Wife, Mother...Lover?

by Sally Tyler Hayes

  “Because you weren’t here. You’re never here, and you won’t be here for long this time, either. So I really don’t see the point in going into this.”

  “I’m here now. Alex, anytime you need me, I’ll be here.”

  He gave a short, cynical laugh. “And I suppose, all these years you’ve been gone, that all we had to do was call and you’d have come running?”

  “Yes, I would have.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding,” he said, his eyes blazing with anger. “You couldn’t even make it to your own sister’s funeral.”

  His words cut like a knife, the wound deep and wide. Leanne recoiled from the pain and the anger behind the words.

  This was how it was when she was home, she reminded herself. If she and her siblings ever had a conversation that went beyond the polite or the superficial issues, they ended up arguing.

  And this was their trump card against her—that she wasn’t there for them. Unsaid was the belief that she simply didn’t care.

  Normally, Leanne let it go unchallenged, because she didn’t hold out much hope of changing anyone’s mind about herself and her feelings. But she couldn’t afford to do that anymore.

  Kelly. was gone, and Leanne would never have the chance to say these things to her sister. So she couldn’t afford to pass up this chance to say what was in her heart to her brother.

  “It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be here,” she began, hoping that this time she would find the right words to make him understand.

  Later, once the boys had woken up, Alex had taken them to play in the backyard. After trying unsuccessfully to talk with her brother, Leanne had almost pulled herself back together again, when she heard the front door open, then close so hard it shook the whole house.

  “Mitch?” she said, as she headed for the door and wondered what he was doing home so early. It wasn’t even three-thirty yet.

  When she walked into the living room, he was still standing by the door. Something in the way he held himself warned her before she ever saw that dazed look on his face. It reminded her of the day of Kelly’s funeral, when she’d found him in the cemetery all alone after the service had ended. He’d looked so lost, so utterly hopeless and bitterly angry.

  “What is it?” she asked. “What’s wrong now?”

  He stared at her as if he hadn’t even seen her at first, as if he didn’t believe anything his eyes told him. “Where are the boys?” he wanted to know, his voice rough and raw.

  “Alex is here. He has them in the backyard.” Wishing she had the right to touch him, to comfort him, she took two steps closer, then paused right in front of him. “Mitch? You’re scaring me.”

  “I don’t want the boys to see me right now, all right? I don’t want to scare them.”

  “Of course not,” she said, reaching out to him, because she was the only one there and someone had to. She settled for putting a hand on his upper arm, then realized he was trembling.

  “Rena...” He said the name like a curse, nearly choking on it.

  Of course, Leanne thought. It had to be her stepmother. “What? What has she done now?”

  “She, wants the boys,” Mitch said, as if the very words left a foul taste in his mouth.

  “I know she wants them, but what has she done? Mitch?”

  “This.” He pulled a thick stack of folded papers from his jacket pocket and held the papers up for her to see. “This is what she’s done, damn her. She’s going to try to take them from me.”

  Chapter 8

  Leanne remembered the room spinning drunkenly in a circle, remembered that suddenly it hurt to breathe.

  And then she was in Mitch’s arms.

  He was so angry and so hurt. If she wasn’t mistaken, he was also very scared, and seeing him that way seemed to shake something loose inside her. She was scared, too, maybe in the very same way she’d been years ago when she had realized the coldhearted woman her father was dating was going to be her stepmother, and that nothing would ever be the same again.

  She remembered Alex at eight, defiant, angry and frightened as he refused to say goodbye to her. One day he’d clung to Leanne and begged her never to leave him, and the next he’d bottled everything inside and sworn to anyone who’d listen that he didn’t care if she did leave, because he didn’t need anyone.

  Leanne had told herself that same thing for years. Of course it had been a lie, one for which she’d paid dearly because for so long she’d believed she could make it come true.

  And now that she knew the lie for what it was, it might simply be too late for her. But not for the boys. She wouldn’t let Rena rip the boys’ family apart, just as she’d torn Leanne’s in two.

  “You can’t let her do that,” Leanne said again and again, the words muffled because her head was pressed against Mitch’s shoulder. “You can’t.”

  “I know,” he said, holding her tightly.

  “You have to stop her.”

  “I will. There has to be a way, and I’ll find it.”

  “Oh, Mitch.” Leanne hadn’t felt this miserable since those awful days after Kelly had died.

  She felt him shudder as he took a deep, slow breath, and she clung to him. He could fight Rena, she told herself. He was so strong and so sure of himself, and he was the boys’ father. He had rights. This wasn’t anything like what Leanne had faced.

  So why did it feel just the same? Why was she every bit as terrified for Mitch and the boys as she had been for herself and her brother and sisters fourteen years ago?

  Why did she feel like that frightened teenage girl again?

  Pressing herself closer to the blessed warmth and solidness of the man who held her in his arms, Leanne told herself that everything was different now. She was older and stronger, more powerful, not wealthy but not without financial resources, either.

  And Mitch would fight like the devil himself for his sons. Closing her eyes, she clung to him, hoping that some of his strength would seep into her, wishing she could stay right there until some of the fear left her, as well.

