Jessie Slaymaker's Non-Existent Love Life (The Jessie Slaymaker Series)

by Jo Iles

  Jessie willed herself to stop overthinking and concentrate on kissing her boyfriend. This only led to the thought that she shouldn’t really have to ‘concentrate’ on kissing her boyfriend. STOP THINKING, Jessie silently screamed inside her head.

  Sensing something was off with Jessie, Tom ceased his tonsil assault and opened his eyes to look down at Jessie’s screwed-up face.

  ‘What’s the matter?’ he asked her, clearly alarmed at her expression.

  ‘Nothing, I’m fine,’ she answered him quickly. Too quickly.

  ‘Why’s your face all screwed up then, like you’re trying to do a quadratic equation without a calculator?’

  ‘Oh, was it?’ Jessie replied vaguely, like she hadn’t the foggiest idea what he was referring to. To stop anymore probing questions, Jessie grabbed the nape of Tom’s neck with both hands and pulled him closer to her to resume their kissing session.

  This was generally what they tended to do: kiss. Of course, they’d tried a few other things when they’d first gotten together, but that was months ago, and since then they’d fallen into a comfortable pattern—or, you could say, rut—of kissing sessions. But no more. So Jessie was even more surprised to feel Tom untying the sash of her bathrobe. This was most unlike him. Jessie felt her skin prickle in anticipation.

  Tom continued kissing her deeply while his fingers slowly ventured inside her robe. His fingertips gently began to caress and tickle the soft skin across Jessie’s stomach, and Jessie felt all her muscles tighten in excitement—and also in an age-old female bid to make her stomach appear flatter.

  She could feel his erection pressing into her hip, and she felt strangely apprehensive about what was going to happen next. She was stone-cold sober for cripes’ sake. This was uncharted territory for them both. And Jessie was scared. What if it was rubbish? Of course, it could quite as easily be amazing, but that wasn’t the automatic thought she had running through her brain.

  She’d always thought that they’d get around to the sex part at some point, but she’d thought it was off the table for the time being. Well, Tom obviously wasn’t reading from the same script as her. He looked down at her warmly, with a look of love and compassion in his eyes. But where was the passion? Jessie found herself querying as she looked up at him and did her best to keep her own expression soft and sensual.

  As she looked into his eyes, Jessie could see her own nervousness mirrored in his. Tom, unsure and nervous about something? That was practically unheard of. Maybe he wasn’t feeling well.

  ‘Tom, are you okay?’ Jessie asked gently, as he seemed to stop moving and continue to stare down at her. After a split second too long, he shook his head slightly and looked across at the clock on the bedside table.

  ‘I’m going to make you late,’ he said softly as he climbed off of her, now unable to meet her eye.

  ‘Oh… okay,’ Jessie muttered to his retreating back as he practically hot-footed it out the door.

  ‘I’ll get breakfast organised,’ he called out as Jessie heard banging and general rustling from the direction of the kitchen.

  Jessie couldn’t help but feel disappointed, rejected and hurt. What was wrong with her? Wasn’t she attractive enough for Tom? Why didn’t he want to go to bed with her? It had felt like since they’d gotten together they had just been waiting for the right time to progress things further. But this morning, Jessie had felt ready, and so, too, she thought Tom had been. He’d been the one to initiate things anyway. Then he’d just seemed to freeze and decide he didn’t want to take it any further. Deep down, she knew she was never going to have the complete relationship she needed from Tom. He was great, and she loved him dearly, but judging by the events of the morning, she wasn’t enough for him in certain respects.

  Jessie went to her wardrobe to pull out her dress for the wedding, when the painful conclusion hit her. She was either going to have to stay with Tom and live a celibate lifestyle with him, or she would have to leave him. It’s not like she was asking for the world, she told herself. A bit of sex now and again was all that she needed to keep her satisfied. He was the one who’d chased her with his confession of undying love. Well, his undying love obviously didn’t include getting naked with her, Jessie found herself thinking bitterly.

