The Lies That Define Us

by Micalea Smeltzer

  She appraised me quietly for a moment and finally said, “Don’t let him try to bulldoze you. Liam needs someone that won’t back down from him.”

  “I really don’t plan on hanging out with him, so…” I trailed off, hoping she’d let the subject drop.

  She smiled sadly and nodded. “Yeah, I get it. You’re not planning to be here permanently.”

  “How’d you—” I started, but she quickly cut me off.

  “You’re easier to read than you think,” she explained.

  I inhaled a shaky breath and looked away.

  She clapped her hands together and pointed over her shoulder at the door. “Shall we go?” she asked.

  “Yeah.” The word came out as barely a whisper.

  I followed her out of the room and down the steps. I heard the echo of Liam and Ollie’s voices, and when we rounded the corner, we saw them sitting in the family room.

  Liam was reclined on the couch with his arm tossed across the back of it. He looked relaxed, and he was actually smiling. When he glanced up and saw us his smile quickly disappeared.

  Ollie noticed and glanced over his shoulder at us. “Ready?” he asked, his own smile growing.

  “Yeah, we’re ready.” Talia bounced over to his side and bent to kiss his cheek.

  Liam stood and left the room without a word.

  I shook my head at his actions. It hadn’t even been a full day, and I could tell already that living with him was going to test the limits of both of our patience. I kept reminding myself that I was doing what I had to do. I couldn’t let his behavior get to me, and if he was friends with people like Ollie and Talia he couldn’t be that bad, right?

  I followed Talia and Ollie out the front door and to their beat-up VW camper van parked in the driveway.

  It didn’t take us long to get to the restaurant. It was a small little shack of a place called Mo’s. The outside was painted teal, and it had a bright yellow door, which made it impossible to miss.

  “It’s a local place,” Ollie explained, unbuckling his seatbelt and reaching for the door handle. “We hang out here a lot and know pretty much everyone that works here, so it seemed fitting to try and get you a job here.”

  I nodded at his words and slid the back door open before stepping outside.

  My palms were sweating, and my heart raced.

  Talia closed the van door and gave me a reassuring smile. “It’s okay, you’re basically already hired. There’s nothing to be nervous about.”

  “I don’t know why I’m scared.”

  Lie.

  I knew exactly why I was scared—because it didn’t matter how many miles I put between Blaise and myself, I was always going to worry about him or one of his henchmen, for lack of a better word, popping up somewhere.

  I might’ve had the freedom to walk around on my own and breathe in the fresh air, but I’d never truly be free. I’d always be looking over my shoulder, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

  Ollie came around the side of the van and tilted his head slightly. “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah.” I steeled my shoulders and lifted my chin. “I needed a moment.”

  Ollie reached for Talia’s hand and tugged slightly so she fell into his chest. He caught her easily, and her giggle filled the air. Ollie lowered his head and pressed a quick kiss to her lips. There was something so sweet and effortless about their relationship. I didn’t even know them that well, or at all, really, but it was obvious they were perfect for each other.

  “This way.” Ollie nodded, and they started toward the building.

  I trailed behind and kept my head low; my long, dark hair provided an excellent shield.

  Ollie held the door open for Talia and then me. When his hand landed on the small of my back, I gasped and jumped away.

  “Sorry.” His hand fell like he’d been burned.

  I shook my head. “Don’t be.”

  I am going to have to work on being so jumpy.

  “Darren’s office is this way.” He stepped in front of me, taking Talia’s hand.

  The interior of Mo’s was more bright colors and shiny wood floors. It was packed with the evening crowd, and there wasn’t an empty seat at the bar.

  We reached the door, and Ollie rapped his knuckles against it.

  A male voice called out, “Just a second!”

  The door swung open a moment later and a guy stood there. Shaggy, brown hair hung past his ears, and his chin and cheeks were covered in several days’ worth of stubble. His green eyes were bright and alert, and he had an easy smile.

  “You must be Ariella.” He held his hand out for me to shake.

