Gigolo Girl

by Layce Gardner

  “That’s why I left.”

  “You don’t love her?” Floyd said.

  “No, I do love her. I love her a lot,” Desiree said. “I love her more than I could ever imagine.”

  “I don’t get it,” Floyd said. “Why’d you run out on her then?”

  “She’s been trying everything to find you. That Honey Belle woman even has a private investigator hound-dogging your trail,” Greta said.

  “She does?” Desiree said.

  “Mildred says Honey Belle’s fit to be tied,” Greta said.

  “I figured on that. That’s why I can’t use any of my credit or debit cards,” Desiree said. “Honey Belle’s got friends in high places. She can trace just about anything.”

  “How come she can’t trace you using your social security number? You had to put that on your application,” Floyd said.

  “We didn’t use real names or social security numbers. Honey Belle was running an under the table operation. We got paid in cash.” Desiree said.

  “How’d you handle it without tipping the IRS off?” Floyd asked.

  “I used cash for most things, like that car. We had some financial advisors on board. They were clients so they enjoyed our favors and in return invested our money.”

  “Having a lot of cash sure is complicated,” Floyd said shaking his head.

  “I wouldn’t think so,” Greta said. “I get all my tips in cash.”

  “I think she’s talking about a lot of cash,” Floyd said.

  “Which is why Cindy Lee buying the car is a good thing,” Desiree said. “We’ll have legitimate cash to buy Johnson out.”

  “Gosh almighty, girl, you’ve led some life,” Floyd said.

  “Is this what they mean by money laundering?” Greta said lowering her voice.

  “In a manner of speaking, but believe me I earned every penny of it. Besides, from now on I’m a regular tax-paying citizen,” Desiree said. “So what do you say, Floyd? Do you want to buy the Co-op or not?”

  “Shit, yeah.” Floyd said, banging the table.

  “Language!” Greta admonished.

  “Sorry, sugar,” Floyd said. “But I can’t wait to see Ol’ Man Johnson’s face when I hand him that down payment. That old man’s been wishing and hoping he’d get to finish his days out in Florida. He better get packing.”

  “See, it’s a win-win,” Desiree said.

  “Except for Mildred,” Greta said, putting a damper on the proceedings.

  “Why hell, she can come back here and work with us,” Floyd said.

  “She doesn’t want to,” Desiree said. “That’s the problem. She loves the city. She loves her work. She’s finally made something of herself and I don’t want to stand in the way of that.”

  “Is that why you left?” Greta said.

  Desiree nodded. “Yeah. I couldn’t bring myself to wreck her new life. I couldn’t let her do her job, you know, with other women when I wanted her for my very own. It’s like that song by the Police—Roxanne. I just couldn’t stand by and watch her turn on the red light. So if I had stayed neither of us would have a career anymore. And she likes the bright lights and big city stuff,” Desiree said. Now she felt like crap. The whole thing had made sense in her head, but putting it into words made no sense. Had she really thrown away the love of her life over something so silly?

  Greta must have sensed Desiree’s feelings. She patted Desiree’s hand and said with false bravado, “You know what this means, don’t you? Me and Floyd can get ourselves a little house and maybe start a family! No more waiting and worrying.”

  “Yee haw!” Floyd said. He reached across the table and pulled Desiree into an awkward hug. Then he reached for Greta “Who’s my little sugar booger?”

  Greta threw her arms around Floyd’s neck. She laid a kiss on him that made his eyes go buggy.

  “Coffee,” Elmer yelled from the counter.

  But for once, Greta didn’t respond. Instead, Desiree got up and refilled Elmer’s cup.

  Leaving On A Jet Bus

  Mildred felt weird as she walked to the bus station. She’d had the oddest premonition as she left Desiree’s apartment that she might be seeing it for the last time. She’d only had this sinking feeling of doom one other time. And then a bird had pooped on her head. It completely ruined prom for her. They never should’ve had live doves in the gym in the first place. So, just to be on the safe side, Mildred walked down the street with her umbrella held high above her head even though the sun was shining. Birds were unpredictable creatures.

