Tortured Minds

by Colin Griffiths

  I closed my eyes tightly and tried to let my mind drift into some place where Daniel might be. I softly called his name over and over, pleading with him to come, to share and help me through this particular moment. No matter how hard I tried the bastard didn’t come. Never there when you want him, hey? I wasn’t going to let him get off that easily, though. Maybe it was the whisky, but what I did next was kinda crazy.

  My fourth-floor balcony has a glass wall around it, but each glass panel is framed in wood and along the top is a six-inch wide wooden shelf-like top. Daniel always used to rest his glass on it. Many times I had imagined it falling off, hitting someone walking below, but it never did. I placed the coffee table closer to the glass and stood on it. It took my weight easily, so I stepped up to balance my right foot on top of the balcony shelf, then followed by my left until I was standing upright, tottering on the edge. I still held my whisky in one hand. If I fell forward it was probable that I would meet a certain death, but backwards would possibly just result in a few bruises. I wanted to let Daniel choose which way I would fall. It took the bastard a few minutes to come and as I waited I felt myself start to wobble. Feeling unsure of which way I would fall, I suddenly sensed him there, behind me. I felt him as he put his arm around my waist and guided me down to safety.

  “You silly bastard Jakey,” he said, with that wonderful grin of his, as I turned to him.

  I put my arms around him and drew him to me as tightly as I could.

  “Can you feel it, Dan?” I asked him. “It’s on my terms now, Danny Boy.” We stayed like that for a full five minutes before I released him. For a ghost, he looked quite shocked.

  “What have you just done Jake?” he stuttered.

  “I just took control back, Danny boy, that’s all.” I then asked him to leave and to my shock he did. I was alone once again.

  ***

  I finished packing the boxes by the following evening and was feeling in a good place, like I was in control once more. Yeah, Danny and Molly may still be about but it was clear I was calling the shots now. I was the one in control and before I moved down South I wanted to make sure they both knew that. It was a brilliant feeling to be in charge of your own destiny, though sadly that feeling didn’t last too bloody long.

  At just after seven I answered the door to Lucy, after buzzing her in.

  “Hiya babes,” she said as I hugged her. I had to admit she smelled good and looked good. It was only when I looked into her eyes that I could see it. Lucy was here, but I wasn’t sure where her head was because her eyes told me she was as high as the building Daniel fell off. Did I say fell? She sat on the sofa and put a jar of vaseline down on the coffee table in front of her. I grinned as I poured her a vodka and coke and me my usual whisky. I told her I was going to the kitchen to check on the casserole and then kissed her softly on the lips. I always enjoyed how tender her lips were.

  When I came back from the kitchen, Lucy was not sitting on the sofa anymore. I guessed she had gone out to the balcony and as I glanced across I could already feel the breeze coming through the opened glass doors. Lucy was there and I froze at the sight.

  She was standing, wavering on that same damn ledge I had stood on just the night before. Her back was to me and she wasn’t alone. Standing with her on the balcony was Daniel. He looked at me and smiled before raising his hand upwards towards Lucy. Suddenly Lucy just wasn’t there anymore. I ran towards the balcony in shock and looked over. Below I could see her crumpled body on the pavement, people running to mill around. It was still broad daylight and the memory of that scene will forever haunt me. In a blind panic, I ran down the four flights of stairs to my Lucy. There were several people already there when I arrived by her side, shocked cries surrounded me. Someone shouted out to call an ambulance.

  “I saw it,” someone cried, “she just jumped!” I scrambled to the hard concrete beside her as a pool of blood formed around her head. Pulling her head up and holding it to my chest, I cried “Lucy!” I knew it was too late, though, my Lucy was gone. Daniel had killed her!

  ***

  Chapter 27– Daniel

  Okay… so now I’m a murderer! Sweet, fun-loving, gentle Daniel had somehow morphed into this homicidal maniac, determined to bring as many people to the “other side” as he could? What are you going to do about it anyway? Execute me? Ha-ha-ha... Good luck with that plan. Will I go to hell now? Well, I’m not even sure if there is a heaven or a hell, but I’ll tell you something, this in-between shit is no joking matter either. I knew what I needed to do, I had to escape this purgatory and unite with Jake once and for all. Only when that was accomplished was I sure I could move on to the final journey... and best of all, I wouldn’t be alone.

  It really wasn’t like it was premeditated or anything. In fact, if truth be told, I did exactly what I had to do to free Lucy and Jake from a horrific mistake. I certainly didn’t enjoy seeing Lucy die, yet there was a satisfaction in knowing there was one less barrier in the way for me to finally move on to whatever my ultimate destination was to be in this afterlife.

  In a way, I guess it was a little opportunistic that Lucy was clearly as high as a kite that evening. I didn’t make her climb the balcony, her own drug-riddled mind did that. I wondered if she thought she could actually fly or something. Interestingly, though, just before I gave her that final tap which sent her spiralling off the balcony towards her death, she had turned and looked directly at me. I knew in that moment she could see me, even through those wide, drugged eyes, or perhaps even because of them. I could tell she knew I was there. She had given me a look, a smile and gave me this almost imperceptible nod as if to say, Yeah Daniel, I’ve had gutsful of this life, yeah, let’s do it ... and so I did.

