Find Me

by Liv Leighton

  “Who gives a damn?” I said out loud.

  I hated that guy. As far as I was concerned, he had sold his soul to Hollywood after serving heroically overseas in combat. He’d done something so truly great and then cashed it out for Hollywood. What an asshole. What a—

  But my eyes returned to the picture again and I actually tilted my head a bit. Devlin Stone was slightly off center in the picture, his arm around some actress named Audrey or Aubrey or something. He was smiling thinly. His hair was combed nicely and he looked quite handsome. But there was something about his face that hit me the wrong way and for a moment I sat in the chair like a deer that was staring at an oncoming car.

  Devlin Stone looked a hell of a lot like Jack. In fact, when I placed Jack’s beard on that pretty boy face of Devlin Stone’s they could have been brothers. Hell, maybe even twins.

  Weird, I thought.

  But it was more than weird. There was something there… something I wasn’t getting quite yet. Certain thought started to swirl together in my head, pushed by the forceful winds of rage that had been there ever since storming away from Jack.

  Jack knew David… he said he had been there when David died.

  David died in combat, in a heroic rescue attempt where just about every member of the team died.

  Devlin Stone’s story was much the same; he had apparently been the sole survivor of a special forces team that had been sent in to evacuate a school.

  My mouth came unhinged; my jaw quite literally dropped.

  “No,” I said.

  Devlin Stone saved my brother, I thought. And Jack… is he Devlin Stone?

  It seemed like a stupid thought, but then I did the math in my head. I had met Jack a little more than six weeks ago… a few days before Devlin Stone had apparently disappeared. In any other case it could have easily been a coincidence.

  But they looked exactly alike.

  As it turns out, I needed that wine after all. I reclaimed the glass and took it back to the computer. I then did a Google image search on Devlin Stone. Many of the pictures were from his roles in movies, some of which had required him to almost never wear a shirt on screen.

  The more pictures I saw, the more certain I became.

  I raised the wine glass to my lips but found it empty. I went to the kitchen to refill it, my hands shaking worse than ever now. I managed to poise the bottle over the glass, the two clinking musically together.

  As I set the bottle back on the counter, someone knocked on my front door.

  I let out a little yelp of surprise and knocked the glass of wine over.

  “Damn it,” I said, looking back and forth between the hallway that led to the front of my house to the mess I had just made.

  Deciding that I should answer the door before cleaning up the mess, I wondered out loud, “Who could this be?”

  But of course I knew who it was. It was nearly ten thirty on a Friday night. I never got company, especially not late at night.

  It was Jack. Or Devlin. Or whatever his name was.

  I stopped in the hallway, looking to the door. Why should I let him in? If my insane little conspiracy theory was right, he had been lying to me ever since we met. This went way beyond the shocking revelation about my brother. This went deeper and to a whole different place that I didn’t think I was capable of dealing with right now.

  “Mac, it’s Jack,” he said through the door.

  His voice was reassuring and I hated myself a bit for loving the sound of it. Slowly, I continued towards the door. I reached out for the knob but stopped myself.

  “What do you want?” I asked before opening the door.

  “I just need to talk to you.” He sounded calm but I thought there was a slight tick of nervousness underneath.

  “There’s nothing to talk about,” I said.

  “Of course there is. I’m sorry I dropped the news about your brother on you like that. I just… I don’t know. I didn’t know how to approach it.”

  That was plausible enough. It was a weird bit of almost predestined information to handle. Looking back on it, I suppose he had done it rather well and with as much tact as possible, given the situation.

  “That’s not all, is it?” I asked. I was now pressed to the door, knowing full well that I was going to open it but wanting to give myself that one last chance to turn away. “You’re keeping something else from me, too. Aren’t you?”

  “Not anymore. Mac… please just open the door.”

  I turned the knob and opened the door slowly. I didn’t even bother cutting the porch light on. But the lack of light didn’t stop me from seeing a transformed man standing on my doorstep. The face alone was enough to indicate that it was Jack. But without the beard and those baby-like cheeks exposed, his true identity was unmistakable.

