Jack in a Box

by Pringle McCloy

  Richard motioned to Shorty who lowered the gun but he didn’t look happy. King Chin and Freddie put down their bread knives, also not happy. I thought Richard was going to cry.

  Jack stepped up to the microphone. “The wake is at my house. And the last one there is a dirty shirt.”

  With that he hopped from the podium, intent on helping Tony help Maya to her feet.

  And just then Jackie Chan, proudly waving his trophy Yankee hat, came rushing through the door hollering. “Kow Gong! You need to come pay the cab!”

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  I WALKED WILLY OUT FRONT where he ordered up his rental car.

  “You’re safe now I presume.”

  He nodded. “Richard won’t dare anger his new father. I’ll be back working for both of them soon.”

  “Right. You little thief. You’ve earned their respect.”

  He punched me on the arm. “Read it and weep.”

  “I figure you owe me an explanation.”

  He groaned. “You’re such a pain in the ass!”

  “I am. And I need to know the truth about Leo. There’s something really strange about his death. And I know that you know. And maybe only you.” And Jack. Jack knew quite a bit about the heroin injected into the thigh. By force.

  Hot babes went wiggling by giving Willy the eye. I could see him checking them out from the corner of his eye while he pretended to be interested in what I had to say.

  “Talk,” I demanded.

  “You’re not going to believe it, Charlie.”

  “Try me. Try the truth. It might be a refreshing change.”

  He started to pace. “It was the toughest thing I’ve ever had to do. But I iced him.”

  I almost fell over. “You did what?”

  “I iced him. I iced Leo.”

  “I don’t believe you! You’re not a murderer.”

  “We’re all murderers when we have to be. What do you know about his death?”

  “Heroin. Injected into the thigh by force? That was you?”

  “It was a murder of compassion.”

  “Starting with?”

  “Starting with Leo’s begging me to do a very special favor for him. Maybe you remember that part. That’s when I gathered the cameras and microphones up and put them in my gym bag.”

  “Holy shit! I do remember. It’s the last thing on the disc.”

  “Well, next came the hard part because I had to wrestle Leo down. I tied him up with a bed sheet and, as much as he struggled, I injected him with enough heroin to kill a hypo. And that bugger was strong. He wasn’t the only one with bruising.”

  I must have looked like an idiot standing there with my mouth gaping. “I don’t believe you! I’ve known you most of my life and you’re not a killer. You’re a damn good thief but not a killer.”

  “Oh, but I am. I’m fully capable of murder when asked to do it as a favor.”

  “Leo asked you to murder him?”

  “Correct.”

  “Why? Because he was scared of Richard’s revenge over the drugs?”

  “It wasn’t about Richard at all. I did it for the thrill.”

  “You murdered Leo for the thrill?” I screeched.

  He was rapidly losing patience. “Of course, I didn’t! You used to be a better listener, Charlie. I told you earlier that I could do almost anything for compassionate reasons. If you remember I took a call for Leo while he was taking his evening bath. It was from his doctor. Leo had been fighting a rare form of galloping cancer. He had less than a few weeks to live. It was going to be a very painful end and he didn’t want to suffer. Or go blind.”

  The valet delivered Willy’s rental.

  “And how did you get him up to Squamish?”

  “With Jackie’s help. I grabbed a wheelchair from downstairs, threw a hat on Leo’s head and a blanket over his shoulders and took him down in the service elevator in the middle of the night. We drove up to Squamish and dumped him off a cliff.”

  I gasped. “Jackie knew? And he never said anything?”

  Willy smiled. “And he never will. Jackie is Chan.”

  “Did Tony know?”

  He shrugged. “Tony is Chan.”

  We stood there is silence while I caught my breath. “You’re an amazing man, Mr. Chan.”

  “And don’t you forget it. And don’t you forget our deal.”

  Right. Only a fool would dare to double-cross ‘slick’ Willy Chan. “Are you coming to the house?”

  “Na. You guys have a lot to sort out.”

