One Song Away

by Molli Moran

  I sink back into my chair. “Headline? I’m not sure I can live up to that phrase.”

  Mina pins me with a look. “SC, we already know you can sing and play. And you’re clearly not shy. Of course you should be the star.”

  Crap. I forgot I played for them the other night. We had a movie night at Sloane’s place, and when Brenna found out that I play guitar, she begged me to bring mine. I did, and later that night, I did a few songs for them. They were just impromptu covers of a few favorite country songs, but the girls went crazy, cheering as if they were at a concert, claiming I was amazing. I’m not sure about amazing, but I’m starting to think I’m okay. I’m remembering when I did all this just because I loved it, and not because I was trying to reach an end goal.

  “I’m not sure, guys…” Am I ready to stand under the spotlight again? Will it be a reminder of all I left behind in Nashville, or will it be a new beginning?

  “Soph, you’ve got to do it.” Sloane beams at me. “It’ll be so fun, plus practicing for it will give you an easy, fun way to get back into the swing of things.”

  Other than here and there, I haven’t been writing much lately. I’m starting to feel more inspired, which I attribute to the positive environment and good changes in my life. I vowed to work on my craft when I moved home, but I haven’t exactly kicked it into high gear. I’ve been working, saving, and falling for Jake. I haven’t felt as lonesome for Nashville lately, but I have started to miss singing.

  I look at each of my friends, at their encouraging expressions. “I’ll think about it.”

  ___ ___ ___

  “How is it already midnight?” I groan when I see the time on my phone.

  “Mmmm.” Jake is smirking. I can’t see him, but I can hear him, and that’s enough. “Maybe because we’ve been talkin’ for two hours?”

  I don’t believe him, so I glance at the call timer. He’s right. We’ve been on the phone for two hours. As always with him, I’m not even sure I could list everything our conversation has covered. Since we haven’t seen each other outside of work in a few days, we’ve continued our nightly calls. I love them. I love that he always calls me, no matter what else is going on in our worlds.

  “Oh yeah.” I laugh, sitting back against my pillows. “I lost track of time.”

  “I’ve heard that’s pretty easy to do when you’re in good company.”

  I snort, but it turns into another laugh. “My, someone is feeling cocky this evening.”

  “Try ninety percent of the time.”

  “Jake Cooper! Your head isn’t going to fit through my front door the next time you’re here.”

  “Probably not,” he says. “I’m not sure what we’ll do then. You won’t want to be seen around town with your big-headed boyfriend.”

  Boyfriend. The word sends a thrill through me. “Wouldn’t be a change from the present.”

  “Claire.” His voice drops. “If you were here now, I’d…”

  “What?” He can’t see me, but I jut out my chin, daring him to finish the sentence. To finally allude to what’s sparking between us.

  “Kiss you.” Jake’s deep voice is pitched low.

  I feel heady. I want to keep pushing the limits, but I’m not at all certain what they are anymore. When we started this, everything was simple. Now…not so much. I feel like more goes unsaid between us every day, but I also feel like those sparks are getting brighter. Warmer. Closer to exploding into flames.

  “Sooo.” I draw out the word, and then take the plunge. “You’ll have to make good on that the next time I see you, you know.”

  When Jake laughs this time, it’s a full-bodied laugh. Rich. Loud. “I intend to, sweetheart. Don’t worry.”

  I’m glad he can’t see me, because I’m doing some kind of awkward flailing in my bed. I can’t get enough of his kisses, or the way he touches me. Our kisses feel like those sparks, too. Like any one of them could be the one that leads to more. I think he’s been waiting for me to give him some form of consent to go further, and I think I’ll be ready soon.

  But definitely not tonight. A yawn interrupts whatever I might have said next.

  “You sound tired, Claire.”

  “I am, I guess.” I pout at my phone. “I think I need to go to bed.”

  “Yeah, I don’t want you falling asleep on me.” He chuckles. “I’ll see you at work tomorrow. Oh, wait! Did the girls ask you about the showcase?”

  I draw circles on my comforter. “They did.” I sigh.

  “And?” He’s quiet, waiting for my answer.