  It was Devlin Stone. And he was standing in my doorway.

  “Can I come in?” he asked.

  I could only nod. I had spent years hating Devlin Stone for everything he had done. For selling out to Hollywood, for downplaying the duties he’d fulfilled in the military. I had no doubt that if David had not died in service (in this man’s arms nonetheless and I was still having trouble wrapping my head around that), Devlin Stone would not have bothered me. But he did; he’s always gotten under my skin.

  But this wasn’t Devlin Stone standing before me, slowly walking into my house. This was Jack… a man I had come to develop feelings for. A man that had, if I’m being honest, re-energized a part of me that I thought had died when my husband had walked out on me.

  “Devlin Stone,” I said. “Seriously?”

  He nodded and rubbed at his hairless face. The hair was still disheveled and a bit long but there was no mistaking him.

  “Were you ever going to tell me?” I asked.

  “I guess I eventually would have,” he said. “If things would have kept progressing between us, I would have had to come clean at some point.”

  “What makes you think things would have kept progressing?” I asked.

  He thought about his answer for a moment and then did something I hadn’t been expecting. He moved quickly, closing the distance between us, and kissed me. It took me a full two seconds to realize what he was doing. I pulled away but his hands were suddenly on my waist, holding me to him. I tried once more to pull away but then gave in. I would be a total liar if I claimed to not have thought about this for several days now.

  The kiss was fierce and his lips were softer than I imagined they would be. My hands found his hair, cupping the back of his head. I let myself enjoy it, my emotions be damned. My knees buckled and then also felt a sense of loosening in his body as he also got lost in it.

  At some point, our tongues brushed one another and that was too much. I pulled away, breaking out of the hold he had on my waist. When I was once again pried apart from him, my lips seemed to tingle and every muscle in my body wanted to do it all over again.

  “Why?” I asked, slightly breathless.

  “Why what?”

  “Why the charade? Why the disguise? Why Sitka?”

  He shrugged. “I got tired of Hollywood. I felt cheap. I missed my friends from the military—friends like David. Making movies… it was fun and, I won’t lie, sort of a dream come true. But the parties and the attention started to get bland. I wanted more for my life. I wanted something substantial… something I could be proud of. I realized that I had already gotten that in the military. The movies were great and I am proud of a few of them… but not as proud as the time I spent in a uniform.”

  “So you just quit Hollywood?”

  “I don’t know yet. I’m definitely on hiatus.”

  “And no one knows where you are?”

  “No. Well… my agent does. He was waiting for me at my house after I finally left the restaurant.”

  Everything suddenly caught up with me. There was a gorgeous man standing in my hallway, having just given me one of the most passionate kisses of my life. Hundreds of thousands of women would gladly
throw themselves at him. But here he was, looking at me with a stare that seemed to make my clothes want to simple slide off of my body.

  “We can’t do this,” I said. “I can’t do this. I’ve seen the kind of women you date. That Aubrey girl… she’s gorgeous, she—,”

  He interrupted me with another kiss, slowly wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me to his hard and increasingly hardening body. Dear God, I needed this. I only allowed it for a few seconds this time before I pushed him away.

  “What?” The man I knew as Jack stared down at me, hungry blue eyes growing concerned. Damn, he is insanely good-looking…

  “I can’t compete with all of that. I’d feel stupid.” I looked down to the rough collar of his faded gray t-shirt, unable to meet his eyes.

  “Mac,” he said taking my chin in his fingertips. “I’d like to try to make this work. I know I’ve been deceptive. And I know the curve ball about your brother is a bit much to handle. But you are what I want. I’ve known in for a few days now. I’d choose you over going back to make movies. I’d choose you over the actresses and the fat paychecks.” Was he… serious?

  I stared at him and shook my head slightly. “But why?” I said, suddenly realizing that I was on the verge of tears.

