Her Secret Santa

by Jill Shalvis

  Cupping her face, he lifted his head and met her eyes. “I wasn’t sure I’d find you here this morning. I’m glad you stayed.”

  “I tried to leave at dawn. You…”

  Stroking her hair out of her eyes, he smiled. “I what?”

  “You…dissuaded me.”

  “Did I?”

  “You know very well you did. You said there were still a few spots on my body that you hadn’t tasted yet, and then you…” She squirmed.

  “What?” he murmured, as turned on now as he’d been last night.

  “You put your mouth on me.”

  His favorite part. “You taste so good, Ally.”

  She closed her eyes. “You have this way, you know. Of making me feel…”

  He waited for her to finish that thought. He made her feel what exactly? But when she remained quiet, he realized that there was no qualifier on the end of her sentence. He made her feel.

  Period.

  And his heart caught, hard. But when he bent to kiss her, she slapped a hand to his chest. “We have work,” she said. “We have to get up and go collect the rest of the toys. Together.”

  “Aw, how sweet.” He kissed one corner of her mouth, then the other. “You want to spend time with me.” He smiled when she scowled, because that hadn’t been what she meant and he knew it. She still didn’t fully trust him. That was okay, they’d work on it.

  Her stomach growled. “Great. I probably have mascara all over my face, a major case of bed head, and now you know how loudly my stomach can growl.”

  “I don’t see any mascara, or bed head. Although…” He brushed his fingers over the silky strands. “It definitely has a ‘just been thoroughly ravished’ look to it.” He grinned when she groaned. “And my stomach can outdo yours any day of the week, trust me. Come on, I’ll feed you.”

  “Shower first.”

  “Shower first, then.”

  With that, he rolled out of bed and yanked the sheet off her.

  She squeaked, then sat up and eyed his hard-on. “Again?” she asked as he lifted her into his arms.

  She was trying to sound resigned, but he could hear the low tremor of excitement in her voice she couldn’t hide.

  It cracked him up. He stopped for a long, slow kiss that had her panting and clinging to his lips. He pulled back just enough to say, “And you think I’m the addict.”

  CHAPTER 7

  THEY DIDN’T GET LUCKY in the shower. In fact, he let her go first. Ally didn’t know whether to be disappointed or relieved that he wouldn’t be once again effortlessly pulling a shocking amount of desire, passion and need out of her, not to mention the emotions.

  God, the emotions.

  She’d had no idea.

  None.

  But being with the right guy, having him touching her the right way, making her feel…

  Right.

  After her shower, he fed her. He stood in his kitchen in worn jeans, a faded firefighter T-shirt, and a day’s growth of beard shadowing his jaw, and made her an omelet and toast, looking sexy as hell while he did it.

  In the light of day it hit her just how hot he was, how virile and potent his sheer presence was.

  And he was completely unaware of it.

  When he caught her staring at him, his usual easy smile was replaced with something far more devastating—a deep, almost fierce intensity.

  “What?” she whispered, but he shook his head, shrugged it off, and then he pulled her out of her chair and kissed her until neither of them could think. After they’d eaten, he asked her about her plan for the day.

  Her plan.

  He hadn’t tried to push his own agenda on her, hadn’t tried to take over, hadn’t done anything but show her in every move, every step, every word he uttered that he completely and totally respected her job and her ability to do it.

  Did he have any idea how attractive that was? How he made her want things she’d already decided weren’t in the cards for her?

  “So where to?” he repeated quietly, making her realize she’d been staring at him stupidly for God knew how long.

  “Let’s go pick up toys at the stations,” she said.

  “I like the ‘let’s.’”

  That afternoon, he drove her to the first of the three fire stations in town. There was half a box of toys there, and Eddie handed them to her one by one.

  No surprises in the bottom.

  Same thing at the second fire station.

  At the third, Eddie’s own firehouse, the stack of gifts was bigger. Once again they went through their routine, Eddie pulling out each toy one by one, until he stopped handing them over to her.

  “That’s it?” she asked, holding her breath, wanting to be relieved, searching his face for a clue.

  She found it in the slight tightening of his mouth.

  He lifted a package wrapped in shiny gold, with the ever-present naked Santas all over it. This box was about a foot long, only a few inches wide, and she stared at it like it was a spitting cobra. “Damn.”

  He took her out to his truck to pull off the paper. Ally felt her mouth open and then close and then open again. She was impersonating a goldfish.

  A struck-dumb goldfish.

  Eddie took the foot-long vibrator from her hands. “Interesting color.”

  It was as purple as Barney the Dinosaur. “What the hell am I supposed to do with this?” she finally murmured.

  “Spend another night with me and I’ll show you.”

  Her insides quivered, her body recognizing the truth of his statement. She stared at him, trying to frown but her damn nipples went hard. “You’d…you want to…with this.”

  His smile was downright wicked. “I’ve never been much for toys, but I know how thorough you can be. If you wanted to check this out, I’d feel obligated to assist. Or at the very least, watch.”

  “It’s evidence.” But she looked at the thing again with just enough speculation to make him laugh. God, she loved his laugh. Shoving him, she looked at the box. “Hey, look. There’s a store tag here.” It was for a porn shop in the next town over, one they hadn’t visited.

