We Awaken

by Calista Lynne

  “You have no idea what you want, do you?” I asked her, grinning. She dropped the menu immediately.

  “Thank God you noticed. You can pick for me. I trust you have it figured out better than I do.”

  The waitress returned after seeing us lower our menus, and I ordered two chocolate milks and blueberry pancakes. She didn’t question my ordering for the both of us, but the woman’s gaze did seem to linger on Ashlinn for an uncomfortable length of time as she inched away, scooting around the corner to the kitchen.

  Reeves’s favorite thing had been chocolate milk. He got two cartons of it every lunch in school and made it almost on a daily basis at home. He’d pour in chocolate until the cup was near overflowing and stirred it into a concoction so dark it might as well have been straight syrup. It seemed a fitting drink for Ashlinn to try.

  The counter was packed with harried men hunched over cups of coffee. Many cups of coffee. There were about the same number empty as there were full, all arranged in front of them as a sort of caffeinated connect-the-dots.

  “Turn the television on,” one of them demanded gruffly. “Wanna see how last night’s game turned out.”

  Our chocolate milks arrived. Ashlinn didn’t even bother to use her straw and instead just downed a third of the glass in a few impressive gulps. I watched her throat muscles working and felt a surge of happiness that I was actually in a relationship with someone. It was like an epiphany. The most perfect girl I could fathom was sitting across from me in a world outside of my head, and she would never pressure me into anything. Maybe we weren’t broken after all.

  I tapped my straw against the table to ease the paper off, then slipped it into my glass. As I swirled it around, scraping off the chocolate sauce from the inner edges, the man at the counter was attempting to work a television remote. Obviously he was having issues figuring out how to turn off the endlessly swimming fish and put on an actual program. A part of me wished some waitress would come by and have pity on him.

  Ashlinn finally put the drink back down and stared at me.

  “I got really lucky,” she said conversationally. “Not only can my girlfriend dance and look unbelievably cute all the time, but she has really fantastic taste in beverages and amazing popcorn abilities, not to mention she thinks I’m great.”

  “She really does.”

  I wanted to cry (again). I wanted to tell her it wasn’t true, that I was actually the lucky one in the situation. But then I realized, maybe both of us really were the lucky ones. Her judgment was not to be disagreed with.

  “Hey, tell me about our waitress,” I said, leaning over the table conspiratorially, recalling how Ashlinn rattled off facts about the wannabe actor in New York.

  “What about her?”

  “I dunno. Maybe that she’s an ex-assassin who wants to open a space-themed go-go bar.”

  We both looked over at the woman and laughed as she almost knocked over a glass of orange juice with her frankly impressive posterior.

  “Actually, she’s quite happy as she is. Growing up, that woman wanted to be around people who’d recognize her on a daily basis, give her a nickname, and call her sweetheart. I’d say that’s worked out. If I remember correctly, her happiest day occurred with a young gentleman at a camp in Ohio. Sometimes when I’m feeling lazy, I’ll give her recurring dreams about him.”

  “Wow. Can you really do that with anyone?”

  There was no schooling the amazement from my voice. It was like a magic trick with nothing up the sleeves. She blushed a bit at my praise and scanned the diner.

  “Most everyone, yeah. It’s what I do. Glad you find it amusing.”

  That moment was perfect. We were floating through time, tethered to reality by the clattering sounds of a small-town diner. Her kind words could carry me home; they could spin dreams and mend miracles, but they could not preserve our happy state of being for longer than a single flawless juncture in time. Because that’s when the news flashed on.

  A monotone newscaster voice came from the screen to our left, and the woman’s fuzzy words made the tight space seem even more cramped. The television had come to life as the woman was in the middle of a sentence, and we all looked up at the sound.

  “A cause has yet to be found for the recent plague of nightmares and the ensuing insomnia. Scientists have been testing the water supply in several parts of the country in a search for answers, but results have so far been inconclusive.” There was a beat. Silence.

  Oh God. This can’t be a coincidence.

