Marked

by T. L. McDonald

  Once he’s done reliving one of the worst nights of my life he delves deeper into my mind. My knees buckle under the pressure. Keeping ahold of me he doesn’t let me drop. Unbelievable pain threatens to split my head open, as he gets closer to the part of me that holds Sam’s memories. I can feel Blondie getting excited. This is what he wants. And in that excitement, Blondie makes one tiny mistake by releasing me just a little and in that moment, I do the only thing I can do to stop him before he gets what he’s after. I step forward, plunging the knife in his hand deep into my abdomen.

  Our connection breaks, my mind snaps back into itself finally free of his. He lets go and I crumble to the ground. Anger, bewilderment and what looks like admiration fight for dominance on his face, but I don’t get to see which prevails because blood is gushing and I am fading. He pulls the knife out as darkness takes me away.

  I open my eyes to swirling stars. Feeling dizzy and sick I roll off the bed landing hard. Every breath I take cuts through my lungs like shards of glass. On hands and knees, blood drips from my shirt onto the floor below in perfect little circles of red.

  I sit back on the heels of my feet gently lifting up my shirt. On the left side of my lower belly a large gash stitches itself back together. Numb, I lower my shirt back down covering up the ghost of a wound that was just there seconds ago. Pulling my feet out from under me I bring my knees to my chest hugging them close.

  The grandfather clock downstairs chimes breaking the silence of the house. I no longer feel safe here. I’m not sure if I even remember what safe feels like. Blondie’s not going to stop until he gets what he wants. And I don’t know how much longer I can keep him from getting it.

  Forcing myself to get off the floor I go out into the hallway. Turning right, I pass my parents room. Everything in me yearns for them to be there behind the door tucked cozily under their blankets so much so it hurts. Right now, in this moment, I’d give anything to be able to crawl in bed with them like I used to as a child after having a bad dream. But they’re gone now and there’s nothing waiting for me behind their door but emptiness and heartache. Walking further down the hall my heart tears open with every step I take until I reach Adam’s door.

  I knock lightly before opening the door a crack. “Adam?” My voice is small, reminiscent of that little girl version of me who needed her parents to chase away her nightmares.

  There’s no answer.

  I flip on the light to a very messy and very empty room. Adam’s not here. I squeeze my eyes shut cutting off the tears that so desperately want to fall. I turn off the light closing the door behind me.

  I intend to go back to my room, but my feet have other plans. They take me outside leading me across the street stopping only when I’m standing outside Jared’s bedroom. I knock lightly against the glass until a light shines and Jared’s sleepy face appears in the window.

  He rubs the sleep from his eyes blinking rapidly a few times before opening the window. “Hanna? What are you doing out there?” He covers his yawn with the back of his hand as he turns his head to the side to look at the clock. “It’s 1am. Did something happen? Are you okay?”

  “Can I come in?” I sound lost and far away. I feel lost and far away.

  “Yeah, of course.” He backs away from the window letting me climb through. “Oh my God Hanna, you’re covered in blood.” All traces of sleep are gone from his voice.

  Leading me over to his bed he sits me down. Frantic hands lift the hem of my shirt searching for a wound that isn’t there. His fingers run over my bloodstained skin, sending tingles all over my body. Worried green eyes look up at me as his eyebrows gather in confusion.

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” I say. He nods not pressing further. Besides, even if I did want to talk about it, which I definitely do not, I doubt I could. Not when his hands are still on my skin and every nerve ending is like a live wire under his touch.

  “We should get you cleaned up.” He heads into the bathroom across the hall leaving me alone. My eyes wander around his room taking comfort in everything that’s him. Everything from the posters of his favorite bands hanging on the wall, to the stack of vinyl records on the corner shelf, to the pile of dirty clothes on the floor beside the basket.

  A few minutes later Jared returns with a bowl of water, a washcloth, some soap, and a hand towel draped over his shoulder. He sits the supplies down on the floor in front of the bed then goes to his dresser to pull out a t-shirt. Hanging the shirt on the bedpost he kneels in front of me, my legs on either side of him.

