Bending the Rules

by Ali Parker

"No. I think she and Damon are working things out." He rolled his eyes. "Don't get me started."

  I nodded, wishing I could fake a chuckle. "You were brave at the hearing yesterday. I'm proud of you."

  "Thanks." He nodded. "That means a lot to me. I'm sorry again."

  "Me too," I mumbled and turned back to face my sister's casket. A few extended members of my family were greeting everyone and taking care of everything, which gave me the right to simply stand stone still wherever I wanted to, which was beside Mandy.

  "I assume that Damon's been taking care of you?" Dana's voice had the power to soften my tough exterior without even trying. The poor girl had sustained me verbally smacking her all over the parking lot at UT in front of a handful of her peers and still seemed to care.

  I didn't deserve her time or her affection, but fuck if I wasn't greedy enough to want it with every fiber of my being.

  "Yeah." I turned to face her. "I'm sorry about the other day. I overreacted."

  She moved toward me, sliding her arms around my waist and pressing herself to my chest. The subtle move melted me completely. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head as I closed my eyes. I was close to tears again somehow.

  "Don't apologize. Whatever upset you about the class schedule," she glanced up at me, "we'll figure it out and change it. Don't push me away right now. You need me and I need you to need me."

  I nodded and brushed her long dark hair off her shoulder. "I do need you."

  She rubbed my back softly, wooing me to rest against her. If it hadn't been for the fifty people milling about behind her, I would have collapsed in her arms.

  "I'm so tired," I whispered before leaning down to press my face against the side of her neck. I breathed in deeply as she pulled me into a warm hug and cupped the back of my head.

  "Let me take care of you, okay?"

  "I'd like that," I murmured and let out a breath I felt like I'd been holding for the last four days. Where Dana and I would have to draw the line at friendship, it was still more than enough to help me survive the coming weeks. I could repay the favor by helping her with her degree or maybe offering her a TA position as well.

  Our love affair was over, but our friendship could continue to develop. If only she wasn't my student, or a student at all.

  "Hey buddy." A tap on the back had me pulling from Dana and turning to face Damon.

  "Thanks for coming today." I reached out and pulled Damon into a hug.

  "Of course, man." He returned the gesture before moving back to let Beth get in a quick hug as well.

  "Guys, this is Dana Young. She was one of Mandy's nurses and is a friend of mine." I put my hand on Dana's lower back as Damon smiled and shook her hand.

  "Nice to meet you. I think we got to see each other earlier this week at the hospital." He smiled as she nodded.

  "We did." Dana smiled back and turned to Beth.

  "I guess we should sit down." Damon glanced down at Beth as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. He glanced back up toward me and gave me a sad smile. "We'll let all of your extended family sit up here with you, and my family will be a few rows back if you need us, okay?"

  "Just remember that you're a pallbearer."

  "I know." They walked toward the back as Kendal nodded toward the front row. "You mind sitting up front with me?"

  "Not at all." She slid her arm into mine and walked with me to the front pew. I unbuttoned my jacket, nodded at a few University friends and old college buddies before sitting down. How in the hell had my life turned from going in the right direction to losing Amanda and Dana all in the same day?

  Luck. It was my shitty luck. It'd always been that way.

  The preacher walked to the front and began the ceremony as I sunk down into my darkness. I didn't need to hear the words of grace, or be reminded that my baby sister was in a better place. I needed to mourn, to scream and throw a fit at the unfairness of life. Everyone else could get comfort from the event, but I simply wanted to get through it.

  *

  "Thank you," I mumbled and glanced over toward Dana as we drove back toward my place. She'd only been there twice, and I was giving shitty instructions from dipping in and out of my thoughts.

  "For what?" She reached over and took my hand in hers. The softness of her skin and the warmth of her touch thawed me a little.

  "For sitting with me at the funeral, and loving on me at the graveside service." I lifted her hand to my mouth and kissed her fingers softly. "I don't deserve your kindness."

