Up in Smoke

by Tessa Bailey

  Nope. Nothing.

  So she’d slipped into bed behind him one minute past midnight and trailed her hand down his stomach, her palm already lathered with lotion. Her body had been humming with the anticipation of stroking his heavy length, feeling his big body shudder against her when he finally came. She thought he’d welcome her, welcome the pleasure he so obviously needed. Instead, he’d turned over onto his stomach and growled at her to go back to bed.

  This morning, he’d been dressed and ready to leave before she’d even stumbled out of her bedroom. He’d handed her a cup of coffee. And winked.

  Someone really needed to remind him he lived with a pyromaniac with a social disorder.

  It probably didn’t help her street cred that she’d failed to shock his mother last night. She even kind of sensed that Joanna…liked her. As if her son bringing home a convicted felon was right up there with winning the lottery. She’d sensed no judgment. Only a desire to know her better. She couldn’t really describe how that made her feel. Nervous she’d end up being a letdown. Kind of hoping she would be so she could pretend not to give a shit. Relating to other people whom she didn’t stand to gain anything from monetarily was confusing as all get-out. Especially when the man she was doing it for refused to let her touch him—

  Ohhhh. Her teeth clenched. Clever motherfucker.

  Giving her a taste of her own medicine, was he? That kind of…hurt. The best part of meeting Joanna had been the way Connor looked at her afterward. Like he wasn’t ashamed or regretful over bringing her home to Mom, the way she’d assumed he would be. Knowing he’d been plotting to turn the tables on her sucked. Hard. It made her trust in him waver ever so slightly. God, in the last twenty-four hours she’d dealt with so many unfamiliar feelings, her periscope had sunk below the surface. She couldn’t see where the hell she was headed anymore.

  One thing she could do and do effectively was formulate a counterattack. As soon as they got out of this pain-in-the-ass meeting, she was going to institute it. She’d already gotten a head start by wearing the shortest skirt in her closet. As Derek called the meeting to a start, she hopped up on a waist-high file cabinet and crossed her legs, pretending not to notice Connor shift in his seat.

  “Thank you all for being on time. Isn’t progress a beautiful thing?” Derek scanned the room, his mouth tightening when his gaze landed on Austin. He looked like he’d been out the night before, his head buried in his hands as if they were holding his skull together. Polly sat beside him shaking her head primly. Derek turned his attention to Sera. “How was your first day at campaign headquarters yesterday?”

  “Pretty uneventful. Stark didn’t make an appearance.” She consulted her notes. “There was one thing, though. Around two o’clock, a silver Hummer pulled up to the curb and honked. One of the staffers ran out and handed something to the driver. I couldn’t see through the tinted windows, but I got the license plate number.”

  “Great.” Derek waited as Sera handed him a piece of ripped-out notebook paper. “I’ll run this back at the station. If it happens again today, I want you to follow him, Bowen.”

  Bowen’s smile was stiff. “As long as there’s someone to take my place watching Sera.”

  “I wouldn’t leave her exposed,” Derek assured him, showing a rare patience. “Polly, did you get anything useful from Stark’s financials?”

  “Other than him having an expensive appreciation for European orgy porn? Not really.” Her voice was serene, as if she weren’t admitting to hacking into a man’s bank records. “He’s got his money somewhere else. Tied up in assets listed under a different name…maybe an offshore account. I’m working on it.”

  “Keep working.” Derek aimed his pen at Erin. She propped her hands under her chin and fluttered her eyelashes. The captain only shook his head. “I know it was a long shot, Erin, but did you have any luck finding out how May weaseled his way out of Cook?”

  “Yessir, I did. But before I begin, I’d like to request coffee at these meetings.” She flicked the lighter on, drawing an invisible pattern in the air. “Maybe some doughnuts. Aren’t you cops lousy with doughnuts? Sharing is caring.”

  Derek ignored everything but her first sentence. “Did you say you found out how May got out of Cook?”

