“Somebody needs to ban Tom from watching romcoms,” Kat said wryly. “They’re dangerous in the wrong hands.”
“Maybe we should be relieved he isn’t into violent horror?” Alex suggested. “Death by fake snow and Christmas jerseys it is instead, then?”
They smiled at each other for a moment before Kat looked away with a frown.
“What?” asked Alex.
“These gifts.” Kat shook her head. “I don’t understand what’s going on.”
“That’s simple! I bought you some boating gear. You don’t have any with you, do you?”
What was he talking about? “There’s not much call for boating gear at home,” said Kat. “You do remember home, don’t you? Motorways? Shops? Not a lot of boats.”
“Hey, there’s a canal; don’t knock it,” Alex reminded her. “And we swam in the park’s lake a few times.”
By swimming what he actually meant was skinny-dipping at midnight. She recalled the cold kiss of the water and their limbs marble-white beneath the moon as they wound around one another. Her face grew warm.
“Did we?”
He laughed softly. “You know we did. Although swimming was the least of it.”
“I can’t remember that,” Kat fibbed. “Anyway, it was years ago and doesn’t explain the boots and coat.”
“Well, they were forecasting such a beautiful day and I thought that since we’re here we should go out on the water and enjoy it. What do you think?”
Kat stared at him. “It’s Christmas Day. It’s a decade since we broke up. It’s the middle of December. Why on earth would I want to go out to sea with you? Besides, can you even drive a boat?”
“Look, Kat, I know this has all been really awkward and not what either of us was expecting, but we’re only here for a few days and it seems silly to let ancient history get in the way of enjoying it, don’t you agree?” said Alex mildly. “Like you, I was going to have dinner at the hotel – but I can’t say I’m feeling the same about that now and, besides, it’s too glorious to be stuck indoors when there’s the Cornish coast to explore. We can eat a roast dinner any old time, but days like this come along only on a few occasions in a lifetime. Why not make the best of things? We’ve both moved on from the past, surely?”
Kat’s breath caught in her throat when that jade gaze held hers. A million memories flew through her mind, each one like a little jagged tear in her heart. What was “ancient history” to Alex was still hugely painful to her, not that she would dream of letting him know this. A girl had to have some dignity.
“Of course we have,” she said.
“I could gatecrash the Tremaines’ Christmas dinner – goodness knows, they have enough waifs and strays up at their house already,” Alex continued, “but I came to Cornwall for a bit of head space and I can’t think of a better place to find that than out on the water. I had a feeling you were here for the same reason.”
“You mean Tom told you why I was here.” They both knew that Tom could give the tabloid press a run for their money when it came to spreading news.
Alex nodded. “OK, yes, he told me you were getting over a breakup. I’m kind of doing the same. I was meant to be in LA seeing my daughter but Krissy, my ex-wife, changed her mind at the eleventh hour so I’m kind of at a loose end.”
Alex had a daughter and an ex-wife. This was proof if she needed it of just how far apart they had grown. Alex had a whole transatlantic life she knew nothing about.
They had both moved on.
“I’m going out to sea to blow the cobwebs away and I’ve managed to persuade the hotel to provide an alternative Christmas dinner. If you’d join me and consider this an apology for yesterday I’d be thrilled,” Alex said. “And yes, I can drive a boat. I had one when I lived in the States, so you’ll be safe.”
There was a glitter in his eyes which made Kat feel anything but safe. She was alarmed at just how much she liked that feeling.
“So what do you say? Can we call a truce and be friends?”
Kat had the feeling that she was standing on a perilously high diving board, poised to plummet. Yet it was impossible to tell whether there was deep water beneath or jagged rocks. Did she dare make the leap? Trust your heart, Jules had said. But what was Kat’s heart saying?
Alex was watching her and Kat knew that her face was revealing every emotion, each flicker of doubt. Most likely he could see just how much she wanted to run away and keep herself safe. She could turn her back on him right now and retreat to the hotel, where she could eat a big Christmas dinner by herself and then lie on her bed, full and sleepy, to watch movies and drink Baileys. This was the Christmas Day she’d been planning and looking forward to. No family. No friends. Just herself and a tub of Quality Street for company.