  ‘Sod it,’ Jessie said angrily at her clothes. She had planned on wearing a sophisticated knee-length wrap dress that Tom had bought her, but one look at it and she wanted to ball it up on the floor and stamp on it. She rifled through her clothes, wondering what would make her feel better. All she wanted to do was forget about what had happened with Tom, and she needed an outfit that would provide her with the armour she required. Her hand touched upon a muted jade green dress that she’d never had the courage to wear. It was a short, tight and clingy long-sleeved mini-dress, which from the front had a demure neckline, but seen from the back or side it had cutouts that didn’t leave a lot to the imagination. It didn’t exactly scream ‘wedding attire’, but what the hell? It would show Tom exactly what he was missing. Jessie decided to team her WAG-appropriate dress with some strappy studded killer heels and a black clutch bag. Studying herself carefully in the mirror, Jessie added more eyeliner in keeping with her heavier look and fluffed up her hair some more.

  If Tom was so able to keep his hands off her, then there might be somebody at the wedding who couldn’t, Jessie heard her inner voice snap defiantly at her reflexion.

  Chapter 82

  It was no good. He’d tried. He’d really tried, but Tom just couldn’t get any physically further than second base with Jessie. He appreciated her for the attractive intelligent woman she was, and she certainly aroused him, but without any alcohol in his system to dull his thinking he knew that he would never be able to have a fully physically intimate relationship with Jessie. His girlfriend. He busied himself in Jessie’s kitchen, making coffee, and silently berated himself, wondering what the hell was the matter with him.

  He loved the woman. Of that much he was certain. But loving her fully was proving to be somewhat of a challenge. It occurred to him that perhaps he was rushing things and expected too much too soon. He had been living a completely different orientation for the majority of his adult years, after all. Tom was at a loss. He knew he loved Jessie and he wanted to be with her, but if he was entirely honest with himself, there was a final hurdle which he was finding hard to surmount. He’d denied the existence of this hurdle until now, but that morning he’d felt brave and had wanted to tackle the thing head on. Only, it had beaten him—and now he felt thoroughly confused.

  A glimmer of a hope crossed his mind that maybe sex wasn’t actually that important to Jessie, and she’d be happy going through life as they had been. But for how long? his conscience asked him. For a few months? Years? Forever? That wouldn’t exactly be fair to Jessie. What if she wanted kids?

  ‘Shit,’ Tom exclaimed as he looked down into his coffee, completely preoccupied with his internal dilemmas. He didn’t even hear Jessie approach until she called his name.

  ‘Shit,’ he exclaimed again, his eyes widening as he copped a look at Jessie standing in the doorway. Jessie didn’t say anything, but she narrowed his eyes at his reaction.

  ‘I thought you were going to wear the print dress?’ Tom asked, then instantly regretted it. He knew Jessie would take his tone and question as a criticism and hear it more like a ‘why aren’t you wearing the print dress?’

  ‘I changed my mind,’ Jessie replied bluntly, clearly peeved at his lack of compliments. ‘Do you mind if we head off? I don’t want to get stuck in traffic.’

  ‘What about your breakfast?’ Tom asked, gesturing to the empty counter in front of him. Jessie gave him a piercing look that said a thousand words.

  ‘Sure,’ Tom answered, keen not to put his foot in it again. He downed his coffee and slipped his jacket back on before scooping up his keys.

  Chapter 83

  Jack had a plan. For once in his life he’d decided to take his mother’s advice. Although she hadn’t
expressly told him what to do, he knew perfectly well that his mother wholeheartedly believed that honesty was always the best policy. With this mantra firmly imprinted in the forefront of his mind, he’d called Mr Shum and had come completely clean with him about the way he and Sonia had first gotten together. He’d explained to Mr Shum that he’d been inappropriate with his daughter given the details of their agreement all those years ago, and that he no longer wanted to hide behind Sonia’s protection. Jack had tried to sound as humble and apologetic as possible, taking all the blame for his actions.

  When Mr Shum had asked him why he was being honest with him now, Jack had replied that although Sonia was a wonderful woman, he really didn’t think he was the man that would be the source of her future happiness. Which was true. Of course, he omitted to tell Mr Shum that he also regarded his daughter as being the source of his current and future unhappiness. Some things were just better left unsaid.