  “Everyone doubts a blonde.” She refused to look at Connor, even though his gaze burned into her thighs, her face. “Okay, my ass-essment would be that May had help. The kind you buy with lots of crispy bills.”

  “We already thought that might be the case.”

  “Yes, but did you know May cut through three separate fences with a pair of bolt cutters?” She leaned back on the file cabinet, supporting herself with both palms. “It’s not easy to come by tools like that inside unless you have a serious connection. He hadn’t been there long enough to make friends like that without a little help. The kind of help that cuts electricity to the entire prison exactly when you’re making a break for it.”

  “Power outage?” Derek narrowed his eyes. “So he went through perimeter fencing without it being caught on the security feed. Why didn’t the guards on watch sound the alarm?”

  “They were a little occupied preventing a riot. Anytime the routine is thrown into jeopardy, all hell breaks loose.” She noticed Polly’s subtle nod, before the brunette went back to casting censure at Austin. “Cell doors were left open, rooms full of prisoners were in the dark with no supervision. There was panic. May had about a twenty-minute window to cut through the fence.” Erin shrugged. “My source didn’t know how May came by the bolt cutters, but it would have been easy for a guard to leave them by ‘accident.’”

  Derek tipped up his chin. “Speaking of sources, who was yours?”

  “I didn’t get his name, but I stole his wallet.” She reached into her tattered canvas bag, closed her hand around the leather billfold, and tossed it to the captain. “There’s probably some ID inside.”

  “You got close enough to put your hand in his pocket?” Connor’s voice was deceptively quiet. “Left that part out, didn’t you?”

  Bowen whistled quietly through his teeth. “Suddenly feeling pretty good about Sera working in an office.”

  “At least someone let me touch him.” Erin swung her legs off the file cabinet and stomped to her feet. “Boyfriends are bullshit. Can I go now?”

  “No.” Derek didn’t lift his head as he riffled through the burly sap’s wallet. “I’m going to need to bring him in to confirm the story. Be sure he wasn’t just making it up to impress you.”

  Austin finally lifted his head. “You know, we’re all failing to recognize the real tragedy here. If I could disguise myself as a hot girl, we’d have this case solved by tea time.”

  “Don’t call her hot.” Connor leaned forward. “Don’t even look.”

  Austin rolled his eyes and went back to holding his skull intact.

  Derek eyeballed what looked to be a driver’s license. “Where did you meet the source?”

  “Hanover’s. It’s a dive around the corner from the prison, so bring Purell.” She picked up her purse, not sparing Connor a glance when he stood. “Oh. I called the three closest fencing companies near Cook. The last one, Windy City Fences, confirmed that they sent out a technician to repair the fence the day after May escaped. Just in case he denies the story.”

  The captain looked impressed for the first time since she’d met him. “Nice work.”

  She scowled at the warmth she encountered at the unexpected praise. Too many feelings were being leveled in her direction, and she needed a break until she learned how to handle them all. Pretending not to see Sera’s smile and Bowen’s thumbs-up, she turned on her booted heel and ran up the stairs.

  Before she could clear the exit, Connor was blocking her path. “Hey. Wait just a damn minute.”

  “No, you wait.” She shoved him, but he didn’t move an inch. “I know I have a problem. Believe me, I’m aware. But fuck you for punishing me with it.”

  His eyebrows drew together.
“What are you talking about?”

  Erin laughed without humor. “You can’t touch me, so I can’t touch you either?” She was furious at the pressure behind her eyes. “I can’t believe you turned this into a game.”

  The color drained from his face. “No. That wasn’t my intention.”

  “Get out of my way. I need to move.”

  “Listen to me first. You’ll kill me if you walk away crying.”

  “I’m not crying.”

  “Okay.” His throat worked. Erin wanted to slap him for looking so devastated. It would be so much easier to block everything out and be mad as hell for a while if he didn’t look like he wanted to sweep her up into his arms. “It feels good to be in control of something, Erin. Even if it hurts. I’m not used to having no plan. No power. It keeps me sane.” He dragged in a breath. “It’s a need I have and I found a way channel it, since I can’t touch you the way I need. Yet. Hurting you didn’t enter the equation. It never would.”