  “Because you’re real. Because you’re honest and stubborn. Because you’re smart and funny and beautiful. And I want—,”

  It was all too much. I grabbed him by the collar and pulled his face to mine. When our mouths met, fire burned through me. It started softly but then grew into something that felt alive—something with heat and energy. This time when our tongues met, it spurred us on. I encircled Jack’s neck with my arms and drew him closer.

  Somewhere along the line, I found myself pressed against the wall, still taking his kiss. His hands were on my face when he suddenly stopped and pulled away.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  “Mmm hmm,” was all I could manage.

  “We can stop this,” he said softly. “If you’re not ready, I mean.”

  I considered it as I felt my heart rampaging in my chest and an electricity in parts of my body that had been dormant for far too long.

  “Mac?” he asked.

  I gave him a thin smile and answered by gently taking the bottom of his shirt and lifting it up. He gave me an unknowing glance but then helped me. We started kissing again and before his shirt even had time to hit the ground, mine was joining it.

  His fingers smoothed over the small of my back and he broke the kiss, pulling my jeans down my thighs. “You might want to take those pretty panties off unless you want to see them ruined,” he said hoarsely.

  I slid them over my hips and down my legs, then reached for his jeans and shoved them along with his boxer briefs to the floor. His erection sprang up and I hat to catch my breath. The size and length was perfect. It had been way too long.

  Jack smiled at my reaction. He lifted a single finger and ran it along my jaw, down my neck, wandering along my collarbone and down my chest, circling a nipple before continuing its journey south, tracing a circle around my belly button, and drifted further down to slip over my sensitive bundle of nerves. I squeezed my eyes shut, embarrassed at how wet I was from so little foreplay. But my body didn’t care. It wanted more. I needed more.

  “Mmmm,” he murmured softly next to my ear. He stroked me slowly, my hips following the movement, and he placed several lingering kisses on my jaw.

  “Your bedroom?” His whisper tickled the small hairs on my neck and I shivered.

  I looked into Jack… I mean Devlin’s eyes. The sea of crystal-blue was clouded with hunger and desire.

  I took his hand and we found my bed. I flipped the covers back and boosted myself up, shooting a teasing glance over my shoulder as I crawled to the center of the bed.

  He hauled me upright, palming a breast, and rolled the nipple between his fingers until it hardened. His mouth was busy licking and sucking at every part of me he could reach, the shell of my ear, the curve of my neck, the sloping line of my shoulder. He switched hands, and switched sides, tugging at my nipple almost to the point of pain, little pricks of it making me roll my hips, seeking relief.

  But he didn’t venture any further south.

  I reached behind me and gripped him, ran my nails along the underside of his hardness, smiling when he groaned. If my arousal was going to go unsated, so would his. However, with my hands behind my back, I couldn’t touch as much of him as I wanted. I rubbed my thumb over his length, paying more attention to the end and his sensitive areas.

  Devlin grew still, only moving to slide his hand along my rib cage. “God, Mac,” he growled. He took my shoulder and turned me to face him. Our mouths met at he pulled my naked body to his. Everything about being with him felt right. I’d fought it for so long… fought him for too long.

  He pushed me back gently to the bed, covering me with his muscular frame. I spread my legs and wrapped them around his hips. The head of his hardness nudged teasingly my entrance.

  “Devlin,” I whispered. It was a surreal moment, being there in bed with him… the man I thought I’d hate forever. The soldier who sold his soul to Hollywood, or so I assumed. I’d been so wrong.

  As Devlin kissed my lips and jaw, he slid inside, inch by torturous inch. It took everything I had not to encourage him to give me one swift thrust. When he was seated to the hilt, I was glad I’d been patient. After so long without sex, I needed to adjust to his size.

  Devlin lifted his face from mine to look down at me. His rapacious stare so was intense it caused me to sigh. “Is that okay?”

  I nodded. It was more than okay. This was perfect.

