SHIVER

by Tiffinie Helmer

  Panic stirred in with the other crap he was trying to stamp back in its place, making breathing next to impossible.

  “You can’t disappoint him.”

  That was the crux of the problem. Dealing with people seeing him as he’d always wanted to be seen scared the shit out of him. What if he failed them now?

  “Come on. Go and splash water on your face, maybe take a quick trip out in the cold. You’ll look refreshed rather than spent.” Fiona smiled at him with love shining from her eyes. “Either that, or I have some makeup in my bag we could try.”

  He choked out a laugh, got himself under control. “Thanks, Fiona.”

  “No. Thank you.” She smoothed back his hair again, looking deeply into his eyes until she touched his soul. “I love you, Aidan, just as much as if you were one of my own.”

  Tears tightened his chest. He couldn’t keep himself from reaching out and wrapping his arms tight around her. She smelled like blueberries.

  Fiona rubbed his back and held him for a moment, then patted his shoulder. “Go. Get yourself cleaned up. I’ll hold off the reporters until then.”

  He released her and stood, helping Fiona to her feet. “Thanks, again. And just so you know, I’ve always loved you and Fox senior.”

  “I know you do, Aidan. I’ve always known.”

  Dealing with reporters was hell, but the news segment was taped and due to air that evening. Fox was over the moon, he’d spent the rest of the afternoon calling all his friends. The doctors had released him, but decided to keep Raven one more night. Aidan was relieved when she awoke again to see that the dark film of pain had released its hold on her and the deep, warm brown of her eyes was showing through.

  Aidan hung back in the corner, leaning against the wall of Raven’s room, enjoying Fox’s impatient wait for the news program to begin, regaling Raven with the story how they had interviewed them earlier. Fiona and Pike had returned to the lodge. He hadn’t seen any sign of Garrett and Sonya. He figured they were helping Peter with Lana until he could be there with her. They’d had a short conversation on the phone and she’d promised not to leave until he’d returned to Chatanika.

  There was a knock on the door and Eva wheeled in Lynx who held their new baby girl as though she were made of glass. “Heard you were up for visitors,” Eva said.

  “What happened to you?” Raven asked Lynx, her expression one of disbelief. “Eva, what are you doing wheeling him around? You just had a baby?”

  “Yeah, you don’t need to tell me that.” Eva grimaced. “Just goes to prove again, who the stronger sex is.”

  “I’m never living this down, am I?” Lynx murmured, shaking his head.

  “Not in this lifetime.” Eva took a seat near the bed and asked Raven, “So how are you feeling?”

  “Better. What about you?”

  “You should have seen her,” Lynx said, pride in his voice, “giving the nurses and doctors orders as she pretty much single-handedly delivered little Lark. Do you want to hold her?”

  “Oh can I?” Raven held out her arms as Eva transported the baby into them. Raven’s face lit up and she cooed to the sleepy, pink infant in that womanly, motherly way. “She’s beautiful.”

  “We think so,” Eva said.

  “The most beautiful baby girl in the whole world,” Lynx said.

  Raven glanced at her brother. “Want to fill me in on why you are in the wheelchair?”

  “A moose hit me.”

  Eva rolled her eyes. “Come on, Lynx. You hit the moose. I’m not buying that a kamikaze moose lay in wait until you rounded the corner and then broadsided you.”

  “But that’s what happened. It came barreling out of the trees, hit me on the passenger side and pushed me off the road. The tree I hit killed the truck. The moose snorted as it walked away.” He let out a frustrated breath. “Just you wait until you see the truck. Then you’ll believe me.”

  “Okay, hon. Whatever you say.”

  Lynx tried to convince Eva again with another play-by-play, but Aidan lost interest. He couldn’t take his eyes off Raven. She looked so natural holding the baby. How had she looked cradling their son in her arms? Did she ever wish she’d had more children?

  She must have felt his eyes on her for she glanced up and their gazes caught. Heat began to smolder between them and just when he thought he’d implode, she turned back as Tern entered the room, carrying a vase of flowers.

