Rock Rhapsody

by Rachel Cross

He turned to face her. “What is it?”

  “Ella’s dad,” she said, softly.

  He reared back.

  “She names Ella’s dad.”

  “No fucking way.” He nearly ripped the journal from her hands.

  She helped him find the page.

  His searching eyes found the passage immediately. He read. And kept reading. The hands holding the book started to shake.

  Maddy leaned into him, trying to provide the comfort of her body.

  He held her to him absently, and fell back into the couch as he continued to read.

  When he finished, he went back to the passage where she mentioned Ella’s dad by name. He sat for a few minutes, silently staring at the page, no doubt cursing the name. Finally, with a sigh he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, hit a contact and was connected to his attorney, then his attorney’s investigator. Asher gave the man on the other end of the phone brief instructions. Check him out. Check out the family. Immediately and thoroughly. Report back as soon as possible. Asher hung up and held Maddy close.

  “She must’ve had a good reason for keeping Ella from him,” Maddy whispered. “Right?”

  “I would think so. But if she did, she doesn’t mention it.”

  “What are we going to do?”

  They exchanged worried glances. “We’ll see what turns up. I’m not letting Ella go,” he stated.

  Maddy’s stomach tightened into a knot. “Do you think your dad — ”

  “No. We both pressed her to tell us who he was. She wouldn’t have told my dad and not me.”

  “What did she say when you asked?”

  “She told me it could have been one of several guys.” He cleared his throat. “It was pretty awkward. I know a lot about my sister, and far be it from me to cast stones, given my history with women, but there are things I don’t want to know.”

  Maddy indicated the journal. “It seems she was pretty serious with someone in college.”

  “Yeah. Phillip Mitchell. He was a good guy, but overwhelmed by the Lowe name. She was in love with love. Nothing lasting after Phil, at least not that I knew of. She went through a real partying stage right up until she got pregnant. Some of the people she hung out with?” He shuddered. “I don’t know this guy, Ben Logan, but if he’s anything like the rest of them, he’s a flake.”

  “Maybe he is. Maybe he isn’t. He wasn’t part of her crowd. And if he was a flake, it’s been six years. He could’ve changed. Your sister matured after becoming responsible for a child.”

  He leaned back and frowned. “Whose side are you on?”

  “Ella’s,” she said, firmly, “and doing the right thing.”

  “No one is taking her from us.”

  “I’ll admit, I’m hoping he’s got a criminal record a mile long or worse.”

  That coaxed a smile from him. “What’s worse?”

  “Are you going to contact your dad?” She hated even bringing him up, given their history with his father.

  “Not yet.” He squeezed her. “I’m going to check out this Ben guy first.”

  Chapter 20

  Maddy hoped never to live through another week like this last one. The phone rang constantly and with each report Asher grew more distant. He was too strung out for any kind of intimacy — coming home late, getting up late. He spent all his time in the studio. Classic avoidance, shades of her first weeks. She’d given him space, he seemed to need it to process what he had to do. Tonight Asher had finally gotten home in time to see Ella. She heard the front door slam closed as she was starting the bedtime routine.

  “Ella, I’m going to send your uncle up.”

  She made her way down the stairs and found him in the kitchen.

  Maddy put a hand on his arm. “Asher, will you put Ella to bed? She’s been asking for you.”

  He glanced over his shoulder toward the kitchen then gave her what passed for a smile these days.

  “Yeah. Of course. I just need to — ” He looked over his shoulder again.

  “Uncle Asher?” Ella called from the top of the stairs.

  He took the stairs two at a time and swung her up in his arms. Maddy heard the squeals and smiled to herself as she walked into the kitchen.

  On the kitchen island sat a thick manila file and three of the four journals. He had been tightlipped and impatient with her queries about the investigation into Ben. One-word responses or grunts.

  I shouldn’t.

  Screw it. She opened the file and stood reading. She read the reports all the way through, then restarted, skimming. Financials, photos, and notes on Ben, and from what she could tell, nearly everyone in the family. Interviews with neighbors. It was incredibly thorough.

  She gathered the items and went to sit on the living room, sectional folder on her lap, the journals, minus one, on top.

  He strode into the room, caught sight of her sitting there and froze.

  “Why don’t you tell me what’s going on,” she said, outwardly striving for calm.

  She watched him approach the sofa, the implacable expression on his face stirred dread deep within her.

  He sat a few feet away and turned to face her, his jaw clenched, unable to hold eye contact with her.

  “We need to contact him,” she said.

  “No.”

  Her heart sank like a stone. “Asher.” She turned to face him, reached over and gripped his hand.

  He pulled his hand away. “No, Maddy.”

  “Asher, I don’t want to let her go either. I know you love her; we both love her. And it wouldn’t happen right away.”

  “She’s better off here.”

  “You can’t know that. All the information you’ve gathered,” she touched the file in her lap, “indicates he’s a good guy with a solid, supportive family. You have all the information you need here. You’ve had it for days.”

  He refused to respond, his eyes stark, jaw clenched.

