Surrendering

by Ahren Sanders

  I smell the unmistakable aroma of Italian. The kitchen is intimate with a small bar and a four person seating area in the corner. What catches my attention is the romantic set up on the bar with two perfectly placed settings and a huge bouquet of wild flowers in the middle.

  I turn to Declan behind me and hands me a glass of red wine while he wraps his other hand around my middle.

  “Are you hungry?”

  “Starving, what are you making?”

  “Spaghetti, garlic bread, salad…”

  “Oh my God, that’s my favorite!”

  “I know.”

  He starts fills our plates and motions for me to sit down. I open my mouth, but he quickly places his fingers on my lips to silence me.

  “Raven, I want to talk first. I have this weight on my shoulders that I need to get off. When I’m done, you can ask any question you want. But for now, I want to explain what happened after the gala. Is that okay?”

  I shake my head. I’m no longer feeling hungry, but since he made such and effort I start on the salad and wait for him to continue.

  “The night I came over smashed, I had made plans earlier to meet with Cooper to go over some band stuff. We met up and had a few beers while we discussed things. Sami walked in and sat next to me with a folder in her hand. She pushed the pictures over to me and goaded me on about your relationship with the guys in them. I knew Robbie and your dad, but I was insanely jealous about Max and Finn. Cooper suggested I talk to you, but I proceeded to get drunk. I ignored Sami the rest of the night– I promise you. Every time she tried to talk to me I blew her off.”

  I listen to him and know I believe him, but I can’t understand why he didn’t talk to me. Without me asking, he answers the question.

  “I know it’s not a good excuse, but when I saw those printouts and how stunning you looked, I couldn’t take it. I became more possessive than I ever thought I could be. I’ve never had girlfriends before and I sure as shit never hung out with my sisters’ friends. So I couldn’t understand the relationship between Finn and Max. I felt like I’d been punched. Then I felt like a pussy for caring.”

  He stops to sip his wine, “Let me back up to the night of the gala. When Ella sent me the text with your picture, I talked to the bar manager about cutting our set short and making up for it another time. I flew home and packed an overnight bag. I tried to find the closest shirt I could to match your dress.”

  That explains why we matched! I sit back with my wine and wait for him to continue.

  “I’ve never wanted a girlfriend. I wasn’t sure how to handle those feelings. When I was faced with those pictures, I flipped out. I jumped to the conclusion you were playing me. I didn’t stop to think and I didn’t want to look like a pussy. Even when I woke up hung-over as shit on Monday, I knew I had made a mistake. I was on my way to take a shower and come to your house when Sami rang the bell. I didn’t invite her in, I swear, but she followed me. Then you showed up and wouldn’t let me say a damn word. When you drove away, I kicked her out of my house.

  “Then I got drunk again. When I showed up on Monday night to talk to you and found you gone, I felt so lost. I’ve never felt that lost in my whole life. Abbi talked me into taking a shower to sober up, but I knew I’d fucked up, possibly beyond repair. I’m so sorry, Raven. I need you to believe me when I say that I’ll do whatever it takes to get you back.”

  I see his sincerity and pain. Not everyone understands the life I’ve lived and the people I surround myself with. I should have told him about my family sooner.

  I get up and walk around to him without a word. I take his face in my hands and kiss him slowly. He rubs his hands up and down my arms, but let’s me control the kiss.

  I pull away so I can look into his eyes, “I’m back.”

  I see the relief go through his body and the happiness is etched on his face.

  “Thank fucking Christ. If you didn’t forgive me soon, I was going to turn into a bona fide stalker. I already had your school, dance, and yoga schedules, not to mention all your friends’ numbers. I wasn’t ready to give up on you.”

  “Declan, shut up and kiss me before I think about all the crazy ass things you just said.”

  He lifts me up and walks me to the other edge of the counter. He places his body between my legs. Before I know it, my shirt is un-tucked and his hands are running up my sides. He must feel my goose bumps because he grins against my mouth. As much as I want to continue, I break away.