  “I don’t think I’m gonna last too long, but I promise I’ll make it up to you.” His broken, jagged groan sent a shiver down my spine.

  Then Devlin moved.

  The fluttering of pleasure started almost immediately—tiny ripples as he pushed in, pulled out, and rolled his hips in a slow circle at the end of each thrust. Need rose and spiraled like a wild fire, threatening to consume me. The air grew thick and heavy around us as Devlin continued with his deep, slow thrusts. The flutters grew into a constant pulse, and he groaned, speeding up his pace. I couldn’t breathe. My heart settled into a wild, uneven beat—the edge of my climax rushing up as the pulse became a throb.

  With one last intense burst, I fell apart. I saw stars—lost in my first true, tangible release in years. I twisted my head to the side as I came down, panting heavily as Devlin plunged in hard once more and held himself inside me, groaning as he came.

  Damp with sweat, he eased his body down to mine and we remained together for several minutes, catching our breath… until I drifted off to a deep, peaceful sleep.

  22—Devlin

  Sunlight crept in through the blinds of Mac’s bedroom. It created a series of perfectly slanted rectangles of sunlight on Mac’s naked back. I glanced sleepily at the morning sun and then ran my hands along the curve of her spine. She shifted in bed slightly and made an mmf sound. I wondered if she was a sound sleeper. I had no idea. It would be one of those small things that I would have the pleasure of discovering in the coming weeks… months… years.

  I sat up slowly and looked to her, still sleeping. I then looked around the room, taking in the tangle of clothes on the floor. Last night was a blur in my head, but one that was filled with more joy that I can ever remember having in a very long time.

  I would be calling Adam today. It was something I had thought about last night as I had fallen asleep with Mac’s arm draped over my chest. I’d tell him that if he’d give me two more weeks, I’d take a look at that contract for the super hero movie. But before I did that, I’d need to talk to Mac.

  Wherever I headed after this, I wanted her to be a part of it. That is, if she wanted to tag along.

  I slowly got up and gathered up my boxer briefs and pants. I pulled them on slowly, trying to be quiet.

  Apparently, I failed.

  “What are you
doing?” she asked sleepily, peering at me with one squinting eye.

  “Getting dressed.”

  Mac growled softly. “Too early. Sleep.”

  “I can’t sleep very late,” I said. “I’m an early riser.”

  She rolled over and looked at me with a lazy smile. “Oh no. I’m afraid this just isn’t going to work.”

  “Still tired?” I asked.

  She nodded. She was only partially covered by the sheets; the slants of sunlight fell perfectly to highlight the swell of her luscious breast and the curve of her waist.

  “If you want,” I said, slowly approaching the bed with an evil smile, “I can maybe try to wake you up.”

  Her grin widened and she playfully patted the side of the bed I had been sleeping on.

  I accepted the invitation and, moments later when our skin was touching and our hands exploring each other, it felt alarmingly natural.

  23—Devlin

  Twelve weeks later

  I couldn’t help but laugh as I watched Mac climb into the plane. Really, it had always been her plane even though I still tease her about how I had beaten her to the punch. She was nervous, but trying not to show it—especially not to the group of three clients that was standing on the dock, waiting to board.

  She’d gotten her pilot’s license last week. She had seventy-one hours of flight training under her belt, ten of which had been solo. I’d been up with her since then, the only non-class flight she had taken. She was good at it—a natural even. She had nothing to be nervous about. But that’s just the way she was.

  I walked down the doc, nodding to the group of people—two men and a woman—that would soon be flying out to one of the more remote parts of the state to do some camping and fishing. The woman gave me a quizzical look…a look I got a lot these days. She knew who I was but, I think, was too afraid to say anything in the event that she might be wrong.

  I had ditched the beard, opting instead for the permanent dusting of a five o’clock shadow, but only because Mac preferred it. It wasn’t nearly enough to keep my identity hidden. Most of the people in Sitka were used to seeing me around town and I think the coolness of having a celebrity living in town had already worn off.