  I began to look back toward Ashlinn, eyes wide with fear, but she was already out of her seat. In a few steps she was next to the man wielding the remote, and snatched it before he could figure out how to change the channel.

  “Hey, darlin’, give that back,” he said but gave up quickly once she shushed him, her eyes glued to the screen. He didn’t put up much of a fight, but that fact suited his haggard appearance. Actually, looking around, everyone did seem exhausted. Bloodshot eyes and shaking fingers. All that coffee.

  I rushed over to where Ashlinn stood and grabbed her with one hand while throwing the other over my mouth. Do I convince her it has nothing to do with us? Demand she explain what the hell is going on?

  Everyone was slouching, leaning their heads in their hands. She turned the volume up minutely, and there was a slight collective groan. How did we miss this? The screen showed images of exhausted students, people falling asleep on benches. Civilians were on the street describing their awful night terrors. There hadn’t been a good dream in two days.

  “Maybe there is something in the water,” I tried to tell her, not believing the words.

  “I knew this would happen. I knew, and I ignored it. We have to go now.”

  Her tone was frantic and left little room for denial. She was squeezing my hand tighter by the second, and it was almost starting to hurt. Her eyes were beginning to glaze over as if to premeditate tears.

  “Okay. Can we eat first?”

  Ashlinn looked up at me as a single tear began its journey down her cheek, so I retracted my previous question and dragged her to the front without even waiting for a response, only turning to grab my purse on our way. Food could wait. I threw a twenty onto the front counter, which housed the cash register, hoping they’d understand and maybe give some poor, exhausted bastard free pancakes later. The bell sounded more like an alarm as we rushed back out the front door, our chocolate milks left unfinished on the table behind us.

  Ashlinn was quick to release my hand and start jogging, but I didn’t let her get too far ahead on the sidewalk as we made our way home.

  “Call Ellie,” she said between breaths as we turned the corner, “I need to talk to someone other than you about this.”

  “Let’s wait ’til we get home at least. Maybe the people on the news are an anomaly of some sort. Blame aliens or dieting.”

  “Did you see everyone in the diner? And those people walking their dogs this morning? This is a bigger issue than you can even begin to understand, my dear.”

  I was beginning to take the lead in our little impromptu running race, considering I actually knew the way home. When we arrived she barely slowed upon walking through the door. Ashlinn reached into my bag and dug violently for the phone. She began pressing buttons wildly, and my only demand was that she put it on speaker. This conversation was too important to be locked out of. At least she didn’t keep a door between us this time.

  We stood in the middle of the floor as the phone rang out in Ashlinn’s hand. She was tapping her foot erratically and wouldn’t meet my eyes. The other line picked up, and Ellie’s voice came fuzzily.

  “What’s up now?”

  “How have you been sleeping recently?”

  “Oh hi, Ashlinn. Wow, you just cut to the chase, don’t you? How is this any of your business? Shouldn’t you guys have more interesting things to be getting up to, if you know what I mean?”

  She deepened her voice at the end of the sentence, and before I co
uld mention Ellie’s blatant innuendo, Ashlinn just told her to “Answer the question. Please.” She sounded worn out. Brittle.

  “Okay, okay. To tell you the truth, I’ve been running on energy drinks for the past day. I mean, I’ve had enough Monsters to make someone’s heart implode. The night before New York, I kept having these crazy nightmares, and it must’ve scared me more than I realized ’cause I didn’t sleep at all last night. Not that you guys had that issue, I’m sure.”

  Ellie sounded like she was about to say more, but Ashlinn had already hung up and dropped the phone on my bedside table.

  With nothing in her hands, it was like she didn’t know what to do with them. They were clenching, and she kept moving as if to rend her hair, then let them drop to her sides. My girlfriend was a fidgeting mess, falling to pieces in my living room as I did little apart from standing there with a stricken expression. Someone had to speak, so I let slip the truest thought bobbing through my head at the time.

  “I don’t understand.”

