Mistakenly Married

by Victorine E. Lieske

  “I was going to...I still had...” Penny looked like she was going to cry.

  He had to do something. “Can she at least go in and get her stuff?” He started up the stairs.

  Theodore took his time getting to the apartment. “I’ll let you in.” The keys jangled as he unlocked the door.

  Penny huffed and pushed past him, Harrison following. She disappeared into a back room. The apartment was filled with threadbare furniture, surely pieces she found sitting near dumpsters. The floor was covered with green shag carpet from the seventies. The only light in the room came from a tacky Elvis lamp sitting on an end table.

  Penny came out of her bedroom dragging an old suitcase stuffed so full of clothes it wasn’t zipped all the way.

  “You okay?”

  She shook her head, tears springing to her eyes. “I thought I had another week. I thought we could—you could...” She burst into tears.

  He reached down and took the suitcase from her. Unsure of what else to do, he pulled her into a one-armed hug. Then he said the lamest thing in the history of language. “There, there.”

  She hiccupped and wiped at her eyes. “None of my furniture will fit in my car.”

  “Come on. Let’s go. I’ll buy you new furniture.”

  “I have to bring Elvis.” She picked up the lamp.

  Sure. Elvis. Who couldn’t live without a tacky Elvis lamp? He held in a smart remark. “Okay, then.” He ushered her out the door.

  They stuffed the suitcase and the lamp in the trunk and got in the car. She seemed to calm down as she drove. When they got to a red light, a high pitched voice sounded from her purse. “Text message! You have a text message!” Penelope fumbled for her phone, blushing. “Sorry. I hardly ever get a text, unless it’s from you, of course.”

  Confusion clouded his brain. What was she talking about?

  She stared at her phone. “Wait. It is from you. Did you text me while I was...” her voice trailed off as she stared at the device in her hand. The color drained from her face, and she looked up at him, horror filling her eyes. “William just texted. Says he’s delayed.” She swallowed, her lips trembling. “So if he’s delayed, who are you?”

  Chapter 2

  Harrison wasn’t sure what Penelope was talking about. “Haven’t you been speaking to my brother, Trent?”

  The light turned green and Penelope drove around the corner onto a residential street. She slammed on the brakes and hopped out of the car. He didn’t know what else to do, so he stepped out as well.

  She paced in the middle of the street, her hands fisted in her hair. “No, this can’t be happening. I did not just marry a total stranger.” She continued to pace and mumble.

  “Stop! What are you talking about?” How had the situation careened out of control? It was like he was in a bad episode of the Twilight Zone. Did she say she’d married a stranger? Hadn’t that been the plan?

  She whirled to face him, pointing an accusing finger. “You! You ruined my wedding! Who are you, anyway? Some sicko who walks into other people’s weddings and takes the place of the groom? Why would you do that? What could you possibly gain from—” Her eyes narrowed and she took a step toward him, her hands clenched into tight fists. “Are you a con artist?”

  He held in a laugh. “Yes. I’m a con artist. I planned this whole thing to get your Elvis lamp.” Harrison smirked, but took a step back onto the sidewalk in case she was the type to take a swing at someone. She looked a little unstable. And for heaven’s sake, how could he have mistaken her for the woman Trent had sent him to meet? He should have asked for more details. How could he have just assumed? What a nightmare.

  Her cheeks blushed pink, which looked rather cute on her, even though she was a nutcase. She drew nearer, stepping out of the street onto the grass. “Who are you?”

  “Harrison Williams. And I didn’t ruin your wedding on purpose. The driver at the airport had my name on the card.”

  The woman stomped and let out an exasperated grunt. “I told him ‘William’ not ‘Williams.’ How could he have messed that up?”

  A kid on a bike whizzed by, and Harrison stepped to the side. “This was all just a horrible mistake. I flew into town today to meet a woman my brother set me up with.”

  Her nostrils flared and her eyes narrowed. “And it seemed perfectly natural to marry someone on a blind date?”