  “Um, don’t we need to clean up the kitchen?”

  “Later,” he grunts.

  “I think we’ll be busy later. I’d much rather get it out of the way now.”

  “Raven, am I going too fast for you?”

  “No, it’s just that I have a surprise for you.”

  He raises his eyebrow and I see his lips twitch.

  “I don’t have school tomorrow. So technically, I don’t have to leave your house until tomorrow night or Tuesday for class. So if we clean up the kitchen now, we don’t have to leave the bedroom for approximately thirty-eight hours…” He doesn’t let me finish.

  “You convinced me. You load the dishwasher and I‘ll put away the leftovers. We can leave the pots soaking for a while.”

  “You know spaghetti is also delicious the next day. We don’t have far to go for lunch.”

  “I thought you said we were staying in bed?”

  “Nourishment and liquids are mandatory. Otherwise, we don’t have to leave.”

  He’s finishes way before I do and disappears down the hall. I hear some sort of music start up in the other room and then he’s right back in front of me. Without a word, he picks me up and carries me to his bedroom. He lays me down on the bed and hovers over me before diving at my mouth.

  Before I can blink, we’re both tearing each other's clothes off. He lifts up to help me push his jeans and boxers down. I drink in his whole body, complete perfection. I lick my lips thinking about being with him. He catches on pretty quick and flips me on top. He adjusts so his hardness is pressed up against my (now drenched) panties. I inadvertently slide over him and he moans.

  “Raven, as much as I want to, we are not having sex tonight.”

  My body freezes, “Why not?”

  He senses my self-doubt and cups my cheeks. “Because that isn’t why I invited you over. I want you more than anything, but I want to make it special for you. You deserve so much and I plan on proving to you how special you are.”

  “What if I want to? What about my wants- or shit- my needs.”

  He understands what I’m saying and immediately jackknifes up so we are skin to skin. He kisses me and cups my breast with his hands. Then he starts to grind his hips into mine. I know he can feel the moisture on his bare skin.

  “Shit, you’re fucking soaked. I think that’s my cue.”

  He pulls back and I start to protest until he rolls us over and tears my panties from my body. I start to giggle, but his tongue plunges back into my mouth. I feel one finger slip inside me followed by another. Once his thumb joins in on my clit, I can’t concentrate on the kiss anymore. I push away and reach for the pillows. He continues to finger me senseless and moves his lips down my body. I’m on the edge; he can tell what’s happening. Once he reaches where his fingers join my skin, he blows lightly on my clit and I’m falling. I scream his name into the room. He removes his fingers, but immediately replaces them with his tongue. Even through my ecstasy, I feel every lick and suck. I’m still reeling from my first orgasm as another one starts building. I try to hold back, but it’s coming fast.

  “Declan, I can’t- you have to slow down.”

  “No, Sparkle, look at me. Watch what I’m doing and come for me.”

  I lift up on my elbows and watch him. He slows, but then starts licking from top to bottom, gently nipping on the flesh at my core. He lifts my leg over his shoulder so he’s coming at me in a different angle. I drop my head back and moan. His tongue is all the way in me and I try my best to watch
him, but my vision is getting blurry. He thrusts his tongue in me at a slow pace, but every once in a while he stops and kisses me. He adds his fingers and my elbows can no longer hold me up and I fall back screaming his name over and over. I don’t realize he’s moved until he’s suddenly kissing me and I taste myself on him.

  “That was amazing! You are amazing, so beautiful.”

  “I should be telling you the same thing.”

  I finally feel enough strength to lift myself up. I run my hand down his torso until I reach his full length. It jumps into my hand.

  “Dec, how would you feel about trying something with me.”

  He smiles widely; he knows where this is going. “What did you have in mind?”