The sea beyond the harbour wall sparkled. Dancing gulls arced above it in the scoured light, and adventure beckoned. There was danger too and this made Kat quail, but not nearly as much as the thought of the regret she might feel if she stepped away now and back into a less than full life. With Alex there was danger and pain and risk, but there was also a sense of being more alive than she’d been for a very long time.
Could some time out from her normal existence be her Christmas present to herself? Was her heart telling her to take a chance?
“OK,” Kat said slowly. “I’ll come out on the boat, but only because I’d hate these presents to be wasted. Not because I want to spend time with you.”
Alex held out his hand. “I understand and that’s good enough for me. Are you ready?”
His fingers closed around hers, warm and familiar. As Alex led her down the pontoon and helped her onto the boat, Kat knew that she’d have to guard her heart carefully today.
She couldn’t risk letting Alex Evans near it again.
Chapter 10
Alex had spent Christmas Day in many different ways in his lifetime – from traditional turkey-and-sprout dinners when his parents were still alive, to sumptuous brunches in smart LA hotels with Krissy, to necking Jack Daniel’s in hotel rooms with bands when on tour – but never had he enjoyed a Christmas Day as much as the one he was spending now, out at sea with his ex-girlfriend.
“You want to do what?” Zak had asked, looking incredulous when Alex had first voiced his plan. “I must be more pissed than I realised. I thought you said you wanted to borrow a boat.”
“I did say that. So can I borrow one? You know it’ll be in safe hands.”
“I don’t doubt it for a minute, mate, but there’s no need to go to sea on Christmas Day. Even the fishermen draw the line at that. Come and have dinner with us and bring Kat too, if you like? Granny Alice always cooks way too much anyway,” Zak had said.
But Alex had shaken his head. Kind as the offer was, Christmas was a family time and there was no way he was intruding on the Tremaines’ day. He already felt bad enough for crashing unannounced at Seaspray. Besides, he wanted to take Kat out in the boat, to somewhere quiet where they could spend some time alone together and hopefully make their peace. The plan wasn’t without its risks. She might shove him overboard or she might hate every moment of being on the water, but somehow he didn’t think so. Kat had always loved the outdoors and had a great sense of adventure. If she was still the girl he’d once loved, she’d almost certainly choose a run across the bay over a sit-down formal dinner.
Symon and Zak had thought he was mad but Alex didn’t care. He didn’t have much of a master plan as to how he could win Kat over: keeping close to her and reminding her of just how much fun they’d always had together was about as far as it went. Out on the boat nobody could interrupt them and well-meaning friends wouldn’t be able to meddle. With the glistening water, the stunning view of the Cornish coastline and the wonderful picnic Tom had persuaded the hotel chefs to prepare, Alex hoped to give Kat a Christmas Day she’d remember for all the right reasons.
The boat was an ancient Boston Whaler that the Tremaines shared, but to Alex it couldn’t have been better if it was a
brand new mega yacht. As he opened up the throttles and felt the rush of wind against his face, he saw in Kat’s big smile an exhilaration that matched his own. Hoped soared in his chest. White lacy foam spread behind them as the horizon opened up, and Alex had the feeling that anything was possible.
“So when exactly did you learn how to drive a boat?” Kat asked Alex later when he dropped anchor just off a wide sandy bay. Her face glowed from the fast run across the silky water and her eyes sparkled with the thrill of speed. Even with a red nose and her hair whipped into tangles, he didn’t think she’d ever looked prettier.
“A while ago. Like I said, I had a boat in the States,” he told her, checking the windlass and making sure the anchor was secure. “I had no idea how much I loved being on the water until I lived there.”
She nodded. “There’s something really special about being out here. We could be the only people in the world.”
It certainly felt this way, Alex thought as he killed the engine and glanced around at the deserted beach and empty water. Without the purr of the powerful motors the world suddenly seemed very quiet. The only sounds were the slapping of waves against the hull or the cries of seabirds on the cliffs.
