Reality Wedding

by Laura Heffernan

  “I prefer to think of it as head over heels in love.” What did that saying even mean? Your head was almost always above your heels.

  “That, too.” He kissed me briefly, eyes twinkling, then returned to his phone.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Drafting a quick prenup. We want to memorialize our agreement. You call Sarah and tell her to pick up Mom and get over here. She can call Dad, too.”

  My heart swelled. He’d addressed the only minor issue I had with the Plan. Bringing Justin’s family in would make our wedding feel less cold and impersonal. “That’s perfect. I can’t wait to become Mrs.…well, Mrs. Jen Reid.”

  He laughed. Justin knew I had no intention of changing my last name after we married, and he didn’t want me to. “Nothing would make me happier than to make you Mrs. Jen Reid. Let’s do this.”

  Chapter 3

  Prenuptial Agreement

  This document is intended to serve as a prenuptial agreement between Jen Reid (“Bride”) and Justin Taylor (“Groom”). The parties agree that this is a full and complete embodiment of their agreement and that it is intended to supersede any prior agreements, written or oral.

  While filming the reality show currently known as Jen & Justin’s Big Day, and only during the filming, kissing third parties shall not be considered adultery.

  Bride and Groom agree that neither will participate in any divorce-themed reality shows without the express written consent of the other. Such consent will not be provided absent a contract outlining the terms. Neither Bride nor Groom shall be responsible should the show deviate from those stated terms.

  In the event of a divorce, Groom shall be permitted to buy out Bride’s interest in Sweet Reality, the bakery co-owned with Sarah Taylor. This provision will be null and void if Sarah blames Justin for the divorce.

  Bride agrees to stop leaving cupcake crumbs in Groom’s car.

  Groom agrees to bring Bride coffee every time he works late, even if she doesn’t ask.

  Our wedding was pure poetry. The groom wore an off-the-rack gray suit with a green striped tie that matched his eyes. The bride wore flip-flops and a hot-pink top with yoga capris. The maid of honor wore black pants with a scorch mark on one knee. The father of the groom rushed to the courthouse directly from his construction job, tightening his belt on his way into the room.

  At least the mother of the groom dressed for the part. She’d apparently had time to change before Sarah picked her up. When I spotted Mrs. Taylor—er…Charity? Even when she was sick, it felt weird to call her by her first name—I wished I’d taken the time to run home and change. But we hadn’t wanted to call any attention to what we were doing. Going to the courthouse every week for lunch was one thing. Showing up at the courthouse dressed to the nines with Justin’s entire family in tow looked suspicious. As it was, I hoped no one recognized Sarah from her brief appearance on The Fishbowl or knew what Justin’s parents looked like.

  Charity looked fantastic in a blue silk suit that set off her green eyes and blond hair. She looked more like Justin and Sarah’s older sister than their mother. She’d probably purchased the suit before Justin and I were born, but I didn’t have the heart to suggest that my future mother-in-law take out the shoulder pads before walking to her seat in the front row.

  So it wasn’t an exact replica of Kate and William’s wedding. So Sarah would be dropping chocolate sprinkles in front of her because we didn’t have rose petals. So my bouquet was plastic flowers Sarah yoinked from one of our displays at Sweet Reality on her way out the door and I kept tugging my hair in a futile effort to cover my ears. I was about to marry my best friend, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  We stood in an empty courtroom, presided over by a new judge who worked at Justin’s law firm before being elected to the bench. I waited near the doors with Sarah and Justin’s father, preparing to take the plunge. I wished Mom and my brother, Adam, could’ve been there to watch us get married, but there wasn’t time. We needed to do this today so I could pack and shop and fly out Friday morning. Besides, if everything went well, no one would ever know that the wedding my family attended—the one hosted by the Network and filmed for live television—wasn’t the only ceremony. We just wanted some added insurance, a way of cementing our bond before filming started.

