Phat (Escape From Reality #2)

by Taylor Henderson

  She leaned over and picked up the stuffed giraffe that’s head was peeking out of her bag. It was so old and worn that its neck bent over where there was less stuffing. “For those of you who have never met me, I’m Dr. Lester, but you can feel free to call me Ms. Lilly. This,” she held up the giraffe, “is Twigs the giraffe. You can only talk if you’re holding him. That way everyone can have a chance. So, who wants to start?” She looked around the circle, and when no one volunteered she passed Twigs to her left and said, “Okay, then we’ll go around the circle. Rachel will start.”

  Rachel, a curvy brunette who often wore clothes that didn’t properly cover her assets, sat Twigs on her lap and cleared her throat. “Um,” she paused, looking at everyone then back at Ms. Lilly. “I don’t know what to say,” she whispered.

  “Whatever you want to say.”

  Rachel blew her bangs out of her eyes and huffed. “Okay. Well, Becca and I used to be best friends. We both grew up in Escape so we know each other pretty well. Um, we stopped talking as much last year after our friend Allison fainted on one of the hiking trails. We both knew she wasn’t eating, but we didn’t really do anything about it. I had wanted to tell, but Becca hadn’t wanted us to betray Allison and tell Kelsey something that we had been told in confidence.” Rachel scratched at her thigh and looked down. “Then, when Alison fainted, we both thought it was our fault and it just pushed us apart. Then Allison’s parents came and took her home and I haven’t heard from her since.” She looked up again as she picked up the giraffe. “It’s just really sad to see this happening to another one of my friends,” she finished, passing the giraffe to the left.

  Everyone went around the circle talking about how they knew Becca and how they felt about what happened to her. Everyone said pretty much the same thing, about how they were sad and how it hurt to see her like that, except Daisy. Daisy was the only person to blame Becca, saying that she was angry that she hadn’t told her and that she had done something so awful to herself.

  Ms. Lilly had spoken then, saying that it wasn’t always that simple, and that Becca probably wanted to reach out to her friends for help, but something had held her back.

  When the giraffe landed on my lap, I gave it a tight squeeze and began. I told them about when I first met Becca, smiling at Jess and Willow as I told the story of my first time in paradise. “She’s the type of person who knows everyone and genuinely cares about others.” I took a deep breath, and then I said, “When she found out about my eating disorder, she was there for me.” Jess placed her hand on my shoulder and squeezed it gently in order to comfort me as I continued. “I just wish I could’ve been there for her too.”

  “You still can be, Abby. In fact, all of you can be. What Becca needs the most right now are her friends and her family. She’s going through a tough time, and you can be there to offer her support and show her that you care about her and want her to get better.”

  We all nodded and soon the meeting was adjourned. We wrapped up and all left. I said bye to Jess and Willow and then headed to my cabin to grab my journal. I was going to go to the waterfall and write. And when Tuesday came, I was going to ride the bus to the hospital, go to my session with Dr. Gower, and then go visit Becca. I had screwed things up with India, but I wasn’t going to ruin anymore of my friendships. I wanted Becca to know that she could rely on me, and eating disorder or not, I was going to be there for her through thick and thin—literally.

  Chapter 13

  Worst Nightmare

  Dr. Gower had been kind enough to let us end our last therapy meeting twenty minutes early so I could go visit Becca and wouldn’t miss the bus back to camp. When I got up to leave, she came around her desk and gave me a tight hug, pulling away to say that she was proud of all that I had accomplished in therapy with her. She told me to keep writing in my journal and to stay strong, which I had promised that I would. Then she held me at arms length by my shoulders and told me that she would be an advocate for the camp and for Kelsey, and that I shouldn’t worry. “Everything will work out,” she had urged before letting me go. It was bittersweet saying goodbye, especially now that I didn’t know whether or not I would be able to return next year, but I was going to take her advice and think positive. All I could do now was hope for the best.