“The water’s so clear!” Kat was hanging over the gunnel and peering down into the green depths. “It’s like the Caribbean!”
He laughed. “Don’t be fooled! You don’t want to jump in there. It’s freezing.”
“You’d need to pay me a lot to swim today,” Kat said. Although she was wrapped in her new jacket, a thick scarf and a life vest, her teeth were chattering. They’d been cruising along the coast for over an hour, watching seals basking in the sunshine and taking the boat in and out of secret coves, and the time had flown. The loud engine had meant that they hadn’t been able to discuss things properly, but despite the cold weather Alex sensed that Kat was thawing towards him. He was thrilled at this possibility. Seeing her smile was all he’d wanted today – and when they’d spotted two dolphins leaping ahead of the boat it had been mission accomplished. Her laughter had rung out like a peal of bells and when she’d turned to him in delight, Alex had known that he’d do anything to hear that laughter again.
Oh dear. He was in big trouble. What had Tom done?
“You need to warm up,” he said firmly. “It’s time for Christmas dinner.”
“Christmas dinner?” Kat echoed. “On a boat?”
“Best place for it. Will you follow me, madam?”
Opening the door to a small cabin, Alex allowed Kat to step inside a compact space where a pair of low cushioned seats flanked a tiny table. Reaching beneath this, he pulled out his pièce de résistance: a wicker hamper filled with a Christmas picnic. As he unpacked a thermos of chestnut soup, followed by plates of succulent turkey, roast-potato salad and pigs in blankets, Alex decided that he was coming very close to forgiving Tom. There was a big wedge of Brie, a hunk of Wensleydale dotted with cranberries and a crusty French stick too, as well as plated-up Christmas pudding, several mince pies and a tub of Cornwall’s finest thick clotted cream.
“Dinner is served,” he said.
Kat stared at this feast. “And there was me thinking I was missing out on Christmas dinner!”
Alex pulled a mock-offended face as he poured hot soup into a mug, which he passed across to her. “As if I’d let that happen. I’m not totally useless, you know.”
“Hmm, the jury’s still out there,” Kat teased, squeezing onto the seat opposite him and wrapping her hands around the mug of steaming soup. “Although I must admit you have hidden talents these days. Maybe you’ve improved with age. We’ll see.”
This was encouraging, thought Alex. Not only was he still on board rather than being made to walk the plank, but she seemed happy to sit and eat with him. Last night the expression on her face had suggested that she’d rather beat him to death than share a meal with him. This had to be progress; after all, she hadn’t battered him with the French stick just yet.
“I’m not eighteen anymore,” was all he said.
“That makes two of us,” agreed Kat.
Alex wasn’t quite sure what this meant. If only women came with an instruction manual. Even a rubbish one like the kind that accompanied Ikea furniture would be a help. Still, Kat was smiling and loading up her plate with food, which was surely a good sign?
“Be warned, if I eat all this I’ll sink the boat,” she grinned, her spoon hovering over a bowl of roast-potato salad.
“I’ll put the Fowey lifeboat on alert, shall I?” Alex offered, and in answer she leaned across and walloped him playfully on the arm.
They’d always bantered and teased and laughed: they’d been friends as well as lovers. Alex was suddenly struck by just how little friendship there’d been in his marriage. Kat had been his best friend, the person he’d told everything to, the one who knew him best. Many times after they’d broken up he’d caught himself thinking that he must tell her something, or smiling at a joke he knew she’d appreciate.
What an idiot he’d been to put chasing fame and fortune above Kat. They might have been young but they’d shared something so precious that it could never be measured.
Tom had been the catalyst for this Christmas Day reunion, but was fate offering Alex a second chance?
Kat was tucking in to the picnic and he was enjoying watching her relish every mouthful. It was so refreshing after Krissy’s refusal to touch anything that wasn’t organic/low carb/tasteless/fat free. He liked the way Kat was delighting in the simple pleasure of a picnic, and he loved the funny stories she was telling him about the kids she taught and the scrapes they got into. As she ate and chatted it was all he could do not to lean across the table, take her face in his hands and kiss her long and hard. There was nothing the Polwenna Bay Hotel chefs could possibly concoct that would be as delicious to Alex as Kat’s ready wit and full, kissable mouth.