  When the valet opened the door, Willy slipped in behind the wheel. “I told Jackie that I’d drop him home. He was on his third plate when we left so I expect him out soon. Well, before dawn. The guy can eat.”

  “He’s had a tough day. He’s likely hungry.”

  Affection flickered in Willy’s eyes. “You’ve taken good care of my cousin, Charlie. I owe you for that. And Jackie worships you although I don’t know that he’s chosen the right role model.”

  “He has,” I said and we both laughed. “But I’m puzzled about something. Jackie says he was a dentist in China. How can that be? He’s only twenty years old.”

  Willy grinned. “He was a dentist in China. He’s not lying. He extracted teeth. During torture. Without anesthetic.”

  My knees went weak. “Jackie?”

  “He had to earn a living.”

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  WITH THE WEDDING FIASCO ABATED, Richard, entourage in tow, headed to his beach house to lick his wounds while back in the Properties, Jillian took to her bed. Jack took to the whiskey and I took to a chair. It was a shocker, all right.

  “Guess they didn’t want to celebrate an un-wedding,” said Jack. “Or the birth of my son. The driveway is empty.”

  “It is.”

  Julia joined us in the living room, along with Tony who’d put Maya to bed in the guesthouse. Poor Maya. All those hours of meticulous planning gone with a single swoosh. No longer would I be her favorite boy.

  Julia perched on the arm of Jack’s chair where she started to mess up his hair. “You’ve had quite a day, Monster Jack.”

  “You did too. You got yourself a brand spanking-new nephew. And the bonus is, you can now drag King Chin home for an evil weekend whenever you like.”

  She smacked him on the arm. “You’re incorrigible!”

  “I’ve still got it. You need to move on though, my dear. Stanley’s been dead for a quarter-century.”

  Julia looked hot in her tight taupe dress. “You liked Stanley didn’t you, Jack?”

  He winked at me. “Stanley was about as reliable as Hamster over there. He wouldn’t have shown up for his sister’s wedding party either.”

  He was starting to piss me off. “I told you that I was tied up.”

  “Poor excuse, Hamster. Unacceptable. Nothing comes before family.”

  “Oh yeah? Try this one on for size. Your new son Richard had me kidnapped. His goons knocked me out at the church.”

  Jack perked up. “Richard did that?”

  “He did. He thought I might cause trouble. Can you imagine that?”

  “Trouble? Not you, Hamster!”

  “You sound like you don’t believe me.”

  He gave me the Jack look. “Oh, but I do. Richard isn’t stupid.”

  I left my chair and walked to the bank of windows overlooking the ocean below. “He kidnapped Jackie, too. That’s what’s bothering me. Richard planned to kill us both and my stupidity almost cost the life of an innocent kid. Well, maybe not so innocent but a kid nevertheless.”

  The doorbell rang and Julia hurried to answer it. Through the open living room we watched Peter Selic swoop in and plant a kiss on her mouth. He gathered her body against his and she snuggled in.

  Jack’s jaw dropped. “What the hell is Peter Selic doing kissing my sister?”

  “Beats me.”

  “I’m going to punch him in the mouth.”

  I grabbed his arm. “Sit down, Jack.”

>   He sat back down on about an inch of his chair. “Peter is mauling my sister and I’m going to break his face.”

  “Really? Would that be before or after they move in together? Because I think it’s tomorrow.”

  “What?” he roared. “Move in together? Why didn’t somebody tell me?”

  “She’s your sister. Ask her.”

  “I can’t believe that nobody told me!”

  “Think about it. If you’d known would you have let them be?”

  Jack had an innocent look in his repertoire, which he summoned up. “Honestly?” He sat back in his chair. “I don’t know. Maybe I would have.”

  “And?”

  “Maybe I wouldn’t. I just don’t know.”

  “Let me fill in the blanks. You would have done everything in your power to break them up. You’d have come up with more tricks than Houdini. Julia is your possession. You’ve placed her on a pedestal for only you to enjoy. The idea of sharing her with somebody else rips your gut out. Like it’s doing right now.”

  A tear trickled down his cheek and he gave a little cough. He wiped his face with his sleeve. “I just want to protect her.”