  “It wasn’t a normal blind date. It’s more of an arranged marriage type of thing. A business transaction.” As the words left his mouth, he knew how ridiculous they sounded. Who did that kind of thing? But what about her? “Surely you should have recognized that I wasn’t your fiancé.”

  Her blush darkened. “William and I love each other. Just because we haven’t met, doesn’t mean we don’t know each other’s souls.”

  A laugh burst forth from Harrison, and not some polite chuckle either. A belly laugh so loud one of the neighbors moved the curtain to peek outside at him. “Let me guess, you met him on the Internet.”

  Penelope worked her jaw, her fists clenching and unclenching. No words came out.

  “You—you don’t even know—what he looks like?” he said between fits of laughter. Oh, this was rich.

  She stared at him for a moment, but when she did speak, her voice was low and fierce. “At least I know my William. You don’t even know who you’re marrying. A business arrangement? What does that even mean?” She turned around and grunted in disgust. “Get in the car. We’re going back to undo this mess.”

  “That’s the first sane thing I’ve heard you say, Penelope.”

  “It’s Penny!”

  Harrison got in and slammed his door, then the crazy lady stomped on the gas and they took off.

  “WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU can’t tear it up?” Panic rose in Penny’s chest and she tried not to hyperventilate. This could not be happening. “William’s only been delayed. He could be here any minute!” She wanted to rip off the cheap metal ring and stuff it down his throat.

  The minister tugged at his collar. “I’m sorry. Looks like you already filed the paperwork with the state. You two are legally married. But my brother’s a lawyer. Has a place up the street. Jacobson, Smith and Talbott. They do annulments for real cheap.”

  She’d scraped the bottom of her bank account for the hundred bucks to get the deluxe wedding package and the fifty to pay the limo driver. And now she had to pay for an annulment so she could do the whole thing over again when William got there? She blew her hair out of her face in frustration. Maybe her father was right. Her life was one screw-up after another.

  “How cheap?” Harrison folded his arms across his broad chest and Penny forced herself to look away. Dang. Why couldn’t he have been William?

  “Only four hundred dollars. A real bargain.”

  Penny about swallowed her tongue. “That’s what you call cheap? I don’t have that kind of money! This is some racket you guys have.” She stormed out of the back room and into the chapel. Unfortunately she ran into a bride having her photo taken. The two went down in a tangle of white satin and lace. “Oh! Sorry.”

  The bride was too shocked to say anything, her mouth hanging open like she was a cod fish. Penny jumped up and helped her to her feet. “Just be sure you’re marrying the right guy. It’s four hundred bucks to get an annulment.”

  It wasn’t until then that she noticed the chapel full of people. All eyes were on her. She pasted on a smile. “I mean, have a great wedding.”

  Penny turned and ran back into the office. Harrison was still talking to the minister. “How long will all this take?”

  He cast a nervous glance at Penny. “One to two weeks.”

  “Are you crazy? My fiancé will be here any minute!” Of course, at that moment her phone screeched “Text Message!” and heat rose to her face.

  She pulled out her cell and stared at the screen.

  Sorry, my love, I cannot make it to Las Vegas today. I do apologize. Something has come up that cannot be avoided. Please don’t hate m
e. Come meet me in Santa Barbara, and we will still have our honeymoon.

  Her vision blurred as tears filled her eyes. William wasn’t coming to marry her. She was being stood up at her own stupid wedding. But worse than that, he wanted her to go away with him—like some cheap fling. She hated the thought of a one-night stand. How many times had she told him she was holding out for a lifetime commitment?

  Harrison stepped close. “What happened?” he whispered, his voice consoling.

  She hadn’t realized she was crying until then. “He’s not coming.” She choked on the words, then buried her face in his shoulder.

  “Hush, now. It’s not so bad. We’ll get this all sorted out.”

  She clung to him in a desperate attempt to find something solid in her life of turmoil. She had no place to live. No job. No money. And now, no knight in shining armor to swoop in and carry her off into the sunset. All she had was a suitcase full of clothes, a beat-up old car, a man she’d mistakenly married, and her Elvis lamp.