  Mildred had left the running of the condo in the capable hands of Qui because she had promised Greta that she would arrive just in time for the wedding. She had tried to get the whole week off work but she was so booked it was all she could do to get off for the wedding itself. As the Maid of Honor she should have been there all along, but Greta told her that her new friend Diane was filling in for her.

  Greta said she couldn’t wait for her to meet Diane. She was an “available lesbian.” Mildred didn’t have the heart to tell Greta that her heart was broken beyond repair and she didn’t anticipate it being mended anytime soon. Hearts weren’t like dogs, she thought. When it died you didn’t go buy another one to replace it. Still it was sweet of Greta to think of her. She was so happy for Greta. She and Floyd would make such a great couple especially now that he was the half-owner of the Co-op. He had promise and that made Greta happy and whatever made Greta happy made Floyd happy. Happy, happy, happy. It seemed like everyone was happy but her.

  Mildred watched as the bus pulled in to the Bon Chance depot. It seemed so long ago that she’d gotten off this bus, scared, with very little money in her pocket and no job prospects. Until she had met Desiree. Desiree had saved Mildred from having to go back to Terrence with her tail between her legs like a whipped dog. She never would’ve been able to show her face in town again without someone saying “I told you so,” or giving her a look that said plainly, “You were getting a little too big for your britches, missy.” Now, thanks to Desiree, she could hold her head high.

  Honey Belle had gone from mad to furious. If that P.I. on retainer ever showed his face in her office she was threatening to cut his balls off. Even Velvet Thrust was impressed at Desiree’s ability to go underground. “Who knew she was capable of disappearing from the face of the earth?” Velvet Thrust had said.

  At least the new girls were working out. Honey Belle had put Velvet and Fessa in charge of their training. Mildred added the psychiatry of the business—how to get on with new clients and keep them satisfied so you’d get repeats and how to adjust mentally and emotionally to your new job. Mildred was the most qualified to teach this end of the business since three short months ago she’d been the new girl.

  Mildred was helping the new girls adjust because she felt it only right in a pay it forward type of way. She imagined that if Desiree ever did come back and they found their Happily Ever After, Honey Belle might forgive them and perhaps even wish them well as they rode off into the sunset. Of course that imagining was all in Mildred’s head. Fairy tales didn’t happen in real life. Happily ever afters were only for romance novels.

  As the bus pulled away from the station, Mildred wondered if anyone in Terrence would even notice how the big city had changed her. She dressed better. She didn’t use the word “ain’t” anymore—even though she had discovered that it actually was in the dictionary. And she knew that Google was capitalized as a noun but lower case if used as a verb. Who knew? Milly Fontaine knew, that’s who.

  She wouldn’t be snotty because that was just mean and ego-spite, but she wasn’t going to take anyone’s guff either. For the love of all that’s holy, she’d helped Desiree intimidate a rich lady using only a poodle. Bet no one in Terrence had ever done that. Cindy Lee had her fall from grace—that was karma doing her job. Mildred could gloat a little on that one. The chicken farm had failed and Sarah caught Cindy Lee cheating—like that was any surprise. Even though Greta had told her they’d gotten
back together again. Seemed like they broke up and got back together again every two weeks or so.

  Mildred sighed heavily. Deep in her heart she knew she was wrong about the people in Terrence. Everyone was going to be nice and glad to see her, excepting Cindy Lee and Sarah. Mama would be overjoyed. Mama would have her delicious biscuits and gravy waiting on her arrival. Mildred’s mouth watered at the thought.

  She’d bought Mama a new apron and a pretty church-going hat. She looked down at the pretty hatbox sitting next to her on the empty seat. Mama would save the hatbox. She’d say it was too nice to throw in the trash. She’d find a use for it, too. Mildred could just see her sitting in church telling everyone that her daughter had bought her this pretty hat.

  Mildred bought a present from Victoria’s Secret for Greta’s wedding night (it was also a present for Floyd.) It was a lingerie set. Sexy, yet tasteful. Peach colored. She knew that Greta would faint at owning something so expensive. After she made a lot of noise about how it was much too pricey for her to actually wear, she’d settle down and love it and so would Floyd.