  He should have bought Raven flowers.

  Tern set the vase down and jockeyed for position to hold the baby next, oohing and ahhing. The hospital room had gone from small to cramped.

  “Hey, guys,” Fox interrupted the chatter. “Look, there’s me and Dad.” He turned off the mute button on the remote and increased the volume.

  Aidan flicked his gaze to the television. Brooke Malone introduced the segment, standing to the side of Fox in his hospital bed with Aidan sitting on the edge looking scared shitless. The walk Fiona had suggested hadn’t done the trick. He looked flushed, his eyes bloodshot, his skin waxy. Maybe he should have let her have at him with the makeup?

  Brooke’s words blended together creating a static in his head as the interview was replayed on the screen. Luckily it was a short segment, and the camera faded to Brooke standing outside the hospital.

  “Something like a Greek tragedy unfolded in the otherwise quiet town of Chatanika this evening. Acclaimed graphic novelist of the best-selling Spirit Totem series, Aidan Harte, is being hailed a hero tonight. Just like one of the heroes right out of his own novels, Mr. Harte saved the lives of his son and the mother of his child, while also apprehending alleged kidnapper and murderer Alba Flake.

  “What makes this story even more sensational is that Mr. Harte reportedly gunned down his father, Earl Harte, last July, while defending two hostages. The deceased, Earl Harte’s brother Roland, was wanted for questioning in three deaths, and according to sources, both men were intimate acquaintances of Alba Flake, street name ‘Genie in the Bottle’, who is currently being held without bail on charges of murder, attempted murder, and kidnapping.”

  I know this reporter will sleep better knowing that the heroic Aidan Harte is living nearby.”

  Aidan sucked in his breath. The news reporter had certainly done her homework.

  The room, which had been full of love and well-wishes, went silent.

  Then Tern laughed. “Your editor’s going to love this when it hits the Internet. Think of all the free press.”

  Ah, hell. Aidan wanted to sink into the institutional gray walls. Just his luck, the networks were bound to pick the story up and broadcast his horrific family history.

  “You’ll probably become even more popular.” Eva nodded.

  “Yeah,” Lynx added. “Your family connections will finally be worth something. Bet they’ll add an extra zero to your next contract.”

  He risked a glance in Raven’s direction. She was focused on the baby, but he knew she felt his gaze on her. The room turned silent again, until Fox who seemed clueless to the undercurrents said, “I’m hungry. Can we head to the cafeteria? I’m in the mood for Jello.”

  “Sure,” Aidan said. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had Jello.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  Raven fell back against the pillows. Eva, Lynx, and little Lark had returned to their wing of the hospital. Aidan had taken Fox home, but Tern was still visiting. She’d had enough visitors. All she wanted was quiet and peace. Quiet so deep, she didn’t have to think. Her head still pounded and if she stood for too long the room spun. She’d be released tomorrow. Then what?

  “Want to tell me what the hell that had been about?” Tern asked, waiting two seconds after the door had shut on Fox and Aidan.

  “What was what about?”

  “Come on. Don’t milk the concussion.” She planted her hands on hips covered in designer jeans. “You didn’t say one word after that interview.”

  “What was I supposed to say?”

  “Let me tell you som
ething. You’re going to lose the only man you’ve ever loved if you don’t get over whatever this ‘thing’ is.”

  Pain sliced behind her eyes and she had to shut them. “Can we do this later?”

  “How much longer are you going to drag this out? It’s been twelve years.” Raven felt the bed give and opened her eyes enough to see Tern perched on the edge. “Is this still about Dad?”

  Raven gave a heavy sigh. “When Dad was dying, he made me promise to stay away from Aidan.”

  Tern sucked in her breath. “Oh, honey. Dad didn’t know what kind of man Aidan would grow into.” She covered Raven’s clasped hands with one of her own. “Dad knew who killed him. He was only trying to protect you. Do you really think he would make you promise something like that now?”

