Sex, Not Love

by Vi Keeland

  “There are only three reasons a man is noncommittal. Either he’s a fisherman, a milkman, or a priest.”

  I glanced up at her. “You’re going to have to explain that one.”

  “A fisherman knows there are plenty of fish in the sea, and he doesn’t want to spend his life eating cod when there’s tuna and striped bass that he still hasn’t tasted yet.”

  I wasn’t sure if Minnie realized her euphemism for a player was rather gross—eating fish. But I got her point.

  “I really don’t think that’s Hunter’s issue. Although maybe I just don’t want to believe he’s like that. My gut says it has nothing to do with needing to move on to the next woman.”

  “Alright. Then maybe he’s a milkman. Good woman at home, and yet keeps going out to make deliveries to unsuspecting housewives.”

  I laughed. “I don’t think that’s possible. I’ve been to his house, and there’s no sign of a woman. Plus, Derek and Anna would know if he had a serious relationship.”

  “Then he’s a priest.”

  I cut the tape on the last finger I’d wrapped, and smoothed it down as gently as possible. “He’s definitely not a priest.”

  “I didn’t mean he doesn’t like a little no-pants dance. A priest is someone who sacrifices for the benefit of others,” Minnie said. “They’ll give up their own happiness so the people in their flock don’t get hurt.”

  Hmmm. “But why? What could he possibly be trying to protect me from?”

  “He knows your story. Maybe he’s afraid to let you down, or that he’s not good enough for you.”

  I scoffed at the last part. “Hunter Delucia has more confidence in his little pinky than I do in my entire body.”

  “Sometimes confidence is worn like a mask to shield people from seeing insecurities.”

  “I suppose. I just…that doesn’t seem to fit either.”

  “Maybe the last woman broke his heart. Has he ever had a serious relationship before?”

  “Once.”

  “Did he tell you what happened?”

  “No. He actually gave a really vague response, and I have no clue why things ended.”

  Minnie lifted her newly wrapped fingers and wiggled them around. “Might want to see if you can get more information about that.”

  ***

  After Izzy went to bed, I curled up with a cup of tea and picked up my cell. It was almost eleven in New York, but still only eight in California. I’d thought all afternoon about my conversation with Minnie and decided going straight to the tightlipped source wouldn’t be half as productive as calling my best friend.

  “Hey,” Anna said. “It’s the fairy godmother.”

  I smiled. “You know, when I was little, I always imagined my fairy godmother looked like Stevie Nicks.”

  “I think Stevie Nicks would be a kick-ass godmother. Maybe I should see if she’s available instead. Pretty sure she lives in L.A. Then again, who knows, I might have you here after all. Derek said you and Hunter were all kissy face.”

  My shoulders slumped. “I wouldn’t count on it.”

  “Oh no. What happened?”

  “We had a great two months.”

  “Okay…”

  “And…we had a great two months.”

  “You don’t think a long-distance relationship will work?”

  “It’s not me. It’s Hunter.”

  “He doesn’t think it will work?”

  “I have no idea. We basically agreed to be fuck buddies for a few months. Now it’s over.”

  “Do you want more?”

  “Yes. No. I don’t know.”

  “You sound sure of yourself.”

  “I like him, Anna. A lot. Way more than I wanted to.”

  “Oh, honey. Does he know how you feel?”

  “I haven’t come right out and told him, although he knows I have feelings for him. But he won’t even let himself consider giving things a go.”

  “Why?”

  “And there’s the million-dollar question.”

  Even three thousand miles away, Anna knew I was hurting. Her voice softened. “God, I’m sorry, Nat. I told you when you first met that I knew he dated a lot. But so do a lot of guys. I thought…you know, sometimes it just takes the right woman to come along.”

  Sometimes the unspoken words are heard the loudest. I wasn’t the right woman for Hunter. While that hurt to think of, it also reminded me of the woman I’d been curious about.

  “Let me ask you, do you know the details of what happened between Hunter and the woman he dated for a long time?”