  She had the crazy urge to jump into his arms and see if she could stand it. The fact that she could be this mad and still crave the feel of him disgusted her. Another emotion to add to the Molotov cocktail exploding inside her. “Dammit. I’m not having an easy time with any of this.”

  “I know. I know.” He dropped his head so he could speak at her ear. His breath on her neck sent a shiver racing down her back. It sounded shallow, urgent. “Come home with me now. We’ll make each other feel so good, sweetheart. If you want to cuff me to the bed, I swear I’ll fucking let you. Torture me any way you want, just don’t cry.”

  “I don’t want to feel good right now. The hurt is reminding me why I don’t trust anyone.” She booted him in the shin, but his jaw merely went tight. “Move out of my way or I’ll just find another way out, Connor. There are three exits on this level, all of them with street access.”

  “Tell me you’ll come home today or I’ll have to follow you.” His gaze tracked over her like he was memorizing her clothing, her body, her face. “Give me that, okay? I give you space and you give me the chance to apologize. I used your weakness against you, but I didn’t mean to. I’m sick over this, Erin.”

  “Fine.” She refused to acknowledge the stark relief that she had a plan to see him again. God, this was so damn complicated. “Life is just a series of prisons anyway, right? If I moved out of yours, I’d just get locked up in another one eventually.”

  He didn’t move a muscle as she skirted past him and launched herself into the daylight.

  Erin had no idea how long she sat in the booth at Denny’s, turning piles of shredded paper napkins into mini bonfires, but when Polly sat down across from her, she guessed it had been quite a while. She ignored Polly’s quick intake of breath when she snuffed out the flames with her palm.

  Streetlights had lit up outside, illuminating the table and the dark-haired girl who worked with her and lived across the hall, but whom she knew nothing about. It circled her thoughts back around to square one, reminding her that she knew nothing. Everything was a mystery. Nothing was solid or permanent. Weird how that used to comfort her. Now it made her nauseous, jumpy.

  “Listen up, O’Dea. I can tell you want to be alone, but I found this place first.” Polly straightened her silverware with a dainty finger. “If you want to be alone, find your own fucking hideout.”

  “It’s a Denny’s,” Erin said without lifting her head. “Look around. They turn away no one.”

  “Yes, but it’s an unspoken honor system. I have squatter’s rights.” She sniffed. “You didn’t even find a different table.”

  “Take it up with management.”

  Polly snorted, shifting in her seat. “That was pretty impressive this morning in the meeting. I think you might be Derek’s new favorite. And I’m always the favorite.”

  Erin batted her eyelashes. “You’re Austin’s favorite.”

  The other girl narrowed her gaze. “If so, it’s because I’m the last available female on the squad. I like my men a little more discerning.”

  “Nah. He’d go for me or Sera, too, if he wanted to.” Another pancake decimated. “I doubt your Facebook relationship status means dick to him.”

  A smile flirted with the edges of Polly’s mouth. “Solid point. Still not interested.”

  Erin shrugged.

  “So.” Polly picked up a menu and flipped it open on the table. “Trouble in paradise with the dishonored SEAL? After moving in together the same day you met. Imagine that.”

  “Are you trying to annoy me just to get your table back? It might work.”

  “No, I’m genuinely curious.” The waitress sidled up to the table. Without breaking eye contact with Erin, Polly stabbed her finger down onto the picture of a fruit salad and the woman left. “The whole situation might have been rushed and…unusual, to put it bluntly. But you and Connor…it’s like watching two people walk toward each other from opposite ends of a tightrope. It’s intriguing.”

  Not a bad comparison. Except Erin’s side of the tightrope was on fire and rapidly fraying at the edges. She cast a look out the window, but couldn’t get past her reflection. Exhaustion lined her features. Proof of her restless night. More than that, she looked on edge. She knew why, too. Connor’s presence had become a comfort and a source of hurt at the same time. Just like fire, he burned and enticed her, drawing her closer despite the promise of pain. How she could yearn for his company even knowing that at the end of their encounters, only one of them could walk away completely sated, leaving the other anxious. Unhappy. Wanting to please the other, but incapable of doing so.