  “You ready?” Greg asked, breaking into my thoughts. For some reason, while I had trouble addressing his mom as Charity, Justin’s dad and I had always been on a first-name basis. I barely remembered my dad, so I embraced the idea of a new father figure. One who wasn’t a deadbeat. “You sure this is the wedding you always dreamed about?”

  “The Network is going to give us my dream wedding,” I said, although I was anything but sure of that. More likely, the final show would turn into more of a high-school prom drama than my perfect fairy tale wedding. Not getting drenched in pig’s blood seemed the best I could hope for. But Justin’s family didn’t need to worry about the Network. The decision was made, the Network already emailed the contracts, and Justin and I would deal with whatever happened.

  All his parents needed to know was I loved Justin with all my heart, I wanted to marry him, and I’d devote the rest of my life to making him happy. My eyes met his met across the courtroom, and a massive grin split my cheeks. Everything was going to work out for the best. I couldn’t wait to marry him. Part of me had known he was the one for me ever since the first week on The Fishbowl when we found ourselves geeking out over the same vintage commercial.

  “Yes, this is what I want,” I said. “Just the two of us and our family.”

  “Yay! I’m so excited.” Sarah hugged me and held out her hand. “Give me the ring.”

  “Oh, right.”

  We hadn’t bought our wedding rings yet. I’d planned to use my engagement ring for the ceremony. To our surprise, Justin’s mom had brought a set of rings with her—his and her wedding bands, originally belonging to Justin’s grandparents. Simple, timeless. Perfect.

  “Okay, then.” Greg held out his arm, and I took it.

  Sarah went first, humming “Here Comes the Bride.” Beside me, Greg sang the words, his deep voice filling the courtroom. He tried to set the pace, but when Sarah cleared the gate separating the spectator area from the front of the courtroom, my excitement took over. I bolted past the rows of benches, straight to Justin, practically dragging his father through the little wooden door.

  “Hey, beautiful,” he said.

  “Hey yourself.” I popped onto my toes and kissed him, almost coming out of my flip-flops. “What did you want to do for lunch today?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Thought maybe we’d get married.”

  “Sounds good.” Grinning broadly, I took Justin’s hand and turned toward Judge Fahr.

  “Ready?” We both nodded. “Ladies and gentlemen, we are here today to join Justin and Jen in marriage. Thank you to the family for attending on such short notice. This is my first wedding ceremony as a judge, but even if it weren’t, it would be unique, as I’ve had the pleasure of watching this couple from the beginning. My wife is a huge reality television fan, and she couldn’t be more thrilled that the two of you asked us to be here today.”

  A few feet away, the bailiff smiled and waved. Mrs. Fahr had to sign a confidentiality agreement Justin drafted on his phone, but we didn’t have the heart to exclude the judge’s wife after hearing how much she loved our shows.

  “When Justin chased Jen down the driveway at the end of The Fishbowl, tears sprang to my eyes,” Judge Fahr said. “And like millions of other fans, it warmed my heart when the two of you became engaged. As someone who saw Justin grow throughout law school and watched the two of you blossom as a couple on television, being asked to do this means a lot to me. They say you never forget your first, but I’m truly honored to be here.”

  Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. I couldn’t look at Justin
. If I did, these tears of happiness would explode, and I wouldn’t be able to say my vows.

  “Do each of you come freely and unattached before me, seeking to be married of your own free will?”

  “I do,” we said together.

  “Excellent,” Judge Fahr said. “Now, each of you has prepared a few words to say. Jen, you’re up first.”

  I pulled a sheaf of notes from my back pocket, scribbles made while waiting for everyone to arrive. “I love you so much.”

  “That’s very sweet of you, Jen, but I’m already married, so perhaps you should speak to Justin,” the judge said.

  My cheeks grew warm as everyone chuckled. At least I no longer felt on the verge of tears. When I turned away from the judge to face Justin, the smile on his face melted away my nervousness. I took both his hands, not caring when my notes got crushed. Whenever I’d thought about my vows, they never quite sounded right. I’d expected a lot more time to come up with something. But when I looked into those warm green eyes, finally, I knew what to say.