  His hands tremble at the hem of my shirt. “May I?” I nod, not taking my eyes off his hands while his fingers slip under the bottom of my top. Feeling his skin against mine causes all the muscles in my abdomen to tense. My breath seems to quicken and stop all at the same time as he lifts my shirt up over my head. His eyes sweep down over my pink bra, the faintest of blushes reddening his cheeks. I sit still as stone as he brings the wet washcloth to my stomach and begins washing away the blood.

  Once the blood is gone, he places the washcloth back in the bowl then studies my abdomen. My skin glistens in the soft light of his room as he rubs his thumb over a pale white scar, the only sign that there was ever a wound. His hands linger a moment igniting goose bumps that turn into screams of protest when he takes his hands away to reach for the t-shirt. I don’t take it, so he slips it over my head, dressing me. The backs of his fingers brush against my skin all the way down, soft and smooth.

  Jared looks up at me through thick lashes, his gaze heavy and intense. Not really thinking about what I’m doing, or whether I should do it or not because of all the complications it could arise, I lean in and kiss him. His mouth curves into a smile and his lips, so soft, begin kissing me back. Wrapping his arms around my waist he pulls me closer. My fingers tangle in his hair as his hand glides from my waist to my hip, trailing down my leg until finally hooking under my knee. With one swift motion, he lifts me up moving me further onto the bed.

  Hovering above me, mere inches separate us. The rational side of me takes this time to rear its ugly head telling me to stop this now before everything gets complicated. I know I should probably listen, but it’s so hard to when every part of my being is screaming for him to kiss me again. His green eyes, so alive and so eager take me in, and in them I don’t feel so alone. He smiles and I melt leaving the rational side of me to drown in his kisses.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  It’s still dark out when I wake. Beside me with his arm draped across my stomach, Jared is sound asleep. I watch him, a small smile tugging at my mouth. Did I really walk over here and make out with my best friend in the middle of the night?

  The memory of his lips pressed against mine makes my heart skip a beat.

  Yes. Yes I did.

  I lay my hand over his, feeling the warmth of his skin against mine. It feels wonderful. I think maybe I’m falling for him. But should I be?

  I sigh. Kissing him earlier and having him kiss me back was amazing, but now that his lips aren’t on mine and I can think clearly, the rational side of me is yelling that I shouldn’t have done it because he’s my best friend. He knows everything there is to know about me and if we go down the path where we become more, everything will change. And honestly, that kind of scares the hell out of me because what if that change isn’t good? What if it doesn’t work out? What if I lose him?

  I roll onto my side so that we’re face to face. He looks so peaceful and beautiful without a care in the world and I feel so safe here with him. And maybe that’s the problem. My life has recently taken a turn for the crazy and he has been the one constant. What if I’m only feeling attracted to him because he’s the part of my life that’s normal? What if that’s all this is?

  He smiles in his sleep making my stomach flutter. God, I’m so confused. Maybe my growing feelings for him are real. I don’t know. But even if they are, my life isn’t simple anymore. My life is dangerous and I’m sure Blondie wouldn’t hesitate to rip right through Jare
d to get to me. I can’t risk that. It’s better if I just push these feelings, whatever they are, deep down and keep things the way they’ve always been. Best friends and nothing more.

  It’s safer that way.

  “Good-bye, Jared.” I softly kiss his forehead then climb out of his bed. Eventually I’m going to have to talk to him about all this, but not now. Right now, all I want is to hold onto the feeling of him and me, even if it’s just for a moment, because in the light of day things will go back to the way they were, and tonight will just be a dream of what could have been.

  ***

  “Morning sis,” Adam says as I descend the stairs. The milk in his bowl sloshes, spilling over the side as he comes to a sudden stop in the foyer. He looks at me strangely. I look down taking in my appearance; Jared’s shirt, dirty feet, and I’d hate to even think about what the rest of me looks like. “Should I even ask?”

