Saving Her Shadow

by Lutishia Lovely

  “Yes, one moment.”

  Raina took a seat on the sofa. Sean came right to the phone. “Hello, Raina.”

  “Hi.”

  “My name is Sean Browder, one of the team of attorneys representing your parents, Ken and Jennifer Reed. How are you doing?”

  “I’ve been better.” How was the man working with the people who’d put her in jail sounding as if this was a social call?

  “I understand. During this process, I’ll be acting as the liaison between you and your parents, or I can deal with your attorney if you’d like.”

  “What do you want?”

  “Your parents are open to dropping the kidnapping charges if you will sign off on a list of demands. I’d like to email them to you and, if you agree, you can sign the form and return it to me, by either scan or fax. All of the necessary information will be on the correspondence I send you. Any questions?”

  “Not yet,” Raina said. “If I do, my lawyer will contact you.”

  She’d thrown in that last line to try and sound tough, but the call left her shaken. Still, the thought of getting out of the judicial system, maybe even reuniting at some point with her family, gave a modicum of hope. As soon as the email indicator pinged and showed an attachment, she downloaded what had been sent and opened it. There were two pages. The first was a letter reiterating what Sean had said on the phone. The second was the list of stipulations by which her parents would drop the charges against her. She skimmed past the paragraph filled with legal mumbo-jumbo and went straight to the bullet points:

  • Admit that Abigail Reed was being taken against her will for unnecessary treatment at the hands of those outside the faith,

  • Admit that these actions were without the approval of Abigail Reed’s parents, and were in direct opposition to voiced directives regarding the above-named,

  • Refrain from speaking of the above-named with any and all persons outside the faith,

  • Agree to cease and desist from all attempts at obtaining medical treatment outside of the Illumination faith regarding the above-named,

  • Agree to have no further contact of any kind with the above-named unless and/or until express permission is given in writing.

  By the time she read the last bullet point, Raina was in tears. She couldn’t figure out whether more from sadness or anger. Did they think her freedom meant more than the health of her sister? That she’d ever agree to sit by and do nothing, or never see Abby again? After school she rode home with Jackie and showed the letter to Valarie, who downloaded it to her computer and printed it out.

  “Are you open to any of this?” Valarie asked.

  “There’s no way I’d ever agree to not see Abby, or stop trying to help her get well.”

  “I didn’t think so, but one should never assume. I’ll respond formally to inform them you’ve turned down their offer,” she said. “And request that all future contact be directed to me.”

  “Do you think we can counter, like suggest some things I would be willing to do?”

  “Such as?”

  Raina thought for a moment. “Letting Abby be checked out by a medical professional. Just one visit, for the doctors to say she’s okay. If that happens, I’ll shut up about everything.”

  “And agree not to see Abby without your parent’s permission, which could mean not until your sister turns eighteen?”

  “I would never agree to that.” Raina thought for a moment. “The fact that they sent this has to mean something, doesn’t it? That at least they’re open to dropping the charges? This is Mom’s doing. I know it! There’s no way she’ll take the chance that I’ll actually get charged and have to spend time in jail.”

  “You mean, like how you did a week ago? Remember, it was my mother and her church friends who bailed you out. Not your mom, and not the Nation. Your parents are a piece of work,” Valarie continued. “I know you love them, but their actions are ridiculous. There’s no reason in the world, religious or otherwise, that would justify the decision they made.”

  “You say that because you’ve only seen my side of the story. They have one, too. I’ve caused them a lot of pain and most likely cost my father a major promotion in the church.”

  “You were trying to get help for your sister, who as far as you know is still sick, correct?”

  “For as much as me and my parents disagree, I know they love Abby as much as I do.”

  “You’re right, of course. I’ve got to hand it to you. The optimism is impressive. I must tell you, however, that even if they agree to it and decide to drop the charges, the state may still decide to prosecute.”

  Raina’s eyes widened. Valarie held up her hand.