  “I don’t know,” Raven whispered. It was too much effort keeping her eyes open. “I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

  “You’ve got to listen to your heart. Lord knows, listening to your head has seriously fucked up your life.”

  Aidan entered the restaurant of the lodge looking for Lana. He found her at a corner table with Sonya, Garrett, and Peter lending her support. It was late, and he’d seen Fox tucked into bed, camping in Chickadee’s room where she wasn’t letting him out of her sight.

  She stood when she saw him and rushed over to give him a hug. “Hey, how is everyone?” she asked.

  “Fine. They’re going to be fine.” He looked into her clear blue eyes. “How are you doing?”

  “Okay.” She gave him a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Really. I’m all right.”

  They took a seat at the table. Sonya sat next to him, Lana on his other side, Peter next to her, and Garrett right across the table staring him down.

  “CSI has released the cabin. Your cabin,” Garrett said. “You’re free to move back there whenever you want.”

  “Are you planning on staying?” Sonya asked.

  “I’ll have to make some adjustments to the cabin, but yeah, I’m staying.”

  “I’m staying too.” Lana worried the edge of a napkin, looking shyly up at Aidan. “Would you mind if I lived closer?”

  “No, that would be great. I’d love having you near, but you don’t want to stay at the cabin, do you?” Not in the place that her father had been murdered.

  “Oh, no.” She shuddered. “Peter and I have been talking and I’ve decided to transfer from the University of Minnesota to UAF.” She looked at Peter with more than puppy love. “So, I’ll be living in Fairbanks.”

  With Peter or on campus, Aidan wanted to ask, but didn’t feel it was his place. But then maybe it was. He was her family, her only male relative. He cleared his throat. “Uh, where in Fairbanks are you going to be living?”

  Peter blushed but Lana smiled. This time it reached her eyes. “I hope to find a place on campus. If not, I’ll get an apartment.” She paused a moment. “Alone.”

  “He gives you any trouble, you talk to me.” Aidan eyed Peter, who was pulling at the collar of his t-shirt.

  Sonya laughed and patted Aidan on the shoulder. “Glad to know someone will be watching out for the two of them. Thanks, Aidan.” Her face was soft and caring as she regarded him. Probably those pregnancy hormones.

  “Just how long do you two plan to stay?” he asked, the question directed at Garrett. While Aidan didn’t find the fish cop as offensive anymore, he was still damned obnoxious.

  “We’re leaving in the morning.”

  “We have anything to drink to that?”

  Garrett threw his head back and laughed. “You know, given enough distance, I might get to like you.”

  “Hell, I hope not.” Aidan had a tough time keeping the grin off his face.

  Raven had been home from the hospital for two days. Other than the day Tern had brought her home, with the excuse that she had to check things out in Chatanika since everything had gone to hell, she hadn’t seen Aidan. He’d given her a nod, asked if she needed anything and then when she said she didn’t, he’d left. Eva and Lynx had returned with little Lark. With the newborn baby in residence, not much attention was given to Raven, which was just the way she needed it. She had a lot to think about.

  On the third day, Raven got out of bed, showered, stared too long in the mirror at the ugly stitches and shaved section of hair above her ear. Her hair grew down to the middle of her back, how was she going to work with the shaven path? For now, she carefully pulled a brush through the long mass and left it to hang. At least that covered most of the area. She’d have to make an appointment with a beautician to see what kind of hairstyle worked with bullet wounds.

  Fox had taken his dog team out for a much needed run, promising he wouldn’t go far and Tern was helping Fiona and Pike at the lodge.

  She couldn’t put this meeting off any longer. She shouldn’t have put it off this long. But that blasted man had stayed away from her. Why? Why had he stayed away?

  Because you acted like that was what you wanted, dimwit.

  Dimwit was one word to describe her. Bitch was another.

  There were a lot of names Raven called herself before she finally parked her Suburban next to Aidan’s rental. Smoke curled cheerfully from the stovepipe into the overcast sky. Snow had been cleared, creating a safe, direct path from the road to the back door of the cabin. While the cabin didn’t look inviting, it didn’t scare the pants off her either. She noticed some improvements Aidan had made on the way to the back door. Tin had been replaced on the roof, a new lean-to for wood had been built and stacked with logs waiting to be chopped.

