Surrendering

by Ahren Sanders

  “You have to see this from our side. Please understand. The Declan that you met last night for poker and Chinese food, and the Declan you went running with this morning, aren’t the same Declan Collins. We just want you to know that up-front before you decide to move forward in any way with him.”

  “I think you both are overreacting a little bit. We just met formally last night and he showed me around some trails. I’m not sure this puts us up for relationship counseling this morning. I know you don’t know me too well, but I think I have a level head on my shoulders and I can make pretty good decisions. And when I don’t, I have Finn and my brother Robbie to give me shit. I appreciate the warning and I’ll take it, but don’t worry. I’m not going to run out of here in the night because Declan has broken my heart with groupies and flings.”

  They both seem a little relieved so I go one step further. “Just so you know, I DO NOT do one- night stands, I DO sleepovers, and I insist on knowing the names of all the guys I fuck. So we wouldn’t be compatible anyway.”

  Both girls look relieved.

  “Okay, I’m going to wait for Finn in the living room. Thanks for the warnings.”

  Chapter 7

  Movie Night

  It’s been a busy few weeks since I moved in. School starts for me on Monday. I’ve spent a lot of time with the girls, but I haven’t seen Declan much since the day we installed the alarm. Since I finally had a fully functioning kitchen, I decided I wanted to learn to cook. Ella, Abbi, and even Finn had commented that my culinary skills were improving daily. I fell into a comfortable routine.

  When I received my class schedule, Finn and I went to campus to find where our classes will be and which parking garage we need to use. We both live too far away to walk so we’re going to carpool when possible. Our schedules are almost identical so it was the best solution. I was able to get all of my classes scheduled Monday through Thursday during the day; I got Fridays off. This is ideal for me for several reasons, but my favorite is that I will have three-day weekends for the whole semester.

  It’s just past six on Friday night and I’m watching a “Pretty Little Liars” marathon with a glass of wine and a new romance novel; I’m in heaven. I’m alone because Abbi and Ella went to their dad’s tonight. Once a month they go over to hang out and spend the night so he isn’t always by himself. I thought that was a nice thing to do. Even though my dad travels a lot with his business, usually my mom can travel along. This is great for me and Robbie because we don’t have to worry about her being alone all the time. It’s also good because my mom loves to travel.

  There’s a knock on the door and I can’t imagine who it is.

  I answer the door and I’m shocked to see Declan standing in the doorway with a bag in his hand. He’s in faded jeans and a black shirt; I see he has a piercing on his lower lip and it’s sexy as hell. I’m thinking about how much I want to run my tongue over his lips when he clears his throat and looks at me.

  Shit! I got caught staring again. Before I can do anything else, he straightens up and asks, “Do you have any plans tonight?”

  “Um, well I have the PLL marathon that’s getting interesting and some smutty reading to catch up on. I’ve just poured myself a glass of wine.” Shut up. I’m babbling and I need to get a grip quickly. “Why, what’s up?”

  “I don’t even know what the fuck a PLL marathon is and I’m pretty sure smutty reading can be done anytime. I was thinking we could have dinner and maybe watch a movie.”

  “A movie? Like a movie night?”

  “Sure, a movie night and dinner.”

  “Don’t you have plans for Friday night?”

  “Depends on what you say.”

  “Depends on what I say?”

  “Yes, Raven, what do you say? Do you want to have dinner and watch a movie with me?”

  I’m sweating. I start to fidget with my shirt, trying to figure out how to proceed. He is by far the hottest guy I’ve ever been around in my life. “Your sisters aren’t here.”

  “I know and that is exactly why I am.”

  “Oh, okay, well come in.”

  He steps in and goes straight back to the kitchen. I watch him unload the bag which was filled with a casserole dish, a six-pack of beer, and some sort of pie. I should probably offer to help.

  “Can I help you with anything?”

  “Nope, I actually made dinner at my house and all we have to do is heat it up. I hope you like enchiladas. I even brought dessert.”

