Pretty Ugly

by Karyn Langhorne Folan

  Just then Amberlynn came jogging up to Crystal’s group.

  “Sorry,” she panted. “I had to talk to my Spanish teacher. Test next week. ”

  Jamee thought of her algebra class. A wave of dread spread over her, and she rubbed her forehead. Just then, Crystal clapped her hands to get their attention.

  “C’mon. Let’s go, everyone!” she hollered.

  The small group of girls took their places, and Jamee pushed Mrs. Guessner from her mind again. It was the most fun she had in weeks. With Vanessa and her friends on the other side of the gym, Jamee was able to relax. She and Amberlynn ended up working with Angel the entire time. For once, the skinny girl actually laughed and smiled and cheered her heart out. Jamee liked her.

  “Excellent work, ladies!” Coach Seville bellowed across the gym. Jamee looked at the clock. Practice was over already. The time had gone so quickly, Jamee was surprised.

  “Tomorrow is the big day,” the coach continued. “When you get here, there will be a list on the bulletin board indicating your audition group. Crystal and Julesa will let in one group at a time. Come in full of spirit. I want to see your jumps, your flips—all the energy you can give me. Then you’ll do your cheer routine and you’re done. Results will be on the board Friday morning. Got it?”

  “Yes, Coach!” everyone shouted. Jamee glanced at Angel and smiled.

  “All right, girls. Get a good night’s sleep. Good luck to you all!”

  “Thanks, you two,” Angel said, looking at Jamee and Amberlynn. “I had fun. ” She grabbed her backpack from under the bleachers and slipped it over her shoulders.

  “You’ll be here tomorrow, right?” Amberlynn asked.

  “You bet,” Angel grinned, then waved at them and walked away.

  “I gotta watch my brothers again, but if you wanna come over, we could practice some more while we keep an eye on them,” Amberlynn suggested.

  Jamee shook her head. “I promised Dez I’d meet him after this. ”

  Amberlynn smiled. “I don’t blame you. I’d choose Dez over my brothers, too. See you tomorrow?”

  “Yeah, see you. ”

  But instead of leaving, Jamee sat back down on the locker room bench. She knew Dez was waiting, but for the first time, she didn’t feel like seeing him. She had always had a boyfriend—at least since the start of middle school— but now she wondered if that was a mistake. She changed out of her sweaty T-shirt and shorts as slowly as possible. The locker room emptied as the other girls grabbed their belongings and left.

  Jamee ignored them all, even Vanessa’s mean laugh and Tasha’s odd, guilty stare.

  Chapter 6

  “Girl, it’s about time,” Dez complained as Jamee walked into Niko’s. “Where you been?”

  Something about his question made her so angry that she couldn’t answer. It didn’t help that Darcy, Hakeem, Cooper, and Tarah were there too, listening to every word.

  “And don’t say, ‘at tryouts’,” he added, resting his arms on her shoulders as if she was his property. “They were at the tryouts, too, and they’ve been sitting there for about five minutes. ”

  Tasha, Vanessa, Renita, and Kym were sitting in the corner. Vanessa held Tasha’s pink phone between her long nails. The girls were hunched close like animals at a feeding. They cackled loudly several times as they looked at something on the tiny screen.

  “Great,” Jamee muttered, ignoring Dez’s question. “This is just great. ”

  “What’s the matter, girl?” Tarah asked. She slid the pizza they had ordered toward her.

  “Nothing,” Jamee sighed, not wanting to explain it. “I’m just tired. ”

  “I’d be tired, too, if I was you,” Cooper joked. “Listenin’ to his big mouth all day is enough to wear anyone out,” he said, looking at Dez.

  “Man, why you gotta be like that, Coop?” Dez protested.

  “’Cause you always bugging her, that’s why! You ever see what the coach has them girls doin’? I used to think cheerleading was all pom-poms and stuff. But one day I passed by the gym after school, and the coach had all the girls doing backflips and step dances. That’s no joke. I could never do that. ”

  “So what were you doin’ watchin’ them cheerleaders in the first place?” Tarah cut in, raising an eyebrow at her boyfriend.

  “Uh oh,” Hakeem said with a smile. “You walked right into that, Coop. ”

  “Aw c’mon, T! It wasn’t like that,” Cooper insisted.