  Her day couldn’t get any worse.

  HARRISON FELT SORRY for the girl. Sure, she was crazier than old Aunt Edna who ran around the house naked at night, but her sobs were affecting him. She loved this guy William. At least, she thought she did. And he had left her at the altar holding a cheap bouquet of plastic flowers. What a jerk.

  Hating to see her cry, he patted her back. “Come on. Let’s go. We can file the paperwork for the annulment and all this will be over soon.”

  She looked up at him with her red-rimmed eyes, mascara streaking down her cheeks. The minister handed him a box of tissues and excused himself. Penny pulled a few out and blew her nose. “I don’t know what to do. Will and I were going to make a life together.”

  “You’re better off without him.”

  The look she gave him said those hadn’t been the right words to say.

  “I mean, you can do so much better.”

  She stared past him, her face blank. Maybe she was in shock.

  He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and guided her out the back door and around to the parking lot. “You’ll be okay.”

  They stopped at her car. “You drive.” She pulled out the keys and handed them to him. “I don’t even know where we’re going.”

  Harrison didn’t really want to be seen driving a bright orange Pacer, but he nodded anyway. Now wasn’t the time to argue. He opened the passenger door for her and helped her in. She looked like a deflated balloon. Lifeless. Flat.

  He slid into the driver’s seat. “I’ll keep my promise. After we file, I’ll buy you some new furniture.”

  “A lot of good it will do me. I have no apartment, if you remember.” She stared out the window.

  “I’ll help you find one.”

  She shook her head. “The show I was in was cancelled, and then I was even fired from the coffee shop last month. Haven’t been able to find anything else around here. I was hoping to find something out in California after William and I—” Tears pooled in her eyes and she quit talking.

  Not again. He had to get her to stop crying. “Don’t think about him. You need to concentrate on something more positive.” Harrison pulled out of the parking lot, unsure of what that could be. Her life seemed rather dreadful.

  Then it hit him. He was about to get an annulment in order to go meet a woman to convince her to marry him for a hundred thousand dollars. He glanced at Penny, the woman he was already married to. She could definitely use some cash.

  And maybe she would do it for half.

  “I have an idea.”

  Her hollow eyes didn’t leave the window. “What?”

  “Let’s not annul this marriage.”

  “Ha, ha. Very funny.” Not even a hint of a smile played on her lips.

  “I’m serious. I’m here because I need a wife in order to get to my trust fund. You could use some cash. Why don’t we stay married long enough to convince my stepmother that I’ve fulfilled her wishes? Then I’ll give you fifty thousand dollars and we’ll part ways.”

  “Yeah, right. Like you have fifty thousand dollars.” She turned to glare at him, but when she saw his face, she blinked. “You’re serious? You’d give me fifty thousand dollars to be your wife?”

  “You’re already my wife.” He grinned at her.

  “You’re crazy. This whole thing was a mistake. We can’t stay married.” She waved the idea off like a pesky fly.

  “You’d turn down fifty thousand dollars when you have no job, no place to stay, and only the clothes on your back, and you call me crazy?”

  She pointed to the trunk. “You forgot my portable closet.”

  “Oh, that’s right. And your lamp. You’ll be fine, then. Elvis will take care of you.” He smirked, pulling into the parking lot of Jacobson, Smith and Talbott.

  Penny tossed him a grim smile before she turned serious. She sat for a few seconds in silence. “What would I have to do?”

  “Just—”

  “Wait! No, I can’t. What am I thinking? Marrying a stranger? For money? I can’t.” She bit her bottom lip. “What about my family?”

  He swallowed, unsure of what she meant. “What about them?”

  “They think I’m a total flake. If they find out what happened, I will be the butt of every joke for eternity.” She covered her face with her hands, and mumbled through her fingers. “I can’t go home this Christmas without you or they’ll know what a mess-up I really am.”

  “Then I’ll go home with you. I can pretend to be William.”

  “What?” She peeked at him. “You’d do that?”

  “Sure.” How hard could that be? He pushed down the feeling that he was getting himself into trouble. “No problem.”