  Her hand shook as she raised it to knock on the door. It seemed like forever before it swung open.

  Aidan stood there wearing blue jeans and a gray SeaHawks sweatshirt. His hair was too long, unruly and utterly adorable. His eyes widened in surprise. “Raven, what are you doing here?”

  “Well, since you weren’t going to come and see me, it was up to me to come and see you.”

  “I didn’t think you wanted to see me.”

  “You were wrong.” She shivered. “Can I come in?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  He stepped aside and she entered the small area, brushing against him as she moved into the bigger room. She didn’t miss his sharp intake of breath.

  “How are you feeling?” he asked as he took her coat, turning and hanging it on a hook that hadn’t been there before.

  “Fine. I still have headaches, but the doctor said that was normal for now.” She glanced around the room. Blankets covered the old couch and draped over the two chairs, with a rug covering the floor where Roland had laid dead. A small desk had been set up in the corner and was covered in drawings. Some of the drawings were tacked to the wall. She knew what those drawings meant now and how talented a storyteller Aidan was. The last few days, she’d pored over his graphic novels. It was like seeing through a window at the last twelve years of his life. And a little into his soul.

  “Would you like a cup of coffee?” he asked, shoving his hands in the front pocket of his jeans.

  “No, thank you.” She stared at him now. He hadn’t shaved in days, but he seemed comfortable, decided she thought. As though he’d come to a realization. “You’re staying?”

  “Yeah.” His jaw tightened and he straightened his shoulders as if ready to take a blow. “Fox is my son. I need to be here. He needs me in his life, and I need him in mine.”

  Raven nodded. “You’re right.” His brows lowered in obvious confusion. “Fox does need you.” She took a deep breath and let her heart finally speak. “I need you too.”

  “Say again?” he whispered as though he couldn’t believe what she had said.

  Raven laid her hands on his chest. His heart pounded wildly under her palms giving her strength. “I’m so sorry, Aidan, for lying to you, for the things I said to you the other day, for making you leave twelve years ago.”

  “Raven—”

  “No, let me finish. I’ve never understood that kind of rage until Fox had
been taken. I would have killed Genie, relished getting my hands around her throat.” Just the thought of what that bitch had put her son through had anger rising in Raven like the river after a heavy winter. It took a lot to dam it back.

  “I judged you based on the sins of your father. You aren’t him, could never be him. I see that now, and I’m so sorry that I didn’t see it sooner. I need you. I need you to stay. I need you to promise never to leave me again no matter what I say. I love you, Aidan Harte. I always have.” Her voice broke as emotion welled inside her.

  Aidan yanked her against him and buried his face in the crook of her neck. “No take backs.” He pulled away and held her shoulders in his tight grip. “You can’t take it back this time.”

  “Never. I lied to you twelve years ago. I never wanted you to leave, and when I told you to and you did I was so angry. I thought you would return, but you never did.” Tears ran unchecked down her face, and she didn’t care. There were tears in his eyes too. Either that or she was crying enough for the both of them.

  “You made me promise never to return.”

  “I know.” She sobbed. “There’s so much I need to ask forgiveness for. Please forgive me.”

  He kissed her, letting his lips speak for him. After a very long while, he lifted his head and gazed lovingly down into her eyes. “Will I ever understand you?”

  “No. Not completely. All you have to remember is how much I love you.”

  He pulled her back into his arms and held her tight against him. “God, Raven. I love you. Marry me. Finally, be my family.”

  “Yes,” she cried. “Tomorrow, if we can.”

  The door slammed. “What happened!” Fox hollered. “Mom, why are you crying? Dad? Did someone else die?”

  Aidan and Raven jumped apart, both wiping tears from their eyes.

  “No. No one died.” Raven laughed through her tears. “What do you think about your parents getting married?”