  Half an hour later, they were on their way there, Eddie driving with easy, calm efficiency. He still wore those old jeans and T-shirt, dark glasses over his eyes now. He hadn’t shaved, and she thought of how that rough jaw would feel between her thighs tonight. Then she realized she had no idea if she was going to see him tonight.

  Or the next night.

  She had no claim on him. None. She’d slept with him, period. And though she didn’t regret it, not a single moment, she also knew that things were different than before. Months ago, her heart hadn’t been fully engaged. Now it definitely was.

  As for his heart, she had no idea. Men didn’t work the same way women did. They could get naked and not get attached.

  Eddie slid her a glance. “You okay?”

  “I am.” Let it go, please let it go…

  “Looks like you’re deep in thought.”

  She opened her mouth, but in the end, she didn’t say anything.

  He looked as if he wanted to push the issue, but they were already at the porn shop. The door was locked. Looking at the sign, they realized the store didn’t open for another fifteen minutes. They waited at Eddie’s truck, where he tugged her to him. “Hey.”

  “Hey.”

  He smiled, but when she didn’t, he lifted his sunglasses to the top of his head. “Want to tell me those deep thoughts now?”

  “No.”

  He studied her a moment, then pressed her back against the door. “You remember when I was telling you all the things I liked about you? That you’re smart as hell, and gorgeous, and you make me want things that I’ve never wanted before?”

  She didn’t remember that last part, no. Her breath caught, because in spite of herself, she liked the sound of it.

  “I also like your honesty,” he said quietly, nudging her face up to his. “It’s such an innate part of you. If you feel something, if yo
u think something, you say it. No hidden meanings, no subterfuge. I love that.” He lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed her palm. “So employ that honesty with me now, Ally, and tell me what’s on your mind. Just say it.”

  She stared into his deep green eyes and imagined herself, telling him that she suddenly had all these feelings for him, feelings that were new and terrifying…She opened her mouth to say something, then frowned at the sight of the guy standing in front of the porn shop, unlocking the door. “Store’s opening.”

  The clerk wasn’t wearing a Grateful Dead T-shirt, or even a long gray ponytail, but somehow she knew. Dammit, she knew it was the same guy. In a beat, she was out of Eddie’s arms. “Excuse me,” she said to the clerk.

  He turned and swore roughly. “What, do you never give up?”

  “It is you,” she breathed, and then it hit her. He was also the “toy director” she’d met at the Thanksgiving fire. “Okay, I want to know who you are, what you’re doing working at three different porn shops, and why you’re stalking me. And I want to know right now.”

  “Christ you are a pain in the ass. You’re like a freaking bulldog. Can’t you just accept that there are some things in life that don’t need a full-blown investigation?”

  “Your name,” she said, voice hard.

  He sighed. “Damon Claus.”

  “And?”

  He rolled his eyes. “And what? You going to shoot me if I don’t talk? In case you haven’t noticed, it’s Christmas, lady. You don’t shoot people this time of year, it’s just not done.”

  She put her hand on the gun at her hip. “Try me.”

  He shook his head and looked over at Eddie. “You might want to rethink this one, she’s nuts.”

  Eddie shifted closer, big and tall and menacingly calm, clearly ready to step in if required.

  “Start talking,” Ally demanded of Damon.

  He caved with a tight little smile. “You want the full story? Fine. I’m Santa Claus’s brother and—”

  “Try again,” Ally said.

  “Yeah, yeah, you don’t believe me.”

  “Sure, I believe you. You’re Santa’s brother. And I’m the Tooth Fairy.” She pulled out her cell phone and tossed it to Eddie. “Be ready to call for backup.”

  Damon shook his head. “Trust me, I wish I didn’t have to believe me, either. But Santa’s pissing me off with all the freaking jolly, okay? So I’ve made it my—let’s call it my mission in life, to stomp on the good cheer whenever possible.”

  Clearly the guy needed psychiatric care. “And?”

  “Well you’re going to be spreading a lot of good tidings with that toy drive. I just thought if I distracted you…” Here he paused to waggle his eyebrows between her and Eddie suggestively. “Then maybe you’d screw up.”

  “I don’t get distracted,” Ally said.

  “Really.” Damon gestured toward her neck with his chin. “So I suppose that isn’t a hickey there, and you didn’t get laid last night.”

  When Ally slapped her hand to her neck and narrowed her eyes at him, he just smiled. “Look, unless you’re going to arrest me, you’ll need to move along now and let me get to my job. I live to sell butt plugs and lube.”

  Ally stared at him, fighting the very unprofessional urge to kick his ass, or at the very least arrest him. But for what? Gifting her with sex toys?

  Damon must have seen the resignation in her gaze because he laughed, winked at her, then slipped like smoke into the shop.

  In disbelief, Ally turned to Eddie. A smile crossed his face and he shook his head.

  “What?” she asked, a little defensively.

  “Your interviewing skills turn me on.”

  “Everything turns you on.”

  “Want to interrogate me?”

  Some of the tension left her and she laughed before she could help herself. “You need help.”