  “Justin,” I said. “The two years since we’ve met have been unreal, despite the reality shows. I never dreamed I would meet someone who understands me the way you do, whose family embraced me the way yours did, who made me feel as loved and special as you. There’s no one I’d rather laugh with, no one I’d rather have comfort me when I’m sad. You’re the person I want to fall asleep next to every night, and the first person I want to see when I wake up in the morning. I love you.”

  He grinned, mouthing, “I love you, too.”

  I continued. “I know these aren’t the vows that will be recorded, but to me, that makes them even more special. After the entire country witnessed so many highs and lows of our relationship, I’m glad we have this private ceremony. And I promise you this: I will love you, cherish you, remain faithful in my heart, and not let anything the Network throws at us interfere with our relationship. No matter what happens on this show, I will never lose sight of the one thing that matters, and that’s you and me. Jen and Justin forever.”

  He dabbed at his eyes before responding. I struggled to maintain control of my emotions.

  “From the moment I spotted you at that first audition, I knew you were special,” Justin said. “You had this amazing energy. You still do. I love your unique perspective on the world, the way you make the best of every situation, the way you care about other people. I love your heart, Jen, and I love you. When I found out we both made the show, I cheered. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was. Through it all, we’ve only become stronger. We’re a good team, and it’s a team I am ecstatic to be on for the rest for my life.”

  He kissed me, and Judge Fahr cleared his throat. “Not so fast. I believe we have rings?”

  Sarah handed me a platinum band.

  “Jen, place the ring on Justin’s finger, and repeat after me. I, Jen, take you, Justin, as my lawfully wedded spouse. To love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

  Although I’d heard the words about a hundred times, both at real weddings and in the movies, I’d never felt their weight so strongly. My heart was full as I spoke the vows, my eyes never leaving Justin’s. The ring slid snugly onto his finger, cementing our bond.

  He repeated the gesture, the warm metal sliding into place on the third finger of my left hand. Then he leaned over and kissed me again before Judge Fahr stopped him. It was a long, slow kiss, full of tenderness and love. All the promises we’d made to each other were sealed by our lips against each other’s. And when we parted, I knew, absolutely knew, that getting married before going on the show was the right move.

  “I now pronounce you husband and wife,” Judge Fahr said. “Usually, this is where you’d seal the deal with the kiss, but the two of you seem to be a bit ahead of me.”

  I giggled, then leaned over and placed another quick, soft kiss on Justin’s lips.

  “Ladies and gentleman,” Judge Fahr said to the room, “I am happy to introduce you to Mr. Justin Taylor and Mrs. Jennifer Reid!”

  Hand in hand, we walked up the aisle as “Happy” played behind us. After recording the ceremony on her phone (which we grudgingly agreed to allow upon penalty of death if she showed it to anyone, ever), Sarah had switched to her music app.

  She followed us, practically jumping up and down with excitement. “I can’t believe my best friend and my brother are married! And I don’t even have to give a toast at the reception. It’s perfect!”

  “Not so fast,” Justin said. “You’re down for a toast at the big reception. The one on TV.”

  Her face turned white, and I nudged him with my foot. “That’s not funny.” To Sarah, I said, “He’s kidding. Ed and Rachel will be giving the toasts. He’s hilarious, she’s poised, it’ll be awesome.”

  “In that case, I won’t withdraw my support and sell this video to Entertainment Tonight,” she said. “I can live with being a regular bridesmaid, not maid of honor.”

  “You’ll be co–maids of honor.” I hugged her, and she whispered another congratulation in my ear.

  Going out for a huge celebratory meal would have called attention to us, and Justin had to get back to his trial after lunch, so we ducked into a corner of the courtroom for a kiss goodbye. Before leaving, we removed our rings. I tucked them into a zippered pocket of my purse, where they’d stay until we put them on again during the Fishbowl ceremony. The rings were a symbol, and they were important, but not as important as the promises we exchanged. We kissed again, then Sarah drove me back to the bakery, both of us babbling and grinning the whole way.