  She looked up at me with pained eyes.

  “I have to leave now. You get that, right?” Her voice was breaking almost as much as my heart.

  “No.”

  “I have to. All these people who aren’t sleeping, who are having nightmares, that’s my fault.” She clutched at her short curls of hair, and I feared she would hurt herself.

  “No,” I repeated.

  “Do you want everyone to become an insomniac? I shouldn’t have come here so impulsively. And you,” she said, pointing at me wildly, “you’ve been so distracting. There’s been no one to balance out Semira without me, and I never even realized.”

  “No!” This time I screamed that single syllable as I reached out to remove her fingers from where they gripped her head. “Find another way. Can’t you do both? Make dreams and stay with me? I don’t even understand what’s going on. Just tell Semira to back off.”

  “I wish it was that easy. I’m like a light switch: dream or human. Being both is too much effort, and Semira is not to be trifled with. She’s a bit like Ellie, with a mind of her own and the willpower to match.”

  “I’m not going to lose you. Please. I’ve already lost so much it isn’t fair. You’re the happiest thing that’s happened to me in a long time, and I can’t give this up.”

  Sadness rolled off her, and my words only succeeded in making the scene even more despondent.

  “Oh, sweetie, so many happy things happen to you. Maybe you just haven’t been paying enough attention.” She reached out for me, a gesture I felt undeserving of, and our arms formed a bridge between us.

  “I’m not sure if I want any of those happy things if they aren’t you, and I’m still confused about my wanting you.”

  “There isn’t another option. People could die if I don’t become a dream again. I’ve been playing hooky long enough.”

  “Fine,” I blurted when a realization struck, “get back to work, but take me with you. Make me a dream too.”

  She was already shaking her head, but I continued regardless.

  “I’ll help you do whatever it is you do, and we can walk through memories together. We can visit my brother every day. I won’t be leaving much behind. I’d rather be with you.”

  “You have so much to look forward to. I can’t take that away no matter how tempting it sounds. College, love. Your mother needs you. This glittering reality is so wonderful. It suits you. Besides, I doubt Reeves would be thrilled to hear of you giving up everything he could have had.”

  What could I say? That was a point we both knew I could never argue with. He had had his childhood stolen, and I was ready to give up the rest of mine.

  When we were younger, Reeves and I would always hold our breath during scenes in movies where characters couldn’t breathe. One time Titanic was on television. We only started watching near the end when things got interesting. Well, Jack was diving underwater to pick something up, and we both puffed out our cheeks and covered our mouths. The need for oxygen was stronger than any lust in my life, but glancing over at Reeves showed that he still wasn’t breathing, and I refused to let the boy win. He was probably just taking shallow breaths through his nose without my noticing. With stubbornness I refused to let any air in my lungs until my head went fuzzy, like cotton swabs were rubbing away at the edges of my mind. That was the last time I feared passing out, and the uncomfortable feeling was back.

  Carefully, I brought us to the couch and sat down.

  “We were so happy yesterday.” Those words were the sound of me giving up.

  Ashlinn smiled at me, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

  “I’m not sure if I’ve ever been happier.”

  “If you stay, we can have an entire life of yesterdays.” I could feel the desperation in my voice but knew no way of stopping it. “We can see so many places. I swear the world is twice as beautiful through your eyes.”

  “It won’t be beautiful any longer if I let this go on. How could I possibly be happy when Semira is out there ruining everyone else’s lives? I’ve seen the memories of all these people, their hopes and goals. I care about them. Not to mention she’s been hurting you as well. Those nightmares last night will not be a one-time occurrence if this continues.”

  “I can handle the nightmares.”

  What the hell is going on with this Semira woman? If it weren’t for her, surely we could stay as we are. Why does everything have to be ruined? Happiness should come with a warranty. Maybe this lady can be reasoned with.

  “How about this: take me to meet Semira. We’ll go into a dream together; you can do that, right? I’ll try to reason with her. We can talk. You said she wasn’t all bad.”