  “She’s a big girl, Jack.”

  Julia came waltzing into the room to plant a kiss on her brother’s forehead before proceeding on to me. “Good night you two reprobates. I love you both!” With that she rejoined Peter in the foyer and they hurried out the door.

  Tony, who’d been hovering in the hallway, came rushing in. “Did someone say whisky?”

  Jack held out his glass. “And don’t be so stingy this time.”

  After Tony delivered Jack’s booze he took Julia’s place on the arm of his chair. “Do you know what, Charlie? I raised this guy from a pup in his parent’s home. And I was only a kid when he was born. Eighteen.”

  Jack howled. “Tell the truth, Tony. You were thirty when I was born. You were just immature.”

  Tony clunked him on the head with a swizzle stick. “I changed his diapers.” He pinched his nose. “Puwee! And cleaned strained peas off my face when he spit them back at me. I taught him to skate like an Asian and how to fight off the bigger kids who picked on him. Sometimes I even went out and smacked them around myself.”

  Jack nodded. “You look after me good, Tony.”

  “And don’t you forget it! And if you have any idea of replacing me with Shorty Poo or Fat Freddie Fong you’d better think again. I have my own connections and trust me, mister, they’re not pretty.”

  Jack’s eyes crinkled at the corners. “Mister? I think you can call me Jack now. You’ve known me long enough.”

  Again Tony clunked him on the head with the metal swizzle stick. “I call you Jackie. You’ll always be Jackie to me. And if you plan on doing anything stupid tonight you’ll have to answer to me. Me. Tony Chan.”

  After Tony had gone Jack shifted into argumentative mode where he excelled. “I should be happy. I’ve always wanted a son.”

  I said nothing. Richard could have him. I didn’t care.

  “Then again, I’ve been lucky enough to have had an almost son. Someone who means the world to me. Willy.”

  He was trying to get under my skin. “That’s nice.”

  “Shit, Hamster! Aren’t you even going to argue?”

  “Call Richard if you want to argue. Or Willy. I’m sure either would be happy to humor you at three a.m.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “What’s the matter, Hamster? You usually like to banter. You’re usually more fun.”

  I walked back to the windows to soak in the city below. It was a clear night dotted with streetlights spilling down the mountainside and disappearing into the ocean below. Soon the birds would be singing and the lights on The Lions Gate Bridge would fade away. “I was stupid today. I knew the dangers. I had no business enticing Jackie Chan.”

  “Don’t beat yourself up, Hamster. You didn’t know about Richard’s plans.”

  “I did though. I could feel it in my gut. I could smell the danger as soon as I walked into the church. I could have gone outside and sent Jackie home. But I didn’t. Because I was selfish. I wanted to break up that wedding no matter what.”

  Jack nodded. “It’s ok to be selfish. Look at me.”

  While eying up the old reprobate a couple of adjectives came to mind. Unmanageable. Unsalvageable. And I was just like him because he’d made me that way. He wasn’t the kind of dad that took his boy fishing, if you get my drift. Unless it was for trouble. Maybe Biker would take me fishing one day down the road, if I actually wanted to learn how to fish, which I didn’t. I walked to the bar to pour myself a drink.

  “That’s better, Hamster. There’s nothing so bad that whisky can’t cure.” He held out his glass. “Five fingers will do nicely.”

  “I’m going to marry Jillian. When the dust clears.”

  “That’s nice.”

  “What? No argument?”

  “Not at this time. It wouldn’t do much good.”

  I handed him his poison. “Do you mean you’d sanction it?”

  “Oh, I wouldn’t go that far. Hardly. You wouldn’t want me to tell a lie, now would you?”

  I plunked down on the big white sofa and hoisted my feet. “State your objections.”

  He was just warming up. “Well, for starters, I don’t like the possibilities. I don’t like the thought of Jillian getting into your head with values and scruples and trying to make a decent guy out of you. I don’t want her undoing all my hard work. Do you know how long it took to corrupt you? Years.”

  “So?”

  “It’s either her or me. You’ll have to make a choice.”