  “You cooked for me? Was I a predictable conclusion? What if I hadn’t been home?” I was babbling again.

  “Raven, are you nervous?”

  “I guess I’m trying to figure out why you’re here on a Friday night with me.”

  “Why am I here? Why wouldn’t I be here? What’s wrong with wanting to spend some time with you?”

  “I’m not trying to sound rude, but I assumed you’d be out with friends or on a date or something. I know you must have other things that are more fun than watching a PLL marathon with your sister’s new roommate. And since you knew they weren’t here, I will also assume you knew we would be alone. You have sort of a reputation and dinner and a movie doesn’t exactly sound like your MO.”

  He looked at me. “For starters, I don’t date.”

  “I kind of got that impression.”

  “FUCK! Did my sister’s say something to you?”

  “Well, we may have had a small discussion about you. Apparently, a morning jog led the way to a Ravenel Hayes / Declan Collins intervention. I didn’t know two people exercising could turn into something so concerning.”

  “Yeah, that fucking jog bought me a lecture too. Not big on my sisters getting into my business, but I may have deserved it.”

  He moves to the oven to start dinner and then opens a beer.

  I perch myself against the counter opposite of Declan with my wine and watch as he finishes making dinner. I seriously want to walk right up and slide my hands over him. The way he moves is sexy as hell and the lip piercing is driving me wild. More than once he’s turned around and caught me ogling him. Each time he grins.

  “Makes me a little self-conscious with you staring at me.”

  Dammit! “I was just thinking about your lip piercing. I didn’t know you had it. I didn’t know you had any piercings actually.”

  “I have a few. Once in a while I get a wild hair and decide to do something different. Sometimes it’s tattoos, sometimes piercings, it’s really whatever I feel like at the time.”

  My eyes graze over his body with my imagination going wild. His chuckle snaps me out of my daze.

  “You asked why I’m here. Especially knowing we’d be alone. I planned it on purpose after Ella and Abbi told me they were going to our dad’s.”

  “Not to sound like a bitch, but why?”

  He shrugs. “I want to get to know you better. Is that a problem?”

  “No, but I got the impression that roommates were off-limits.”

  “Did those fucking sisters of mine tell you the whole story?”

  “Not really.”

  “Well, let me lay it out for you. The old girl that lived here, Christie, was bat-shit crazy. I never planned on screwing her, but one night we got drunk as piss and it happened. It was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. She wouldn’t leave me alone. She wanted exclusivity and followed me around for weeks. I couldn’t even come over to see Ella and Abbi without her throwing herself at me. She did crazy shit. I mean crazy! She would text me from their phones and when I showed up, they were out. She would answer the door in a towel and beg me to fuck her. She showed up at gigs and told the bouncers she was my girlfriend so she could get backstage. That’s just some of the stuff that happened. Finally, I had to become a major dickhead to get my point across. She broke down, moved out, and told my sisters it was my fault.”

  “What was your dickhead move?”

  “It’s not a good story and not a story I want to repeat.”

  This isn’t
the answer I want and I guess he can tell by the look on my face. I’m not good at hiding my emotions in my expressions.

  “I fucked a girl right in front of her.”

  This isn’t exactly what I’m expecting so I try to hide my shock. All I can say is, “Oh.”

  I want this conversation to be over, but he continues.

  “Are you gonna fuck me and then turn bat-shit crazy.”

  “Nope, not gonna happen.”

  “That’s why I want to get to know you.” He declares with a tone that closes the conversation.

  *****

  Dinner was delicious. I never had homemade enchiladas before, but Declan’s were spectacular. Our conversation was light during dinner. Declan told me that his enchiladas were his family’s favorite and he made them on special occasions. Other than a few other dishes, he isn’t too much of a cook. After our Christie discussion, we moved on to safer subjects. I explained my story and why I was back home and at Vanderbilt. I told him about growing up a dancer and my love for music. I explained my new interest in cooking and he raised his eyes and laughed. He soaked up every word as if everything I said was the most interesting thing in world.