  “Well.” I squirm. “I want to, but I’m nervous.” I know it’s ridiculous to be nervous, since I’ve known most of these people my entire life, and I’ve done more embarrassing things than sing in front of them, but it’s how I feel. I also know I’m starting to be sort of excited at the prospect of performing again, so the two emotions are clashing.

  “Nope.” Jake sounds like he’s laughing. “The Claire I know doesn’t get nervous, and if she does, she hides it until it’s gone. This’ll be fun, I think.”

  Pushing my hair back from my face, I frown. “I’ll think about it, okay?”

  “Sure thing. It’s not for a few weeks, so you’d have time to practice, get a set list together. And you wouldn’t be the only one performing, either. Just let me know soon. Night, Claire.”

  “Night, Coop.” I end our call and then set my phone on my bed.

  As I go about doing my nightly routine, I can’t stop thinking about Jake. I can’t stop wishing he were here to kiss me goodnight. Maybe to go to bed with me. Even if we just cuddled tonight, I feel more and more lately that I need him with me. Saying goodbye once our dates end is harder each time. I’m getting closer and closer to falling, and I don’t have a single clue how to put on any brakes. Or how to tell if it’s just me reeling closer to the edge.

  I let out a sigh as I climb into bed and snuggle under my blanket. My thoughts turn to the concert and I smile. It really does sound like fun, and I’m thinking maybe I do need a way to jar myself back toward my goals. Martinville has been a wonderful reprieve from drowning in self-doubt in Nash. I’m getting my confidence back about myself, and about my singing and songwriting, but slowly. I think I’m at the point where I need to take a chance again. I don’t want to slow down so much that I get stuck.

  Before I can change my mind, I grab my phone and send Jake a quick text telling him I’ll do the showcase. I lie back down, and when I drift off to sleep, I’m happy.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Brenna is talking to me, but it takes everything in me not to look over her shoulder. If I do, I’ll see Jake sharing a table with Nolan and several other guys. I’ll drink him in as though I haven’t seen him for weeks, instead of minutes. We’ve been sneaking glances at each other all night. It’s like we’re both suddenly so hyperaware of the other’s presence that we just know when one of us is staring at the other. And unlike earlier in our relationship, we don’t look away. These are long gazes, the kind that catch, tug, and don’t let go quickly.

  “Sophie, are you with me?” Mina waves a hand in front of my face.

  I drop my eyes to my plate of half-eaten cheese sticks. We didn’t come to Time Out for the food, which is just okay at best. It’s buy-one-get-one beer night, and we came for drinks and gossip. Jake showed up about an hour ago, and my focus vanished.

  Frowning, I make myself meet Mina’s eyes, then Brenna’s. “I’m sorry,” I say. “I’m…distracted.”

  Mina snorts. “Yeah, that’s a good word for it.” She exchanges a look with Brenna. “He must be a great lay, because I’ve never seen anyone so torn up over a guy.”

  I want the floor to swallow me. Now. If Sloane were here, she’d be snickering along with the girls, but she’s on a date. So it’s up to me to hold my own, but I don’t know what to do or say. As always when it comes to Coop, I’m hopelessly, helplessly out of my depth.

  “I wouldn’t know.” I say it quietly, hoping they won’t hear.
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  Brenna gasps, her face contorting almost comically. “You haven’t slept with him?” She cuts her eyes in Jake’s direction, and I know what she’s thinking. He’s smoking hot, and we’re obviously attracted to one another. We’re adults, and we know how to be safe. What are we waiting for?

  “I…”

  “Sophie-Claire Wright.” Brenna crosses her arms over her chest. “Why not? Is it him? He doesn’t want to?” She pitches her voice lower. “Boss or not, he’s an idiot.”

  I giggle. “No, no.” I sit back in my chair, trying to find the words. “We want to, I think. But we’re waiting until the time is right.”

  At least I think we are. We talked for three hours last night, but I’m not even sure I could recap the conversation. We talked about the future and about his hopes for Freshly Ground. I snuggled in my bed, wishing I was in his arms, and fell deeper for his voice, his heart. I’m seeing so many glimpses of the real Jake, the one behind the antics, behind the football star, behind the golden boy—and I love who I see. I’m just afraid it’s only me who’s falling.