  “It’s not a given that they will, but this is a religious, conservative state filled with prosecutors and judges who like to see people who look like us locked up. At some point, I’d like to speak with your parents. I know that since I’m an outsider that is probably not an option. But sooner or later, if this case goes to trial, people outside of your faith will be getting all in their business and that of the church. I’ll write a letter stating that this and other reasons are why dropping the charges without your agreeing to their demands may be worthy of consideration. I believe Abby’s health is an appropriate extenuating circumstance for the uncharacteristic and irresponsible actions taken that night, and the public will certainly be interested in the state of her health.”

  That week, the Justice Bureau, a nonprofit legal organization founded by Valarie and four partners, officially took on Raina’s case. Valarie responded to the letter, with Raina’s counter demand. On her parents’ behalf, Sean responded immediately. Their demands were nonnegotiable and would be handled by Sean Broward. Raina’s parents had no desire for a meeting with Valarie or with her. Raina didn’t have to receive a letter from the lawyer to know what that meant. She’d been cut off from the family and the church.

  “They’ll have to face us eventually,” was Valarie’s reaction. “Don’t worry. We’ll see them in court.”

  Raina was ghosted. Perhaps even obscured. Either way, when it came to blood relatives, she was alone. Any doubt of that was erased when Valarie received a message from Sean and later met him to pick up the belongings her parents had packed up. A new set of suitcases contained most of her clothes, a few pairs of shoes and underwear. Another duffel-style bag held books and other knickknacks that had been stacked on her dresser and chest of drawers. A large tote contained her bath items. When she saw the matching tote to the set, her heart raced. All of her contraband clothes were stuffed inside—leggings, crop tops, miniskirts. She could only imagine Jennifer’s face if the tote had been opened. At least the clothes hadn’t been thrown away. These items were brought into Christine’s floral-garden guest bedroom, which would become Raina’s sanctuary. That day, with most of her worldly possessions scattered around her, reality hit her with a force that snatched her breath. She fell on the bed, buried her head, and sobbed like a baby. She cried for a while, probably ten minutes straight. Valarie’s words pulled her back from the brink. Be strong. Raina wiped her eyes, blew her nose, and vowed to never cry again.

  Chapter 20

  Raina tried to adjust to a new normal. She missed Abby more than a fish missed water, but she went on as best she could. Bryce had stepped out of the bushes and back into her life. Despite being almost desperate to know details, she refrained from asking about his dating life, what he’d done in the weeks they’d not interacted. Rumor had it that he was dating an older woman named Sandy, who operated a dry-cleaning business. Raina wasn’t happy about it, but she didn’t own him. She would always hold a special place for Bryce in her heart. He’d stuck his neck out and tried to help her with Abby. Since then, he’d been surprisingly supportive, not as a guy trying to play with her emotions, but as a true friend.

  With graduation approaching, college plans in flux, owing Christine and her band of sisters ten thousand dollars, and legal restrictions putting her plans for a summer job in Kans
as City on hold, Raina finally filled out the application that Monica had passed her when filling out her own application at Breadbasket. The assistant manager who’d taken her application had said to give it a week before receiving an answer. The manager and owner were out of town, reportedly on the same vacation. Small-town gossip. Raina didn’t care. Most residents knew each other’s business or thought so. Not hard, with so little to do.

  Jackie’s dad lived in Vegas and had recently celebrated a birthday. Jackie had attended the party and returned with money she’d won on the penny slots. She shared it with Raina.

  “Three hundred dollars?” Raina exclaimed. “I can’t take this money. What’s it for?”

  “Whatever you need,” Jackie told her. “Get your nails done, enjoy a massage, buy a present for Abby. They can’t keep you from her for the rest of your life.”

  “I don’t know, Jackie . . .”

  “Well, I do. I’m not asking, I’m telling. We’re going to the spa. Come on!”

  “Why?”

  “We’re about to be about it! The video debuts tonight.”

  “We’re about to be about it,” Raina sang. “Oh my gosh, I can’t wait to see it.”

