Fine, Alex said to himself as the boat surged forward. He had a few days left to prove to Kat that they still had something worth fighting for.
With that in mind, he was going to do everything he could to make this the best Christmas ever.
Chapter 11
Kat might have been standing on dry land but it felt as though the ground beneath her was still moving. This had absolutely nothing to do with having been at sea for three hours and everything to do with spending time with Alex. As she watched him coil ropes and check the moorings, Kat felt her heart unspool, as though all the years of bitterness and anger and putting him from her mind were falling away. She didn’t think she’d ever been as terrified in her life. It was one thing to call a truce, to say that the past was forgiven and forgotten, but it was another entirely to feel herself begin to slide back into the same emotions she’d once experienced and to revert to being the tender-hearted girl she’d been all those years ago. Her throat was tight with panic.
She couldn’t feel like this again. She couldn’t.
“There, she’s all safe and sound,” Alex was saying as he stepped back from tightening the final rope. The sun, lower now and soon to slip into the sea, was glinting on his hair – as dark and glossy as a blackbird’s wing – and dancing over the sharp planes of his face. Turning and straightening up, he smiled at Kat. “Fancy a Christmas drink in The Ship? I don’t know about you, but I could do with warming up.”
It would be so easy to wander into the pub, have a mulled wine or two and enjoy Christmas afternoon with him. But then what? Stroll back to the hotel and spend the evening together? Let her hopes soar like the wheeling gulls, only to have them plummet when he took off again, back to America and his whole other life? Maybe some girls could do it, could somehow enjoy a no-strings fling, but Kat knew she wasn’t one of them. Besides, when it came to Alex there weren’t merely strings but steel ropes that she feared she could never cut through. If she’d loved him as a girl, this would be nothing compared to how she could love him as a woman. How very much she’d wanted to lean across that table in the cabin of the boat, to kiss the crumbs from his mouth…
“I don’t know, Alex. It’s been lovely today but…”
Kat bit her lip. If she wasn’t careful everything was going to flood out, just like the tide was flooding across the harbour. Her feelings, her hurt, the way her every cell remembered him, the ache of longing she felt. This was dangerous. She just knew it.
His eyes held hers. “But?”
“But it isn’t real, is it? This is just an escape from real life. For a few days it’s going to be fun. It’s beautiful here,” she swept her hand across the view of the village, her fingers flying past the beach, the bobbing boats in the marina, the cottages clustered on the steep hillsides, “but it isn’t real life.”
He regarded her thoughtfully. “It feels pretty real to me, Kat.”
“But it isn’t. This is just a Christmas holiday. You have a life in the USA. A little girl. A career. I live in London.”
He nodded. “I could never, ever regret Emmy. She’s part of my journey and she’s wonderful. Just as I’m sure there are people you’ve met and things you’ve done that you treasure too.”
Kat thought of her nieces and nephew. The children she’d taught. Even Ed, with whom she’d shared some good times. “That’s true, but we’re worlds apart, Alex. We’re not the people we used to be.”
“We’re not,” he agreed, his eyes serious now as they continued to hold hers, “but those people made us who we are. They’re part of our journey, Kat, part of us now. And you are very much a part of me. Look, I know I messed up. If I’m honest I knew it at the time but I was just too pig-headed to admit it. That shouldn’t stop us enjoying this Christmas break though. We said on the boat that we were calling a truce and going to be friends. Can’t friends spend time together? Have a couple of drinks on Christmas afternoon?”
When he put it like this, Kat felt her resistance ebb away like seawater seeping into sand. Besides, the thought of returning to her empty hotel room and spending the rest of Christmas alone wasn’t appealing. Alex was fun, he made her laugh and, yes, she still found him very attractive. A drink or two for old time’s sake wouldn’t hurt.