This was not what he’d had in mind by a truce.
Soon the rocking motion of the boat and the rich food had helped them both relax, so that their talk flowed easily. By the time they scraped clean the last scraps of Christmas pudding, Alex knew all about Kat’s stressful teaching job, and she was up to date on his career and how much he missed Emmy. They chatted about old friends, places they’d known and people they had in common, and they laughed about the daft things they used to do. Tom’s ears must have been burning, as he featured heavily in much of their reminiscing.
Their own romantic past, however, was ignored. It sat like an elephant in the cabin, until Alex was unable to stand the tension any longer. He took a deep breath and grasped the elephant by the tusks, so to speak.
“Kat, about what happened, what I did—”
“Don’t.” She shook her head, wild curls falling over her face. “That’s in the past. Leave it there where it belongs. Don’t spoil today.”
“But I need to apologise.”
“No, Alex, you don’t – because it doesn’t matter anymore. It was all a long time ago. We were kids and it was for the best anyway.”
She didn’t quite meet his eyes as she spoke. Alex reached forward and took her hands in his. Their fingers weaved together instinctively, as though they had memories of their own. His pulse jolted at just this slightest of touches, and when Kat gasped he knew she felt it too.
Whatever they’d had before, it was still there. Breaking up had been for the best? Seriously?
“Do you really believe that?” he asked.
Kat still looked away. “Sure. Look at how things turned out: you with your amazing career and all those dreams coming true. Of course you had to leave. There weren’t many top music producers around in our neck of the woods, were there?”
“It’s not the most rock ’n’ roll place,” Alex conceded. “But the way I left was unforgiveable and probably the worst mistake I ever made.”
She raised her chin and met his gaze. “Don’t say that. I don’t want you to say that.”
“Even if it’s true?” Alex said quie
tly. His fingers tightened around hers as though, like the anchor digging into the sand fifty feet below, she was all that kept him from drifting away.
“Especially if it’s true.” Kat slid her hands away. “Don’t you see that makes it worse, Alex? All those ‘what ifs’ and ‘if onlys’ are pointless because what might have been is long gone. We’re here for a few days and then we’ll probably never see each other again, so what’s the point in going over old ground? Our lives have changed and you’ve got commitments now, not least a daughter in another country. We’ve called a truce for Christmas. Let’s leave it at that.”
The last thing Alex wanted to do was leave it. He wanted to apologise and do his best to make things right. He wanted to pull Kat into his arms, kiss that full angry mouth and tell her that he was never going to let her go again. Yes, that was what he wanted to do, but with the benefit of ten years of hindsight, Alex knew there were more important things than what he wanted. Nothing mattered more than making sure Kat was safe and happy, and if that meant backing off then so be it.
“Hey, if the soldiers in the trenches could call a truce for Christmas then I’m sure we can,” he said, and was rewarded with a smile of such sweetness that he thought his heart would break.
They cleared the table and then, noticing that the light was already starting to seep from the sky, Alex hauled the anchor to set course for Polwenna Bay. The days were short and it was Christmas afternoon. Time seemed to be speeding by at an alarming rate, or was it flying because he was enjoying himself?
Alex started the engine and put the boat into gear. Beside him, Kat was busy wrapping her scarf around her neck and digging her hands into the pockets of her new jacket, her eyes fixed firmly on the horizon. Everything about her declared quite plainly that she wasn’t prepared to talk about the past. I’ve moved on, she was saying, and Alex almost believed her. Almost.
He smiled because Kat’s gasp when their hands had touched earlier had told him that, no matter what she might say to the contrary, she felt something too. Nonetheless, as she’d pointed out, they were only here for a few days and after that it was unlikely their paths would ever cross again.
Cornwall for Christmas: A Polwenna Bay novella Page 10