  I exited her office into the waiting room and then pushed through the door that led out into the hallway. The walls on this level were stark white, the same color as the tile floors. The white was so bright that it was practically blinding as I followed a sign that pointed down the hallway to the psych ward. I had been in this hospital many times for therapy, but I had never seen much of the building. I always just walked in, got on the elevator and rode it up to the fourth floor. I knew that the psychologists shared a floor with the psych ward—which was only fitting—but that didn’t mean I had ever paid much attention to the psych ward itself.

  Now, as I walked down the hallway, I was focusing on every little detail. This end of the hall was larger than the one where the offices were, and a lot less impersonal. There was a front desk and a locked door that separated the waiting room from the area where they kept the patients.

  I was nervous as I stepped up to the desk and the nurse’s eyes landed on me. She narrowed them and pinched her lips together as she regarded me. “How can I help you?” she asked, her voice cold and monotone.

  “Um, I’m here to visit someone. Becca—Rebecca Calloway.” I was thankful I had seen a glimpse of her credit card that day she had taken us to the movies or I wouldn’t have even known her last name.

  “Name?”

  I frowned, confused for a second before I realized she wanted my name. “Abby Montgomery.”

  “Have a seat,” the nurse said, nudging her head toward the waiting area.

  Nodding, I obliged and found a seat to wait in. While I waited I fiddled with the frayed edges of my shorts and picked at my nails. A few minutes later another nurse opened the door to the left of the receptionist desk and called my name.

  I followed her back down a hallway with rooms on either side of me. Some doors were open, while others were shut. All of the patients I saw were adults and were wearing hospital issued t-shirts and pajama-looking bottoms. We walked through another door that we had to be buzzed into that was labeled, “Children’s Ward”. It was weird thinking of Becca as a child because even though she was fifteen, she seemed so much more mature for her age.

  The nurse in front of me came to a stop in front of a closed door. “Here we are,” she murmured as she knocked on the door gently.

  It was silent on the other side until someone said, “Come in.”

  The nurse turned the knob and pushed the door open. She poked her head and said, “Your visitor is here,” and then opened the door wider for me to pass through into the small room.

  Seeing me coming in, Becca tried to sit up in her bed, and was quickly assisted by a woman I recognized all too well; the woman with the cat-like green eyes and expensive taste who met with Dr. Gower right before my sessions started. The lady grabbed a pillow and propped it up behind Becca, then she looked at me. There was a glimmer of recognition in her eyes, and now that I saw her with Becca I noticed all of their similarities. The green eyes, the high cheekbones, and the heavily bowed lips were all the same. They even had the same shade of honey blonde hair.

  “Well, I’ll let you two talk. I’m going to go to the cafeteria and get something to eat. Push the button if you need a nurse, okay honey? I’ll be right back.” She leaned down and pressed a kiss to Becca’s forehead, leaving a lipstick mark where her lips had been.

  Becca groaned and turned her head, rubbing at the mark. “Mom,” she whined, her cheeks flushing with color. It was nice to see a little red tint in her cheeks; without it she looked pale and ghostly under the florescent hospital lights. It reminded me of how purple and veiny her eyelids had been while we waited for the ambulance to arrive. At one point I had even begun counting the veins.

  Becca’s mom click cla
cked out of the room, pulling the door shut behind us and leaving us alone. I twisted my hands together behind my back, not knowing what to say or where to begin. Luckily, Becca broke the silence first.

  “Thanks for coming,” she said, cracking a small smile. “It’s good to see a friend.”

  “Of course. I had to come and make sure you were okay.”

  Becca nodded and then gestured toward the empty chair by her bed. “You can sit if you want.”

  “Okay.” I continued wringing my hands together as I took a seat. “How are you feeling?” I asked, even though I knew it was a dumb question. How would I feel being stuck in a psych ward? They were probably intubating her and force feeding her. I had heard before that they do that to anorexia patients sometimes. I hoped they weren’t doing that to her.

  “Never been better,” she lied. “I was worried you wouldn’t come.”