Soon afterwards, Kat was sitting by the fire in The Ship, which was opened up for the waifs and strays of the village. She was wedged into a narrow pew-style seat with Issie Tremaine on one side and Alex on the other. Various other Tremaine family members and friends – there were so many she kept forgetting their names – were balanced around them on low stools or crammed into window seats. The pub seemed to be a handy place for villagers, full up with turkey and all the trimmings, to end up after a Christmas afternoon walk; the landlord was run off his feet pulling pints and pouring mulled wine for them all. The light was fading and outside the sky was turning turquoise and gold, but inside the pub it was warm and lively, especially when Zak Tremaine produced his guitar and played a few numbers.
Kat, full from the picnic and sleepy after several mulled wines, was enjoying her afternoon immensely. Alex had been great company and meeting new friends was fun. Even vicar Jules joined them for a drink before leaving with her partner, Danny, to pay visits to some housebound parishioners.
“I’ll have put on at least another stone by bedtime. They all want to feed me mince pies and Christmas cake, and I can’t hurt their feelings by saying ‘no’,” she sighed, patting her belly ruefully.
“Lots of hiking on the cliffs in the new year,” Danny promised. “I’d make the most of all those calories if I was you! There’s going to be at least one route march a week for you, Miss Mathieson! I may even set up a Polwenna Bay boot camp!”
“Danny’s an ex-soldier,” Jules explained to Kat. “And he might have been injured in action but, believe me, he takes some keeping up with.”
Kat could well believe it. Tall Danny was clad in a linen shirt, beneath which she could see the outline of his strong muscles. She glanced around at the cluster of Tremaine siblings, all of whom were golden and glorious, and marvelled at the gene pool. All the same, as attractive as Zak and his brothers were, they didn’t hold a candle to Alex’s dark looks. Even though she was trying her hardest not to let it, Kat’s gaze kept sliding back to him.
Alex was chatting easily to Issie’s boyfriend Luke about somewhere in Florida they both knew well, and now and then Alex threw back his head and laughed, the muscles in his throat rippling and his hair falling away from his strong profile. Kat stole a glance at him from beneath her eyelashes, and her heart cartwheeled. Was it the mulled wine? The Christmassy atmosphere? Nostalgia? Or, and this was what really terrified her, was she in danger of falling for him all over again? With his strong chiselled features and tanned skin against his white shirt, Alex drew her eyes like a magnet. Her gaze drifted down to his strong forearms beneath the rolled-up sleeves, and then upwards to the swelling biceps. How would it feel to have those arms close around her, she wondered? The thought alone was enough to make her heart lurch.
Air. She needed air. And the colder the better.
Excusing herself, Kat wove her way through the press of bodies and pushed open the door to step outside. A sharp sea breeze wrapped itself around her and she leaned her back against the wall, drawing in a deep breath. God. That mulled wine must be strong if her head and her common sense were both swimming this much.
“Are you OK?”
Issie Tremaine was looking up at Kat, her big blue eyes filled with concern.
“I’m fine, I just needed some fresh air,” Kat fibbed.
But Issie frowned. “Look, tell me to butt out by all means, but Tom’s told me a bit about you and Alex having a past and I know he’s been meddling.”
Kat raised her eyes to the darkening sky. Already the pole star was glittering and a small smile of moon was playing hide-and-seek among the gathering clouds.
“That’s one way of putting it. He had some crazy plan that he could bring Alex and me back
together again after ten years.” She laughed. “As if!”
Issie wasn’t laughing. “Yep. Typical Tom. Still, maybe he was onto something? I’ve seen you guys looking at each other when you think there’s nobody watching. Are you sure that the spark isn’t still there?”
“Of course not. It was years ago,” Kat scoffed.
“What’s time got to do with it? Granny Alice and Jonny St Milton were in love when they were teenagers and they’re still in love now, even if they are totally ancient. If you love someone you love them, don’t you?”
“Well, I don’t love Alex.” Kat was firm on this score. “We were finished years ago. I’m actually here to get over somebody else.”
