Daylight Comes

by Judith Miller

  CHAPTER

  29

  Topeka , Kansas • May 1883

  Truth stared listlessly at the beige-and-claret bedroom carpet. Sunlight splashed into the room and reflected a crisscross pattern on the rug, but Truth cared little if the sun shone. She wanted only to have this day pass by without interruption—to wrap in a blanket of quietude until she no longer felt the pain and grief of losing her infant son. However, she knew that would not happen, for each day she fought the same battle. Today would be no different.

  At the sound of footsteps in the hallway, Truth scooted down and pulled the sheet over her head. She had no plan to get out of bed. Moreover, she was weary of Moses and Grace, as well as Aunt Lilly and the doctor, telling her she’d feel much better if she’d just get up and dressed for the day. Well, she’d tried that yesterday and the day before—it hadn’t worked. In fact, she’d felt worse. Being forced to sit and listen to idle chatter or answer Dovie’s questions about meal preparation was the worst thing she could imagine right now. Why must she force herself to paste on a smile and act as though life had returned to normal when it hadn’t? First she’d been dragged against her will to Topeka and then she’d lost her baby—no, life would never be normal again.

  Forcing herself to breathe deeply, she remained still as she heard the familiar click of the turning doorknob and then the soft clinking of china. Good! Someone had brought her a breakfast tray. Perhaps there were no plans to force her out of bed today. Waiting until she heard the sound of retreating footsteps and the recognizable snap of the closing door, she tossed back the sheet. Her eyes opened wide at the sight of her sister standing at the end of the bed.

  “Just as I thought. You’re playing possum.” Grace folded her arms across her waist, obviously waiting for an apology.

  Truth simply pointed at the breakfast tray. “I believe I’ll take my tray in bed.”

  “I think not! If you want breakfast, you’ll come downstairs to the dining room. You’ll find the tray I brought to you is filled with nothing more than empty dishes. I refuse to serve any more meals to you in this room, Truth.”

  Grace moved to the dresser and brought the tray close enough for Truth to examine. Anger swelled in Truth’s chest. She didn’t want to play these silly games! Could none of them understand her pain or need for gentle sympathy? She had lost her child—the baby she’d carried for nine months—and yet they expected her to carry on as though nothing had happened.

  Grace put the silver tray back on the dresser. “Please get out of this bed, Truth. It has been over a month since your loss, and you must move on with your life. The doctor declared you fit as a fiddle weeks ago. You’ll not conquer your feelings of loss and sadness by remaining in this bedroom. In addition, I have matters of importance to discuss with you.”

  “What matters?” A prickle of fear raced down Truth’s spine.

  Grace gathered up the tray of empty dishes. “Get dressed and come downstairs. We’ll talk.”

  Truth tossed back the coverlet and padded across the room. Caring little for her appearance, she yanked an old gown from the wardrobe. She might go downstairs, but she certainly didn’t plan to spend any time on her toilette. After wrapping an old scarf about her head, she slipped into a pair of shoes. Without so much as a glance in the mirror, she plodded down the stairs and into the dining room.

  Dovie covered her mouth and let out a slight gasp as she walked into the room, but Grace remained unusually quiet while Truth ate breakfast and then poured a second cup of coffee.

  “I’ve dressed, come downstairs, and eaten breakfast. Now, what is this important matter you must discuss with me?”

  Grace scooted forward on her chair. “I plan to travel back to Nicodemus with the Ditmores and John Rockley. We’ll depart the day after tomorrow.”

  Truth sent her teaspoon clanking to the floor as she lurched forward. “What? Why haven’t you told me of this before now?”

  “You knew of these plans. They were made back when you convinced Mrs. Ditmore the weather would prohibit such a journey in January or February. Surely you recall that discussion?”

  “Yes, I recall the discussion, but I don’t remember hearing of these recent plans. You haven’t spoken of making the trip—at least not to me.” Truth frowned and waited for her sister’s response.