  “Seriously. I’ll even let you use the cuffs.”

  CHAPTER 8

  EDDIE TOOK ALLY back to his house. He’d hoped to help her work off the adrenaline clearly humming through her, but she grabbed her purse and would have hopped out of his truck and into her car with nothing but a quietly murmured “bye” if he hadn’t managed to catch her by the back of her shirt.

  “I’ve got to go, Eddie.”

  “In a minute.” Maybe. He looked into her eyes. “We were interrupted before, when you were about to tell me something important.”

  “How do you know it was important?”

  Her eyes were filled with a lot of things. Hell, that was no surprise, she had a lot going on. But behind all of it was a hint of panic, and something even bigger.

  She needed to run.

  He got that. God, he did. She needed to run because she had come to realize just how far in she was. Except surely she also realized she was in too far to retreat now, that they both were.

  Just as she had to realize something else, something even more devastating.

  What they shared was more than simple attraction. He was completely head over heels in love with her, and had been this whole time. “I just know,” he said very quietly.

  “ESP?” She let out a forced laugh. “You think you can read my mind?”

  “And your heart, when you wear it on your sleeve.” When she tried to jerk free, he gently took her arms and hauled her into his lap. “Stop,” he said softly as she fought him.

  She went still for a beat, then sagged against him, pressing her face to his throat as her arms slid up his chest. “I’m not sure where we were exactly.”

  “Liar. You always know where you are.”

  She let out a small sound that might have been agreement.

  “Here. I’ll go first,” he said, wrapping his fingers in her hair, then gently tugging until she looked at him. “We’ve been seeing each other because of the toy drive.”

  She slowly nodded. “Yes. Sorry if that’s been a trial for you.” She slipped off his lap and back into her seat.

  “That’s not what I meant, Ally.”

  She hugged herself and looked out the window. “Listen, you don’t have to do this—”

  “Yes, I do. I want you to know I’m not going to make the same mistake I made last time. I’m not going to walk away. Not now that I know what we have.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “Affection, for starters. Heat, in spades. And the chemistry? Off the charts.” He wished she’d look at him. “And…”

  “What?” she breathed, finally turning her eyes to his.

  “A future. If you’ll let it happen. I’m falling in love with you, Ally.”

  All the color drained from her face. “You…you’re…” She made a noise of distress and pressed a hand to her heart.

  “Breathe,” he murmured, reaching for her.

  She gulped in a breath and dropped her head to his chest. “Just give me a minute.”

  He shook his head and let out a small smile. “You face badass arsonists and creepy stalkers on a daily basis. You carry a gun and know how to take down a guy twice your size. Yet you’re afraid of a little emotion.”

  “Yeah, well, they didn’t teach this in Fire Science. And there’s nothing little about this emotion.”

  “Ally—”

  She lifted her head. “I’m sorry, but at least you now know just how dysfunctional I am.”

  “Dysfunctional, or scared?”

  “Fine. Terrified.” She reached for the door handle. “I have a meeting.”

  “How about dinner?”

  “I’ll be working late.”

  He looked into her face for a long moment. “You know where I live. Show up if you want to finish this, even if it’s late.” He leaned in and kissed her.

  She held herself still for one beat, then let out a sexy little murmur and kissed him back. When he lifted his mouth from hers a few minutes later, her eyes were glazed over and she was struggling for breath.

  He cupped her face and kissed her one more time. He couldn’t help himsel
f. “I love you, Ally.” And with that, he leaned across her, opened the door and gently nudged her out.

  He watched her drive away, catching her taking a bewildered, WTF peek at him in her rearview mirror. She was confused and turned on and unsure, all things he could identify with.

  He only hoped she figured out she was also in love.

  * * *

  ALLY DROVE to work on auto-pilot, then walked slowly into the building, knees wobbling, heart pounding, sweating in uncomfortable places.

  Cherry handed her a stack of messages. A few co-workers came out of their office to chat, her boss stuck his head out to bark that she was late for her meeting.

  After the meeting, she walked out and couldn’t have repeated a single thing that had transpired in that conference room.

  Because Eddie…loved her.

  Loved.

  Her.

  Clearly he was as delusional as Damon Claus, because something between the two of them could never work. He was too easygoing, too laid-back, too…

  Perfect.

  She’d drive him out of his ever-loving mind with her carefulness, her obsession for details, her need to work 24/7. He’d be running for the hills in no time.

  Except he seemed to like her just the way she was. He’d only backed off before because she’d seemed disinterested. And as for the rest, he’d never hinted at wanting to change her, mold her, or soften her in any way. In fact, he liked her work style. He seemed to like most everything about her.

  Except her ability to tell him what she felt.

  Yeah, that was a problem for him. She couldn’t blame him there. Especially when she did know. She’d always known. He was right. She’d held back because of fear, which was inexcusable really.

  She didn’t do fear. At least not in her job. In her job, she was fearless, facing everything straight on.

  But…

  But in her life, she was anything but fearless.

  It was a hell of a time to realize that. She opened the Secret Santa file, went straight to the back and looked at the odds she’d come up with for her and Eddie.

  Five percent was too low, she knew that now. So she erased the number and put in a different one.