“Perfect then. Have a fling with an old flame to get you over whoever that was,” suggested Issie. “And who better for the job than the man who once broke your heart? Especially since you know you don’t love him anymore. It’s a win-win!”
It was logic of a kind, Kat guessed. “I don’t think so.”
“You can have some fun and there’s no danger of falling in love; you said so yourself. Besides, Alex is gorgeous. Believe me, if I wasn’t with Luke I would. You’d better be quick though – I’ve seen the barmaid eying him up! Come on, Kat. Why ever not?”
Because I can’t keep my feelings separate like that? Because I’ll fall in love all over again? Because when Christmas is over Alex will walk away and break my heart, because that’s what he does? thought Kat.
“Alex and I are in the past,” was all she said.
“But what if that isn’t true? What if Alex is the love of your life and finding him again is your Christmas present from Fate?”
“Fate? In the form of a lanky red-headed assistant hotel manager we know and love?”
“Maybe? Have some faith,” said Issie sternly. “Sometimes life and people take you by surprise.”
But Kat wasn’t falling for this. She knew Alex and he’d let her down before, so badly that it had taken years to piece her heart back together – and even when it was mended she’d known it would never be the same again. People didn’t change and, as she returned inside, Kat knew that it was best she remembered that fact.
By the time the pub began to clear, the revellers all heading home for an evening of watching telly and eating chocolate and leftovers, night had fallen and Polwenna Bay was plunged into darkness. Kat’s eyes were heavy from all the fresh air and food, not to mention several glasses of mulled wine, and she found that she was looking forward to returning to the hotel for a bath and an early night. Alex was deep in conversation with Zak and, taking advantage of this, Kat seized her chance to leave unnoticed. The walk up to the hotel was just what she needed to wake herself up a little and burn off the picnic she’d had on the boat. And perhaps the slap of the cold against her cheeks would bring her up short each time she allowed her thoughts to drift back to Alex.
It was a beautiful Christmas night, with the slice of moon casting silver onto the dark sea and the stars rising above the top of the valley. The air was knife-sharp and, as she walked down the steps and away from The Ship, Kat’s breath rose in front of her like smoke. Frost had formed afresh, and once again the trawlers were iced like decorations on a Christmas cake and the village sparkled in the starlight. While the world had been eating turkey and celebrating, the tide had slipped back from below the quay and now a damp sickle of sand shone before the waves. Suddenly filled with a childlike urge to walk on the beach, Kat turned right and followed the quay until she found a steep flight of steps that took her down to the tide’s edge.
The beach was deserted, although that was hardly surprising for a December night, and Kat stood for a moment mesmerised by the sighing of the waves. The harbour Christmas tree threw jewelled reflections across the shifting water, and from the marina the lights in the rigging of sailing boats lent their own kind of festive charm. It was so pretty and romantic that Kat found herself wishing she was sharing the moment with somebody special.
She should have known that when you make wishes at Christmas magic happens…
“It’s stunning, isn’t it?”
She spun around, jolted by the voice that came from the velvet shadows. It was Alex. Of course it was.
“I saw you walking down the steps,” he added before Kat had a chance to speak. “I didn’t think you should be near the water alone. The tides mixed with mulled wine can be dangerous.”
Kat’s heart was thudding. At this moment she thought she would have taken her chances with the unpredictable Cornish sea rather than being alone with Alex Evans.
“I like it,” she said.
“The sea?” Alex asked, moving closer. “Or the danger?”
They both knew he wasn’t talking about the beach. As the moon peeked out from a drift of cloud and the light fell on him, Kat saw Alex’s eyes burn with the intensity and passion she’d always loved in him. When he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her, she knew she was lost. As his mouth covered hers a long-forgotten flutter of yearning awoke deep down in Kat and the past no longer seemed to matter. All she could think about was just how much she wanted this. She wound her arms around his neck, pulling him closer, while the sky above her seemed to explode with endless glittering stars.
As they broke apart and stared at one another, Kat saw her own surprise reflected in Alex’s stunned expression.
