Rich, Rugged...Ruthless

by Jennifer Mikels

  “Guess so.”

  He’d swear Ellis had said those words with a different meaning in mind.

  “The reason I called was to tell you about your sister.”

  Max opened the center desk drawer to retrieve a manila file folder. He was in no mood to rehash Nighthawk’s arrest for Christina’s murder. “What about Christina?”

  “I’m not talking about Christina. I’m talking about Rachel. The two of you are stressing me,” he said, sounding agitated. “She’s been confined to bed for a few weeks.”

  Max shut the drawer. “When did you learn this?”

  “Jack called this morning. He said nothing is wrong with the baby but they aren’t taking chances.”

  Max was already standing. “I’ll talk to you later. I’ve got to go.”

  “Where?”

  “To see her.” Max didn’t bother to call Rachel first.

  Over the previous weeks she tended to drop in, so he assumed he could do the same. “Dad told me you were taking it easy,” he said when he entered her bedroom.

  Rachel presented a smile meant to convince him that she was fine. “I doubt that’s how he said it. Seriously, he’s been helpful. Even got Sam for me.”

  “What?” He followed Rachel’s stare behind him and saw Sam standing in the doorway. He should have expected to see her. If Rachel needed a private nurse, Sam would be the one. Briefly he wondered if the old man had gone soft on him and was playing matchmaker.

  As if he was no more important than a pesky fly, she gave him a glance, no more. “I didn’t know you had company, Rachel.” She sounded all business. “I’ll come back later.”

  “Sam—” Before Rachel’s protest began, she’d left. “Oh, Max. Darn. Max, I’ve kept quiet before this, but now there’s someone in your life who loves you.” Sighing, Rachel shifted on the mattress as if looking for a comfortable position.

  Alarmed at the hint of discomfort on her face, Max hurried to her. “Here, let me help.” He reached behind her and plumped a pillow. “Better?”

  “Yes.” She managed what he viewed as a weak smile. “Max, she believes you never cared about her. Why are you doing this? You’re hurting yourself, too.”

  What happened to him didn’t matter. That’s what Rachel didn’t understand. She wasn’t helping, wasn’t making this easy on him. Everything that he wanted to forget was back with him again. He had thought he was learning to live his life without Sam. He’d been wrong, he knew now. “I don’t want to hurt someone else that I love.”

  Rachel turned compassionate eyes up at him. “Like Sam?”

  “Yes, I love her.” Irritated that she’d gotten the admittance out of him, he stood to escape the look in her eyes. “But what difference does that make?” With his own words still echoing in his head, he found himself staring at Sam.

  Standing in the doorway, she tilted her head slightly. How much had she heard? Puzzlement clouded her gaze. Or was that longing? Don’t, he berated himself. She deserves better than you.

  It took effort to remember why she’d come into the room, Sam realized. When she’d seen him, she’d wanted to give in to all her loneliness for him. Then she’d heard his words. They lingered in her mind now as she spoke to Rachel. “I’m sorry to interrupt, Rachel. But your medicine is on the table beside you. You need to take it.” Sam turned and left the room before emotion snuck in on her.

  He loved her. He’d admitted it. He loved her, yet he’d pushed her away. For days she’d struggled to soothe her bruised pride, believing he’d dumped her. She’d told herself that she didn’t need him. Survival instincts had kicked in. She’d labored to accept that she couldn’t make him love her. She’d wrestled with self-pity. Over and over she’d told herself that she’d lived without him before, she could again.

  According to Rachel, none of what had happened was because of her. Max had just confirmed it was because of him. Did he truly believe he was the devil incarnate, a danger to anyone who got close to him? Was that really why he’d kept his distance from love?

  In the kitchen, Sam turned on the faucet and filled a glass. Now what? If he loved her, everything she longed for could be theirs. Her stomach queasy, she took several deep breaths before raising the glass to her lips. Shifting her stance, she leaned against the counter. That’s when she saw him.