  “Bryce and Larry said we all made the final cut. They’re having a watch party, which means you’re about to attend your first unsanctioned jam. To do that you’ve got to have your look on point. Let’s go!”

  A short time later, Raina was in a spa chair enjoying her first mani-pedi. They left there and went to Monica’s house. Raina shopped her closet like a boutique, leaving with an oversized angora sweater to wear over knit leopard leggings and the thigh-high boots she’d worn in the video. They stopped by Christine’s, then went over to Jackie’s to dress for the party. They put on KCK’s latest album to get into the mood. Raina had a ball playing with Jackie’s makeup and loved it when Jackie suggested she pick Raina’s hair into an afro. When she looked in the full-length mirror on Jackie’s bedroom door, she couldn’t believe the transformation. It was like a tiger who’d been kept in a cage had been freed, as though the image on the outside finally matched the girl within. She loved it! When they reached Larry’s apartment the party was in full swing. Bryce gave her an appreciative once-over, and a hug that lasted a beat or two past casual friendship. Raina waited to meet someone named Sandy. She wasn’t there. Rather than focus on figuring out Bryce’s love life, Raina enjoyed the freedom of hanging out with friends. Everyone laughed, danced, and munched on a slew of pizzas, chips, and drinks. The video “Be About It” aired, the atmosphere buzzed, with loud cheers erupting every time someone was recognized. Jackie, Larry, and Monica were all in the video’s party scene. Raina was primetime behind KCK, looking cool and more fly than she did tonight. When Bryce came on with his rap contribution, the room erupted. At the end everyone applauded as though the performance was live. It was the first time since being obscured that Raina felt not one hint of sadness. She made new friends, tried her first alcoholic drink, and cuddled with Bryce. She missed her family immensely, but being obscured had its advantages, too. Tonight was the best time of her life.

  A week into her new life, Bryce came around almost daily. Raina called it friendship. Jackie said they were dating, the same as her and Steve officially began doing after the video party. The couples fell into a routine. They’d hang at Valarie’s or Monica’s house, or sometimes Larry’s when his jerk of a big brother wasn’t home. The two shared an apartment together and Andre meant well. But instead of being entertaining, his antics got on everyone’s nerves. Raina still missed her family every day and was thankful for the outsiders, the unsanctioned, that stepped in and helped fill the void.

  She heard from Breadbasket, a week to the day after faxing in her application. She paired a bright yellow T-shirt with black pants and boots and began her training. It was her first job, didn’t interfere with school, and she loved it. Three to four days a week and sometimes on Saturday, Raina took orders, interacted with customers and thought of her mom. How Jennifer waited tables years ago at the club. No wonder Raina was a natural. It was in her DNA! A month into her stint and Raina had it mastered. She could recite and describe everything on the menu from memory and knew all of her regular customers by name. The unsanctioned became her family. Even Miss Christine came by the restaurant and ordered from her station. Bev had two reasons to eat there—no, actually three—Monica, Raina, and no cooking skills. Raina was appreciative of all the concern, and for a job that often kept her too busy to think, at least during working hours. Sometimes she could actually forget how she got there, why she was at Breadbasket instead of at the center with the Vessels. That her family had all but disowned her. That there was a shadow that she couldn’t see.

  We’re still together even when we’re apart.

  The line had sounded good at the time, when Raina needed a rhyme for her ditty. But now she knew the truth. That words were bullshit. She and Abby were separated with no feeling of “togetherness” at all. She missed Abby terribly and had never spent this much time away from her mom. She even missed being around Ken. In short, she missed her family. She missed home.

  For now, though, there was money to earn and tips to be made. She eased the tray of food from off the pickup window, carefully balancing the drinks and other contents as she maneuvered her way through the height of rush hour at the local hangout for the high school crowd.