  “Mmm hmm,” Tarah said, a teasing glint in her eye. Dez ignored them both.

  “But that still don’t answer my question. Why are you so late?” he asked.

  “Coach Seville wanted to talk to me, okay,” Jamee lied. She didn’t want to admit that she had sat alone in the locker room wishing she didn’t have to go to Niko’s or that she was still bothered by what Dez had said the other day. Even though he apologized, she still thought about her reputation and how he had expected her to kiss him whenever he wanted—or maybe go further. Maybe that was why he wanted to go out with her in the first place. The thought made her stomach churn.

  “Why didn’t you say so?” Dez answered, squeezing her a bit tighter. His sweaty skin clung to the back of her neck. She felt trapped, almost claustrophobic. Having Vanessa and the other girls so close only made it worse. She wanted to shrug him off and walk out, but she couldn’t think of a way to do it without making a scene.

  “I hope your coach wasn’t talking to you about your grades,” Darcy chimed in. “They treat the cheerleaders just like athletes. You’ll have to keep your grades up to—”

  “That’s because we are athletes. And no, it wasn’t about my grades, okay?” Jamee snapped. “It was something else. ” Her eyes strayed toward Vanessa and her friends. She wondered what they were staring at on the tiny screen.

  “No need to get upset,” Darcy muttered. “I’m just trying to help—”

  “Well, you can help by staying out of my business,” Jamee snapped, the frustration of the past few days boiling over inside her. “Did you ever think I might get sick of hearing about what a great student you are compared to me? ‘Are you Darcy’s sister?’ ‘I’d expect better from Darcy’s sister. ’ Blah, blah, blah. ”

  Darcy blinked at her in surprise. “I’m sorry, Jamee. I just meant—”

  “Yeah, I know what you meant. ” Jamee rolled her eyes. “But maybe if I make cheerleader, you’ll get some of what I’ve been dealing with. Maybe someone will ask you if you’re Jamee Wills’s sister instead of the other way around. In the meantime, just leave me alone. ”

  Darcy recoiled as if she had just been slapped. Tarah grunted, while Cooper grabbed another slice of pizza in silence. For a long time no one spoke, as if they were too scared to get involved in a fight between sisters. Jamee wished she had skipped Niko’s and gone straight home.

  “Hey, Jamee,” Dez said when the silence got thick enough to taste. “Your girls over there are checking you out. ”

  Jamee turned toward the corner booth. She caught Tasha’s eye for a split second just as Vanessa whispered something to her. Tasha giggled, but Jamee could tell it was forced. Tasha almost seemed uncomfortable—the way she had looked the day Vanessa borrowed her phone.

  What are they up to? Jamee wondered.

  Just then Renita leaned close and said something into Vanessa’s ear. All of the girls stopped talking and turned their heads back toward the door. Jamee followed their stares.

  Angel McAllister walked into the restaurant still wearing the shorts and T-shirt she had on at practice. A thin little girl with the same round face and dark coffee bean eyes held her hand.

  Is that Angel’s little sister? Jamee wondered. The way she looked up at Angel as they approached the counter made her think so.

  “Hey, ain’t that the skinny girl Vanessa was doggin’ the other day?” Dez asked.

  “Her name is Angel,” Jamee snapped. As she watched, Vanessa slid from her booth and started toward Angel and her sister. Jamee had a bad feel
ing. Without a word, she rose from her chair and moved toward the counter. Dez and the others looked surprised as she passed, but Jamee couldn’t explain, not now.

  “What’s up, Angel?” Jamee said, darting in front of Vanessa. She could tell from Vanessa’s expression that she had gotten in her way and stopped her from doing something rude. “I didn’t know you came to Niko’s. ”

  “I don’t,” Angel said, nervously eyeing Vanessa. “This is my first time here. I heard they have the best pizza around, so my mom sent us here to get one. ” Jamee could tell Angel was uncomfortable.

  “What are you doing, Jamee?” Vanessa grumbled, her eyes narrowing.

  “Nothin’. Just saying hi to my girl, that’s all,” Jamee replied, raising her voice so everyone at her table could hear. She figured Vanessa wouldn’t start anything if she knew Darcy and Tarah were watching, too. “That okay with you?”