  I learned a lot about Declan too. It turns out he graduated from Belmont with a business degree, minoring in music. He started playing the guitar when he was ten and writing music when he was fifteen. His band is named Sayge after his late mother. When he started on the stories of his band and the guys, he became animated in a way that had me laughing along with him.

  When we finished cleaning up the kitchen, we refreshed our drinks and I introduced him to the “Pretty Little Liars” marathon.

  “Raven, how old are you?”

  “Twenty-one, almost twenty-two.”

  “You sit around on a Friday night watching a marathon about high school girls being tortured by a ghost?”

  “Well, yes and no. Since I’ve already watched this season, I know what’s going to happen. But you may remember that I mentioned my smutty romance novel. I was planning on reading tonight as well.”

  “You’re fucking silly.”

  “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

  “It was meant as one.”

  All of the sudden, the room takes on a whole new feeling. I don’t know if I should take his statement seriously or just ignore it. Either way, it puts butterflies in my stomach. When I look up, I gaze directly in to his green eyes that keep me captive. I’m not sure how long we stare at each other, but I’m the first to break the silence.

  “Are you flirting with me?”

  “Nope, just making a statement.”

  “Well that’s a relief because that was a lame attempt.”

  “Raven, take a note here, when I flirt with you, you won’t have to ask. It will be deliberate, and it will be obvious.”

  “Okay,” that’s all I can say because now I’m watching his lips move and my insides are turning to liquid.

  “I think that now would be a good time to start the movie.”

  “I think you’re right.”

  He lets me pick the movie while he gets us another drink. I’m not sure what he likes so I pick my favorite DVD and relax on the couch. When he comes back in the room, he sits right next to me and hands me the glass of wine. Then he leans back and settles in, putting his arm around my shoulder and pulling me closer. I’m not quite sure what he’s doing, but I don’t fight it. My butterflies have returned and my palms start sweating. I’m pretty sure my insides are turning to liquid again. When I look up at him, he’s watching me intently. I decide not to question him.

  “Are you fucking kidding me?”

  “What? Almost Famous is my favorite movie of all time. It’s probably one of the best rock and roll films ever.”

  “Beautiful if anyone finds out about this, I’ll lose my man-card.”

  “Would you rather watch The Notebook?”

  “Fuck no.”

  “Then Almost Famous it is.”

  *****

  After the movie’s over, I become anxious. I don’t want Declan to leave yet, but I’m not sure what to say. The entire time we watched the movie, I was a bundle of nerves. He had settled so close to me that my head was on his shoulder. He found little ways of touching me delicately throughout the movie, like brushing my hands with the tips of his fingers when he reached for his beer. He even brushed the tears off my cheeks when I was silently crying. Every single touch shot electricity through my body to my bones. I’m so worked up right that I’m scared to look at him. I’m certain he’ll see the lust in my eyes.

  “I better go; I have somewhere to be in the morning.”

  Disappointed, I stand with him. “Yeah, I have somewhere to be at 9:00 so I guess I should head to bed.” Something flashes in his eyes; it resembles my own reaction.

  “Where do you have to be?”

  “I try to go to yoga on Saturday mornings. I should go tomorrow; especially after all we ate tonight. I think I may go to a double class.”

  “Is that where you were coming from when I ran into you?”

  “Yes.”

  “You always dress like that when you go to yoga?”

  “If you mean do I wear workout clothes, then yes.”

  “Those were a little skimpy for workout clothes.”

  “Not really.” I get a little twinge in my stomach. I like that he remembers what I was wearing. I also like it that my skimpy clothes seem to bother him.

  “New plan, I always play football with some guys on Saturday mornings. I’ll swing by here and get you at 8:30 and we can go together. Then when you’re done, I can bring you home.”

  “That’s not necessary; I walk to the yoga center because it’s much quicker than trying to find parking. It’s just easier.”

  “I want to pick you up- please?”

  “Seems like an odd request, but okay. I’ll see you at 8:30.”