  “Why wouldn’t I come?” I asked, taken aback by her statement.

  She shrugged. She looked so scrawny and frail lying there—so delicate and breakable. “It had to be scary seeing me like that. I should’ve told you guys, but I was embarrassed and afraid.” She looked down, her hair shielding her face slightly.

  “I know. You don’t have to explain. I didn’t tell you either. You just kind of found out. None of us are mad. We’re just worried about you.”

  Becca took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I don’t know if she had expected me to be mad at her or something, but now she looked relieved. “Thanks, Abs.”

  “You’re welcome. When do you get to leave the hospital?”

  “I don’t know. I have a pretty bad concussion. I’m not even allowed to watch TV.” She groaned. “It’s so boring here. My parents want me to stay until I gain weight, but I just want to go home or go back to camp. I’m fine.”

  I shook my head and reached for her hand. It was small and cold in mine. “You’re not fine, Becca. You had a heart attack. That’s serious. They’re thinking of canceling funding for the camp and shutting it down.”

  Becca’s jaw dropped. “They can’t do that.”

  “They can. Apparently after what happened last year, and now this year, a lot of the parents are thinking of pulling their kids out.”

  Becca’s eyes lowered. “Poor Kelsey. It’s not her fault what happened to me and Allison.”

  “I met Rachel,” I said suddenly. Becca glanced up and her eyes met mine. “She said that she hasn’t heard from Allison since she left camp. Have you?”

  Becca looked down again and shook her head no.

  “I wonder what happened to her,” I said more for myself than for her.

  It was as if someone had opened floodgates. Suddenly Becca was dissolving into tears, squeezing my hand so tightly it hurt.

  “What’s wrong?”

  Becca continued crying. In between her sobs, she managed to choke out, “When I didn’t hear from her, I searched her name online and I saw her name and picture in an obituary. She died last December, right before her birthday.” She let out a dry laugh as tears streaked down her cheeks. “It was a heart attack. How ironic, huh?”

  “Oh, Becca. I’m so sorry.” I stood up and wrapped my arms around her, hugging her as she cried. We stayed like that until Becca’s sobs finally dissipated.

  I leaned away as she wiped her face with the back of her hand. “I’ll talk to my parents,” she murmured.

  “About Allison?”

  She shook her head. “No. About the camp. Maybe they can donate more money next year or talk to the other funders. Everyone shouldn’t suffer because of me.”

  “No one is suffering because of you. Don’t say that.”

  Becca lowered her head and sniffled. According to the clock on the wall, I only had another ten minutes to visit with her before I had to go catch the bus. I sat back down in the chair, just deciding to stay as long as I could until I had to go. We sat in silence for a while, Becca still sniffling and me lost in my thoughts.

  Since the day I met Becca I had wanted to be like her, but I hadn’t realized how alike we actually were. I had been oblivious to her eating disorder, and had been blinded by all the glamorous aspects she beheld. In my mind, Becca was perfect, but in reality she was just a normal teenage girl with flaws—just like me. In the short time that I’d known her, she hadn’t looked nearly as helpless and vulnerable as she did right now, lying in the hospital bed. Her body, which I had once glorified for being so thin, now looked brittle and sickly. I finally understood. I understood why she had looked so shocked on that horrible night in the bathroom. I understood why she kept my secret, and maybe even why her mom had been crying and gone overtime in her appointment that one day. Maybe she had known, just like my parents had. I even understood why Becca was in therapy. It was like I had been asleep up until this very moment, when I finally opened my eyes and saw the world around me for what it truly was.

  Lying in the hospital bed, covered by only a hospital gown and a thin blanket, Becca was the embodiment of my worst nightmare—weak and vulnerable. I had wrongly thought that by purging I was in control, but in reality my eating disorder made me weak. It was the disorder that made me vulnerable, and now that I was recovering I was more in control than I ever had been before.