  “You know you have to do the right thing.”

  His voice was cold. “And I supposed you know what that is? I won’t give her up. I can give her more.”

  “More what, Asher? More stuff? You can’t give her more love — ”

  “I can!” he bellowed.

  “Be quiet. You’ll wake her,” she hissed and then coughed, and couldn’t stop right away. “You can’t. Asher, he’s her father. It’s not fair to keep them apart. You know that. This whole screwed up situation has been more unfair to him than anyone else. You have to give him a chance. You heard what the therapist said about minimizing change. Maybe he could come here and get to know her.”

  “If he’s such a great guy, my sister wouldn’t have kept him out of their lives. Who am I to mess with that? Ella’s better off here. We love her.”

  She couldn’t be hearing this right. “Asher, are you seriously considering keeping his daughter from him?”

  “It’s my decision.”

  “Where’s the journal that names Ben as the father?”

  He stared at her defiantly.

  Something — respect? trust? — withered. In a stronger voice she said, “Where is the journal?”

  “I got rid of it.”

  Her stomach churned. “You what?” she leaned forward, arms crossed over her abdomen, then stood up stiffly, knocking the file off her lap, papers spilling onto the floor with the three red books. “Asher. I won’t be a party to this. This is Sterling behavior.” She dashed away tears that tracked down her cheeks, a painful hole where her heart used to be.

  He levered himself to his feet and gripped her shoulders. “What about me? What about my feelings for her? If I tell him, he’ll take her away from me and he’ll have every right,” he said, bitterly. “Is that meaningless?”

  “Of course not. I don’t
want to lose her either. There’s visitation — ”

  “Screw visitation. Don’t you see, Maddy? We can give her everything she needs. We can be her family.”

  She took two steps back, wrenching her upper arms from his grasp. This was not the man she knew and loved.

  “I love you, Maddy, and together we can make a family for her.”

  How she’d longed to hear those words. She suspected they might even be true — it was hard to know. He’d said he was crazy about her but he’d never used the word love to describe his feelings. But now? To drop that bomb in a blatant attempt to manipulate? The man standing in front of her was a chip off the Sterling Lowe block.

  “Maddy, you know we can give her everything she needs, love her, care for her,” he was begging now.

  “Let me get this straight. Even though your research has turned up nothing untoward on this guy, nothing questionable, you still don’t intend to tell him about Ella. Ever.”

  He jerked his head once, in acknowledgement.

  “Asher. It’s wrong.”

  He turned away.

  “If you don’t tell him, I will,” she said.

  His voice was icy, his body rigid. “It’s not your decision. You aren’t family. Without that journal, no one will believe you anyway. He’ll look like just another guy after the Lowe fortune. You’ll look like a spurned lover with an ax to grind.” He turned to face her. “So help me God, Maddy, if you tell him, I’ll make your life a living hell.”

  “It already is,” she said, hoarsely, standing up. She crossed the room on trembling legs, picking up her purse from the hallway table as she continued to the front door. Once outside, she entered the code to the gate with the keypad and walked through. She couldn’t even think straight. All she could hear were Asher’s words reverberating in her head, his threats. A wave of guilt washed over her at the thought of leaving Ella.

  She walked until she couldn’t walk anymore and sat on the curb. She called Justin and gave him the cross streets.

  Thirty minutes later Maddy collapsed into Justin’s arms. He helped her into his car and she leaned back against the headrest, exhausted and numb. “Please take me home. I need to rest.”

  “What’s going on?”

  “I don’t want you in the middle of this.”

  “I know how much he cares for you, Maddy. If you tell me what’s wrong maybe I can help? I’ve known him a long time, but I’ve never seen him like he’s been this week. He’s wrecked. Can’t you at least — ”

  “I’ll handle it, Justin,” she said wearily, putting her head back against the seat.

  “Do you have everything you need?” he asked, uncertainly. “Why don’t you come stay with us?”

  She patted her purse. “I’m good.”

  He looked doubtful. “But you’ve been living with Asher for six months.”

  “I’m fine, Justin. I still have plenty of stuff at my apartment.” She was unaccountably weak, whether from grief or that long walk she couldn’t be certain. All she knew was she needed to curl up in a ball in her bed and cry and sleep.

  It was a silent ride to her apartment, where she let herself out of the car and crossed gingerly to the front door of her complex. Maddy let herself in and walked up the first flight of stairs to the landing. Once there she stopped to rest, leaning against the wall, coughing. One more flight. Exhausted beyond reason, she concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other until she was standing at her front door. It no longer looked like home. She fished out her keys from the bottom of her bag and entered her musty apartment. She wrinkled her nose as she closed the door and locked it.

  Maddy got a glass of water, opened the bedroom window a crack and moved into the tiny living room. She sat on the loveseat, still out of breath and bone tired. Odd. With all the swimming she was doing, she’d never been in better shape. She should have been able to handle a long walk and two flights of stairs. This damn cough. She took a sip of water.

  It wasn’t hard to find Ben Logan. His number was listed and she remembered the name of the town from the file. Still, it was early evening by the time she called him.

