by Nicole Dykes
A strange look crosses her face, but it’s so brief that I can’t place it. “No. I didn’t say that.”
“You said I didn’t give you time to process it.”
“Exactly. You just fucking left. None of it matters now anyway.”
“That’s not true. You’re obviously still pissed, which means you care more than you’re letting on.”
She reaches her hand up and uses it to push on my chest, moving me backward. “I’m with Chris. I could love him.”
She walks out of the bathroom and into the master bedroom and I follow grabbing her hand to stop her from leaving. “You don’t love him.”
“I could. There’s definite potential there. He’s amazing.”
I use her hand to pull her body back into mine, my hands around her waist, and I look deep into those intense eyes. “Tell me he can even come close to making you as wet as you are right fucking now, just by being near him.”
Alex sucks in a shaky breath, her firm tits press into my chest as she exhales. “You’re insane. I’ve never been drier in my life.”
I smirk at her, my hands moving down to her ass. I pull her closer to me so she can feel my hard cock pressing against her stomach. “Want me to call your bluff because I would be glad to.”
“I’m sure you aren’t desperate for a lay. How long did you wait to find some desperate little skank to fuck when you got back to L.A.? A few weeks?” she questions angrily.
I lean down and brush my lips over hers, my voice is a low growl when I answer, “Try days.”
She shoves me backwards with both hands. “Asshole.” Yeah. I knew that would piss her off.
I close the gap between us quickly though and pull her to me. I need her lips on mine again, even if I end up with a knee to my balls. I grip her face in my hands and press my lips to hers.
She starts to pull away, but I kiss her with everything I have. I'm shocked when she gives in mere seconds later. Her mouth opens, letting my tongue have access. Our lips move together in familiar unison, and I slowly guide her back toward the bed. We fall onto it with her body laying on mine.
My hands move to her hair and I tug the tie out, letting it fall down. Her hands move to my abs, sneaking under my shirt. Her lips move from my mouth and glide down my neck, but then she pauses.
No.
She pushes up and stares down at me in horror.
Fuck, don’t come to your senses.
She practically springs off of the bed and goes back to the mirror. I climb off of the bed and stand in the doorway as she frantically fixes her lipstick and hair while straightening her dress.
“Alex.”
She turns to me and holds up her hand angrily. “Don’t. Do not come near me. We are not friends. We are not anything. You understand me?”
She doesn’t wait for an answer instead she just flies out of the room in an angry huff.
What the fuck just happened?
Chapter 12
Alex
S
hit! How the hell does he still have that effect on me? I can’t believe I let him kiss me, and I really can’t believe I kissed him back.
God, he’s a good kisser.
I take a deep breath outside of Brooke and Dylan’s bedroom, make sure my dress is pulled down and not wrinkled and then walk down the hallway to the living room. Chris, Dylan, Jax, and Brooke are missing. Everyone else is spread out through the room.
My best guess is the guys are in the garage ogling Dylan’s latest toy and I’m sure Brooke is still in the kitchen. I walk briskly through the living room avoiding all eye contact and go into the kitchen where sure enough my best friend is sitting at the table.
She has a bottle of wine and two glasses in front of her. I take the seat next to her.
“Hey,”she says as she pours the wine.
“Hey.”
Her eyes meet mine and I can see the sadness in them. It eats me up knowing I’ve damn well caused that. Brooke has tried like crazy to build this family up. Then Hurricane Alex comes through and wrecks it.
“You gonna tell me what the hell happened yet?” she holds up her hand to stop me from replying and adds, “You guys have always given each other a hard time, but there used to be an unspoken understanding that you were just messing around. Tonight, on Christmas, I might add, there was distinct hate behind your words. The type of brutal hate that comes from love that’s morphed into hatred.”
I run my finger around the rim of my wine glass, taking in her words. Was it love? Shit. That’s a question I have tried like hell to suppress for months. No. It wasn't. Our instincts at the very beginning were right. I mean, he left. He hooked up with other chicks. I started dating Chris. That’s not love.
We shouldn’t have been able to move on if it was. Although, that kiss sure didn’t feel like we’ve moved on.
Fuck!
“Alex?” Brooke asks, looking annoyed.
Ah screw it. I take a deep breath before reliving the most painful night of my life. “The night Shriller left, he told me that he thought he was falling in love with me.”
Brooke’s jaw literally drops open. “He said that?”
I nod. “Yeah, but it wasn’t real Brooke. We promised each other we would keep our heads straight, and we would know it wasn’t love. So, I reminded him of that and told him that we weren’t in love. Then, he just fucking left. He disappeared and ignored everyone, like we never mattered.”
She shakes her head and takes a drink of her wine. “Alex, Adam Shriller does not use the word ‘love’. He just doesn’t. We dated for years, he never said it.”
“You guys were kids.”
“Maybe, but you’ve known him as long as I have. He doesn’t use that word, but he said it to you.”
Her face is deadly serious and I want to run. I don’t know why I am the way I am, but talking about feelings has always made me uncomfortable. It’s one of the reasons my relationships have all failed. I want the real deal, love and intimacy. Marriage and kids have always been a part of my plans. But when things get to that point, I just can’t quite commit or I choose immature assholes that will never get to that point. “He didn’t mean it, Brooke. It’s Shriller. Commitment scares the living shit out of him.”