“Christmas has truly arrived,” he said, tracing the curve of her cheek wonderingly.
When he dipped his head to kiss her again, Kat’s heart soared and spun with the stars and the shimmering fairy lights. As afraid as she was of being hurt again, she had never imagined a Christmas present as wonderful as this one perfect moment.
Was this what vicar Jules had meant when she’d told Kat to trust her heart and wait for miracles? It felt dangerously like it.
Chapter 12
Kat had never known a holiday fly by like this. The hours felt like minutes and they were all filled with Alex.
“I’m never letting you go again,” he’d said as he’d walked Kat back up to the hotel, a walk that took twice as long because they’d kept stopping to kiss every few steps like the teenagers they’d once been. “I mean it, Kat. I’m done with tearing around the world chasing dreams and spoilt musicians. Once Zak’s album’s wrapped then that’s it: I’m quitting the industry.”
They had paused outside the hotel. Music drifted from inside and the fairy lights that garlanded the trees threw leaping shadows across the freshly raked drive. The Christmas celebrations were still in full swing here and, glancing towards the reception area, Kat saw Tom craning his neck when he caught sight of them. His eyes were almost popping out of his head. She smiled. Talk about peeping Tom!
Taking Alex’s hand, she pulled him into the darkness of the garden.
“You can’t mean that, Alex. Music’s your whole life.”
Alex shook his head vehemently. “I thought it was once but that was a long time ago and I was wrong, so very wrong. It’s people that matter, not fame and success and money. I’ve seen what that does to people and it leaves them empty. Maybe it’s Tom’s meddling, in which case I owe him more than I can ever say, or perhaps it’s a sprinkling of Christmas magic? All I know is now I’ve found you again, I never want to let you go.”
Everything around Kat seemed to recede until Alex was all she could see.
“Don’t say that unless you really mean it,” she told him quietly. The dread of being hurt all over again swamped her. It had been bad enough before; now it would be unbearable. “It isn’t fair otherwise.”
“I do mean it,” Alex said fiercely. His hand rose and brushed a curl away from her face with such tenderness that tears came to her eyes. “I want to be with you, Kat. I don’t know how or where – maybe here even, who knows? But the one thing I am certain of is that I’m never letting you go again.”
“What are you saying?”
“What I’m trying to say, and making a complete mess of, is that I love you, Kat James. I don�
�t think I ever stopped. I hid it, I ignored it, I dismissed it even, but deep down inside I’ve always known it was you. Tom’s interfering was the shove I needed.”
“You really mean that?”
He nodded. “With all my heart. I love you, Kat. I always have.”
Kat exhaled slowly. Had she been holding her breath for ten years?
“I love you too,” she whispered. “I never stopped either.”
Alex held out his arms and Kat stepped into them. Resting her head against his chest and closing her eyes, she thought that he felt so familiar, so dear and so very Alex. This felt like coming home. Looking back at her relationship with Ed and the various other guys she’d dated, Kat realised now how her feelings for them had been nothing but faint shadows of the love she felt for Alex.
It had always been him and it always would be him. She could admit that now.
Alex pressed his lips to the top of her head.
“We’ve wasted so much time,” he said. “Kat, I don’t want to spend another second apart from you.”
She reached up onto her tiptoes and brushed his mouth with hers.
“You won’t have to,” she told him. “I think it’s time we celebrated Christmas properly, don’t you?”
And when his mouth met hers again a thousand hopeful butterflies fluttered in her ribcage. Kat’s terror of having her heart broken and her bitterness about the past vanished like melting frost – and as they climbed the sweeping staircase, arms wound around one another, it felt like the most natural thing in the world to spend the rest of Christmas holding each other tightly and weaving dreams for the future. Even the bottle of champagne sent by a very happy Tom and accompanied by a note with a drawing of a smiley face didn’t distract them.
There was no time for drinking; Kat and Alex had a lot of catching up to do…
Cornwall for Christmas: A Polwenna Bay novella Page 11