  He stood so still, looked so lonely. Her heart thudding, she vowed not to fall apart in front of him. She needed to be tough, steel her feelings. Though he’d made that admittance about love, that didn’t mean she would hear the same words or that anything had changed.

  “Do you mind if I turn that off?” he asked, indicating the radio and the music blaring from it.

  “Go ahead.” Never had she played the sweet, I’m-so-glad-to-see-you female. Even if she’d felt that way. She was used to giving what she got, and he’d given her a good case of heartache. All her life, she’d battled adversities to get what she wanted, had never backed down. And in one instant, with him closer now than he’d been in days, she had but one thought: she wanted to rush into his arms.

  “I’m glad you’re the one taking care of Rachel,” he said.

  Why did he come to her? “Rachel’s become a friend.” Sam waited while he switched off the music. “But what she needs most right now is family.”

  “I couldn’t stay away.”

  That admittance said so much to Sam. The Max he’d been wouldn’t have felt that way. He’d have kept even his sister at arm’s length. So maybe he hadn’t completely lapsed into his old ways. Maybe that gentler Max still was around.

  “Sam—”

  Her eyes whipped to him. She couldn’t play word games with him. She was hurting. That was his fault. “You think I’ll be better off without you,” she said.

  Max felt as if she was reading his mind. How could he make her understand? Maybe he couldn’t. No sparkle, no smile lit up her eyes. Questions filled them. And hurt. He shouldn’t have listened to Rachel who’d urged him to talk to Sam. It was a mistake to seek her out. He couldn’t even say why he’d followed her. He knew they didn’t belong together.

  “Max, answer me,” she demanded. “Is that why this happened?”

  It happened because I love you. He cursed himself for the emotion. “It’s best,” he finally answered.

  “I don’t believe that. Did you lie to Rachel?” As if preparing for a punch, her chin raised a notch. “Or do you love me?”

  How could he not love her? She was warm, sensitive, beautiful, accepting. There was the biggie. She would accept him despite all his faults. “Yes, I love you,” he answered because he couldn’t lie to her.

  He saw hope flicker in her eyes and damned himself for arousing it in her.

  “Then this makes no sense, Max.”

  Because it was too painful to meet her stare, he looked away, took a step from her.

  In a defiant move, she blocked his path. “Max, talk to me.”

  Eyes filled with hurt pinned him. “There’s nothing to say.” Max strode to a window. On a chaise longue, Jack balanced Alyssa on his bent knees and bounced her. He had it all, didn’t he? A loving wife, a family. They were what mattered most. Max had known that, but couldn’t reach out for all he wanted, couldn’t hurt the woman he loved. “I hurt Michelle. I wasn’t there for Christina. How many chances do I get to screw up people’s lives?”

  “What happened with Michelle was an accident. That’s why it’s called an accident. The only one who’s miserable is you,” Sam argued.

  She was wrong. “I was responsible for what happened to her.” For so long since he’d awakened with amnesia, he’d agonized to remember his past. Now that he had, he longed to forget what had happened.

  “According to Rachel, Michelle has gone on with her life. She’s married, and has a little boy, doesn’t she?”

  “What does that—”

  Her eyes danced but not with a smile. Fire flared in them. “You’re the one who’s stuck in the past.”

  “I’m the one who nearly k
illed her.”

  Even if they didn’t find their way to each other, Sam wanted peace of mind for him. “Max, you had an accident.”

  “I shouldn’t have been driving.”

  “Okay, maybe you shouldn’t have, although from what I’ve been told I think you’re too hard on yourself. Rachel said the police didn’t fault you. The weather was terrible that day. The accident could have happened to anyone. And how can you blame yourself for what happened to your sister?”

  “She wanted me that day, Sam.” He stood ramrod-straight, so tense he looked as if he’d break. “I should have gone to her.”