  “You’ve not made yourself available to discuss anything, Truth. I’ve spoken to Moses, and he knows of the plans. He voiced no objection.”

  An unbidden anger swelled in Truth’s chest. “So you’re going to run off and leave me when I need you the most?” She folded her arms and glared across the table. “How long will you be gone?”

  Grace fidgeted with the edge of the tablecloth. “I don’t plan to return.”

  “Not return! How can you even think such a thing? I need you, Grace!” Truth leaned across the table and grasped her sister’s hand. “Please don’t do this, Grace. Promise me you’ll come back. Stay several weeks, if you like, but then promise you’ll return. I don’t think I could bear it here alone.”

  “You’re not alone, Truth. You have a wonderful husband, you’ve got Dovie, and Aunt Lilly has agreed to look in on you every day.”

  Truth yanked the napkin from her lap and tossed it on the table. “And that’s supposed to make me feel better? Aunt Lilly is the last person I want coming around here poking her nose into my business.”

  Grace poured herself a cup of coffee and settled back in her chair. “Then I suggest you begin getting out of bed and taking up your normal routine. When Aunt Lilly realizes you’re on the road to recovery, she’ll likely visit less often.”

  “I’m starting to think I should go with you.”

  Grace’s eyebrows arched in surprise. “To Nicodemus?”

  “Yes. Do you think I would have sufficient time to prepare for the journey?”

  “I don’t think Moses would agree. Furthermore, you’ve spent little time out of bed in the past month, and I daresay the journey would be overtaxing for you in your . . . weakened condition.”

  Truth frowned at her sister. “Only a short time ago, you said the doctor had declared me fit as a fiddle. Now you say I’m in a weakened condition. Which is it, Grace?” Her features tightened into a scowl.

  “Or is it that you don’t want me to come along?”

  Grace pushed her chair away from the table and jumped to her feet. “I’m not going to continue this discussion. We’ll both end up saying things we’ll regret.”

  Before Truth could stop her, Grace vanished from the room like a fleeting mist, leaving her to contemplate her actions over a cold cup of coffee. Since giving birth she had evolved into an angry shrew, yet she felt unable to control her ugly temperament.

  A knock at the front door forced Truth to move. A visitor was not what she wanted. Using the back stairway, she trudged upstairs, but she stopped in the hallway at the sound of Aunt Lilly’s voice drifting up from the foyer. Grace had greeted her, and the two of them were engaged in conversation. Truth edged along the wall and positioned herself out of sight near the top of the stairway, listening as the two women talked.

  They were discussing her! She marched back downstairs and stopped in the center of the parlor entryway.

  Lilly appeared dismayed when Truth entered the room. “Wherever did you find that awful dress? The color reminds me of muddy water, and it hangs on you like a nightgown.” Lilly pointed to Truth’s head.

  “And why do you have that rag wrapped around your head?”

  Truth gave her a cool stare. “You do have a way of spreading cheer, Aunt Lilly. I’m so pleased to know I’ll have your pleasantries to brighten my days after Grace departs for Nicodemus.” After a long look at her sister, Truth crossed the room and sat down. “I had thought to travel with her, but it seems she doesn’t want my company.”

  “Could I have a moment alone with your sister, Grace?” Lilly waited until Grace left the room. “Once again, you are attempting to manipulate your sister, Truth.” Lilly shook h
er head when Truth attempted to interrupt. “Please don’t insult me by objecting. I’m an authority on this topic. Your place is here in Topeka with your husband. We both know that. As for your sarcastic remark regarding my spreading of cheer, I will brighten your day with kind remarks once you quit wallowing in self-pity. Perhaps you should search your Bible for some words of comfort.”

  Truth’s jaw dropped at the suggestion. “Who would have thought you would ever suggest reading the Bible.”

  Lilly’s shrugged her narrow shoulders. “You see? That proves there is hope for every person and circumstance—even yours, Truth.” She waved her hand. “Now go and tell your sister to come back into the room.”