  “Summer? Not really. I know they met while in college, but they’d broken up before I met Derek. The only thing I really know is she called Derek a bunch of times after Hunter broke it off. She’d have a few drinks and call him, all upset about the break up.”

  “He broke it off with her?” For some reason, I’d assumed it was the other way around and he was skittish because his heart had been broken. Oh wait, maybe that was me.

  “Yeah. He definitely broke it off. Although I don’t really know why. Derek never said, and I never had a reason to ask. But let me poke around a bit.”

  “Alright. Don’t make it too obvious.”

  We stayed on the phone for another half hour, chatting about Caroline, the christening, Izzy, and life in general. It felt really good to talk to her, even if I still had more questions than answers about Hunter when I hung up.

  Chapter 30

  Natalia

  Izzy got sick with the flu, and it lingered for more than a week.

  So the plans I had with Hunter to enjoy our last week and a half had turned into him coming over and watching TV on my couch while Izzy beckoned me from her room every fifteen minutes.

  Tonight was supposed to be our first date night now that Izzy was finally feeling better. She had a sleepover for a friend’s birthday, so we would even have the full night to ourselves. Unfortunately, not even that enticing thought could get my ass out of bed to start the day. Every bone in my body ached. I felt so awful that I had to use my cell to call Izzy from my bedroom to make sure she was up for school. The thought of standing and walking from my room to hers made me too exhausted to actually do it.

  Still in denial that I’d caught the flu from my stepdaughter, I canceled my morning appointments and went back to sleep for a few hours. My hope plummeted around noon when I woke up and dragged my ass to the bathroom, where I took my temperature. A hundred and two.

  I can’t be sick.

  I have a date tonight, and Hunter is leaving in three days.

  A wave of chills seemed to answer that thought—but not the type of chills I normally had when thinking of Hunter Delucia. My brain wanted to be frustrated, but honestly, I didn’t have the energy to be upset. It was all I could do to choke down two Tylenol and crawl back under the covers.

  I couldn’t bring myself to officially cancel my date until Hunter texted later in the afternoon.

  Hunter: Wear red tonight.

  Disappointment settled in. This was how things were going to end for us. We wouldn’t even get to go out with a bang.

  It hurt the skin on my fingers to type back, if that was even possible.

  Natalia: The only red I’ll be wearing tonight is from a fever. Sorry. I think I caught Izzy’s flu.

  Hunter: Shit. Sorry. You need anything?

  Natalia: Got a magic pill to make me better?

  Hunter: I’m going to refrain from telling you I have something you can swallow that will make you feel better.

  I smiled and shook my head.

  Natalia: I’m really glad you refrained…

  Hunter went silent after that. On any other day, I probably would’ve wasted two hours overanalyzing the stream of texts. Lucky for me, today I didn’t have the energy. The fever had wiped me out, and I fell back asleep for a few more hours, until the buzzer woke me.

  I padded to the door with my blanket wrapped around me.

  “Hello?”

  “Jus
t me,” Hunter’s voice said. “Got done early so brought you some chicken soup.”

  The girly part of me wanted to run to a mirror and wash my face and fix whatever smear of yesterday’s makeup was likely still on my face. But the sick part of me told the girly part to shut up and sit down. I pressed the buzzer to unlock the door, then leaned against the wall while I waited for the elevator to arrive.

  Even sick as a dog, the sight of Hunter striding to my door woke up my body. He wore jeans and a button up that was rolled at the sleeves. And he had on those work boots I loved. He was also carrying bags in both arms.

  “Guess you just came from the job site?” I said eyeing the boots as he walked.

  “Nope. Had a client meeting, then a meeting down at the building department. Wore the boots because you like ’em.”

  “How do you know I like them?”

  “I watch you.” He kissed my forehead. “It’s how I also know you like it when I hold your hands above your head while I’m inside you.”

  I do like that. God, was I that transparent? “What else do I like?”