  "Of course you do." She pulled into the neighborhood where I'd purchased my house a few years back. "Are you up for telling me what happened at UT?"

  "What happened with what?" I pulled my hand from hers and unbuckled as she parked in front of my place.

  "You were so mad at me over the class schedule." She reached for her door handle. "Why?"

  "Oh. That." I opened my door and walked to the front of the car. "The University has strict policies against a professor dating a student or another professor. Seeing you on my class roster was just a kick in the nuts."

  "So I'll drop the class." Her voice was non-confrontational, and damn if I didn't fall a little in love with her for being willing to change whatever needed to be changed to make us work out.

  "It's not that easy." I unlocked the door and pulled my coat off as she moved into the house behind me.

  "Then we'll figure it out." She walked around me as I paused at the opening to the living room. "I'm not giving up on what we have starting between us, Kendal. I can't."

  I reached out to run my fingers down the side of her beautiful face, memorizing the curve of her lip, the slight slant of her eyes. Her long dark hair moved over her shoulders as she shook her head 'no'.

  "Let's just work on being friends for right now. I want you as badly as I did early this week when we spent some time together, but my rules are in place for a reason. I've been through hell and back because I didn't adhere to them. It wouldn't be fair to you or me if we didn't slow this thing down while we still can." I licked my lips as my body purred to life. How good would it feel to pick her up and spend the afternoon rolling around in the bed pressed against her? To steal her warmth and force her to love me in a million ways until the sun stole the day from us?

  "Fuck your rules." She pulled me down into a long kiss that felt too fucking good to break.

  I turned my face a little and let my fingers slip into her hair as I pulled her flush against me. It wasn't my rules I wanted to fuck.

  After kissing her until we were both breathless, I pressed my forehead to hers and closed my eyes. "I can't bend my rules or I'll lose my job, Dana. I've worked so fucking hard for the position I have. It's been my whole adult life."

  "I understand, but there are other ways around it." She cupped my face and lifted to her toes, dragging me down for another round of much-needed kisses. "Please don't push me away."

  "I'm not." I kissed her once more before pulling back and walking to the kitchen. "I just need some time to figure things out. You being a student means one thing for sure."

  "Which is what?" She paused by the opening to the kitchen.

  "That we're not going to be anything more than friends until you're out of UT."

  "Then why did we start seeing each other?" The hurt on her face should have stung me, but I was too far past numb to know what to do with her disapproval.

  "Because I didn't know you were a student." I pulled out a beer. "You want something to drink?"

  "No." She wrapped her arms around herself. "I should go. I can't be here and not want to touch you, to hold you. It's not fair to ask that of me."

  "I agree." I popped the top on the beer and tried hard to think of something I could say that would help our relationship get back on track.

  "Call me if you need me, Kendal." She turned and walked toward the door, pausing before she walked out. "Even if you just need a friend."

  I leaned against the counter and watched her go. I nee
ded so much more than a friend, but life wasn't going to do me any favors anytime soon. She would graduate in eight months. I could hold on that long, but it wasn't fair to ask her to do the same.

  There had to be another way.

  Chapter 3

  Dana

  "I just don't get it," I barked into the phone as I paced the floor in my living room.

  "He's in a weird place right now, Dana. Give him a little bit of space and he'll come around." My best friend Olivia was forever trying to patch up the world with Band-Aids and butterfly kisses. How she was a top investment advisor in a cut-throat city like New York was beyond me.

  "I don't think he will." I ran my hand through my hair and sat down on the couch. "I've been moping around this stupid apartment all weekend. Thank God I have a meeting with my adviser in an hour and a shift at the hospital, or I'd still be moping."

  "Just call him. You guys have a friendship, right?"