She points a finger at me, “And yet, he told you he was in love with you. It’s not like he had to do that. You two were going at it constantly.”
I stand up from the table. This is why I didn’t discuss this with Brooke. I don’t want to examine this further. I can’t breathe.
Brooke stands up and puts her hands on my shoulders, searching my eyes. After a second, she slowly steps back and looks at me with surprise on her face. “Oh my God, you were in love with him too, weren’t you?”
I shake my head as if that is the most preposterous thing I’ve ever heard. “No. And he didn’t say he was in love, he said he thought he was. He wasn’t. I’m with Chris and Shriller is leaving soon for God knows how long.”
She sits back in her chair. “And you and Chris are an official couple?”
Damn my best friend and her stupid, perfect intuition. “We are taking things slow, but it’s headed in that direction when I’m ready. Chris is the perfect guy for me.”
“But you can’t fully commit to him.” She says that casually, taking a drink.
I plop back into my chair and take a gulp of wine. “I’m so fucked-up.”
She pats my shoulder. “You just need to figure out what you want.”
I think about that for a second and settle on an answer quickly. “Chris. I want Chris,” I say with certainty, but then quickly add a pathetic, unsure, “I think.” Then, hurry to take another drink.
“Man, I’m glad I’m not in your shoes.”
“Thanks, Brooke. That’s helpful.”
She laughs and I just shake my head at her, smiling slightly at her laughing at my pain.
I hear footsteps on the wood floor outside of the kitchen and then shortly after, Trevor walks in and examines the bottle o
f wine, curiously. “Uh oh, who’s having a crisis?”
Brooke and I both laugh at that. This has been our ritual for years whenever one of us is going through something. Trevor has witnessed this same scene many times.
Brooke’s baby monitor sounds with Sylvie’s frantic cry and she jumps up. Before she leaves she addresses me, trying to add one last bit of wisdom in a way only Brooke can. “You’re the most confident and strong person I know. I think deep down you know exactly what you want.”
She leaves and Trevor takes her seat. “So, it’s you?”
The last thing I want to do is talk about Shriller with my brother. They hate each other and when he found out we were sleeping together, Trevor was a total jerk. He’s apologized and I’ve forgiven him since then, but I don’t want to go there again. “I’m fine.”
“I know I’m not around nearly enough, but I’ll always be there for you when you need me Alex.”
I smile at him. “I know.”
“This about Shriller?” he asks cautiously and when I don’t answer he nods his head knowingly. “Well I can’t say I understand that, but for what it’s worth he does seem to care about you.”
I look at him with shock. “We were always friends. He cares about his friends, or at least I thought he did.”
“Yeah well, I didn’t say he wasn’t an immature prick.”
I shake my head at him. That’s closer to what I’m used to from him. “I can’t believe he ditched everyone like he did. I never thought he could do something like that.”
He shrugs and then nudges me with his shoulder. “Chris seems nice. I like him.”
I laugh at his sudden shift in subject. “Now that’s weird. You’ve never liked anyone I’ve dated. Not even Stephen.”
“Stephen is a stuck up, yuppie asshole. Chris is real and down to earth from what I can tell.” He nudges my arm and then jokes, “And you know…free tattoos.”
I laugh again. “No. You pay. Your band is doing way too well for you to be taking advantage of the guy I’m dating.”
“Can’t even call him your boyfriend?”
“Technically, he isn’t.”
He stands up. “Well, maybe you should change that.”
With that he leaves and I’m left alone with a bottle of wine and even more guilt and confusion than before.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Chapter 13
Shriller
I
should have just gone back to L.A. after Christmas, but it seemed really important to Jax that I stay at least until New Year’s Eve. Brooke and Dylan are throwing their annual formal party at the country club, so I promised I would stay for that.
I gave Joel a call the day after Christmas and let him know that I was extending my trip. He was cool with it and told me to have a good time. He's a hell of a lot more easygoing than my last manger. He said he would let Amy know for me. Thank God. Not ready to deal with that yet.
I spent the last few days spending time with the family, but Alex hasn’t been around since Christmas night.
That fucking kiss is seared in my brain and it’s been on a constant loop in my head. I wonder if it got to her at all. I’m dying to talk to her, but I’m giving her time to cool off.
I also wonder if she told her little boyfriend about our lip lock. My guess is no.
Tomorrow is the big party and I’m sure she will be there. Only problem is, I’m almost certain he will be with her.
“I fucking hate wearing a tux,” Jax says, bitching for the hundredth time today about the required formal attire for the party.
We’re in the tux shop, picking ours out for tomorrow, and he’s staring in the mirror with his on. He does look a little ridiculous.
I pull on the sleeve of my black jacket making sure it’s comfortable and the right length. “Man, what I don’t get us why the fuck you have to rent one. Maybe you should just invest in one.”
“Fuck that. I’m not putting a monkey suit in my closet, and besides, I’m going to talk Brooke into a casual party soon. No more of this formal bullshit.”