  Vanessa glanced over at her table and gave a quick, fake smile, but her eyes were anything but happy. Angel quickly ordered her pizza. Her little sister hovered by her waist.

  “So you gonna do your aerial for the audition tomorrow, Angel?” Jamee continued. She hoped the pizza would be done quickly and Angel and her sister could get away before anything bad happened. “If we all make the team, you’ll have to teach us how to do it. Maybe even you, Vanessa. ”

  “There’s more to cheerleading than aerials, Jamee,” Vanessa snarled.

  “Yeah, but it doesn’t hurt her chances, does it?” Jamee replied. She wanted Angel to hear her. She looked so nervous, so scared whenever Vanessa was around. And yet, Angel had something special. Jamee wanted her to remember it the night before auditions. She knew Vanessa would try to rip it away.

  “Whatever,” Vanessa huffed. “It’s not enough, especially not for her. ”

  “Here you go,” interrupted the guy working the counter. He slid a box toward Angel. “That’s ten dollars. ”

  Angel let go of the little girl’s hand and gave him a crushed wad of bills. Then she grabbed the pizza box. “See you, Jamee,” she said quickly. “Come on, Dionne. Let’s go—”

  Vanessa’s hand flashed out the instant Angel shifted her attention to her sister. The pizza box tipped precariously and began to spill toward the floor. But Jamee reached forward and grabbed it first.

  “Whoa,” she muttered as the box leveled out in Angel’s hands again. “That was close. ”

  Angel stared at Vanessa for what felt like forever. Jamee could feel the battle going on between them.

  “Angel . . . let’s go,” Dionne whispered. “I’m hungry. ”

  The little girl’s voice broke Angel’s stare. She grabbed the pizza with both hands this time and turned toward the door.

  “I’m not going to quit, Vanessa,” she said softly. “Coach Seville might not pick me, but I’m not going to quit. I don’t care what you do. ” She nodded at Jamee. “Thanks, Jamee. I wouldn’t have had enough money to buy another one. ”

  “No problem. ”

  “I’ll teach you the aerial any time you want. ”

  Jamee grinned. “I’d like that. ”

  Angel’s little sister lifted her fingers in a wave and gave Jamee a smile as they left. Jamee would have returned to her table, but Vanessa stepped in her way.

  “You just made a big mistake, Jamee,” she hissed. “I gave you a chance, but it’s over now. ” There was a smudge of mascara under her right eye that made her look like someone had punched her. The smudge and the angry sneer on her face made her suddenly look very, very ugly.

  “Is everything okay?” Dez had gotten up from the table. Darcy, Hakeem, Tarah, and Cooper walked up behind him.

  “Everything’s fine. ” Vanessa’s voice dripped with honey, but her eyes glinted with anger.

  “We’ve got to get home, Jamee,” Darcy said.

  “Yes, you get home, Jamee,” Vanessa said in a sugary tone as fake as cotton candy. “I’ll see you tomorrow. ”

  Jamee could hear the threat in her voice even if no one else could. She walked out of Niko’s uneasily, wondering what Vanessa was up to.

  “Why did you do that to me, Jamee?” Darcy asked as soon as they got outside and everyone split up. Her voice was almost shaking with anger. “Why did you embarrass me like that in front of my friends?”

  “You do it to me all the time!”

  “All I said was—”

  “That I was stupid! That I have bad grades and I’m gonna get kicked off the cheering squad right after I make it—”

  “That’s not what I said!” Darcy yelled so loudly that people on the street turned and stared.

  “But that’s what you meant. It’s what you always mean when you talk to me, Darcy. Like you think I’m too dumb to do anything so you gotta nag me all the time. Admit it. ”

  “Forget it,” Darcy muttered. “There’s no use talking to you sometimes. ” She turned and walked briskly down the street, her arms wrapped tightly around her books.

  Jamee stood on the corner trembling with anger as her sister disappeared down the block.

  Everything suddenly seemed so complicated: her relationship with Darcy, her feelings about Dez, her performance in school, the cheerleading tryouts. It seemed as if everybody was pressuring her to be someone else.

  Her family and teachers wanted her to be Darcy. Vanessa wanted her to be like Tasha and pick on Angel for no reason. Dez wanted her to be the girl with the bad reputation.