  "It's not that easy." I wanted to pull the phone away and glare at it in hopes of getting my point across, but it was useless. Everything was, as far as I was concerned. "Maybe I should just change schools. If the problem is me being at UT, then I'll just look to see about transferring to another-"

  "Hold up." Olivia's voice changed, and I knew the momma bear was coming out. "You've been working your ass off for six years and now you're going to change schools just to get some guy to start dating you? Fuck that. He can figure it out from his end. Maybe he needs to change jobs. Is he willing to do that?"

  "No. I don't know. I'm just saying... he's a great guy, Liv. He's the kind of guy I want to take home to see my family and I feel like purring every time he walks in the room."

  "You just met him. You did this same madness with Cameron, remember?"

  I started to deny her claims, but she was right. I had been the same way with Cameron and every other guy I'd dated over the last few years.

  An ugly sigh left me and I slumped back into the couch. "You're right."

  "Don't say that. It means you're giving up. I'm not telling you to give up on this guy. I'm just saying that if he's worth you moving mountains over, then maybe you guys should talk about how to make your relationship work. There's no reason why either of you should have to change your entire life to be together."

  "He's a professor at UT and I'm a student."

  "So change your financial statement analysis class. That's the one he's teaching, right?"

  "It's not that easy. Professors can't date any student on campus. Even if I changed my class, he'd still be off limits, or rather, I would." I brushed my hand down my shirt and tried to still my thoughts. I'd gone through a hundred and ten different ways that Kendal and I could make our relationship work and none of them were plausible. Hell, I wasn't even sure if he wanted to work things out. He seemed perfectly content with just being friends.

  But that kiss... The one in his living room where he wrapped me in his strong arms and made the world disappear. That wasn't a friendly kiss. It was hungry and needy. I just needed to know if it was due to his pain or because he still felt something for me.

  "So just be friends with benefits until May. You guys can keep things under wraps. Get creative if this really means something to you." She snorted. "You remember when you really wanted to win homecoming queen our senior year?"

  "Oh Lord." I covered my face with my free hand. Why was she going there? She always resorted back to some crazy ass story from high school that left me feeling like I could rule the universe.

  "Exactly. You did everything you had to do to win that title, and did you win it?"

  "You know that I did." I shook my head and let my hand drop from my face. "I really like this guy, Liv. I really want this to go somewhere, and some part of me knows that it could. It could be one of those great love stories that you see on the Hallmark Channel."

  "Ugh. You know I hate those shows."

  I laughed along with her. Somehow she always had the ability to make me feel better.

  "All right." I stood up. "You're right. We can work this out if it's something he's up for. I almost like the idea of sneaking around. It's sexy."

  "Right? Then get to it."

  "I'll talk to him today. Love you." I dropped the call and tossed the phone on the couch. All of a sudden, going up to the school and then the hospital didn't sound like much fun. Necessary evils in my life. Everything felt that way except looking for a solution to the issue of me and Kendal getting to be together. First thing first though... I needed to make sure he still wanted me as badly as I wanted him.

  Somehow that almost sounded like fun.

  *

  Nurse Barry had a note on her door that said she was unavailable because of an emergency at the hospital. I was almost grateful to see it seeing that I wasn't really sure what I was going to tell her. I'd met with her the week before and locked down my schedule and my graduation. The only other thing she could help me with was dropping my classes and trying to transfer to another University for graduation, but after talking with Olivia, that option felt ignorant.

  I'd been at UT since I was a starting freshman. With my mom being a single mom and having to raise three kids, paying for the prestigious college had taken its toll on all of us. Me turning my back on that in hopes of being more available to Kendal was over the top. It was eight months. Eight months until graduation. If nothing else, I could wait that long for him. The only real question was whether he would wait for me.

  I walked back through the nursing building at UT and waved at a few people who greeted me. No matter how I looked at my life at that moment, it was better. It was better because Cameron wasn't in it. He wasn't berating me for my weight and leaving me to feel like I was less of a woman than he deserved. I wasn't struggling to find myself at the hospital anymore either. I'd come to terms with the fact that I could do my job and care for my patients. Amanda and Mr. Jackson had taught me that. It was okay to love those that you cared for. Loss was part of the deal, but so were all the great things that happened between the heartache.