  “Why wait?” Mina winks at me. “Seriously, SC, y’all are young. Don’t get old like me and still be alone.”

  I give her my best withering stare. “You’re twenty-four. Twenty-four isn’t old.”

  “Stop changing the subject. Buy some condoms and get laid, girl.”

  Letting out a sigh, I gaze at Coop again. He’s telling a story to the guys, and it must be funny, because Nolan is laughing so hard his face is turning red. Jake has his cap on backwards and he’s freakin’ adorable. And mine…at least I wish.

  “Well.” Oh God, I can’t look at the girls for this. “The thing is, he and I aren’t really dating.” I bite my upper lip until I taste blood.

  “What do you mean?” Brenna leans forward. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her pale red brows winging upward.

  I’ve done it now. I can’t back away from this; I have to tell them the truth. And honestly, it’ll be a relief for someone else to know. Up until now, the only person who’s known is Sloane. And the longer this…whatever it is continues without me staging a breakup, the less sure I am of my sanity or objectivity. The more real Jake and I feel, the less centered I feel. Even though ‘fessing up to them is embarrassing, maybe they can tell me if I’m going crazy or not.

  “I needed a boyfriend to keep my mom from setting me up with people I have no interest in.” There’s already a blush spreading across my face, and I curse silently. “Coop had just come back into my life, so it seemed…simple.”

  “Simple,” Mina echoes.

  “Maybe I have a different definition than you do.” I focus on my cheese sticks. “Anyway, it was going along well until recently. Things have felt different, way more real, but that’s probably just me, considering I’ve been in love with him since we were teenagers.” Slowly, I peel my napkin to shreds. “I think when I was younger, a part of me never really thought I deserved him. Now I do, because I’m starting to feel happy with myself, but I still doubt we’re real.”

  There. It’s all out in the open. I wait for them to laugh at me. To tell me that I’ve been playing this dangerous game long enough, and need to end it before I get hurt. Those are all things I already know, but I can’t seem to stop, even though the stakes shoot higher and higher every day, with every touch or kiss.

  Instead, Mina puts a hand on my shoulder. “Sophie…” When I finally look at her, she’s smiling. “You’re ridiculous, but you’re not crazy.”

  “I’m not?”

  Brenna shakes her head. “Not even a little bit.” Her eyes are sparkling. “Trust me. I know what a boy in love looks like, and Jake’s got it written all over him.”

  My next breath just isn’t there. Gasping, I finally manage to breathe, but now I’m so shaky that I knock over my thankfully empty glass. Flagging over one of the bartenders, I order a beer. “I need to process, and I need more alcohol to do it.” Finally, I meet Mina and Brenna’s gazes in turn.

  “Did you really not know?” Mina’s expression is curious.

  “Um, no. I didn’t, and I think you’re wrong.” I laugh, but it sounds shrill. “Jake doesn’t like me.” Even though it’s exactly what I want, I’m having trouble trusting my friends.

  Brenna giggles. “Sophie, please. He can’t stop staring at you. He brings you up in basically every conversation he and Darrell have.” She smirks. “Darrell even noticed it, and when your fiancé tells you another guy is talking about a girl a lot, trust me, that means a lot.”

  “He’s thought about coming over here at least three times already tonight,” Mina says.

  “What?” I make some kind of high-pitched sound. Great. I sound like a tea kettle. That’s attractive. “How do you know?”

  Mina smiles. “I know guys.” She gestures at herself. She’s in killer shape, with perfect-sized breasts I’m sure guys have drooled over for ages. “I’m pretty confident about my body, and well, let’s just say I’ve learned how people think. And that boy is only still over there because he isn’t sure what you would do if he walked over here.”

  The bartender delivers my drink, and I chug half of it before I slow down. “I’m not sure what I’d do either. God.” I’m afraid to look at him now. “Are y’all sure?”

  “Sure as I’ve ever been about anything. Sexy Boss is strung out over you.” Mina tosses back her shot. “Come on. Let’s go dance and give him time to find his balls.”

  I try to forget their words as we approach the dance floor, but I can’t. I don’t look at Jake, because I’ll end up doing something stupid, like going to him and kissing him, or just generally making a fool of myself. Instead, I dance. I dance the shit out of every song that comes on. I dance with anyone who will dance with me. And I drink everything the girls hand me. I let the alcohol flow through me like the music.