  It was almost time for me to go by the time her mom returned to the room. She gave me a weak smile as she said that Becca should probably get some rest and thanked me for visiting. Mrs. Calloway called a nurse to escort me out as I said goodbye. I gave Becca another hug and pulled out the journal I had gotten for her at one of the stores the day before after my run.

  “I got you this. It helps to write down your feelings sometimes,” I explained, handing her the journal.

  “Thanks, Abs. I’ll miss you.”

  “I’ll stay in touch.” I already had plans of texting or emailing her when I got home. I turned to leave, and just as I was pulling the door shut behind me, Becca called my name again.

  “Will you ask Jess and Willow to come visit too?” She looked so hopeful that it nearly broke my heart.

  “Of course,” I answered, and then I pulled the door shut behind me and headed back toward the waiting room, leaving my new friend behind to get the treatment she needed.

  Chapter 14

  Last Hurrah

  A few days later, I was packing all my stuff up, preparing to head back home. Earlier that morning I had gone on my final run, but this time Willow and Jess had joined me. We ran on the last trail I had to explore so I could say that I had been to all of the trails in the area. It had been fun running with people again. Willow was fast and Jess was competitive, which had us all racing to see who could get to the end of the trail first. I had been running every morning and my stamina had increased noticeably. I was ready to get home and surprise my dad by waking up early with him and finally beating him on a run. He was fast and a strong runner, but he had never run on a mountain trail. I hoped that that would give me an edge.

  After my shower I had come back to my cabin to find Peyton packing her things. There had been a permanent frown curving the corners of her lips downwards ever since Kelsey said that there was a possibility that the camp wouldn’t be open again next year. We were all sad and angry, but Peyton was the worst of us all. When Kelsey had informed us two days ago that camp was closing two weeks early, Peyton actually cried. It made me wonder if there was a reason that she didn’t want to go home, but I didn’t want to ask. I had noticed how she had gone all summer without talking to either of her parents, and she had only mentioned them on one occasion.

  I thought about asking her about it, but I didn’t. I just decided that I’d try and cheer her up by taking her to Faith Bridge one last time before we had to leave. We still had two days left until the busses came to pick everyone up, but many people had already started saying their goodbyes.

  I finished packing up my things and left my duffle bags on the floor by my bed. I just wanted to have everything packed and ready for when it was time to leave so that I could focus
on spending my last little bit of time with my friends and enjoying all that camp had to offer. While I was packing, I found my bathing suit shoved at the bottom of my dresser underneath all of my clothes. My mom had made me bring it with me, despite my protests. I had forgotten that I had even brought it with me.

  Instead of burying it beneath all of the clothes in my duffle bag, I laid it out on my bed and stared at it for a moment. In a flash of inspiration, I stripped out of my shorts, which were now sagging on my butt, and pulled off my t-shirt. Then I stepped into my bikini bottoms and pulled on the top. I hadn’t worn a bikini in so long I forgot how it felt. I wrapped myself in a towel and slipped on my flip-flops before I left the cabin in search of Jess and Willow. I found them both in their cabin, packing their stuff just like I had been. Willow had all of her clothes sprawled out across her bed and Jess had taken over the floor.

  “Come on, let’s go to paradise. It’s too hot to be cooped up in our cabins packing.”

  Jess shrugged and stood up, grabbing her suit off of the floor as she did so. “Sounds like a plan to me.”

  Willow raised an eyebrow. “Are you just saying that because you already finished packing?”

  I smirked. “What if I am?”

  She shrugged and hopped off her bed. “Just wondering. I’m down. I just have to find my bathing suit first.”

  Jess leaned over Willow’s bed and pulled on a piece of orange fabric that was peeking out from under a pile of underwear. “Here,” she said, tossing it at Willow who caught it easily.

  “Alright, let’s go then!” Willow yelled. “I’m tired of being inside anyway.”

  I waited as they put on their suits and then we were off to go swim. On our way out of camp I noticed Peyton, who was sitting on the steps in front of the arts and crafts cabin looked dejecting.