  Her reflection wavered and she caught sight of Sera walking down the sidewalk. Alone. She’d never once seen her new teammate without Bowen at her side. The graceful way she usually carried herself was absent, replaced with a heavy tread and slumped shoulders.

  Polly hummed and followed her line of vision. “It would appear you’re not the only one with man troubles.”

  “I don’t feel like being one-upped. Let’s ignore her.”

  “I was planning on doing that anyway.”

  They watched as Sera dropped down onto a bench and scrubbed her hands down her face. A man passing by on the sidewalk tossed his Big Gulp into the trash can beside Sera, sending liquid splashing out to spray her. She didn’t even flinch.

  Polly cursed.

  Erin slid out of the booth. “Fuck it. We’ll find a new place tomorrow.”

  “We could use a buffer anyway.”

  Erin marched out the Denny’s and stopped in front of Sera where she sat on the bench. Apart from the tensing of Sera’s shoulders, she showed no reaction to Erin’s approach. Damn. Must have been some fight. Erin was surprised to feel a pang of sadness. Bowen and Sera had kind of given her hope that total dedication to another person was possible. “So, anyway, Polly and I are in Denny’s if you want to come in and shoot the shit.”

  “No, thanks.”

  This is going well. “Look. I didn’t spend a lot of time in the high school cafeteria, but this is basically an invite to sit with the cool kids.”

  Sera stared straight ahead. “I went to boarding school. The cool kids were assholes.”

  That surprised a laugh out of Erin. “Oh, just come in. They love people with stained shirts at Denny’s.”

  Her lips twitched, but she went right back to looking sad. She gave Erin a considering look and stood with a shrug. “Fine. I need some caffeine.”

  Erin led the way back into the restaurant and they joined Polly at the booth. Erin took the seat closest to the aisle so she wouldn’t get boxed in, leaving Sera by the window. Polly stirred her coffee, looking bored. “God, I’ve never been happier to be single.”

  Sera lifted an eyebrow. “Why is that?”

  “You two look miserable.”

  “Bowen asked me to marry him.” Sera crossed her legs and wedged herself into the corner of the booth. Her gaze bounced around the table, reminding Erin of Bowen. Obviously he’d started to rub off on his girlfriend. Or
potential fiancée, as the case seemed to be. “I have no reason to be miserable.”

  Erin hid her goofy smile. The Virgin Mother and the gangster were getting married. She wanted to toss sugar packets up into the air like confetti. Which was odd, since she’d never given a shit about this kind of thing before. Other people’s relationships. What they represented. It really shouldn’t mean a damn to her. “What did you say?”

  “I said yes. Of course, I said yes.” Sera closed her eyes briefly. “Then I realized I had no one to tell. No one, no family, to be happy for me.”

  Polly saluted her coffee. “Hooray. Mazel. Felicitations.”

  Sera ignored Polly and flipped open a menu.

  Erin gave the dark-haired hacker a sour look. “If it makes you feel any better, people usually just pretend to be happy for other people. They don’t really mean it.”

  “No. That doesn’t make me feel better.”

  Erin shrugged. “Worth a shot.”

  “So.” Polly gave a heavy sigh, probably annoyed at having been dragged into a conversation. “You have no family?”

  Sera shook her head. “None that I can call. No one I would invite to a wedding.” She smiled her thanks at the waitress when she arrived with coffee. They sat quietly for a few minutes before Sera seemed to realize they were both staring at her, waiting for her to continue. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Bowen is a little intense.”

  “Yup.”

  “Yeah, I picked up on that,” Polly confirmed.

  Sera breathed a laugh. “Anyway, he didn’t understand why I was upset. Didn’t understand why I wasn’t thrilled over a city hall wedding tomorrow afternoon.”