Other Side of Beautiful (A Beautifully Disturbed #1)

by Sarah Zolton Arthur

  Errol is the first to notice us, staring decisively at our linked fingers. She sucks in a breath, blowing out, blowing her bangs to flutter off her forehead. The coffee cup visibly trembling in her hand, streams of hot liquid pool in the grooves running the circumference of the lid and down over the side onto her skin. “Crap!” It happened before I could stop it from happening.

  When he suddenly stops talking midsentence, the whole table falls silent, turning to stare at us wide-eyed. Collin stands first, looking from Elle to me, then back to Elle again, a big, disarming smile breaking out across his face. “It’s about damn time,” he says, and steps forward, pulling both of us into a giant of a bear hug. “Oh my god.” He lets go and turns to face me. “When you said you were finally making your move, I thought, you are fucked. And I kept trying to come up with ways to win our Elle back. I’m so glad we don’t have to try winning her back.”

  “His ideas were pretty bad,” Kip teases.

  “Our Benton, officially off the market.” Sabrina raises her cup to us. “And it only took him two years to do it.”

  “You guys staying?” Garret asks. “We can make room.”

  “No. Elle and I are going back to my place.” I shake our sandwich bag, which also happens to be the same hand holding my cup. “Thought we’d watch a movie.”

  “Well then.” Collin snickers. “Maybe I should stay at Kip’s tonight.”

  The coffee she’d just sipped on catches in her throat, choking her. And she coughs. I go in for the save. “That won’t be necessary. Stay if you want to, but not on account of us.” Brontë silently thanks me by dropping her head on my shoulder.

  Back at the apartment, I unlock the door and lead her inside. Telling me about Logan really lifted some of the ugly weight of a really ugly situation. Couple that with the way our friends accepted us as being together, her appetite actually returns. I know she thought I hadn’t noticed, but she hadn’t eaten anything all day. Nothing gets past me when it comes to Elle.

  Having her here, only now as my girlfriend, means everything to me, and I don’t want to screw it up. She’s always loved my apartment, saying how welcoming and accepted she feels here because of the sheer hominess. It’s definitely a guy’s space, all modern, clean lines, and minimalist décor. We have a few black and white photos and framed book covers hanging on the stark white walls. Col and I wanted the space to remain warm and inviting with furniture in hues of cinnamon and dark chocolate, deep wood tones and touches of black accents such as lamps on the end tables and the flat screen television mounted in the corner. We’ve never kept a typical college-guy, frat-type space. I can’t count how many times she’s said she loves that about me and Collin.

  I excuse myself out of the room after handing off the sandwiches and my coffee to hang her coat on the coat tree standing next to the front door. Elle sits down on the far end of the elongated suede leather sofa while I rustle through the linen closet, coming back into the living room carrying a handmade patchwork quilt hung over my arm.

  Hopefully when she looks back on her life someday, recounting when her life began, it won’t be a birthday. No, it will be here, it will be Chicago. This weekend started her glory days waiting to happen. Her life hasn’t been easy so far. I want today to be the start of easy for her. Dropping down on the cushion next to her, I pull her legs up to rest over my lap and fluff the quilt over the both of us, then open the sandwich bag. My coffee warms my hands nicely but not nearly as nice as when I’d done it for her.

  “You’ve given me the best first real date of my life,” she tells me, and lets that delicate hair fall to hide her face so I can’t see her vulnerability.

  Reaching over, I brush my hand along her cheek to tuck the hair behind her ear. “It is for me too.”

  “But I’m not your first real date.”

  “You’re the only one that matters.”

  Wind hits the windows, vibrating the glass. We can hear the cold from outside trying to break in as we begin eating. Very little conversation is required. We’re Ben and Elle, after all. We’ve shared these comforting silences before. Just because we kiss now doesn’t mean it has to change. And it won’t change. Friends first.