I laugh at that. “Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to happen. Brooke loves this shit. Besides if it weren’t for this party, you may not have met Charlotte.”
That puts a ridiculously goofy grin on his face. It’s the same one he gets any time Charlotte is mentioned or is anywhere near him. Now that’s what love should feel like. “True.”
He tugs on the bowtie around his neck. “So, what happened with Alex on Christmas?”
Motherfucker. I take a seat on the cloth bench in the dressing room. “That was random.”
He shrugs. “She tore your ass apart at dinner. Then Charlotte mentioned her flying past the living room looking pretty frazzled and you coming out later, looking the same.”
Well fuck. It’s been days and no one said anything, so I thought either no one noticed or didn’t care. No use denying anything, he knows me way too well. “I yelled at her. She yelled louder. We kissed. She bailed and basically told me to fuck off.”
He processes that then takes a seat grumbling something I can’t make out. “Fuck, Shriller, you want pain? Is that it, because I’ll just punch in the face if it is. It’ll be a hell of a lot easier and quicker.”
I have to laugh. He’s right, I’m playing a dangerous game here. “Hey asshole, you’re the one that dragged my ass back here.”
“Yeah, to spend time with the family and make up for your fuckup. Maybe work things out with Alex, but not to just try for a quick fuck.”
I run my hands down the sides of my face and grip the back of my neck. “That’s not what it was.”
He nods like he knew that already. “I thought you just want her friendship.”
I drop my hands, frustrated as fuck and I have no clue how to handle it. “I don’t know what I want.”
He nods his head in an odd sort of approval at my confession. “You’ll figure it out, man. I have no doubt.”
I wish I could be that sure.
Chapter 14
Alex
I
’m running late and race to the door when I hear the knock. When I open it, there stands Chris all decked out in formal attire.
He has on a traditional black tuxedo that I notice is tight on his strong, well-muscled arms. His hair is slicked back and his piercing blue eyes are staring at me with a curiosity because I haven’t said a word. “Damn!”
Nice job, Alex.
He chuckles and cocks a sexy eyebrow at me. “I hope that’s a good damn.”
I grin at him. “That’s a hot damn.”
He laughs and takes in my appearance. I have on a black dress that probably shows a little too much skin for the stuffy club. But fuck it, after my last experience there, I have vowed to always be myself.
The dress is strapless and goes a little past mid-thigh. It’s sleek and makes me feel sexy. I’m going to freeze my ass off even with a coat, but I don’t care.
Chris steps inside my apartment and pulls me to him. He smells damn good, a hint of manly cologne clings to his skin. “You sure we have to leave the apartment? You look sexy as hell in that dress, Alex.”
I bite my bottom lip and place my hands on his strong biceps, looking into those intense eyes. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted. “We can’t be late. Brooke will throw a fit.”
He grins and holds my face in his strong hands. “Yeah, I got that from the way she was talking about it at Christmas. She really loves New Year’s, huh?”
“Well, she loves holidays in general, but her and Dylan’s first hookup was on New Year’s Eve, so they treat it like an anniversary and spend a shitload every year.”
“That’s kinda nice.”
I smile, looking into his eyes. I haven’t seen him since Christmas night. I’ve felt guilty as hell about that kiss with Shriller, even if Chris and I aren’t technically exclusive. “Yeah, it is, but we all still like to complain about it.”
He laughs and gives my lips a quic
k kiss. “Then I guess we should go, but afterward, you’re mine.” His words come out in a sexy growl and I simply nod my head like an idiot in agreement.
See, Shriller was totally wrong. Chris turns me the fuck on.
I grab my earrings, heels and coat and quickly put them all on as we head out of my apartment and go down to the street to Chris’s car.
We drive downtown and have the valet park the car. I look down at my bare legs and then back at Chris, suddenly starting to feel panicky about going inside.
“What’s up?” Chris asks me with a look of concern spreading across his handsome features.
“Do you think this dress shows too much skin? Too many of my tattoos?”
He half laughs at that, but then must sense that I’m not kidding. His hands find my waist and he pulls me to him. “You look gorgeous.” He smirks down at me. “I’m pretty damn fond of your tattoos and if they don’t like it, fuck ‘em. Besides, I have way more than you and Jax is covered. Hell, I’m willing to bet that half the people at this party have at least one.”
I laugh. He sounds like Shriller the night I broke off my engagement. The night everything changed. “Yeah well, I’m the only one showing skin.”
“You want me to strip? Because I will.”
I laugh and shake my head. Giving him a peck on his kissable lips. “No, I’m being crazy. Let’s go in “
“What made you think about that, Alex? You’re usually so confident.”
“My ex hated tattoos. Always wanted me to cover them up, especially when we came here.”
Now he does laugh. “What made you stay with him for so long?”
We’ve talked about Stephen before, but I usually brush over the breakup. “I’m not sure. He was totally different from me.”
Chris’s lips graze mine as he lowers his head to my level “Why would you want that? From what I’ve seen, you’re pretty fucking great.”
A single, random tear runs down my cheek at his words. Where the hell did that come from? He uses his thumb to wipe the tear and I whisper, “I’m actually pretty fucked-up.”