  I nodded and slipped my hand in his. “Ari.”

  “It’s nice to meet you.” He let go of my hand. “Shall we talk in here?” He nodded back at his office. At my panic-stricken look, he added, “Ollie and Talia can join us, if you'd prefer?”

  I glanced at them and shook my head. As much as I wanted their presence, I didn’t need it. I couldn’t need it.

  I’d found the strength to leave Blaise; I had to find the strength to stand on my own two feet.

  Darren stepped back, clearing a path for me into his office.

  “Have a seat, please.” He indicated the plain gray chair in front of his desk.

  I took a seat as he moved behind his cluttered desk. There were so many pieces of paper strewn across it I didn’t know how he could ever find anything.

  “Talia and Ollie explained your situation to me, and I want to help in any way I can. Have you ever waited tables?”

  I shook my head. “No, I haven’t. But I’m a quick learner.” I flinched at my own words; I was sure he’d heard them plenty of times.

  His lips rose in a slow smile. “I’ll have Rebecca train you. She’s one of my best waitresses, and she also bartends, so you’ll get training with both.”

  “Thank you for this. You have no idea how much it means to me.”

  “I’m happy to help.” He held his hand out to me once more to shake.

  I stood and started toward the door.

  “When can you start?” he called out.

  I turned back around. “Tomorrow?”

  “Excellent.” He smiled broadly, displaying perfectly-straight, white teeth. “I’ll see you at eleven o’ clock?”

  I nodded. “See you then.”

  I opened the office door, expecting to bump into Ollie and Talia, but they weren’t there. Instead, they were seated at a table, side by side. Talia laughed at something he said, and Ollie nipped at her chin before going in for a kiss.

  I found a soft sigh passing through my lips.

  I couldn’t help but be slightly envious of their easy relationship. I hadn’t had that, and I feared I never would. When you’re surrounded by toxic people as long as I have you start to feel like you’re one of them.

  I joined the happy duo and pulled out the chair across from them.

  “How’d it go?” Talia asked, pressing her hand to the side of Ollie’s face and pushing him away so she could speak to me. He was undeterred and simply grabbed her hand in his before pressing his lips to her cheek.

  “Good.” I smiled. “I start tomorrow. You guys are life savers.”

  “We do what we can.” Ollie grinned. “You ready to head out?”

  I nodded, rubbing my hands together nervously beneath the table. “Yeah, unless you guys want dinner or something.”

  “Nope, we’re good.” He stood and held his hand out for Talia. She beamed up at him, and I wish I had a camera so I could’ve snapped a picture of the look that passed between them. Maybe if I ever got my hands on a sketchbook I could draw it.

  They dropped me back off at Liam’s house, and I waved goodbye as I headed inside.

  It was dark out by then, and the stars shimmered above like a thousand tiny little diamonds. I took a brief moment to look up and appreciate it before heading inside.

  The house was mostly dark, save for a lone lamp glowing in the family room, bu
t Liam wasn’t in there.

  I didn’t bother looking around for him; I figured the less he saw of me the better.

  My hand glided against the railing, and my feet padded softly on the wooden steps. I was used to being quiet, of hiding in the shadows, and I figured it was a trait I’d never lose.

  I headed down the darkened hallway and pushed open the door to the guestroom.

  I stopped short, staring down at the floor and all the bags sitting on it.

  “What the hell?” I muttered to myself.

  Fear coated my veins, sticky and suffocating, but logic quickly overrode it. If Blaise were there, there wouldn’t be shopping bags on the ground. No. There’d be a gun held to the side of my head.

  I bent, rifling through the plastic bag closest to me.

  Clothes.

  Women’s clothes.

  In my exact size.

  I picked up an ivory-colored crocheted-looking crop-top. It was beautiful, and the price tag still dangled from it. My eyes zeroed in on the numbers there, and I promptly dropped the top. That was a whole heck of a lot of money for a top.

  I whipped around and pushed through the doorway.

  “Liam.” My voice echoed off the high ceilings. “Liam. Where are you?”