  I turn on the TV and before deciding on what to watch, I get up to turn off all the lights. Creating atmosphere. After returning to sit, her feet in my lap again, I surf through the channels while rubbing soft circles over her legs through the quilt, finally stopping on a Jason Statham movie full of gun fights, car chases, and huge explosions. One glance to ask if my choice is okay. One nod tells me it is. Good.

  Once her sandwich has passed into sandwich history, both of us with very full bellies, I feel Elle starting to drift. That’s when I shift, lying down across the sofa with her tucked tightly against my chest, both of us under the quilt.

  “Shouldn’t you take me home before we both fall asleep?” she asks, yawning, and stretches to cover her mouth.

  “Hadn’t planned on it. Unless, do you want to go home?” I come off sounding worried, which I am, because I don’t want her to say yes.

  “Nope,” she answers. The correct answer.

  “Good.” With a kiss to her temple, we settle back watching the movie again and sipping on coffee until I fall asleep.

  The soft hand shaking her awake comes too damn early. She’s too warm, soft, and comfortable to move, let alone be awake. “Hey, girly,” my best friend says, ignoring my grunts. “You skipping today?”

  Her eyes open to the sound of his question. “Collin? What are you…?” Elle sits up quickly, blinking and searching her surroundings, totally disoriented when my hand snakes around her waist, pulling her back down. My hardness presses into her side, making her blush on contact.

  “You got to take care of something there?” Collin teases, having seen the same thing she feels.

  “Can’t be helped. She wiggles a lot in her sleep.” The ruffled, sleep mussed hair and wrinkled T-shirt do nothing to dissuade her desirability or the buildup of need being so close to her causes me. I can see it in her eyes, her girl parts tingle too. I make her feel like a girl—a real sexual being for once in her life, not just a lonely girl taking attention whichever way she can get it.

  “Why didn’t you wake me? I would’ve moved,” she says to me.

  “Which is exactly why I didn’t wake you. Your ass would put J Lo’s to shame.”

  She laughs. “I highly doubt it.”

  “Don’t doubt what you can’t know. Who’s sitting here with a raging hard-on?”

  “It’s true, Elle.” Collin leans on the arm of the sofa by my head. “Speaking as a connoisseur of fine asses, I’ve been jealous of yours for years.” Whatever. I shove him, causing him to stumble off the arm, laughing too. We all laugh and it feels really good.

  “So, play hooky with me? The snow is so deep, we’ll spend hours digging out. And really, I’m so much more comfortable than a desk chair. I’ll even let you stare at my flexing biceps while I cook us all breakfast. I make great waffles. Tell her, Col.”

  “He does. His waffles are the best and they’re even healthy, coconut and tapioca flour. I don’t ask, I just eat.”

  “I do love waffles.”

  “Of course you do. No girlfriend of mine wouldn’t like waffles. It’s un-American.”

  Collin snickers. “Those words sound so foreign coming from your mouth.”

  “Yeah, ha ha. Hey kettle, it’s pot. You’re black.”

  “I thought we weren’t using labels,” she tells me.

  “Changed my mind. You don’t have to, but like it or not, you’re my girlfriend.”

  “Um…I think I like it.”

  “Good, now that’s all settled, Collin, you might want to go back to bed for a little longer, because the way I plan on kissing this woman is about to get downright uncomfortable for you.”

  “What?” She practically screams in my ear. My arm tightens around her at the same time she tries, unsuccessfully, to move away from me.

  Chapter 18<
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  Elle

  The three of us spend Monday on the couch eating the most delicious, healthy waffles known to mankind and watching a marathon of some ultimate Alaskan eco-challenge. At some point, Kip showed up with coffees from The Brew. We shove over so all four of us can fit under the quilt on the couch. Ben lifts me to sit on his lap while Collin keeps Kip tucked up under his arm, with Kip’s head resting against his collar.

  I can’t remember ever being as happy as I am here, right now.

  About ten o’clock at night, one of us has to be the responsible one. “Ben, I can’t skip tomorrow. I have a test.”

  “How am I supposed to sleep without you next to me? Three nights in a row, I’m hooked like a crack addict. You’re my crack, Brontë.”