  Ashlinn looked doubtful, but I could see some hope seeping through.

  “That’s true, but she’s also confused and very misguided.”

  “Aren’t we all? Look, you want me to start making good decisions for myself. That’s part of the reason you came to start with. Let me do this, please. I’ve already lost too many people I love.”

  She was definitely thinking it over, and I already knew I’d won. Our pull over each other went both ways.

  “Fine. Here’s the plan: when you go to sleep, I’ll enter your dream and beckon Semira to us and maybe allow you two to speak. I’ll find out why she’s running rampant with the nightmares and see if we can knock some sense into the woman.” Her tone was pessimistic, and in the time we’d known each other she had never looked so unsure, but I felt beyond victorious.

  “Thank you so much,” I squealed, practically rolling on top of her in a botched attempt at a hug. “Now we have the whole day before us too.”

  “We shouldn’t let it linger. It will probably be our last together,” she reminded me, and I deflated.

  “Don’t speak like that,” I begged, squeezing her.

  I draped myself over her shoulders as her arms snaked around my waist. It felt safe in her embrace, and she still smelled like summer nights. This was acceptance, not of her but of myself. Our foreheads were so close we were breathing the same air. Who needs kissing when you can share oxygen?

  “You’re the most fantastic thing that has ever happened to me, and I won’t even be able to talk about you to anyone.”

  “Nor will I. There’s always Reeves, but I doubt he’d want to be privy to such intimate information about his dear sister.”

  I felt vaguely horrified at her telling my brother anything about our romantic life, regardless of its lack of physicality.

  “You wouldn’t dare,” I growled, and she laughed, although her heart was obviously not in it. That was a tragedy in itself.

  I pulled her in tight as if it were my intention to absorb her—not that it would be a bad idea because then nothing would be able to steal her away—and rubbed circles into her shoulder blades. This could have continued indefinitely if my stomach hadn’t rumbled.

  “Sorry, we skipped lunch,” I said as an excuse, and she gave me a half smile and started to pull me toward
the kitchen. “Is it bad I could honestly care less about eating right now?” I asked her, although it wasn’t really the truth. “I can eat any day, but who knows how much time I have left with you? I can manage.”

  She ignored my protests and began rummaging through the cabinets.

  “If you learn one thing from my being here, I hope it’s that there’s little more important than caring for that body of yours. Sacrificing yourself for stupid reasons isn’t okay, not that we’re a stupid reason or anything. Case in point, you need to eat. Besides, you took care of me. It’s about time I return the favor.”

  There would be no coercing the girl, so I decided to make the most of it.

  “Ramen’s to your left,” I told her before taking a seat to watch.

  Thirteen

  SHE READ through the instructions on the back of the package several times before even opening it, and neatly placed the brick of noodles right in the center of a plate rescued from the cabinet. Then she laid the seasoning packet squarely next to it, and the still intact instructions remained in her grasp as she searched for a pot and measuring cups.

  I had never actually heard of someone measuring the amount of water to boil for instant noodles, but she did just that, and the measurements were extremely precise judging by how she got eye level with the cup. I almost interrupted her cooking, but it seemed better to allow her to do this however she deemed best.

  She slowly poured the water into a small pot and lit the stove beneath it. Her eyes never left the water as she waited for it to boil, and I held back any observations about watched pots. I tried to commit certain details of her physicality to memory, like her stature. This might be my last chance to do so, and even blinking seemed like a waste of time. The way she held herself was an art form. She was doing something with the noodles and a wooden spoon, but I was too busy trying to sear the image of her obsidian curls into my memory to really pay any attention. I hadn’t even realized she finished until the still steaming water was being poured down the drain.

  We sat at the round kitchen table with our chairs pulled up as close to one another as we could manage, two forks and a single bowl of ramen being shared between us. Our arms were pressed against each other and I kept laying my head on her shoulder between bites. This wasn’t something I could fathom ever doing with anyone else. No friend had ever been this close. This really was a romantic relationship.