  Mildred got Floyd a Burberry New Classic watch. He still had that Timex he’d bought back when he got his first job. Mildred figured now that he was management he needed a nice watch befitting his new position. She couldn’t wait to see all their faces as they opened their gifts.

  The only bad part was that she was going to have to pretend to be happy with her life in Bon Chance. This was really going to test her acting ability. She practiced saying over and over, “I’m happy. Big city living is everything I ever dreamed.”

  As she looked out the bus window, over and over, under her breath, she mouthed the words, “I am happy. I am happy. I am happy.” Maybe if she said it enough times even she would begin to believe it.

  But she doubted it.

  Homecoming

  Mildred’s heart beat a hundred miles a minute as the bus pulled into the station at Terrence. She waved excitedly when she saw Greta and Floyd. Her mother stood next to them with her trusty handkerchief in hand. Faye always said she was allergic to dust when really she was just sentimental.

  Greta ran across the platform and about squeezed the air right out of Mildred. She hugged her and kissed both her cheeks at the same time. “I’m so happy you’re here I could just bust! I can’t believe it.”

  Floyd took the hatbox out of Mildred’s hand before it suffered damage. Then he grabbed her luggage and set it down next to him. He gave her a tender hug and whispered in her ear. “You’ve been all she’s talked about for weeks. I was starting to get jealous.”

  Faye stood back, dabbing at her eyes but smiling at the same time. “Oh, my baby, I’m so glad you’re home. The biscuits and gravy are all ready for you. They’re warming in the oven.” She wrapped her arms around Mildred and then fussed at her hair, brushing it back away from her face, saying, “I can’t see your pretty face with all that hair.” She stepped back holding Mildred’s hands. “Look at you. You’re all dressed nice and you even smell nice,” she noted.

  When Faye let Mildred go, Greta hugged her again. “You do look super pretty. I hope you like the dress I picked out. It looked just like you when I saw it in the window at Kimberly’s Bridal Boutique. All the bridesmaid dresses are nice but yours is by far the prettiest.”

  “Oh, and I hope you don’t mind but I invited Cindy Lee to the reception,” Floyd said. He winked at Mildred.

  “Floyd Larson, you better not have or you won’t be meeting me at the altar—I swear,” Greta said playfully.

  Floyd kicked the platform. “Aw, sugar. You know I was only teasing Mildred.”

  Greta socked him in the arm. “I don’t want no last minute surprises. Well, ‘cept maybe just that one,” Greta amended.

  “What one?” Mildred asked.

  Greta locked her lips and threw away the key. Floyd busied himself picking up her luggage. Faye didn’t meet her gaze. Instead she studied the pots of geraniums that the Chamber of Commerce put out on either side of the doorway leading out of the bus station. Something was up all right. Mama abhorred geraniums after she found a dead rabbit on her porch poisoned by eating a flowerpot of them.

  Mildred eyed Greta. “Something’s up. You all can’t fool me. What’re you hiding?”

  “You’ll like it. Don’t you worry,” Greta said.

  Greta took one of Mildred’s hands and Faye took the other. Floyd tagged along behind loaded down like a pack mule. They walked out of the station and under the sign that said, “Welcome to Terrence. The best small town in Texas.”

  Mildred smiled. The sign was right. She looped her arms around Greta and her mama’s waist. “I got you all some presents—that includes you, Mama.”

  “No need to go spending all your hard-earned money on me,” Faye said. “I got everything I need right here.”

  “How does it feel to be back?” Floyd asked.

  “There’s no place like home,” Mildred said. “Dorothy knew what she was talking about.”

  Always A Bridesmaid

  “Well, do you like it?” Greta asked, wringing her hands.

  Greta, Mildred, and Faye were in the women’s bathroom at the Unitarian Church. The wedding was about half an hour away and they had commandeered the bathroom to get dressed.

  Mildred looked in the mirror. She loved the dress just like she knew she would. It was lavender and silky and flattering to her full figure. “I think this is the prettiest dress I’ve ever seen.” She whirled around and looked at her butt in the mirror. She even looked pretty good from behind.