  “Chicken fingers and fries,” she said, setting a red, paper-lined plastic basket in front of a freckle-faced teen, after placing the drinks on the table. “Double cheese and tots,” she said to the guy sitting across from him, placing a basket down holding a burger with all of the trimmings and extra cheddar. She handed baskets holding pizza slices and side salads to the girls sitting with them. The bells on the door jingled as it opened. Raina looked up to see a group of her friends coming through, including her favorite guy in the world.

  “Let me know if I can get you anything else, okay?”

  Raina waved to some and endured the curious stares of others as she walked over to where Bryce, Larry, Steve, and Jackie had just sat down. It made her uncomfortable to have people watch her so blatantly, but considering the news-making arrest and how Illuminated kids in Chippewa were all but invisible beyond school and the occasional grocery store sighting, she couldn’t blame them.

  “Hey, guys!”

  “Hey, girl,” Jackie said.

  Larry said hello. Steve threw up a hand.

  Bryce leaned against the booth’s cushioned seat. “What’s up, beautiful?”

  All of that swagger made a Black girl blush. “You guys need menus?” she asked them.

  “No,” Jackie answered. “I know what I want. The Tuesday Tacos special.”

  “I’m getting a double cheese and rings,” Larry said.

  Raina looked at Bryce. “What about you?”

  Bryce rattled off half a dozen items he knew were on the menu. “Forget all that,” he finished, as the table cracked up laughing. “I’ll take a steak sandwich, a large fry . . . and you.”

  Raina gave him a look.

  “What? I’m talking about you taking a break and joining us.” He looked around the table. “What did y’all think I meant?”

  Raina placed their orders and one of her own, taking her break once she’d served them. A short time later, after washing down a fish sandwich with a vanilla shake, Bryce left to take the crew home while Raina finished out her shift. It had been a grueling five hours and her feet hurt but leaving work through the back door and seeing the black Mustang in the parking lot picked up her spirits.

  “Hey,” she said, leaning over to give Bryce a quick kiss on the cheek. They’d dibbled and dabbled, but she was still a virgin.

  “You want to go to a movie this weekend?”

  “Like, in a theater?”

  “No, a drive-in.”

  “Really?”

  “No, fool!” Bryce laughed. “Of course, a theater. Don’t tell me you’ve not been to one of those either.”


  “Not since I was nine or ten.”

  “Damn! In that case, we’ll see two movies and I’ll get you all the concessions you want!”

  “Right now I’ll just take some lavender Epsom salts and a foot rub. Can you take me by Dollar Discount?”

  Minutes later they pulled into the small strip mall’s parking lot, anchored by a Pizza Hut on one end and Dollar Discount on the other. Raina stepped out of the car, so busy joking and flirting with Bryce that she almost didn’t notice the pearl-white Infinity. Her eyes searched the surroundings.

  Mom!

  Racing into the Dollar Discount, Raina quietly scoured the aisles. She didn’t know what kind of reception she’d get, or if Jennifer would even acknowledge her. Still, her heart burst with excitement. She was almost giddy. After more than a month, she’d see her . . .

  “Mom.”

  Just like that, there she was, in the health and beauty aisle, Raina’s destination. Jennifer looked up and for a moment, seconds really, love poured out of her eyes. It dried up though and was quickly replaced by a mask of indifference. She turned and walked in the opposite direction, without a word.

  “Mom,” Raina whispered, desperate for contact. “I know you can’t talk to me. Just nod if Abby is getting better.”

  Nothing.

  “I know you and Dad love her as much as I do! If she’s not getting better it’s because she might be really sick. I wasn’t trying to kidnap Abby, Mother. I was trying to save her life.”

  Jennifer placed a basket half-filled with products on a near-empty shelf and continued out the door. Raina followed.

  “I miss you, Mom. Not Mother—Mom! The one that I used to have, back in Kansas City. I miss us!”

  Jennifer crossed the lot and reached her car.

  “I’ve seen Miss Bev a few times, Mom.”

  The car door was open, but Jennifer paused.

  “She’s become something like family. I got a job at BBs, waiting tables. She said I had skills and must have gotten them from you.”