  “And if I choose her?”

  He shot me a venomous look. “That would be a mistake. But it’s hypothetical since it isn’t my decision. It’s Jillian’s. It’s her you’ll have to convince. And my guess is she’ll blow you off. You’re too much like her old dad.” He downed his drink and thrust the empty glass in my face. He was worried.

  I stood up. “Don’t bet on it. But if I do convince her would you give us your blessing?”

  “You know I’m not a religious man, Hamster, so I couldn’t do that.”

  “I’m going up to ask her right now.”

  Jack giggled. “You’re stupid, Hamster. It’s three a.m. The morning after you busted up her wedding. I’m sure she’s anxious to contemplate another one. Maybe even next week. That’s how long she thought about this one.”

  I took the stairs two at a time and pounded on her door.

  “Go away,” she screamed.

  “I love you, Jillian.”

  “Oh, goodie. Let’s rush right back to the church.”

  “I love you.”

  Silence.

  “And I know that you love me.”

  She opened the door. She was wearing her favorite baggie pink t-shirt and little else. “I don’t need this right now, Hampton. I’ve had a bad day.”

  “And you blame me.”

  “No, I don’t. It was circumstances, that’s all. The cards were stacked against me.”

  “They were actually stacked in your favor, Jillian. Trust me. There’s a lot about this guy you don’t know. And don’t want to know.”

  She looked at me through big sad eyes. “But he’s my new brother. How bad is it?”

  “Bad. But enough about him. Come here and let me give you a hug.”

  I held out my arms and she stepped between them. I held her tight.

  Someone was clearing his throat at the bottom of the stairs. “Put some clothes on, Jilly. I need the two of you in the library right away.”

  It wasn’t an option. I took the stairs down three at a time. I roared through the hallway and banged the library door on my way through. “This better be big, Jack. This better be damn big.”

  “Pour yourself a stiff one, Hamster. It’s big.”

  Jillian wasn’t far behind. She’d thrown a bathrobe over her shirt and fluffy pink slippers on her feet. She collapsed into a wing chair by the fire.


  Jack set a tumbler of whiskey on the table near his daughter. “It’s cool in here so I thought I’d take the chill off. Nothing like a roaring fire.”

  She picked up her glass. “You know I don’t drink this shit.”

  “Try it. It might take the edge off. You’ve had a rotten day.”

  A little sip later she made a face. “Ug!”

  He smiled. “See? I knew you’d like it. Have a chair, Hamster. You’re going to need one.”

  I took the opposite wing chair as Jack pulled up a worn leather hassock. Cozy. He cleared his throat. “I don’t know where to start but I’ll give it a shot. It was a shock today to learn that the man who was to be Jilly’s husband is now her half-brother and my whole son. It’ll take a while to adjust to the new family structure. For all of us. But since my offspring seem to be coming out of the woodwork there’s something else you both need to know.”

  I yawned.

  “I have another kid.”

  “What?” Jillian screeched. “There’s another one? You just can’t keep it in your pants, can you, Jack?”

  “Jesus, Jack!” I hollered. “How many more are there?”

  “Only one. That I know about.”

  Jillian giggled. “That’s the problem. You didn’t know about Richard. Chances are there are kids all over the world looking for you. You travel a lot. How many children are out there looking for their Senior Papa?”

  “And Mon Pere?” I added. Jillian and I clinked glasses.

  Jack was not amused. “You need to hear me out. This happened a long time ago. It was a one-night stand. It happened here, actually. It was my dad’s house then, before the addition, and he loved to throw parties. I was a wild seventeen-year-old with a fast Corvette. I don’t know if the girls loved me but they definitely loved my car. I ran with an older crowd and dated older girls. I didn’t get people my own age.”

  Jillian screwed up her face. “You still don’t.”

  We clinked again.

  “Will you two stop?” Jack roared.

  She hiccupped. “Think about it, Jack. All your friends are at least eighty years old. Like your lawyer, Benny the Beagle. What’s he now, ninety-nine? He was your grandfather’s lawyer, wasn’t he?”