  For almost two hours, I get lost in the music. In song after song. And it feels amazing. To just dance, to literally let my hair down. To move my body in any direction I want and not even care what anyone thinks.

  Until a low voice near me brings me back to the ground. “Claire.” I spin, and I’m facing Coop. He lost his button-down somewhere, and he makes the tight T-shirt look damn good.

  “Hey you.” I let my gaze linger on his chest. There’s no hiding behind pretenses tonight. I’m too buzzed for that. I’m tired of making light of the pull between us. All I want right now is to acknowledge it. To follow it wherever it leads.

  Jake holds out his hand. His eyes look almost black in this light. “Dance with me?” His raspy voice sings along my nerves. He’s closer than I realized, close enough to catch the scent of him. Close enough that it goes to my head. If I take one step closer, I’ll be able to feel his warmth. I feel heady at the thought.

  No isn’t an option. It isn’t even a word in my vocabulary right now. Not when he looks so incredible. Not when he wants to dance with me. Not with the drinks I’ve had, and how invincible I feel, knowing he came to me. I wasn’t trying to make this happen, but somehow it did. I feel good. Powerful. Confident. There’s no way I’m turning him down tonight. Whether it’s the alcohol or something else making me brave, I go with it.

  I toss my hair back. “Sure.”

  We maneuver into a space big enough for the two of us. The DJ has been playing familiar country songs before now, but as soon as Jake puts his hands on my hips, the mood and the music switch. I don’t know this song. It’s something you’d hear in a Nash club, but from the cheer that goes up from the crowd here, they know it well.

  Then Jake pulls me flush against his body, and I don’t give a damn about the music. I try to turn and face him, but he holds me gently in place. It feels too good to have his hands on me to worry about changing our positions, so I go with it. I close my eyes, blocking out anyone around us. The only things I focus on are the thrum of the music, the pumping of the bass, and Jake.

  He should have told me he knew how to dance like this.

  Then again, I
probably should have told him that I knew how, too.

  I’m not sure which of us is more surprised when I move my hips against him. I feel his intake of breath, and it’s sharp as glass. But then he changes, adapting as only he can. He relaxes, and his hands tighten on me. I love the possessive way he holds me. My heart is racing faster than I thought was possible, but since he hasn’t asked me to stop, I roll my hips into him once more. The effect is instantaneous.

  Jake moves us so we’re further away from the crowd, but he keeps my back to him. He’s controlling this for now, and that works for me. We’re not entirely alone, but the press of bodies isn’t as thick here. He has one hand on my hip, and he moves the other to circle around my chest. If I thought we were close before, I was wrong. The only space between us is our clothing, but it feels like layer upon layer, when I really want to be skin to skin.

  Slowly, he eases one leg in between mine. It changes my position and his just enough so that when I move next time, my bloodstream full of bass and drums, I feel exactly how aroused he is. I grind down on his leg, and a fierce desire jolts through me. Jake is giving me this, and I want it. I want him.

  I didn’t mean to grind the first time, but this time, my moves are slow. Deliberate. I take my time, and as I move against him, I snake a hand behind me and tangle it in his hair the way I’ve always wanted to do. When I pull lightly, he lowers his head to my shoulder.

  Time loses all meaning when I feel his lips on my neck. He sweeps my hair out of the way and lays soft kisses on my neck, sucking just hard enough so I can feel the pressure. And oh, it feels good. I want more. I want him to mark me as his. I reach behind me, fisting my other hand in his shirt.

  This isn’t for anyone else. This is for us alone. I’m not sure I could do this if we were face to face, but with my back to him, I’m finally confident enough to take what I’ve always wanted.

  All there is in the world is the pounding of the music and of my heart. Jake’s hands on mine. Our bodies moving together. His warm breath on my neck. His thick erection against my ass. The feel of the sweat on my skin. The ache growing deep within me, making me wet. With every slide of my body against his, I’m closer, closer, spiraling toward losing control entirely. I feel like I’m spiraling out of control, but there’s no way in hell I want to stop this.