  I smiled as I got into my cramped car and rolled down the windows. It was almost October, and the fall day was beautiful. I needed to talk with Kendal to see where his heart was. We hadn't gotten very deep into our budding relationship, but it was enough to know that he was exactly the kind of guy I wanted beside me for the long haul.

  The song on the radio was one of my favorites. I turned it up and sang all the way to the hospital, making sure to engage the cars around me as we pulled to various red lights. It was silly and childish, but it left me feeling more like me than I had in a long time.

  My conversation with Olivia moved through my mind as I walked up to the hospital. I had been a wild child once, an unmovable force, but over time I'd let that part of myself fade away - die. I wanted it back - wanted her back. The girl who was unafraid to risk it all because of the promise of something incredible waiting on the other side of the door.

  "Hey! What's that smile for?" Jackie came down the main hall of the hospital toward me, surprising me a little by her presence.

  "Oh hey. I was just thinking about some of the stunts I pulled when I was younger." I stopped in front of her. She looked like a million bucks with her long blond hair, warm brown eyes and big boobs. How many times had I let myself feel like an ugly duckling in her shadow, and why? She was beautiful, but the girl had more problems than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest.

  "I think I need to hear about these stunts." She turned and slid her arm into mine before pulling me down the hall. "We're going away for a girls’ weekend. My treat."

  "Oh yeah?" I waved at one of the orderlies and pushed the button for the elevator.

  "Yes. I got ahold of Parks." She released me and bounced up and down on her toes.

  "Don't do that. It's disturbing." I gave her a silly smile and reached out to make her stop. "Tell me what he said."

  "He got wrapped up in work like all doctors do. He misses me like crazy and is so insanely sorry. He
wants me to come visit."

  "Awesome. When are you going?" I didn't like the sound of her going anywhere near the playboy who'd come down for a few days, fucked her silly and broken her heart. Obviously she was still lost in the euphoria of what the man could do with his tool. She was blinded by him.

  "We're going this weekend. My dad's buying us the plane tickets and we can stay with Parks."

  "What? No way." I held the door to the elevator open for her. "I have things to do."

  "Like what?" She walked out of the elevator and waited for me to join her.

  "Like... stuff."

  "Nope. You're going." She wagged her eyebrows before grabbing a clipboard from our nursing station. "By the way, you have the new patient that was brought in this morning. We drew straws and you got the short one."

  "What? I wasn't even here." I took the clipboard and glanced down.

  "So you're coming with me to New York?"

  "I don't know, Jackie. Let me think about it." I turned on my heel and walked back down toward the other end of the hall. New York didn't sound like a bad idea. I could hook up with Olivia for some of the time and maybe get my head on straight where Kendal was concerned.

  "Don't make me go up there by myself. I'm scared!" Jackie called after me.

  "Liar," I mumbled and stopped in front of room four fifteen. I knocked once and opened the door. "Mrs. Delmaz? I'm Dana. I'll be one of your nurses today."

  "Well, it's about damn time!" The woman's voice was full of authority and loud enough to jolt me.

  I stepped inside and gave her a warm smile. "I just came on shift, so you'll have to forgive me. Is there something you need?"

  "Yes. I've been asking to see Larry since I got here. No one will tell me where the hell he is or why he's taking so long to bring my magazines up here. It's getting on my last nerve!" The woman had to be in her late seventies, a hundred pounds overweight and looked to be as mean as a snake.

  Perfect. Exactly what I need to take my mind off of things.

  "All right, well, I'll find out how to get ahold of Larry." I handed her the clipboard and a pen. "You write down the names of the magazines he's supposed to bring and we'll make it happen. Do you need a drink or another pillow or blanket? Dr. Lewis will be by shortly to see you, I'm sure, but what can I do right now to make life better?"