  “Would that have changed the outcome?”

  “Who knows.”

  “Yes. Who knows. So why do you believe that if you went to her that day, she’d still be alive? You don’t know that, do you? Why do you want the past to overshadow all you could have now? Why are you blaming yourself for something you had no control over?”

  “Sam, I’m not going to hurt you.”

  She was sure he’d moved a step closer, almost reached out for her. Then, as if catching himself, he took a step to the side, putting the table between them. “You are hurting me,” she said softly. What would it take to make him hear her words instead of the ones in his mind?

  “You’re not protecting me from anything. You’re hurting me by pushing me away. And why? Because of guilt you don’t deserve.” Her voice broke. Sam hated that, detested women who used tears, but she barely kept a handle on them.

  “You don’t understand.”

  “But I do.” She blinked against the burning at the backs of her eyes. “I’m a nurse. Anyone in medicine has moments when they wish they could do more. When they lose a patient, they feel such helplessness. They—” She stopped, her voice trailing off. All that was wrong seemed so obvious suddenly. “Oh, Max.” His pain weaved its way through her. She swayed back against the counter. How could she help him? As her throat tightened, she heaved a breath. All she wanted to do was to cry for him. She’d been trying to comprehend why he’d gathered the blame and guilt to him like treasures. Now she knew. “Not getting too close to anyone is safer, isn’t it?”

  His gaze sliced to her. “What did you say?”

  “That’s why you stayed clear of your sisters, didn’t get involved in their lives. This isn’t about protecting them or me. It’s about protecting yourself.”

  He stared at her eyes, dark and moist with hurt. “You’re making no sense.” He shook his head, turned away. “There’s no point in talking about this anymore.”

  “You’re so stubborn.”

  He heard her tears, but kept his back to her. Too many thoughts, too many emotions bombarded him. With a half turn, he inhaled a hard breath and watched her walk out of the room. She’d said he was hurting her. Hurting her by pushing her away.

  Through the back door window, he saw her standing on the patio, watching Jack and Alyssa. He could have what Jack had. He could be with Sam. Longing. Desire. Love. They were such a part of him—because of her.

  Almost entranced by the scene in front of him, he watched Alyssa. On blind faith that Jack would catch her, she charged forward on wobbly legs and threw herself into his arms. An innocent, she’d taken the chance with no fear. All that had mattered was being in her daddy’s arms.

  Max sucked in a breath. The little one had courage, far more than he. Sam had been right. This was about him.

  He didn’t remember consciously opening the door, but he was staring at her slender back. Aching. Sam. He didn’t think he’d said her name out loud. But she turned, faced him, as if sensing him there. What words would lessen the hurt he’d caused her? “We need to talk,” he insisted.

  “Do we?”

  Under his breath he swore at his own ineptness. He took a deep breath as a calming measure. Instead he took in her scent, and could barely think straight again. “You were right,” he blurted.

  “I was right?”

  He saw again the hope in her eyes, and it gave him some of his own. “I’ve been mixed up, I guess.”

  Sam couldn’t talk. A lump settled in her throat. Tears smarted the backs of her eyes. Even as she craved to feel his arms around her, she kept her feet rooted to the spot. But she was hopeful. There was a softness in his gaze she’d been yearning to see.

  “Getting close to anyone is risky.”

  “Is that what this is about, Max? Are you afraid of losing someone you love?”

  “It happened before.” He avoided her eyes, the concern in them. “Losing Michelle had hurt. I loved her deeply, Sam,” he admitted. “When she nearly died, I felt such guilt.” The pain of that moment in his life seemed a breath away suddenly. “Then she turned away from me. Well, why wouldn’t she? I had hurt her. I nearly destroyed her life, killed her.”

  “Oh, Max.”

  He made himself meet her stare. “I can’t explain what happened then. I just knew I never wanted to feel that again.”