  Truth wanted to argue that this was her house and she was the one who should be giving the orders. However, she knew she’d have little success arguing with her aunt. After doing Lilly’s bidding, Truth retreated to her bedroom. She no longer cared what her aunt and sister might discuss. Let them talk about her. She didn’t plan to listen, and she certainly didn’t plan to read the Bible. All she wanted to do was bury her head under the bedcovers and try to forget everything that had happened in the last six months.

  When Moses entered their bedroom that evening, Truth was in her nightgown—as she’d been since they’d lost the baby—and in bed.

  Though the covers weren’t pulled over her head, her eyes reflected the same listlessness he’d seen since the day she’d given birth. He wondered if he would ever again see the spirited woman he had married.

  “I understand you’re in agreement with Grace returning to Nicodemus.”

  There was venom in his wife’s words; he forced himself to speak calmly in response. “We have no right to infringe upon Grace’s plans.

  She shouldn’t be made to feel guilty simply because she wants to go home.” He shook his head. “She told you she wouldn’t stay in Topeka any more than two weeks after the baby’s birth. She’s remained longer than she originally agreed.”

  “But I need her. It would be different if—”

  Moses sat down on the edge of the bed. “No, Truth, it wouldn’t be different. Had the baby lived, you still would have attempted to keep Grace here with us. You would have insisted you needed her help with the baby. The fact is you don’t really need Grace. It gives you pleasure to have her close at hand. And there’s nothing wrong with having your sister nearby—if that’s what she wants, too.” He patted his wife’s hand. “Unfortunately, it isn’t.”

  He stood up, removed his jacket, and hung it in the oak wardrobe. He longed to share his own grief with Truth, but right now his wife’s condition made a discussion of what had happened impossible. She couldn’t seem to pull herself from the depths of sadness to which she’d succumbed. He’d given much thought to helping her recover from this bout of melancholy. He had to do something before she permanently embraced this way of life, and he prayed daily for guidance. Today he’d received an answer. He knew it would take much convincing to get Truth out of the house, but he planned to use Grace’s departure to advantage.

  If he could persuade Truth she should go to the train station and bid her sister farewell, he’d succeed with his plan. He’d already enlisted Grace’s assistance, and they’d reached an agreement: if necessary, they would inflict Truth with a healthy dose of the guilt she so readily imposed upon others. If all went well, though, they’d not be required to resort to dire action.

  Truth stared into the mirror for several long minutes. She barely recognized her own reflection. Deep, dark hollows underscored her dull brown eyes and had transformed the face of the lively young woman who used to greet her in the looking glass. Instead of the snug fit she’d been warned to expect after the birth of a child, her dress hung in loose pleats. She had eaten little during the past month, and she still had no appetite.

  She dropped to the edge of the bed, drained of all energy. Even simply dressing to accompany her sister to the train station had sapped her strength. She’d remained in her room all morning, knowing that she’d likely burst into tears at the sight of Grace preparing to depart. Moses had given her strict orders to be dressed by one o’clock.

  Although she’d objected to going, he’d chided her and told her he would not allow such behavior. It was the least she could do for her twin, who had foregone her own plans to come and live in Topeka for several months. Giving her a proper good-bye was, he had said, the least she could do.

  Moments later, the bedroom door burst open and Moses greeted her with a broad smile, obviously pleased she’d heeded his request. He held out his hand and accompanied her down the stairs. “Your sister is waiting in the carriage. The others are meeting her at the train station.”

  Truth tightened her hold on his arm. “It would be much easier if I remained behind. Accompanying Grace to the train station is going to make saying good-bye much more difficult.”

  “Think of the good it will do for your sister,” he encouraged. “Sometimes we absolutely must put others first, don’t you think?”

  Truth didn’t respond, knowing her husband didn’t expect an answer. She managed to force a smile as she settled onto the seat across from her sister. The only benefit that would come from Grace’s departure would be knowing all was well within their home back in Nicodemus. Since sending Fern their approval about her living situation, Fern had written to offer her thanks and they’d had two additional notes saying all was well. However, Grace’s appraisal would ease Truth’s mind.