  Hunter smirked. “You like it when I trace your collarbone with my tongue. And you really like it when I tell you all the things I’m going to do to you, even though you don’t want to admit you like it when I say you have a sweet cunt.”

  My jaw dropped open. He was so damn right. I hated that word, but something about him saying that to me in the throes of passion really turned me on. And of course, just like he said, I didn’t want to admit it.

  I shook my head. “What are you doing here anyway?”

  He held up the bags. “Brought supplies.”

  “But you’ll get sick.”

  “That’s a chance I’m willing to take. Now come on, let’s get you off your feet.”

  Inside, Hunter insisted I sit down while he unpacked the contents of the bags he’d brought. “Chicken soup from that restaurant you liked downtown, where we met for lunch a few weeks ago.”

  “I’m not really hungry.”

  “You made Izzy eat when she said the same thing.”

  I pouted because he was right.

  He continued to unpack. “Dayquil for keeping the fever down. I remember you tossing out the box the last time Izzy took it. Ginger ale, because the only time this crap tastes good is when you’re sick and drinking it with toast. Speaking of which…” He unpacked a loaf of bread from the first bag and moved on to the second one. Butter, Gatorade, Theraflu, vitamin C, tissues, and four DVD jewel cases. The last thing he unpacked was a box of some sort of jewelry crafting.

  He held it up. “In case you get bored.”

  “What is that?”

  He shrugged. “Some craft kit they had at the drug store. Figured in case you need something that can keep you busy without getting up.”

  God, this man could hurt my heart and heal it at the same time. I remembered he’d said his mother did craft projects when she wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t get out of bed. He really was a sweet, protective, and thoughtful guy. And therein lay the problem. It would be a hell of a lot easier to say goodbye to someone who ran for the hills when I was sick—someone who only stuck around for the good. But Hunter was just naturally a for better or for worse type of man, which made it that much more difficult to see him as sex only.

  I offered him a sad smile, hoping he’d chalk it up to my not feeling well. “Thank you for all of this. You didn’t have to.”

  His eyes roamed my face. “You’re always taking care of someone else. I’m glad I’m here to take care of you.”

  The thought was sweet, but all I could think was, I’m glad I didn’t get sick in four days.

  ***

  The non-drowsy Dayquil made me sleepy. Or maybe it was the action adventure with Bruce Willis and buildings blowing up that had lulled me to sleep. But because I’d slept on and off all day, I was confused when I woke up on the couch. My feet were still propped up on Hunter’s lap like they had been when I dozed off, only he wasn’t watching television anymore. My eyes fluttered open to him watching me sleep again.

  “What time is it?”

  “Must be about ten, I guess. Izzy called to check in. I saw her name pop up on your phone, so I answered it before it woke you. She wanted to come home to take care of you.”

  “Oh. That’s sweet. She’s really coming around lately.”

  Hunter nodded. “Told her I had it covered, but I’d make sure you checked in.”

  “Okay. Thanks. I’ll text her.”

  He nodded. “You hungry?”

  “If I say no are you going to force me to eat something anyway?”

  His lip twitched. “Probably.”

  He reached over and felt my head. “Still cool. But it’s been four hours since you took the Dayquil. Want a Nyquil dose this time to keep the fever down and help you sleep?”

  “God, all I’ve done is sleep.”

  Hunter walked to the kitchen, grabbed some medicine, and poured me a tall glass of ginger ale. I managed to accomplish sitting up while he did that.

  He sat down on the edge of the coffee table across from me and made sure I took my pills, then took the glass from my hands to set it down.

  “You’re pretty good at this nurse stuff, you know.”

  “I prefer playing doctor to nurse, but I’m flexible.”

  “At least I’m a better patient than Izzy. I’m not calling your name every five minutes to come get my dirty tissues and tell you something hurts.”

  “No. I think sleeping through the entire thing seems to be more your style.”

  “Well, now that I’ve slept the entire day, I’ll probably be up half the night.” I nodded to the jewelry craft kit he’d brought. “So expect some crappy bracelets when you wake up. Mine won’t be as nice as the one you wear.”