  Penny ran her hands through her hair. She grimaced and looked like she was trying to make some huge life decision. Finally she exhaled. “I can’t. I’m always doing things like this, and I regret it later on.”

  Harrison tightened his grip on the steering wheel. He thought he’d convinced her. Maybe she needed a little more coaxing. “What can go wrong? It’s not forever. It’s only for a little while. No one has to know about this.”

  Indecision played across her face. “I don’t know. It’s crazy.”

  “Yes. But it could work.”

  She narrowed her eyes at him. “We’d be married just on paper, right? No sleeping in the same bed or anything?”

  “Of course. What do you think I am?” He almost had her, he could tell. “Come on. Your family will love me. I promise. And I’ll be the perfect gentleman. Cross my heart.” He made the symbol over his chest.

  She sighed again. “Okay.”

  “Okay, you’ll stay married to me?” This was the weirdest conversation he’d ever had.

  “Yes.” A smile lifted one side of her mouth. “Let’s blow this joint.”

  Chapter 3

  Harrison pulled the Pacer into the restaurant parking lot and stared at the sign. “Are you sure you want to eat here?”

  Penny punched his arm. “Come on, they have great food. Don’t be a snob.”

  He exhaled, got out of the car, and followed Penny into Lord of the Onion Rings. They were in Las Vegas, for crying out loud, and this was where she wanted to eat? She was definitely different from all the other girls he’d gone out with.

  He stepped around a cardboard cutout of some blond dude with pointy ears to get a better look at the menu. “What’s on a Gandalf Burger?”

  The freckled teen behind the counter looked bored. “Cheese, Pickles, Onions, Lettuce, and Mustard.”

  Penny tugged on his arm. “The Gollum burger is better. It’s got bacon.”

  Sure. Why not. He shrugged. “Okay. I’ll have the Gollum burger, a side of Precious Rings, and a Wraith shake.”

  The kid punched in his order and Penny grinned. “I’ll have the same. That’s my usual.”

  They waited for the food, and Harrison wished he’d changed into his casual clothes. He felt out of place wearing a suit. She didn’t seem to notice. When t
he food came, Penny took the tray and led them to a booth in the corner.

  He sat down and nodded to the two figures on the table. “What’s with the little boy blue salt and pepper shakers?”

  She laughed, a sound he was beginning to like. “That’s Frodo and Samwise. You’re not a big Tolkien fan, are you?”

  “It’s a little geeky, don’t you think?”

  “You caught me. Closet geek here.” Her grin took over her whole face, like she smiled with all she had. How did she do that? She had an energy coming from within her. It was appealing.

  “Text Message,” screamed her purse. She pulled her phone out, pressed her lips together in a thin line, and punched in a return message.

  “William?” he asked.

  Penny nodded, her expression guarded.

  He picked up his hamburger and took a bite, surprised that it tasted so good.

  She texted back and forth with William as they ate.

  Curiosity flickered inside him, and he tried to see what she was saying but the phone was always at the wrong angle. When he couldn’t stand it anymore, he gave in. “What are you telling him?” He took a swig of his shake.

  She smirked. “That when he didn’t show up, I married someone else.”

  He’d witnessed a lot of spit-takes in his life, but had never performed one before. Chocolate shake spewed forth from his mouth, landing on her T-shirt. “You what?”

  She grabbed a napkin and dabbed at her chest, a satisfied smile on her lips. He pulled several more from the dispenser and shoved them at her. “Sorry.”

  “He doesn’t believe me.”

  “Who would? The whole thing’s ludicrous.”

  She picked up her phone, typed one last message, and then shut the ringer off. “Well, it’s over. I told him to put on a red shirt, because he’s dead to me.”

  “What does a red shirt have to do with...” Harrison shook his head. “Never mind. I’m glad you told him off.”

  Penny stood and gathered their trash. “I still can’t believe he didn’t come. I mean, we’ve been chatting for two years. You’d think I’d know someone after all we’ve shared. He made me believe he wanted to get married.” She blinked, obviously trying not to cry.