  “Ben Logan?”

  “Speaking.”

  “Hi. My name is Madeline Anderson. I’m calling from Los Angeles.” She covered her mouth as a coughing fit overtook her.

  “How can I help you?”

  Maddy inhaled. “It’s about Delilah Lowe.”

  “Yeah?”

  “I understand you had a relationship.”

  “What’s this about?” he said, tone suspicious. “Are you with the press?”

  “No. I’m a nanny.”

  “Why do you want to know about me and Dee? That ended a long time ago.”

  “I know. This is going to be difficult, but … did you hear she died?”

  “Yeah. Car accident right? I was sorry to hear it, but not all that surprised.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, she hung out with a bunch of partiers. She was a lot of fun but — ”

  “Is that why you broke up?”

  He gave a short laugh. “I’m not sure you could call what we did dating — who did you say you were?”

  “Her daughter’s nanny.”

  There was a long silence.

  “And … why are you calling me?”

  “Because you’re the father of her child.”

  “What?” His voice rose to a shout. Then his tone went from shocked to suspicious. “Is this a joke?”

  “No. Look, I’m sure this is hard to digest, but Delilah gave birth to your baby — ”

  “How do you know?”

  “We just found her journals. It took us a while to unpack her stuff, but when we did, she talks about you and the dates and names you as the father.”

  His voice shook. “Are you telling me I have an — ” he paused, probably to do some calculations on dates, “ — almost six-year-old child?”

  “Yes.”

  “Ella Lowe is my daughter?”

  “How do you know her name?” It was her turn to be suspicious.

  He gave a sharp crack of laughter. “Please. You can’t live near Vegas and not hear about what the Lowes are into. They’re like royalty around here. The old man is anyway. So you are telling me that Ella Lowe is my daughter?”

  “Yes.”

  “And I’m hearing this from the nanny?” Suspicion crept back into his tone.

  “Yeah,” she sighed. “Asher is having trouble coming to terms with it.”

  “What does that mean?”

  Maddy’s tone sharpened. “That means Asher and I have come to love Ella and want the best for her.”

  There was another long silence.

  “Why isn’t Asher Lowe calling? Or Sterling?”

  “Ben, this isn’t the easiest thing to deal with. For whatever reason, Dee didn’t tell you about Ella. I do know that neither of the Lowes were aware of your existence until this week.”

  “You’re still not telling me why I’m hearing this from you and not them.”

  Oh God.

  “What’s your name again?”

  “Madeline Anderson. Maddy.”

  “Ella’s nanny?”

  “That’s right.”

  “They weren’t going to tell me, were they? Jesus!”

  “Calm down, Ben. I’m sure they were … are.”

  “Bullshit!” Maddy could hear the fury in his tone as it sank in. “Those motherfuckers! If they think their money--”

  “Listen to me, damn it. I don’t blame you for being angry. Be angry with Dee, but not with Asher, and not with Sterling. I swear to God they didn’t know. She never told them and believe me, they asked. I’m the one who found her journals. Yes, Asher is having trouble deali
ng with the idea that Ella’s biological dad is no longer a mystery. Do you know why?”

  “Why?”

  “Because he loves her and cares for her and doesn’t want to lose her. Are you listening to me?”

  “Yeah.”

  “So get as angry as you want about it. Asher is a good man. He would’ve eventually done the right thing. And I’m beating him to the punch. He had you investigated.”

  “He what?”

  “Ben, you said yourself when you met Dee and her crowd you didn’t necessarily trust her judgment.”

  “Yeah, but — ”

  “Put yourself in Asher’s shoes. Pretend you have a niece you love — ”

  “I don’t have to pretend, I have a niece I love.”

  “Well then, imagine that you discover the identity of her biological father. What are you gonna do? Hand her over? Think about it.”

  There were a few moments of silence and then he said, begrudgingly, “Yeah. I guess I can understand that.”

  “Now I’m going to ask you for something.”

  “What?”

  “I want you to keep, at the forefront of your mind, the idea that Asher and Sterling have had a terrible loss. Dee was everything to them. And to Ella. I want you to remember that Asher and Sterling love that little girl. They want to be in her life. They’re good people, and she loves them. Whatever decisions you make, keep that in mind. None of this is their fault.”

  Ben made a noncommittal sound.

  “I know you’re a good guy. I read the results of the investigation.”

  There was a snort from the other end of the line.

  “Can you do this for me?”

  “I guess.”

  “I don’t want ‘I guess’ I want, ‘I promise, Maddy.’”

  He gave a half laugh. “You sound like a teacher.”

  “I am.”

  “I promise, Maddy.”

  “I’m going to give you Asher’s number. I’ll give you Justin, his assistant’s number too.” Maddy rattled them off.

  “Why are you telling me all of this?”

  “Because Ella deserves to know her dad and you deserve to know her, and because I wasn’t sure when Asher would get around to telling you. And, Ben? I’ve done you a favor. She’s a lovely little girl. The best.” Tears welled up and Maddy coughed again.