  He looked down at his wrist. “I was ten or eleven when my mom got sick. She had muscular problems that affected her legs, so she was bedridden a lot. My aunt used to bring those kits over all the time. Kept her busy.” He twisted the bracelet on his wrist. “Macramé and leather were her favorites. I used to have a lot of them, but over the years they broke or I lost them. This is the only one I have left. I’ll wear your crappy one when this one finally goes.”

  Wow. It was a losing battle to not fall a little harder every day. “You know, Hunter, underneath the jackass suit you wear, you’re a really great guy.”

  He looked at me a moment before standing. “Come on. Let’s get you to bed.”

  Hunter tucked me under the covers and then undressed and slipped in behind me. Unlike the other nights we’d shared a bed, he left his boxers on. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he pulled me flush against his body. His hold was so tight, it made me feel like he was afraid to let go. Or maybe that’s what I wanted to believe.

  Tomorrow Izzy would be home, so tonight was likely the last full night we would spend together. It wasn’t exactly how I’d seen our final act, but maybe it was easier this way.

  About a half hour after we settled into bed, I heard Hunter’s breaths change, and his hold on me loosened a bit. I allowed myself to succumb to the medicinal haze that made my eyelids feel too heavy to keep open.

  Early the next morning, Hunter stirred, but I didn’t open my eyes, assuming he was going to the bathroom or something. After a few minutes of him tiptoeing around the room, I felt his lips touch my forehead, and I realized he must’ve been sneaking out.

  He gently pushed a lock of hair from my face and whispered, “Crazy about you, sweet pea. I’m sorry.” Then he was gone.

  Chapter 31

  Natalia

  I’d just started to feel better when the dreaded day came. Not great—but good enough to shower and spend time in the upright position. Hunter had come by a few times after our night together—he’d even brought takeout and a horror movie for me and Izzy one evening, knowing how much she loved scary movies.

  For the last twenty-four hours, I’d been trying to avoid thinking about saying goodbye, wonderin
g what those words would sound like.

  Thanks, it’s been fun.

  See ya around.

  Anytime you’re in town, stop in. My door is always open to you. And by door, I mean vagina.

  Tips are appreciated!

  I bounced from sad to angry and back to sad so often, it was just a matter of timing as to which Nat the poor man would get when he arrived.

  Unfortunately for him, he buzzed when I was feeling pissy. I didn’t bother to wait at the door as I usually did, to admire his farewell strut down my hall. Instead, I left it cracked open and went back to the book I wasn’t really interested in on the couch.

  Hunter knocked twice before pushing the door open.

  I waved but didn’t look up.

  Awkwardness settled in before he’d even closed the door behind him—at least for me.

  He sat down on the edge of the table and took my legs in his hands. “How’s the patient feeling?”

  “Better.” Acting like an insolent teenager, I still hadn’t looked up at him.

  He waited me out—saying nothing for a few minutes, until I glanced up to see what he was doing. And then he trapped my gaze.

  “There she is.”

  His smile served only to piss me off further. He looked his usual casual, beautiful self, and I wanted him to look like I felt inside—a mess. I hated that he was so unaffected by our saying goodbye.

  “Can we just say goodbye and get this over with?” I bit out with as much snark as I could conjure up.

  At least his smile fell. “Natalia…”

  “Seriously, we’re both adults. It was fun. Now we’re done. I’m not up to giving you one last blowjob, if that’s what you’re hanging around expecting.”

  Hunter’s head dropped, and he stared down at the ground for a minute. When his eyes returned to my frigid ones, I saw pain behind them. “I…I never meant to hurt you, Natalia.”

  My mouth started going without my brain thinking it through. “Well, you did. You know why? Because this was never just fucking. You can say whatever you want, but you knew it from day one, too. You don’t have dinner with a woman’s family, help her daughter with her hook shots, and nurse her when she’s sick when it’s just fucking. And at this point, I find it insulting that you would even pretend that’s all we had.”