  The Ditmores and John Rockley would be staying in the Wymans’ house while in Nicodemus, and Truth hoped Grace had written to advise Fern of the guests’ arrival. If not, Truth couldn’t be blamed for that predicament.

  “You look lovely, Truth. I’m so pleased you’ve agreed to see me off. And it won’t be long until we see each other again,” Grace said.

  Truth looked up. “You’ve decided to return to Topeka?”

  Grace and Moses exchanged a quick look before Grace replied.

  “No, but Moses tells me that the two of you will visit us in Nicodemus the moment you’ve regained your strength and want to make the journey.”

  Truth wilted like a damp dishcloth—she should have known. While Grace and Moses amicably chatted, she drifted into a quiet solitude, staring out the carriage window as they passed the familiar sights leading to the railroad depot. Though she begged to remain in the carriage, Moses and Grace insisted she come inside the depot, if for only a few minutes. The shrill sound of a train whistle drowned out her negative response. Moses took hold of her arm and gently urged her out of the coach. They were pushed along with the crowd until they finally located the Ditmores and John Rockley on the far side of the depot.

  John shook Moses’s hand and then greeted the two women. “We were beginning to worry. The train has arrived. We should get your baggage on board, Grace.”

  Moses strode across the depot toward the ticket window while John took charge of Grace’s luggage. Although they were surrounded by the hubbub inside the depot, a strained silence descended upon their small group. They stared at one another as if they’d all been struck dumb.

  Finally, Mrs. Ditmore retrieved a fan from her handbag and began waving it back and forth. “Do wish us well, Truth. I’m a bit fearful of traveling through the unsettled portions of the state. We still hear stories of Indians and such.”

  Grace winked at her sister. “No need to worry, Mrs. Ditmore. All of the Indians who live near Nicodemus are friendly—there are few renegades.”

  The older woman clutched her bodice and paled. “Renegades?

  Perhaps I should rethink my decision to accompany you, my dear.”

  “Too late now,” her husband said. “Your baggage is already on the train, and they’re beginning to board. Come along, now.”

  Moses waved a ticket high in the air; Truth and Grace followed along behind the Ditmores. Truth leaned toward her sister. “That wasn’t very kind of you, Grace. In fact, now that you’ve mentioned Indians, you’ll likely have to listen to Mrs
. Ditmore’s worries throughout the journey.”

  Grace shrugged and grinned. “It was worth it just to see you smile again.”

  Although she wanted to cling to Grace, Truth hugged her quickly and then bid her sister good-bye. Moses maintained a firm hold around Truth’s waist as they departed the depot, and Truth wondered if he thought she might turn and run after Grace—or perhaps he thought she might faint.

  Moses helped her into the carriage, and she leaned back. The leather seat enveloped her like a warm blanket. They would be home shortly, and she could return to the security of her bedroom.

  The horses’ hooves clopped a drumming cadence as they crossed the bridge and then turned to the east. Truth looked out the window and then signaled to Moses. “We’ve turned in the wrong direction.”

  “I have one stop to make before we go home.”

  Sighing, she folded her hands in her lap. She hoped this wouldn’t take long.

  A short time later, the carriage came to a halt in front of an unfamiliar stone building. Carved into a small limestone arch were the words St. Vincent’s Orphanage.

  She stared at Moses as he held out his hand. “Why are we here?”

  “I thought you might want to grace some of these young children with a loving embrace and a gentle word.” He drew near. “They are in need, Truth.”

  She hesitated, but he remained steadfast until she finally took his hand and stepped down from the carriage. “I don’t . . . I don’t think this is a good idea.”

  Moses pulled her close as they walked toward the front door. “Trust me.”

  CHAPTER

  30

  While Truth rolled a cloth ball across the floor to the tot, Aunt Lilly pulled back the lace curtains and stared out the front window. Turning around when the little boy giggled and clutched the toy to his chest, Lilly dropped the curtain back into place.