  Mr Shum had taken the news that Jack wanted to part ways with Sonia quite well. Jack suspected he was actually relieved, and still had hopes for a more suitable match for his daughter. Probably with a fellow tycoon’s unfathomably rich offspring. Mr Shum had given Jack his word that there would be no fallout from him for ending things with Sonia. How Sonia would react was another matter entirely. Mr Shum did ask that Jack talk to Sonia face to face, and asked him not to just disappear off the face of the earth or dump her by text. Jack had agreed with good grace, although he had already half-written his break-up email in his head. That was cowardly though, he kept telling himself, no matter how appealing it was.

  It was Saturday morning, and Jack had decided to have ‘the talk’ with Sonia in a public place. She was much less likely to cause a scene or start throwing things if there were people observing her. The hotel coffee shop it was to be, then.

  Jack had suggested they both go downstairs rather than have room service for breakfast. Jack had been prepared for a fight, but much to his surprise Sonia had agreed and had even suggested they go for a walk in the park afterwards, seeing as it was shaping up to be a nice day. Jack’s suspicions were immediately put on alert. She’d never suggested they do anything like that once during the past six months. He wondered what game she was playing now.

  As they exited the lift, Jack could see Jessie striding purposefully through the hotel’s entrance. Jack gave himself a mental slap on the forehead. Of course she was going to be here. He knew she’d be around the hotel at some point today for the wedding, but like a fool he’d thought that wasn’t until later. Trust Jessie to be obscenely early. When he’d recovered his wits he looked at her properly. She looked stunning. Another green dress, he noticed with appreciation. It was definitely her colour.

  Sonia and Jack crossed the lobby at exactly the same time as Jessie, and Jack held his breath at the prospect of the inevitable meeting that was to come. Jack felt himself unable to take his eyes off of Jessie. There was something so charismatic and magnetic about her. Jack noticed that Jessie only registered his and Sonia’s presence at the last second.

  ‘Jessie, how are you?’ Sonia schmoozed, giving Jessie an insincere air kiss. ‘Jack darling, you remember Jessie, don’t you?’ Sonia added most unnecessarily, grabbing Jack’s hand and watching him closely, he noticed. How could he ever forget Jessie, Jack wondered to himself, irritated by Sonia’s bitchy territorial behaviour. The sooner he was shot of this woman, the better.

  ‘Hi,’ Jessie said, seeming genuinely surprised to see them both. ‘This is Tom,’ she introduced, turning to look at the man standing beside her. Jack hadn’t even noticed he was there, he had been so engrossed with Jessie.

  ‘Tom, this is Sonia Shum, and I think you’ve met Jack Davenport before,’ Jessie concluded the introductions politely.

  But Jack could see something was different with Jessie. Something was off with her. There was something about the way she was looking at people in the eye which was just too penetrating. She wasn’t exactly glaring, but there was a hardness in her look. She was angry. Even Tom was subjected to her hard look—and perhaps even more so, Jack noticed, barely able to hide his glee. So Loverboy had pissed off Jessie somehow, Jack practically chuckled to himself. He must have done something pretty heinous to do that. Jessie was one of the most easygoing people he knew.

  ‘Pleased to meet you,’ Sonia said, taking Tom’s hand and flashing him her most charming smile.

  ‘You too,’ Tom replied, returning her smile to reveal his perfect white teeth. Jack clocked what a good-looking guy he was.

  ‘Nice to see you again, Tom,’ Jack said, formally proffering his hand, as both of them unconsciously stood a little taller.

  ‘I think it was Nick’s wedding the last time we met, but you’ve obviously seen Jessie since then,’ Tom said, eyeing Jack carefully.

  ‘Yes. I think you’re right. I guess a lot’s changed since then,’ Jack replied with a sneer, making clear aspersions on Tom’s changing sexual orientation.

  ‘Well, while you two continue sizing each other up, I’ve got things to be getting on with,’ Jessie interrupted, her impatience clearly evident in her voice and posture. ‘Tom, I’ll see you later,’ she finished, and then proceeded to stomp off as fast as her super-high heels would carry her.

  Jack found himself speechless on several counts. For one, Jessie being so uncharacteristically rude. And two, at seeing the back of her. She looked amazing in her dress, which was a maze of straps and bare back almost down to her bottom. When Jack had managed to tear his eyes away from Jessie’s disappearing figure, he noticed that Tom looked thoroughly embarrassed and quickly excused himself to follow her. Jack found himself intrigued to find out what on earth could be eating Jessie Slaymaker.