  From behind her, a door slammed shut, and then she heard Alex’s booming voice.

  “What the hell is going on here?”

  It was only when she realized how long it took to disentangle herself from Mitch that she understood how wrapped up in each other they must have been. She drew away slowly, lifting her head from his shoulder and finding his face so near hers. She blinked, as if she were in some sort of stupor and couldn’t trust her vision. Mitch’s arms, which had been wrapped snugly around her, withdrew, and judging from his expression, he was as bewildered by the embrace as she was.

  All she knew was that for a minute, when she was scared half to death, he’d been the only solid thing in the world.

  “Well?” Alex said, when neither of them answered his original question. “Is someone going to tell me what’s going on?”

  Mitch stepped back and leaned against the door. Leanne watched as his shoulders heaved with the effort he was making to breathe and perhaps to calm himself. Still looking right at her, he told Alex, “Your stepmother is suing me for custody of the boys.”

  “What?” Alex walked into the room, then into the hallway, where Mitch and Leanne stood. “You’re kidding?”

  “Do I look like I’m kidding?” Mitch said, his tone dead even now.

  “No, but...I can’t believe she’d do that,” Alex said, defending her.

  “You don’t have to take my word for it.” Mitch slapped the papers against Alex’s chest, and Alex grabbed them. “Read this. And then tell me again what your stepmother would and wouldn’t do.”

  Mitch turned to Leanne, then touched his hand to her elbow. “You okay?”

  She wasn’t. She was scared, and she wished he would hold her again for just a minute. But Leanne didn’t think there was much chance of that, especially not with Alex looking on. He’d been shocked enough by what he’d already seen.

  However, Leanne couldn’t afford to be concerned about that righ
t now. She turned to Mitch. “I’m all right.”

  “I want to see the boys,” he said, then headed for the back door.

  Alex stood in the living room, leafing through the legal papers. He waited until Mitch was out the door before he turned to Leanne. “How could she do this?” he asked. “How could she say Mitch is unfit to raise his own children?”

  “That’s what she’s like, Alex. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you for so long, and you’ve never believed me. Rena will do anything and say anything to get what she wants. And she wants Teddy and Timmy, just as she wanted you so badly fourteen years ago.”

  “No. She’s not perfect—I’ll admit that. She’s pushy and nosy and thinks she always knows what’s best for everyone. But this...” He held up the papers. “Rena couldn’t do this.”

  Leanne shook her head, wondering how he could be so blind to Rena’s faults. “Alex, she’s already done it.”

  Two hours later, Mitch was sitting in his attorney’s office, waiting for her to read through the legal papers he’d been served with that afternoon. The instant Jane put down the papers, Mitch started firing off questions.

  “Can she do this?”

  “Can she sue you for custody? Yes.” Jane held up a hand to silence him when he would have fired off another question. “Can she win? If everything you’ve told me about the situation is true, then I seriously doubt anyone’s going to take your children away from you. You’re their father.”

  “You doubt anyone could take them away?” Mitch repeated, feeling sick inside. “But you can’t be sure?”

  “Mitch, no one can ever say for certain what’s going to happen in a courtroom, and any lawyer who promises you that he can is lying.”

  “If you’re trying to reassure me, this isn’t the way to do it.”

  “Mitch, I’m trying to be honest with you. And my honest opinion, the one based on all my years in the family court system, is that once this matter is resolved, your children will be with you.”

  “Your opinion...”

  “That’s all I can give you,” she said more gently than before. “Now, you have some work to do. Who’s taking care of your sons currently?”

  “My sister-in-law.”

  “And how long will she be doing that?”

  “She’s been here for two weeks, and she’s agreed to stay for two more, to give me time to find someone on a permanent basis.”

  “You have to do that—the sooner the better. You have to show that you can provide the boys with a stable home life.”

  Mitch wanted to ask how he was supposed to find this wondrous woman who was eager to take care of his boys, would work for what he could afford to pay, would never get sick, never move to another town, never have family responsibilities of her own that would take her away.

  “This bit about the six nannies in...” Jane consulted her papers. “Sixteen months? Is that true?”

  “Yes.”

  “That’s not going to help us.” She held up a hand to silence him when he would have jumped in. “It’s by no means a fatal flaw in our case, but it’s not good. Find someone to take care of your kids, someone who’s mature and dependable and trustworthy. Keep in mind that if this thing actually goes to court, we’ll more than likely put her on the stand.”

  “Okay.”

  “I looked over the report from the doctor who treated Timmy’s cut, and no doubt your mother-in-law will use this to try to bolster her case. But the injury wasn’t serious. We have that on our side. She’ll argue that it wouldn’t have happened if you’d had a proper caregiver for the boys. We’ve talked about that, and you’re going to resolve it. One more thing,” Jane put down the papers and looked him in the eye. “Did you really say that you didn’t think you could take care of them on your own?”

  “Yes,” Mitch admitted.

  “Did you say that you thought they might be better off with your in-laws?”

  “Yes.”

  “What about now? Do you believe that now?”