  “You managed every night before just fine.”

  “That’s because I hadn’t yet felt what I was missing. Only in my dreams, which is why I had to sleep.”

  “My books, my clothing, my car. Everything is back at my apartment.”

  “Beautiful and logical.” Kip, who has apparently been listening to us, squeezes my hand gently.

  “All these compliments, you guys are going to give me a big head.”

  “Just returning the favor, babe.” Ben eyes me, and it’s chock-full of suggestion. The first time on a new roller coaster, when the car jerks and clicks slowly to the top of the first major drop off, and you dare peek over the side to look at the tiny people below, that heady ball of fear, excitement, and anticipation that forms in the pit of your stomach…yeah, that’s what being on the receiving end of those suggestive eyes does to me.

  Walking back into my apartment proves more difficult than I’d expected it to be. Yes, Ben and I spent three nights curled up in each other’s arms, but that isn’t actually what makes it so hard. Life revolves around Kelly. It has since I met her. And maybe I needed that to distract me from the clusterfuck my life had been. But today I didn’t just have Benton Hayes telling me I deserve more, I had Collin and even Kip telling me, sometimes without words, what I’ve never heard from Cricket in my life—that despite my size and superpower, I deserve to be happy.

  People want to take care of me for no other reason than they care about me. Cricket took care of me financially—food, heat, and a roof over my head, and clothing which didn’t embarrass her—those were all I was allowed to expect from the woman who had given birth to me. At least she’d done it, though. We don’t always get the luxury of liking the families we are born into. But Kelly, Kelly is supposed to be my friend. We chose to like each other, chose to give our support to one another. Yet the more time I spend with Ben and Collin and Kip, the more I realize that Kelly hasn’t been living up to her end of the friendship. What can I do for her? Always, what can I do for her?

  We’ve only been an actual couple for a day and a half, a speck of time, but because of our friendship it feels like so much longer. No way could sleep happen tonight, and homework is so far out of the equation it landed in the realm of the theoretical. Since Kelly is still out for the night, I do what I do best. Sitting in the middle of my bed with the pillows propped up behind me, I open a new word document on my laptop and start typing. The words flow today like they never have before, like I’ve never let them before, always so afraid of a wrong word choice or faulty sentence, something else to piss off Cricket. Something else for Dinah to rub in my face. But right now, I can’t let that affect me. My muse for the evening, Ben and Collin and Kip—but mostly Ben. Probably because I’m falling for him…and I want to touch his pee pee.

  Several hours pass and Kelly still hasn’t come home yet, but I notice several missed calls from today, Sabrina saying to call her anytime. It is a little after 1:00 a.m., so I send a text in case she happens to be sleeping. My phone lights up right away with her call.

  “What up, chica? You’re a hard one to get ahold of.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I’m as in love with Errol as anyone could be in love, but girl, if I had Benton Hayes making goo-goo eyes at me—”

  “He wasn’t making goo-goo eyes.” I cut her off.

  “Oh, he so was. But it’s okay. Good, even. You deserve someone making goo-goo eyes at you. Especially knowing they’re coming from him. That man has been head over heels for you forever.”

  “What? You knew? All the times we’ve spent together. All the times you caught me staring at him like a creeper?”

  “Honey, you weren’t ready. What would you have done before?”

  “Probably pulled away.”

  “No probably about it. And not just from him. None of us were willing to lose you. And you had his head spinning every which way. I felt so sorry for him.”

  “How did I do that?”

  “He couldn’t be the normal, flirty Benton with you because you two are such good friends.”

  “I’m just stupid, Bri.”

  “No. You’ve been emotionally stunted by that hosebeast of a mother.” Before I can contain it, the laugh effervesces out loud and bubbly in her ear. As I’m laughing, it hits me that I’ve laughed more in the time I’ve been here than my whole life growing up with Cricket and Dinah. I don’t actually have any memories of laughing with either of them.

  She waits, letting me get it out of my system totally before continuing. “You want to meet for dinner tomorrow night? I feel like we have so much to catch up on. Errol’s working a double so he can get Valentine’s Day off.”

