of their eyes. Shit. Dylan is sleeping on the couch tonight. “Brooke, he’s not a baby,” Dylan says. Or maybe at Jax’s place.
“I know that, but he is still a minor. Racing isn’t just fun, it’s dangerous.”
My eyes go to Shriller’s. “You’re going to teach Michael to race? Really?”
He shrugs his shoulders and actually looks uncomfortable for once. “I haven’t decided yet.”
“Are you kidding me?” Brooke asks him in all her mama bear glory.
“This is so typical of you Shriller,” I say.
“How’s that Alex? I always offer to teach people to race?” he shoots back.
“No, you come here and stir shit up and then leave.”
“Bullshit. I didn’t do anything.”
I glare at him. “You’ve done plenty. How can you offer to teach him to race after what just happened to you? And to Billy?”
His jaw twitches when I mention his friend’s name. I know his loss tore him up inside. He needs to think about that though before he gets Michael into that world.
Jax shakes his head at me. “Alex. Don’t.”
It’s too late. Every emotion that I’ve bottled up for the past six months is waiting deep inside of me and it’s so hard to hold back. “Billy died at nineteen. What are you going for a record with Michael? He’s only sixteen. You really want to go to his funeral?”
“Fuuuccck,” Jax says, dragging the word out.
Shriller just sits there, silent. He’s freaking me out by how still he is, but then he gets up from the table and slams the chair back into its spot before walking outside.
Dylan looks at me, “Jesus Alex. You know how fucked up he was over that kid.”
“Then why is he trying to talk Michael into this?” I ask.
“I’m trying to talk him into teaching me. I’m not a kid anymore, Alex,” Michael says and then he exits the table too and storms off to his room.
“Maybe I should go apologize,” Brooke says quietly.
Jax just shakes his head at her. “I wouldn’t. He needs a minute.”
Okay. So, I feel a little guilty.
I’m not sure what to do about it though because anytime I’m near him all I want to do is tear into him.
Let someone else comfort him now.
Chapter 11
Shriller
D
amn it. I hate that I let her get to me. Things are so fucked up. We used to give each other shit and she’s always busted my balls. But fuck, now she just goes for my jugular. She really hates me.
For the life of me, I still can’t figure out why. You better believe I’m going to find out.
After dinner, I finally come back inside and it’s just Brooke in the kitchen putting stuff away.
“I saved you a piece,” she says as she nods to a small plate with a slice of pecan pie on the counter. My favorite.
I smile at her. “Thanks. I’m not really hungry, though.”
She nods and opens the fridge to put the leftovers inside. “I’m sorry. That got way out of hand.”
“It’s fine, Brooke. I get why you are pissed, but I didn’t agree to anything. I do think that Dylan has a damn good point t
hough.”
“And what’s that?” She asks after closing the fridge and putting a hand on her hip.
“Talk to your damn husband. Don’t just shut him down.”
I smile at her and get one in return as I leave the kitchen and scan the living room. Everyone else is in here, but Michael and Alex. I make my way through the room and down the hall, seeing that the bathroom door in the hallway is open. Okay, so she’s not in the bathroom.
I keep walking until I get to Brooke and Dylan’s bedroom and I see her.
She’s standing in front of the mirror above the sink in the adjoined master bathroom.
I walk in behind her and stare at her through the mirror’s reflection. She doesn’t move. Just asks me calmly, “What the hell are you doing in here?”
“What the fuck is your problem?” I ask, completely ignoring her question.
Her eyes burn into mine through the glass. “What are you talking about?”
I spin her around to face me, placing my hands on the counter, trapping her between them. She isn't going anywhere. “You know damn well what I’m talking about. You’ve been spitting fire since I got here. I don’t get it Alex. You didn’t want me and I left. So fucking what?”
Her ass is pressed up against the counter and I’ve left her no space. Her tight body that mine remembers all too clearly is pressed against me. I’m looking down and she’s looking up at me. It’s intense, but neither of us is calling uncle.
“You’re pissed at me because I did exactly what you told me to do. The whole thing was totally insane. You weren’t in love with me. It was a fucking illusion. Like you said! Then you throw a fit and disappear for months!” She is snarling, not backing down one bit.
“I wasn’t throwing a fit. I was surviving. I told you I was in love with you and you told me it was fake and that you didn’t feel the same. I needed space.”
“No that's all bull. You didn’t even give me a chance to process how I really felt about it all.”
That takes me aback and I study her face, trying to figure her out. “Wait. Were you in love with me too?”