  “Probably not.” I attempt to comb through my hair with my fingers, but it’s useless. I imagine it probably looks like tumbleweed sitting on top of my head. Only a hot shower with lots of conditioner is going to save it now.

  Adam squints his eyes giving me the ‘you’re hiding something’ look.

  “Just a crazy night with bad dreams is all.” I brush past him going into the kitchen. He follows.

  “I’m sorry it was so late when I got back last night. After what happened to you and the break in, I should have been here with you.” He stares at his cereal, clearly feeling guilty.

  “Adam it’s okay.” He looks so sad leaning against the counter letting his cereal get soggy. I put my hand on his shoulder to reassure him. “It was just a bad dream. I’m a big girl. I’ll be fine. Besides, you can’t put your life on hold for me and I don’t expect you to. I want things to be normal like they were before.”

  “Me too. I just hate that these things happened to you. I’m your big brother, it’s my job to make sure you’re safe.”

  “You do keep me safe. But sometimes things are going to happen that you can’t protect me from.”

  “Yeah, but I can try, which is why I’m going to call today and have a security system put in. At least the house will be safe and I won’t feel so bad about leaving you here when I’m on campus.” He looks down at my wrist spotting the symbol. “Did you get a tattoo?”

  Crap, I forgot to cover it up. I have no idea what to tell him so I just go with it. “Um, yeah.” Better he thinks it just a tattoo then to know what it really is; some magical symbol that lets me experience a dead guy’s memories.

  “If Mom and Dad were still here they’d probably ground you forever for that. You remember how they reacted to mine?”

  I laugh at the memory. “Oh yeah. Though they probably wouldn’t have been so mad if you’d went with something smaller and you didn’t use the emergency credit card they gave you.”

  “What, it was an emergency and I like my dragon.” He grins.

  “What exactly was the emergency that required you to tattoo a huge dragon onto your back?”

  “Wouldn’t you like to know?” He winks then puts his empty bowl in the sink.

  After breakfast I head back upstairs to get a shower while Adam calls around getting quotes for a home security system. Jared’s t-shirt smells like him and I can’t help but take one more big whiff before I toss it into the hamper. God, I need to stop torturing myself like that. Jared is off limits. Best friends and nothing more.

  Maybe if I keep saying it to myself, it’ll sink in.

  I step into the shower washing away any left over blood that got missed from earlier. I run my fingers over the smooth white scar, my mind flashing back to the pain of how it felt when Blondie’s knife went in. A wound like that should have killed me. Hell, I was expecting it to. But this, this I was not expecting. How can a wound like that heal so fast leaving only a faint white scar in its place in a matter of seconds? And why did this scar when nothing else so far has? The questions keep piling up. It’s time I start trying to find some answers.

  By the time I shut the water off, my bathroom is filled with enough steam it’s getting hard to breathe. Wrapping myself in a towel, I exit back into my room where I promptly shut myself in the closet to find something to wear. When I step out, I’m dressed in jeans, a blue shirt that matches the blue in my hair, and my favorite black Converse. These ones have little doodles on the toe that Jared drew one day when we were bored after school.

  I touch my lips remembering how his felt against them, so soft and so perfect. Groaning, I force myself to snap out of it. “Best friends and nothing more,” I repeat to myself out loud.

  Maybe if I hear it, I’ll listen.

  I stare at the symbol on my wrist. Adam thinks it’s a tattoo and I guess in away it is. But what happens if one day I see what it is Sam’s trying to show me, and it disappears? What do I tell Adam then? I guess I could always keep it covered from now to eternity with long sleeves hoping that maybe he’ll forget about it, but what are the chances of that actually happening? Probably slim to none. Adam doesn’t forget anything and when summer rolls around I’m going to look pretty strange wearing long sleeves in ninety-degree weather.