  “It’s Valentine’s already?”

  “Yeah. You got something in mind for Benton?

  “Not even. I didn’t have a boyfriend until,” I look at the clock, “two days ago.”

  “Well, you have one now.”

  “What did you get for Errol?”

  “Well, we’re different. It’s the day he finally plucked up the courage to ask me out, remember?”

  “How could I forget?” A smile spreads over my face. “After group. He wanted to talk to you alone but you insisted I stay. Poor guy.”

  “Poor guy, my ass. It was the luckiest day of his life.”

  “Not denying that.”

  “Tell you a secret? It was the luckiest day of mine too. I don’t even care if it’s the lamest day on the calendar to have an anniversary.”

  “It is pretty lame.”

  “Shut up. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Hanging up, I realize how tired I’ve gotten just in that short conversation. I have to think of something great for Ben, something that represents us as a newly acknowledged couple as well as the history of our friendship.

  Chapter 19

  Elle

  It feels like I’ve only just closed my eyes. Turns out to be two hours of sleep later the alarm buzzes ridiculously loud in my head. I slap the snooze button a couple of times, knocking it from my nightstand. No sunlight shines through the window, only a dull, overcast stream splintering off from where the night and day collide. But it has to be cold outside, because I can see every puff of breath evaporating before my eyes. The furnace must have cut out. First thing I reach an icy cold hand out to grab my cell phone, placing an early morning ‘get your ass out of bed and fix my heater call’ to the building manager. I hold the phone away from my ear to keep from going deaf he yells at me so loudly, using words sailors wouldn’t say in gentile company.

  Finally it’s just enough and I tell him, “Call me what you want, I don’t care. Just do your job and get someone here.” And I hang up on him. I hang up on somebody.

  Huffing out another breath, feeling the cold seeping into my bones, I dread facing that wind chill outside. It’s shaking the exterior wall, and really all I want is to keep myself snuggled in my comforter for the next couple of hours until I see Ben again.

  It’s the one thing I miss about California—I picked the wrong state for hating cold weather. My perfect little sister wouldn’t have to be awake now and bundling up. Gathering up my memories of quilts and couches and cuddling to keep me warm, I find the courage to dart from my bed t
o the bathroom across the hall, rubbing my arms kept hugged around my chest to get my blood flowing.

  The furnace might be out, but thank the good graces of the universe that the water heater still works. It feels like I could have run a marathon in the time it takes for the water to heat up enough, but once the pillows of steam billow up from the showerhead, I strip down naked and step under the spray, letting the heat massage my muscles, soaking my hair. Squeezing a handful of apple-scented shampoo into my palm, I work it to a lathered frenzy into my scalp. The bubbles run down my face, stinging my eyes.

  As I reach out of the shower for a towel to wipe the shampoo away, I touch a hand right as a throat clears, making me jump and knock over the bottle of apple conditioner sitting in the shower caddy. “Jesus, Kel!”

  “You know how absurd you and Benton look hanging all over each other? It is all over the internet. Every social media site. Pick your poison.” So she is really ready to attack with me naked in the shower. Slight disadvantage, but I can handle her. I can.

  “Sorry you feel that way. But I’m sorrier I didn’t tell you about us first. And I think that’s where this is coming from.”

  “Don’t go all psychology major on me, because you’re not one. But yes, you should have told me. I was with you two the whole weekend. How did you keep it from me?”

  “We weren’t really hiding it, Kel. You just didn’t want to see it, I guess.”

  “You know how I found out? From Heron Jenny, Elly. Heron. Jenny.” Heron Jenny dons the mascot costume at all non-athletic events. “Can you imagine my surprise at receiving a text from her asking if I knew you and Benton Hayes were at the deli swapping spit? I thought she was mistaken until I saw the video on YouTube. I mean, why of all people would Benton want you?” Yeah, ouch. That comment comes with a bite. “But there you were tongue deep, making an ass of yourself.”