  Faye wrung her hands, too. “Mildred Pierce, you are ‘bout the prettiest thing besides the bride.” Faye was wearing her hat. She’d been wearing the hat since she took it out of the box.

  “You look beautiful, too, Mama,” Mildred said.

  Faye beamed. “Well, I am standing in for the bride’s mother,” she said. “I’ve got to do her proud.”

  Greta’s mother was unable to attend the wedding of her only child because she was dying.

  “Is your mother feeling any better?” Mildred asked.

  Greta shook her head. “She’s still knocking on death’s door.”

  “How long’s that make it now?”

  “Oh, I gave up counting,” Greta answered.

  Faye chuckled. “Her death scene is lasting longer than Greta Garbo’s in Camille.”

  “I’m just glad you’re here to stand in for her,” Greta said, giving Faye’s hand a squeeze. “You being here for me will make up for whatever Floyd’s mama has planned,” Greta said.

  “She’s not going to cause a scene, is she?” Mildred asked.

  “She’s been making noise about sewing her own dress so Lord only knows what she’ll show up in. No wonder Floyd’s daddy ran off—that woman is nothing but bat crap crazy,” Greta said with a little stamp of her foot.

  Mildred winced. Floyd’s mother was odd. She’d shown up at Floyd’s high school graduation dressed as a sunflower. Those outfits looked cute on babies. They did not look cute on a woman who was six foot four, weighed in at 280 pounds, and sweated profusely. It had not been a pretty scene. People still kidded Floyd about it.

  “We’ll just have to hope for the best,” Mama said. She did not look confident.

  “So who’s going to walk you down the aisle?” Mildred said.

  “Diane is doing me the honors. She looks great in a tux. Ever since she put crayons on Cindy Lee’s windshield we’ve bonded,” Greta said.

  “I wish I could’ve seen that,” Mildred said.

  “Served her right. Cindy Lee is still trying to seduce Diane while she’s still living with Sarah. Diane keeps coming up with karmic paybacks. I just love ‘em,” Greta said with an evil giggle.

  “She sounds like good people,” Mildred said. “I think I might like this Diane of yours.”

  “She’s sweet and funny and real nice,” Greta said. “Who knows, you might fall in love with her.”

  “Oh, don’t be silly. I’m not in the m
arket for love,” Mildred said.

  Faye spoke up, “That’s when it always happens. When you least expect it.”

  Mildred harrumphed the idea. “Today is Greta’s day. Let’s not forget that.” She placed the veil on Greta’s head and handed her the bouquet. “You are a beautiful bride!” Mildred exclaimed.

  Her heart was full to bursting over the good fortune of her best friend. Greta was head over heels in love and getting married. Mildred blinked away a sudden rush of tears. Would she ever get to experience a wedding of her own? Always a bridesmaid, she thought.

  Wedding Jitters

  “Isn’t Mildred going to wonder where you are?” Desiree asked.

  “I told her I had to go check on Floyd,” Greta said. “He’s notoriously skittish and when he gets nervous he sharts in his drawers. Mildred thinks I’m off giving Floyd an Imodium so he doesn’t ruin my wedding, but I already did that. Now stand still so I can fix your bow tie.”

  Desiree and Greta were in the men’s bathroom at the church. Desiree was ten times more nervous than the bride.

  “What if this doesn’t work out?” Desiree asked, as Greta straightened her bow tie.

  “She’s madly in love with you,” Greta said. “It’ll work out. You’ll see.”

  “Maybe you just think she’s madly in love. Maybe she’s more mad than madly. Maybe that’s not her love face you saw. Maybe that was her mad face. After all, I did run out on her at a very crucial moment,” Desiree said, pulling at her cummerbund.

  “Well, you’ll just have to explain that you did it for her,” Greta said.

  “I don’t think that’ll work. Floyd’s not happy that his daddy ran off and aren’t you still miffed at your old man?” Desiree said, checking her watch. They had ten minutes until show time.

  “I’m not mad and neither is Floyd. I think both our fathers are happier living together in San Francisco,” Greta said. She hiked up her dress and adjusted her garter. She frowned down at it.