  Mitch made a desperate grab for air, and it was all he could do to fill his lungs. His chest was so tight, the pressure staggering. How could he have done this? How could he have said those things?

  “Everything was so crazy for a while,” he began. “I was so upset about losing my wife, and I was angry. And I was scared. The boys...taking care of them is an overwhelming job.”

  “I’m sure it is. Are you certain you want to do it?”

  “Yes.” With every ounce of strength he possessed, every bit of stubborn resolve, he would fight to keep them. With every speck of love left in his body, he would cherish them and protect them.

  “Are you certain you can do it? It’s an awfully big job for one person.”

  “How can I not?” he asked. “They’re my children, and I love them more than anything in this world.”

  “I’m glad to hear it, but it takes a lot more than love to raise a child. It’s hard work, day after day, year after year. It’s more of a commitment than some people can make.”

  “I’m committed,” he said.

  “All right. Then you need to promise me something.”

  “Anything.”

  “Don’t ever tell anyone again that you think your sons might be better off with someone else. Because I can assure you, those words are going to come back to haunt you in court.”

  Mitch felt the pressure sinking onto his chest once again. His own words? He closed his eyes, silently cursing himself and thinking that he’d failed his wife and his sons. And he didn’t know how to make this better.

  “There has to be something we can do,” he began. “Something to guarantee that Rena won’t get the boys.”

  Jane shook her head. “I’m sorry. No guarantees. Not in court.”

  “There’s nothing I can do now?”

  She shrugged, then shook her head once again. “You’re a single father with a dangerous and demanding job and two little boys. They’re almost still babies. That’s tough, and as unfair as it is to you, there are still people in this world who think that more than anything else, babies need to be with their mothers.”

  “Their mother is dead,” Mitch said.

  “And now your mother-in-law wants to be the boys’ mother.”

  “You mean if I could give them a mother, I’d win.”

  Jane sat back and cocked one eyebrow at him, clearly interested now. “You’re thinking about getting married again?”

  Mitch wasn’t quite sure how they’d reached this particular point in the conversation, but he wanted to know her answer, so he nodded.

  “Oh.”

  She looked pleased and relieved.

  “That would be as close to a guarantee as I could give you. I can’t imagine a judge in these circumstances taking two little boys away from their biological father and his wife.”

  Wife?

  That word kept running through Mitch’s head as he drove home from the lawyer’s office. At least, he’d intended to drive home. The car seemed to have a mind of its own, and it headed for the cemetery.

  After cutting the engine, he walked through the falling leaves to a spot under a huge oak tree. His wife’s grave.

  Wife.

  To him, that meant Kelly. He’d never imagined allowing another woman to take the place in his life that she held. Except, she wasn’t alive anymore. That place in his heart was horribly empty. Like an old injury, it ached and ached, sometimes pulsating with the pain. And other times, the pain sneaked up on him, catching him totally unaware. It was like walking into a wall. Like flying into one. He just crashed and burned.

  Standing there, staring at his wife’s name etched into the stone, he cried out to her silently, but she didn’t answer. He had been in a panic all day because she wouldn’t answer him the way she used to. She was slipping away from him.

  Because the time was passing? Or because his own memories were dimming? Maybe because she’d done all she could to help him through this.

  Eventually, Mitch kne
w he would have to make it on his own, without her voice inside his head or that subtle hint of her perfume or the smile on the photograph that for an instant had seemed so real.

  Kelly, please. One last time, tell me what to do. For the boys.

  He closed his eyes, ready to shake his fists at the clear, blue sky, to scream in a rage, anything to get some sort of a response. He simply couldn’t believe his wife was gone so completely from him, especially not now when he needed her the most.

  In his head, Mitch heard the lawyer’s words again. As close to a guarantee as I can give you.

  Wife.

  Not that, he begged. Kelly, How can I do that?

  For the boys. She threw his own words back at him, in his own voice, inside his head, until he thought that maybe he was crazy. For the boys.

  Mitch felt the wind pick up abruptly and turned his face into the breeze, which was unseasonably warm. The leaves skidded and scraped along the road to his right and rattled in the trees.

  Opening his eyes, he saw a woman walking toward him from the shadow of the big tree to his right. Her hair was loose and flying around her face, which he couldn’t see at first. But the way she moved, that slow, loose sway of her hips, and the way she held her head—all that was familiar to him. And he thought for a moment there had been some horrible mistake sixteen months ago, that maybe his wife wasn’t buried in the cold ground.

  And then the woman came out of the shadows. He saw that she was taller than his wife, thinner, a few years older, and looking sadder than Kelly ever had.

  “Mitch?” Leanne said, pausing a good five feet away and staring at him.

  He thought he would feel devastated, that he’d feel Kelly’s loss all over again. But he felt curiously at peace, as if someone had taken that empty ache inside him and simply drained it of the pain and the anger.

  Could it be this simple? he wondered. Could he beg his wife for help and have it delivered in an instant, have the answer left standing in front of him?

  Or was this nothing but one of those strange coincidences latched onto by the people who were too scared to accept the idea that we were on this earth all alone, that there was no one anywhere else who could help us?