  I hadn’t even been there a day, and I already wanted to strangle my roommate. Well, I guess technically he was more like my landlord.

  He was the last person on the planet I needed buying me clothes, and how the hell did he even know the right size?

  “Liam,” I bellowed, my steps thundering off the steps.

  I did a quick pass through the downstairs and didn’t find him, so I headed outside.

  It too was empty, but I caught sight of the stairs and decided to head down them to the beach. Something told me I’d find him there.

  Sure enough, down aways on the beach stood a dark figure staring out at the water. The height and build of the guy made me certain it was Liam. His head was tilted slightly back toward the sky, and a beer bottle hung loosely in his grip.

  “Who do you think you are?” I yelled as I stomped toward him. Sand kicked up in my wake and stuck to my toes.

  His head swiveled to me, and in the dark I couldn’t make out the expression on his face.

  “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  I stopped in front of him and glared up at him. He wasn’t much taller than me, but enough to try to appear intimidating. If only he’d known I’d dealt with far worse men than him. He didn’t scare me. Not at all.

  “The clothes,” I said slowly, like he was stupid. “Who do you think you are to go and buy me clothes? I don’t need your charity.”

  “Funny,” he sneered, lifting the bottle to his lips, “seeing as how you’re living under my roof because you’re homeless.”

  My teeth gnashed together. “Yes, well, I’m beginning to regret that decision. I think I’d be better off on the streets than stuck dealing with some rich, stuck-up, party boy.”

  He chuckled, but there was no humor in it. His icy-blue eyes stared down at me, lifeless. “You don’t know me, sweetheart, so I’d suggest retracting what you just said.”

  My hands fisted at my sides. I wanted to lash out, to hit him and scream at him, but that would only make me like Blaise.

  Instead, I took a deep breath and cooled my temper.

  “You’re right, I’m sorry.”

  His eyes widened in surprise.

  Clearing my throat, I said, “I know you’re doing me a lot of kindness by letting me stay with you. The clothes seemed like too much and…and…” I decided to be honest for once in my life, and it’d probably be the only small truth Liam would get from me. “And I didn’t want you to hold that over my head.”

  His brows narrowed in thought, but he said nothing.

  Squaring my shoulders, I continued, “I’m curious, though, how’d you know my size?”

  His lips parted, and he grinned like the Joker, his teeth a pearly white in the darkness. He looked me up and down slowly then tipped his head to the side.

  “I’m very well-acquainted with the female body. I figured I could make an educated guess on your size, and your question makes me believe I succeeded.” His grin widened.

  I shook my head. “You’re impossible.”

  I turned away from him and looked out at the ocean, breathing in the salty air and enjoying the slight sting of the wind on my cheeks.

  “It’s beautiful here,” I admitted out loud.

  I felt Liam’s arm brush mine as he looked too. “My favorite place in the world.”

  Taking a deep breath, I glanced up at him. “Well, thanks for the clothes, and the bed to sleep in, and everything…yeah,” I rambled, backing away.

  “Don’t thank me,” he said, his gaze still glued to the water. “I’m not the kind of guy that deserves it.”

  I puzzled over his words all the way back to the house.

  Liam was clearly a complicated guy.

  A guy I should stay a million miles away from.

  But I’d always been attracted to danger, and some habits die hard.

  And others?

  Well, they kill you.

  Liam

  I didn’t sleep.

  Not much, anyway.

  Sleep was always elusive to me. I was lucky if I got five hours of sleep at the most. I’d always been a light sleeper, but over the last year my insomnia had taken over. Lying in bed at night I’d stare at my ceiling, willing my eyes to close and dreams to take me away, but it never happened. Instead, I spent most of my nights locked in my darkroom or pacing the halls.

  I was sure if I sought a doctor’s help they’d give me some drugs to help me sleep, but I didn’t want that. I didn’t want any foreign substances coursing through my body, affecting my surfing. I didn’t even drink that much, despite what some people may have believed.