  Chapter 84

  Tom knew this was the beginning of the end. However much he’d tried to deny it to himself, and for however long he’d been trying to deny it to himself, there was no hiding from the fact that as far as he and Jessie were concerned, there was definitely trouble in paradise. It took Tom surprisingly longer than he’d expected to finally catch up with Jessie. Who knew she could move so speedily in those heels? When he finally found her, she was outside on the hotel’s terrace, fiddling with flower arrangements, with a face as dark as a thundercloud. Tom stood admiring her from the doorway as she expertly and efficiently moved from arrangement to arrangement, rearranging things ever so slightly so that they were all seen to their best advantage.

  She was so lost in thought that she didn’t even hear him when he called her name the first time. Either that or she was ignoring him.

  ‘Jessie,’ he said a little more loudly, as he walked towards her and grabbed her hand. Tom felt her flinch, although she did her best to hide it. It was too late.

  ‘We should talk,’ he said simply as he pulled her over to a nearby bench. Once perched, Tom continued to hold her hand and gently circle his thumb over her knuckles.

  Tom didn’t speak for a long time. Unsure of how to begin, he only started talking when he sensed her impatience and feared that she would get up and walk away.

  ‘Jessie, I owe you an apology,’ he said solemnly, not daring to look her in the eye. Jessie didn’t say anything, but made a halfhearted attempt at retrieving her hand. Tom however, held fast to it, as though it was providing him with some much-needed support.

  ‘Do you remember when I drove you to the airport when you were flying off to Hong Kong?’ Tom asked, allowing himself a quick glance up. He was met by Jessie’s steely, unreadable gaze and a raised eyebrow. This was not going to be easy, he thought to himself as he swallowed a lump in his throat.

  ‘Well, I gave you some advice,’ he continued after a slight pause. ‘I told you to be selfish for once in your life and to be with whomever you wanted to be with. Sometime during your trip I forgot about what I’d said to you… and I told you how I felt about you without really and truly giving you much of a choice. Thinking back now, I don’t think you ever made a real decision to be with me. I think you just fell into line wit
h what I wanted. I’m so sorry Jessie,’ Tom said, clutching her hand more tightly. ‘I bullied you into being with me,’ he said, quietly focusing on her hand like it was some kind of lifeline.

  ‘Don’t think that way,’ Jessie said with a huskier voice than usual, causing her to clear her throat. ‘I just wanted you to be happy. Having a happy you makes me happy. But it seems I’m not enough to make you happy, Tom.’

  ‘You’re more than enough, Jessie,’ Tom protested, looking up at her with a moistness in his eyes.

  ‘Be honest with me,’ Jessie said, looking at him earnestly. ‘I’m a big girl and I can take it. I know you love me and I stir some strong emotions within you, but obviously not strong enough. I think you miss being with men?’ she half-asked, half-stated.

  ‘I think you’re right,’ Tom said, suddenly sounding very weary. He’d tried. He’d really tried. Jessie was wonderful, but he just wasn’t engineered that way. However much he’d tried to override his own instincts, his nature couldn’t be surmounted.

  ‘I just think we both need a cock in our lives!’ Jessie said, doing her typical Jessie thing of trying to lighten the mood. ‘There’s nothing wrong with that,’ she added, clasping his hand with her free one and giving him a squeeze.

  ‘I love you, Jessie,’ Tom said with a big fat juicy tear splashing down his cheek.

  ‘I know,’ she replied.

  Chapter 85

  Jessie felt numb. It would definitely take some time to process. She was newly single, and this was something she hadn’t envisaged one jot when she’d woken up that morning. Tom had been brave and decided to let her go finally, but she couldn’t help but feel anger towards him for letting things go on for so long. She’d turned down a life-changing job in Hong Kong for him. Jessie hoped things would return to some semblance of normality between the two of them, but she knew it wasn’t going to happen right away. However much she churned things over in her mind, she continued to come up with the same conclusion: Tom would quickly bounce back from this chapter of his life, but it was she who’d have to rebuild and start again.