  Assisted suicide I believe is the technical term for my actions. Really, that was all it was. It was just my way of helping someone who had enough of this world, giving her a chance to find some peace and rest in the great beyond. I told myself this, perhaps just to salve my conscience a little as I stared down at the gruesome scene unfolding below me. I took some consolation in knowing that despite her drugged-up head, Lucy had just experienced, like me a few weeks earlier, the greatest adrenalin rush that life had to offer. I could still almost taste the sheer exhilaration I had felt tumbling down those twenty-two storeys. In a sense, there was a real pang of sorrow that Lucy had only fallen the four storeys, as it certainly wouldn’t have lasted as long for her as it did for me.

  Jake, bless his soul, was taking it all very hard. He was cradling Lucy’s broken and battered head in his arms and crying hysterically. Always the emotional one my Jake. How many times had I told him to get hold of his emotions and use them for his benefit, to not allow them to bring him down? “Control your emotions Jake, don’t let your emotions control you.” If I had a pound for every time I’d said that to him, I’d be the richest spirit in this ethereal plain.

  “Daniel?” A whispered half-question from beside me almost made me leap out of my metaphorical skin.

  “Shit!” I exclaimed as I turned abruptly to seek the source that interrupted my contemplation. In all reality, I shouldn’t have been surprised to find Lucy standing beside me. I mean, we all seem to be inextricably linked to each other in this adventure. Lucy clearly hadn’t “passed over” either and now she was here with me, possibly to see this thing through to the end. I felt this sudden, overwhelming joy and warmth toward the girl, something I’d never felt for her when either of us were alive. Finally, I had a companion here in this never-never land. Finally, I wasn’t alone.

  Even better, she looked fantastic. Gone was the anger, gone was the confusion and loss that had been caused by the drugs. She looked the young, fresh, vibrant and beautiful girl she had been before life stepped in and screwed up her thinking. An enormous grin was spread across her face and without saying another word she threw her arms around my neck and began raining kisses all over me.

  I’ll be honest, I was enjoying it. It truly was wonderful to feel the warmt
h and passion of someone again, someone in the same position as I was. It had been so hard for me to make myself felt by living humans, but clearly Lucy and I were now the same, so we could feel each other easily and intimately. I wasn’t in any hurry to break the embrace, but eventually, I had to. I pulled her arms down from my neck, retaining just her hands within my grasp, allowing myself to feel a deep comfort from just holding tight to them.

  “Daniel....” she spluttered breathlessly. “Oh Daniel... thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you so much for setting me free.” She looked me straight in the eye and said, “For as long as I can remember I’ve been a slave to those awful drugs. I fucked anyone and everyone, did anything just for money, for more drugs. God, I even gave blowjobs to high-school kids, for their lunch money, so I could get a score.” She stopped, taking a large breath before rushing on. “You set me free Daniel. I don’t feel any cravings anymore. I’m free! I owe you my life!”

  I squeezed her hands tightly at the irony of her last words. “But Lucy... what about Jake? You and he were finally getting married? You were going to get away from all that insanity and start again. I thought you loved him, Lucy. You certainly told him you did, often enough.”

  She contemplated my words for some time, before extricating her hands from my grasp and reaching up to trace my cheekbones with her fingers. “Oh, Daniel, what Jake and I had, it was never love. At its best it was a healthy co-dependence, but at its worst it was a desperate need we both had to be loved and cherished, at the expense of anything else. Jake didn’t love me.” She looked hard at me. “There’s only one person Jake ever loved and we both know who that is, don’t we?”

  I swallowed hard. Lucy had got right to the nub of the matter and I, for one, sure as hell couldn’t argue with her. I just nodded my head and waited for her to continue, but she said nothing more. Instead, she leant over the balcony to watch her twisted, broken and very dead body being loaded into an ambulance. The paramedics had already covered her face before strapping her to the gurney. It was clear resuscitation was not considered a worthwhile possibility. Lucy was well and truly dead.

  She turned to face me again, still grinning happily. “Ah, well, I guess that’s my old life consigned to the annals of history eh?” She rubbed her hands together. “So, what happens now Daniel? Should I expect an angel or something to arrive and fly me away to heaven?” She paused briefly and chuckled. “Nope, I guess in my case it will be some trolls or gargoyles coming to take me downstairs, right?”

  I didn’t answer and her smile drooped fractionally as she gave me a slightly suspicious look. “Mmmm... actually, Daniel, what really is going to happen? I mean... why are you even still here? You died weeks ago, so why are you not wherever dead spirits go?”

  I sighed deeply and pulled Lucy over to Jake’s drinking table, placing her into one of the chairs. Sitting opposite her, I pondered exactly where to begin. “Look, Lucy, I don’t know why either of us are both still here. Shit! I don’t even know if there is a heaven or hell, or someplace else we’re supposed to go. All I know is that this is where I am now, and I think I know what I’m supposed to do. Really, I have no bloody clue.” I let out a breath of sheer exasperation. “Maybe this is all there is Lucy. Maybe we are all just doomed to roam the earth for eternity. Hell, I just don’t know.”