  I was sitting at the kitchen table, with my head in my hands, when I heard her scream.

  I jolted out of my seat and glanced toward the stairs.

  The screaming stopped.

  A moment later her door creaked open, and her feet padded softly down the steps.

  She rounded the corner into the kitchen and jumped back when she saw me.

  “You scared me.” She placed a shaky hand over her heart and tried to calm her breaths.

  I eyed her, not saying a thing.

  Her blue eyes were clouded with troubles, and she seemed a shade paler than her normal bronzed glow. She was dressed in a tight, black tank top and a pair of blue sleep shorts.

  I’d bought them.

  I didn’t know what possessed me to go and buy her clothes, but I had, and I was glad I did. Seeing the spark of defiance in her eyes when she’d berated me about buying them had been worth it. Maybe I was sick, but I liked her fire. She came across as soft, quiet, and meek at first, but inside laid the heart of a motherfucking lion.

  My eyes traveled back up her body, and I found that she was staring back at me. Her pulse pounded in her neck, and her hands seemed shaky.

  She probably wondered if I’d heard her scream, but I wasn’t going to let her know. I knew she didn’t want my sympathy.

  “It is my house,” I finally replied back.

  She closed her eyes and shook her head. Opening them, she mumbled, “Right.”

  I leaned back in the chair, crossing my hands behind my head. “Is there something I can help you with?” I raised a brow.

  She shook her head, tucking a wild piece of dark hair behind her ear. “I couldn’t sleep,” she mumbled, her lips barely moving with the words. Lifting her chin, she squared me with a look I couldn’t decipher. “And something tells me you can’t sleep either.”

  My teeth snapped together, and my lips pursed. I said nothing, though—I’d learned I was better off if I kept my mouth shut.

  “You have them too,” she whispered.

  Despite my better judgment I uttered one word. “What?”

  “Demons.”

  My spin
e stiffened.

  “Don’t worry—” her lips lifted slightly “—I won’t ask about yours if you don’t ask about mine.” She walked over to the refrigerator and grabbed a water bottle. Glancing at me once more she said, “Goodnight, Liam.”

  I watched her leave, a feeling of dread settling in my stomach that I couldn’t explain.

  ***

  Surfing might’ve been my favorite thing in the world, but photography came a close second. I’d picked up a camera when I was fifteen, taken a few photos, and that had cemented my obsession. I’d started out taking photos of other surfers back when I was trying to learn. I’d study those photos forever, trying to learn their techniques and see how I could tweak it to fit my style.

  Lately I took photos to clear my mind. Something about being behind the lens gave me a clarity I didn’t normally possess.

  While I was partial to my DSLR camera, I also had a thing for old film cameras. I loved finally getting to develop the film and seeing photos I’d forgotten I’d even taken. I loved the mystery of not knowing what was going to turn up.

  When I couldn’t sleep, I spent a lot of time in my darkroom.

  That’s where I was, lost in the tasks that had become effortless for me, going through the motions—but my head wasn’t in it like usual—when I ended up ruining the film by exposing it to a small amount of light.

  “Fuck,” I groaned, throwing my hands down on the table. Something fell, but I couldn’t be bothered to see what it was.

  I stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind me. I stomped up the steps, my anger a vibrating force around me.

  I topped the stairs and turned to my left to head for my room when a door at the other end of the hallway opened. Ari poked her head out and looked at me with wide shocked eyes.

  “Are you okay?” she asked. “I heard a door slam.”

  “Just peachy,” I snapped.

  She shook her head once and disappeared into the room.

  I was sure she was wondering what she’d gotten herself into by staying with me.

  I opened the double doors into my room and yanked my shirt over my head. It fell to the floor in a useless pile as I nosedived into bed. Lying on my stomach, I wrapped my arms around my pillow as I willed sleep to come. It was already after three in the morning, and I’d promised to meet Ollie and some of the guys for an early morning surf session. If I didn’t go to sleep soon, I’d fall asleep on my board. It’d happened before, and the guys had made fun of me endlessly.