  He smiles down at me and I melt, again. I suddenly realize that tonight was so much larger than just a movie night.

  “Hey, Declan, I know you said you don’t date, but I think you broke your own rule tonight.”

  “How so?”

  “Well, in my book, when a man does dinner and a movie with a girl, it is labeled a date. Then you threw in dessert. That screams bona fide date.”

  A slow grin slides across his face. “I guess you’re right, but we should keep that between us. I have an outside reputation to keep.”

  I focus in on his lips again. This time he comments.

  “See something you like?”

  I think I nod, but I’m not sure.

  “Raven, I have good intentions here, but stop fucking staring at my lips. I’m about two seconds away from slamming you against that door and wrapping your legs around my hips.” He growls.

  I was already hot, but now I have images of Declan pressed up against me with my legs wrapped around him. Without thinking, I lift my fingers and slowly run them across his jawline. I lick my lips and look into his eyes. I’m not sure what my next move is, but I hope he takes over. My knees are weak and I’m pretty sure I’ve stopped breathing.

  The next thing I know, his fingers are in my hair and he’s pulled me up to him so that we’re face-to-face; electricity’s flowing all around us. He slowly lowers his mouth to mine. When our lips touch, they’re on fire. I slink my hands up into his hair and he runs his hand down my back. He gently starts to nibble on my lower lip, asking for entrance. As soon as they part, his tongue jets in with desperation. I meet him thrust for thrust. Our mouths move over each other in a rhythm that’s hungry and almost primal. His hand reaches around to my ass, yanking me forward. I’m begging him not to stop kissing me. He tastes like beer and sugar. I feel the metal of his ring is cutting into me and I don’t care. I keep twirling my tongue with his, hoping he can feel what I’m doing. Suddenly, he pulls back and places dove–like kisses over my lips. He moves to my earlobes and down my jawline. I can’t move; I’m cemented to the spot. I’m still massaging his head while t
rying to catch my breath. When he moves back to my lips, I see the lust in his eyes. I watch him, hoping he can see the same in mine.

  Then he breaks our spell. “What the fuck was that?”

  Oh no, he hated it. I don’t have a ton of experience, but I like to think I know how to kiss. Suddenly, I’m trying to think of ways to back up and slink to my room. Judging by his tone, I don’t think he enjoyed that as much as I did.

  “Did you feel that?”

  I’m not sure I can speak, but I try. “Feel what?”

  “I’m pretty fucking sure a spark of electricity just ran through my body. Not just a sparkle, but a complete bolt. All from a fucking kiss. I didn’t want to pull my tongue out of your throat, but I was scared my ring was going to pierce you.”

  I nod.

  “Jesus Christ, I knew you were beautiful and sweet, but I think I can add sexy as hell to that.”

  I feel my cheeks start turning red. I’m trying so hard not to jump him right here in the foyer, but I might fail.

  “Raven, I swear to God, I don’t want to leave, but I have to. I have no intentions of fucking you up against a door and that’s where this is leading. But I’m not fucking leaving without another kiss.”

  This time, he bends his head to me and I immediately comply. Even though he isn’t as ravenous, the spark is still there. He has my hands pinned behind me before I can even protest. As his tongue meets mine, he groans. I lean my body against him tighter, but he pulls away.

  “I’ll see you at 8:30. Lock the doors and turn on the alarm.” Then he turns to leave.

  I think I hear him mutter ‘sparkle’ as he walks away.

  Chapter 8

  Sparkle

  When I woke up this morning, I was scared to death. I’m still full of anxiety and might just pass out from it. I’m not sure how I should act around Declan. What if he gets here this morning and decides that last night was a mistake? What if he remembers it differently?

  I dress in my favorite purple work out gear and toss my hair in a high ponytail. Since it’s so early, the girls aren’t home yet. I leave a note on the counter and walk into the living room to wait for my ride. Even though I turn on the news, I can’t drown out the thoughts running through my head. The doorbell rings and I grab my stuff to go.