  That evening, everyone went to Justin’s parents’ house for dinner. Charity went all out, cooking more than she’d done since I’d met her. We sat down to an array of our favorite foods. Sarah brought a small chocolate, banana, and peanut butter cake from Sweet Reality for dessert, adapted from one of our most popular cupcake recipes.

  Maybe it wasn’t the most traditional wedding, but it was the perfect day. Justin and I were married, and nothing the Network did could come between us now.

  Chapter 4

  SHOCKING ENTERTAINMENT NEWS ONLINE

  ONE-HALF OF ROYAL REALITY COUPLE LANDS IN LOS ANGELES

  But where’s the other? And why the rush?

  by Talky Ted

  Ever since The Marrying Kind’s Amanda announced that she was leaving Braden to join the Peace Corps, we’ve wondered what would happen to their show, scheduled to start filming at the end of May. Now, thanks to some astute Instagrammers, I’ve got the inside scoop.

  Jen Reid, half of the famous “Jen and Justin” from The Fishbowl, landed in Los Angeles this morning sporting gorgeous long hair begging for an updo. Fans may remember that the couple met on one of the Network’s shows and became engaged on another, making them an obvious choice for a last-minute replacement. As recently as March, the couple had reportedly not set a date.

  But is there another reason for the quick, secret trip? Jen, is that a baby bump or did you enjoy too many free cookies on the flight?

  A spokeswoman for the Network said, “The show will go on,” but refused to elaborate. Jen did not return several voice mails. Justin could not be reached for comment. I managed to get ahold of his twin sister Sarah at her place of business. In response to my question whether Jen and Justin could expect their very own bundle of joy soon, she replied, and I quote, “Bite me.”

  When does that girl get her own show?

  Related Stories:

  He Went Down On One Knee, and You Won’t Believe What Happened Next

  The Fishbowl Star Ariana Sassani, 26, Passes Away After Long Illness

  Brandon Martinez to Jen Reid:

  You’ve never going to believe this, but I can’t get a week off work to appear in a reality show about making your wedding.

  Jen Reid to Brandon Martinez:

  Yeah, I hear Ninth Circuit
justices are super unreasonable about giving clerks time off for show biz. :-(

  Brandon Martinez to Jen Reid:

  You’re not upset?

  Jen Reid to Brandon Martinez:

  I’m unsurprised. Disappointed, though. Can you still come to the wedding?

  Brandon Martinez to Jen Reid:

  As long as I don’t do any confessionals, and they don’t show my face on TV.

  Jen Reid to Brandon Martinez:

  I’ll take what I can get. But you can’t be a groomsman if you’re not filmed.

  Brandon Martinez to Bridezilla:

  LIFE IS SO UNFAIR.

  Brandon Martinez to Bridezilla:

  Thanks for understanding. I’ll sit in the audience and throw tomatoes at my replacement.

  Jen Reid to Brandon Martinez:

  Aim for Ed. He’s used to it. ☺ Love you! See you next week!

  Connor had warned me that changing my hair wouldn’t prevent the media from recognizing me if spotted in LA. But I wanted extensions before the wedding, I didn’t want to pay for them, and I didn’t trust the Network anywhere near my head. So I’d told him people would be less likely to recognize me with longer hair, and they wouldn’t waste a day of filming me sitting in a chair. Win, win. He didn’t sound like he bought it, but he wanted us to do the show, so he’d set up the appointment. Justin and I had spent the rest of the day going over our ideas for the wedding with the producers. We didn’t have a lot of time, but we wanted to make sure the wedding contained things that mattered to us.

  Returning to the Fishbowl almost two years after I drove away felt like returning to high school after starting college. I still remembered my first view of the dazzling glass house, with the sweeping driveway, the dragon fountain out front, and the millions of tiny stones lining the walkway. But somehow, without my other eleven Fish, it felt smaller. Quieter. Less imposing.

  Before going in, I took a selfie with the house in the background and texted it to Justin. Returning to the scene of the crime…hopefully with less drama.