  So he locked out loved ones, Sam mused. “Max, we don’t get guarantees that if we love, then we’ll never lose.”

  “Yeah, I know. And I want one.” That was what he wanted most. A guarantee. A guarantee that he could love Sam and not lose her. He knew he wasn’t free of the guilt or his fear. He couldn’t switch off feelings with a blink of the eye, and he still believed caring and loving was risky. He heard Alyssa’s giggle and looked away. But like her, with blind faith, he had to take a risk. “I love you, Sam, and it scares the hell out of me. But I know now that I’ll die inside without you.”

  In a move more tender than she’d ever recalled, his hand framed her face. She couldn’t stand it another minute. Happiness at hearing those words bubbled within her. She didn’t need him to beg. She closed the few inches between them. She touched his chest, then slid her hand upward and curled it around his neck.

  “I know that I—” he started.

  “Messed up?”

  For the first time since that night when he’d turned away from her, Max felt like smiling. Gently he brushed her hair away from her face. He’d been taken with her feisty ways from the first moment he’d met her. “What I want…what I need most, is you. I don’t want to live my life without you.” A tenseness entered his eyes. “Hell, I’m not easy. I know that. But I hope you still want me.”

  Sam’s heart swelled that he was trying so hard. “Sometimes I’m not easy, either,” she said, aware she didn’t always keep her mouth shut when she should.

  “Yeah, you’re really hard to take.” His arm tightened at her waist, and he buried his face in her hair.

  “I know I can be—”

  “Wonderful,” he murmured. “Caring.”

  His words thrilled her. You were right, Mama. There was a Mr. Right for me. Tenderly she caressed his jaw. “Anything else?” she asked on a laugh, wanting to do something to take the agony from his eyes.

  “All of the above and more.” Slowly a smile spread across his face. “I love you, Sam,” he said quietly. “I want to marry you.”

  Elation coursed through her. Dreams of a lifetime were within her grasp. This was a beginning. This was all she’d been wanting. “Max, I love you, too.”

  He answered her with a husky laugh and closed his mouth over hers. In his kiss was a message of deep love, a promise of always. You’re necessary to me. You’re a part of me, his kiss said.

  Even as Max hungered, he fought the desire to crush her to him. He took in the sight of her smile, of those laughing green eyes. “To think I’d nearly lost you,” he said raggedly as the realization moved through him. Against him, he felt her tremble with a sigh. “Sam, I’ll love you forever, give you anything you want.”

  Though her expression remained deadly serious, her eyes sparkled with a tease. “Breakfast in bed?”

  Almost reverently he brushed a single strand of hair back from her cheek. “And a garden. A horse. Anything.”

  Sam let the moment filled with love seep over her. There was one part of her dream she’d always kept harbored d
eep within, afraid to believe it would come true. “There is something else,” she admitted.

  Max had meant what he’d said. He’d give her anything she wanted. “Name it.”

  Sam knew the risk she would be asking him to take. But a lifetime of happiness for her and him was a yes away. “How do you feel about babies?” she asked.

  A child. In an instant, without any warning, a tinge of fear galloped through Max. A child—their child—would be someone else to love. He grabbed a quick breath.

  And someone who’d love back, the small voice in his head reminded him. Wasn’t this the ultimate dragon to confront? Face it, he railed at himself. He couldn’t go through life afraid to love. He had to take risks to have this woman—and a family with her. “I never thought I’d say this. But there’s nothing I want more.”

  Through a mist of tears, Sam smiled up at him. “You’re a changed man, Max Montgomery,” she said on a soft laugh. Joy warming her, she kissed him long and hard.

  “Because of you,” Max murmured against her lips. “Because of you.”

  Special thanks and acknowledgment to Jennifer Mikels for her contribution to the Montana Mavericks series.

  ISBN: 978-1-4268-7014-9

  RICH, RUGGED…RUTHLESS

  Copyright © 2001 by Harlequin Books S.A.

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  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.