  A big watch face, or a thick wrist cuff, or a bunch of string bracelets could maybe work in covering it up. Unfortunately, I have none in my nightstand drawer. I’m about to slam it shut when I spot the black braided leather bracelet I found in the tree outside my window. I rub the worn leather between my fingers and thumb as a sense of familiarity washes over me. The symbol starts to glow. Suddenly I’m Sam again.

  A strip of white fabric covers my eyes blindfolding me, as I’m led down a hall, turned to the right, and ushered into a room. The hem of my robe is a little too long causing me to slightly trip as I’m led to what I’m assuming is the center. A moment later my blindfold is removed allowing me to see clearly. A gigantic circular room spreads out before me, lit entirely by candle flame. Above me the ceiling is made of glass so that the light of the stars and moon can be seen. All along the room other members are seated to watch our initiation.

  My two best friends stand beside me. William, with his black hair combed respectably instead of spiked upward at the center of his head like usual and his sister Zoe Marie, with her long black hair twisted into a French braid. We’re all dressed the same in black and white robes to represent balance.

  With perfect precision, the three of us extend our right arms in unison, palms up. William’s older brother stands before us holding out three black braided leather bracelets adorned with the symbol of The Order. One by one, he ties the bracelets around our wrists as we each swear upon our lives to serve the greater good until our last breath.

  We are now, forever and always, members of The Order.

  I drop to my knees gasping for air as the bracelet falls from my hands. I wanted answers and now I know how to get them. The guy giving out the bracelets is none other than Officer Jensen.

  I run down the stairs nearly crashing into Adam in my haste. I swivel around him to grab my keys while also informing him that I’m going for a drive and that I’ll be back later.

  Officer Jensen is going to tell me what I want to know.

  ***

  I’ve been driving through Lake Haven for almost an hour, up and down every street at least twice looking for Officer Jensen without any luck. I was really hoping to find him patrolling around town so I could avoid going into the police station, but it’s looking more and more like that’s not going to happen. What if when I get there I can’t get him alone? It’s not like I can just blurt out in front of everyone the things I need to ask. But what choice do I have? I have questions and he has answers.

  A few minutes later I pull into the parking lot in front of the police station parking between a police cruiser and an insanely large orange truck that looks like it belongs at a monster truck rally. The wind slaps my hair into my face making it hard to see as I get out of the car. Grabbing what I can, I twist it into a messy bun securing it with the hair tie around my
wrist.

  I hesitate at the door, poking at the symbol under my sleeve. Now that I’m here I don’t quite feel so confident anymore. But whom else am I supposed to ask? Officer Jensen is the only one I recognized in Sam’s memory.

  I hold my breath then push the door open.

  The lobby is empty and small giving it a claustrophobic feel. My shoes echo loudly as I cross the room. Seated behind the counter is a small woman dressed in uniform. Her auburn hair is pulled back into a tight neat ponytail at the nape of her neck. Upon seeing me she looks up.

  “Can I help you?” She asks kindly.

  My mind goes blank. I don’t know what to say. Do I just ask for him? Do I have to say why I want to see him?

  What if he won’t see me? Or what if he does and he can’t help me?

  Or what if he’s no better than Blondie?

  “Miss?”

  “Huh?”

  The woman looks at me like I’m some sort of spaz. “Is there something I can help you with?”

  “Yeah, um.” I swallow, choking a little. Get it together Hanna. “Is Officer Jensen here?”

  “No. He has the day off. Can I take a message?”

  “No. That’s okay,” my eyes flick down to her nametag, “Officer Hudson. It’s not that important.”

  Once I’m out the door I run to my car. Basically throwing myself inside, I jam the key into the ignition. I’m both relieved and disappointed that Officer Jensen isn’t there. Relieved because that was scary as hell. Disappointed because it leaves me in the same boat of knowing nothing about the symbol or The Order. I’m still standing at square one and if I’m going to stop Blondie, (if that’s what I’m supposed to do), or keep Blondie from finding out whatever Sam is hiding in my head, (whatever that is), then I need to put a few more squares behind me.