  Looking around us, I let out a small laugh. “Mind you, I haven’t seen a single soul anywhere until you came along. You’d think that with all the people who’d died over the centuries, it would be like Picadilly Circus around here if their spirits were still lurking around. We’d all be bumping into each other constantly.”

  Lucy giggled at the thought before asking, “You said before you thought you knew why you were here. What did you mean?”

  Pinching my nose, always been a bad habit of mine when I was thinking, I answered as best I could. “Listen, Lucy, I really think that Jake and I are supposed to be united, you know, as one person. I think that when that happens, our spirits will be freed.”

  She contemplated that for a few seconds, before frowning deeply. “So, you mean Jake has to die for that to happen?”

  I shrugged my shoulders noncommittally but nodded in agreement. “Anyway Lucy, one thing I am certain of is that we are all somehow linked together. The fact that I’m still here is tied, somehow, to Jake and Molly... and I guess you and Becky, as well. There has to be some sort of resolution, for peace to finally occur. I just have to discover what that resolution will be?”

  “And, I’m going to help you with that, right?”

  I smiled happily at her, “Yes my little girl, you are going to help me with that.”

  I explained to Lucy about Molly’s email to Jake and her desire for us all to meet up again next week on top of the very building I fell from. Lucy was shocked by the idea. “Something awful’s going to happen on that roof, isn’t it?”

  I smiled wryly, “Of that, Lucy I have no doubt, but at least we might finally get some answers.”

  She nodded her head slowly. “What do you want me to do Danny?”

  I leant in close to her and whispered what I had in mind. Nodding her head, she replied, “And what will you be doing?”

  “Ahhhh... now, I shall be paying a surprise visit to my darling wife.”

  ***

  “Hi honey, I’m home,” I cheerily announced as I glided into our old bedroom. Molly’s mouth dropped open so wide I swear I could’ve stuffed a bloody watermelon into it. I giggled and added, “Aren’t you happy to see me, darling?”

  She was sitting up in bed, her laptop open and propped up on top of her knees. I couldn’t help but notice she looked an absolute mess. Her hair was awry, her face was stained by tear runnels and her eyes were red and puffy. She’d clearly been doing a lot of crying. “D-D-Daniel! W-w-what! Wha...” was all she managed to stutter.

  Ignoring her obvious confusion and upset, I glided over to peek at the screen of her laptop. She was looking at photos, photos of us, of me, Jake and her having fun. Mmmm... was this remorse she was feeling? I wondered. Certainly she wasn’t the bubbly, effervescent widow she’d been portraying so well for the past few weeks.

  “Something wrong honey?” I enquired. Her only response was to sputter a little more and push herself back up the bed, against the headboard, to try and get away from me. “Ah well, never mind sweetie. I just came to deliver my RSVP in person.”

  Molly looked at me in absolute horror. “W-w-what the fuck do you want Daniel?” I smiled as I saw her eyes flash. Ah, there’s the old Molly we know and love. It’s never far below the surface is it, that righteous anger and indignation she possesses.

  “Ahhhh... just to see you again honey and to let you know I think your two-monthsary reunion idea is just an absolutely spiffing one.” I gave her my biggest shit kicker’s grin and added, “Don’t worry my dear. I’ll be there, with bells on. Wouldn’t miss it for the world. See you next week.”

  As I turned to glide back out the room, I heard her mutter, under her breath, “You always were an arrogant bastard, Daniel.”

  Turning my back to her I waved my hand airily, “Language sweetie. Oh by the way honey, you may want to know, Lucy is dead, so Jake is now free again... well, sort of, anyway.” As I left I could almost hear the machinery turning in that evil,little brain of hers.

  I just chuckled.

  ***

  Chapter 28 – Molly

  I wasn’t sure what had come over me. Overnight I had become an emotional wreck. It all happened after I had sent that email to Jake. Writing it had been one thing, but actually pressing the send button had suddenly triggered something inside of me that I hadn’t expected. I wasn’t sure what I had expected, but his response was unbelievable. I had just arrived home for the evening when my phone buzzed with a text message.

  ‘I will be there, providing Daniel comes too.’

  He was responding only to the last paragraph of my email where I had asked to meet at the exact spot where Daniel had died. In one way
I was grateful that he had agreed to see me, but I was disappointed he said nothing about anything I had written in the pages preceding. I didn’t understand what he meant by ‘Daniel comes too’? Had he also experienced Daniel’s presence? It unnerved me that this ethereal spectre of Daniel was proving to be more than just my over-active imagination. More so, what did Daniel want from us all? Why was he still here?

  I grabbed an old bottle of red wine that had had been sitting in my cupboard for years. I suddenly felt like drowning away all reality. I poured myself a large glass and sat down, reflecting on the past several weeks since Daniel’s death. Everything I had wanted and had worked so hard for had left me, or was leaving me. That email had been my last attempt to try to reconnect with Jake, but I feared now, from his pointed response, that he was long gone.