  But Jamee wanted none of this. And yet the more she tried to be herself, the more trouble she got into. Confused and uncertain, Jamee reluctantly followed Darcy home.

  “In here!” Dad called when Jamee finally reached the house. His voice had an urgent sound to it.

  Jamee sighed. She figured that Darcy told him they had gotten into an argument at Niko’s. Now she would have to explain to Dad what happened.

  Thanks a lot, Darcy, she thought. As if making my life miserable at school isn’t enough.

  She trudged toward the sound of her father’s voice, expecting to find him in her parents’ room. But instead, the door to Grandma’s room stood wide open. A hint of Grandma’s lilac perfume still hung in the air. It almost seemed as if Grandma herself were inside ready to greet her with her smile.

  Instead Dad was sitting on the floor wearing an old T-shirt. Sweat darkened his shirt beneath his arms and along his back. Mom sat next to him in Grandma’s old rocking chair wiping her eyes with a wad of tissues. Darcy stood in front of them. They were staring at an open cardboard box. No one looked up when Jamee walked in.

  “What’s going on?” she asked.

  “Well, your father took some time off to go to the doctor with me today, and we figured it’s time. ” Her mother shrugged her shoulders a bit. “Grandma’s been gone over three months and we got to start making room for this baby, so . . . ”

  Jamee looked around. Until today, the room had been left exactly as it had been when Grandma was alive, but now Jamee noticed that her curtains were gone, and the windows looked stark and bare. Two of the dresser drawers were open and clothes were scattered on her bed. When Jamee glanced at the closet, she could see that all of Grandma’s shoes were gone.

  Jamee swallowed down a lump in her throat. Grandma had died in this room. Jamee shook remembering the morning they found her silent and still in her bed. After her stroke and a long, slow decline, she had passed peacefully in her sleep, taking her voice, her wisdom, and her comforting presence with her. It didn’t seem right to throw all her things in a box as if she had never been there. Jamee blinked hard to keep tears from rolling down her face.

  “I know,” Mom said, gently touching her shoulder. “You can really feel her spirit in this room. But she’d be the first one to tell us to move on. I can hear her in my head right now. She’s saying, ‘Mattie, you get that room ready for my grandchild, y’hear. A baby needs that space more than I do!’”

  Mom sounded just like Grandma. Jamee wanted to both laugh and cry. Even though what Mom said made sense, Jamee
didn’t want to let go of Grandma’s room. Somehow it made it seem as if she was still nearby, ready to listen when no one else would. Jamee wished she could talk to her right now.

  “Are you getting rid of everything?” she asked, trying to hide her thoughts.

  Mom shook her head. “No. We’re keeping the things that meant the most to her. But she wouldn’t want us holding onto her clothes forever, especially when someone else could wear them. You understand, right?”

  Jamee nodded, but understanding didn’t make it any easier. Her throat felt as if she had swallowed a basketball. She hated watching Grandma’s room being torn apart, no matter what the reason.

  “Darcy’s packing up her dresser. Maybe you can do the closet. Here. ” Dad held out a box of plastic bags to her. Mom watched her from the rocking chair.

  “If you see something important that you want to keep, I want you to take it. Grandma would want you to, okay?”

  Jamee could feel her parents watching her. She knew they meant well, but it still didn’t seem right. Yet what could she do?

  Without a word, Jamee grabbed the plastic bags and began removing Grandma’s blouses and skirts from the closet. On one hanger, she found an old gray sweater Grandma used to wear. Stuck on the front was a button Jamee had made for her on Mother’s Day in Ms. Kopec’s first-grade class. “World’s Greatest Grandma,” it read in awkward pink letters around a picture Jamee drew of herself in crayon.

  At the time, Jamee thought her picture was perfect. Now she realized it looked silly and sloppy. Yet Grandma wore it as if it were a priceless treasure. Jamee wondered if she was just being nice or if she really did like it.

  “Look at this!” Darcy said, breaking her thoughts. She held a big black hat with a pink flower pinned on the side.

  “Her Sunday hat,” Mom said. “She must have worn that hat to church a thousand times before she got too sick to go. ” Her voice trailed off.

  “Mattie,” Dad went over and patted her shoulder. “You okay? You want to stop?”