  He shifts his body so he is propped up on the mounds of pillows. I crawl on top of him and start to inch my way down his body. My eyes never leave his. I finally reach the point where my knees bend between his spread legs. I grab his cock in my hand and caress the liquid over his apa. He hisses.

  “Well, you know I’m not as experienced as you’re used to, but I want to experiment. Just let me know if I do something wrong.”

  “You don’t have to…”

  He shuts up when I place a soft kiss at the head of his penis. I move my tongue tentatively over his tip while using my teeth to gently tug at the balls of the piercing. I stroke him and move down, trying to take him all the way in my mouth. I know I need to control my gag reflex so I open my throat to see how far I can go. When I feel him at the back of my throat, I run my fingers over his balls. He puts his hands in my hair massaging my scalp. I know he’s urging me to keep going.

  My inhibitions flee as I move up and down him making sure to circle my tongue over his tip often. I take my time licking the length of him each time my mouth lowers and rises. I’ve always thought I would hate doing this but he has a distinct taste that I love. He grips a little tighter against my head, trying to pull me up. I resist and lower my whole mouth back over him. I love the sounds he’s making under me and he moves his hips to the rhythm I have created between us.

  “GOD! Raven, you have to stop. I’m going to come.”

  I bite down gently to let him know it’s okay. Once I have him completely in me again, I squeeze his balls and feel him thicken. He rocks against my mouth. Warm, salty liquid coats my throat and I swallow. I wait for him to finish. When his hands loosen, I slowly withdraw my mouth, but I stop once more at the barbell and tug. I see his dick jump again.

  I crawl back up his body and he isn’t moving. His eyes are closed and his breathing is heavy. I kiss him to allow him to taste himself (Only fair right?). He kisses me back, but barely.

  “I think I just died. How the hell did you do that?” He opens one eye to look at me. I see the color has changed to a deeper color of jade.

  I grin. “Not sure. That was my first time. Did you like it?”

  “Did I like it? Yeah, babe, I fucking liked it. How did you learn to do that?”

  “Pleasure Parties.”

  “Do I want to know?”

  “At home parties given by trained specialists to sell sex toys and sexually pleasing items. They also have books written by experts to explain what pleasures men and women. I guess I paid special attention to that part.” I say it fast and cover my face to hide my embarrassment.

  There’s humor in his voice when he asks, “You mean a book taught you how to give me head? Let me rephrase that, fucking incredible head?”

  I don’t look at him, but just nod.

  “Baby, come here. Don’t be embarrassed. You just showed me one more reason for not letting you go.”

  I snuggle into his chest. He kisses my temple as I fall into a deep sleep.

  *****

  I hear hushed sounds and the light blue glow of the television seeping through my eye lids. I feel Declan’s arms around me and I open my eyes. “What time is it?”

  “About 11:30. You passed out.”

  “I’m sorry; I guess the whole weekend paired with two awesome orgasms wore me out.” I slide off him and head to the bathroom.

  “What’re you doing?”

  “Getting ready for bed; be right back.”

  He throws me his t-shirt from earlier. “Will you wear this?” I grin and shut the door.

  When I’m done, I get back into bed next to him. “Sweetheart, what side of the bed do you want me to sleep on?”

  He just shrugs his shoulders, “Whichever you like; it doesn’t matter. I’ve never shared before so we can just work it out.”

  “Wait, you’ve never shared a bed before?”

  “Not unless you count you and my sisters when we were younger.”

  I can’t stop my curiosity, “Um, what about girls before me?”

  He rolls over taking me with him. I’m trapped under his hard body and I suddenly regret asking. “Baby, the girls before you never spent the night in my house, let alone my bed. You’re the first. I wasn’t a sleep-with-you kinda guy.”

  The blush is creeping up my face and he knows what I’m thinking.

  “I like sex- a lot, but my house is my sanctuary and I prefer to keep it separate. You see now how much I want to prove to you how much I care for you. You changed everything. You’re the first to see my house, the first to sleep in my bed, and the first to sleep on these sheets.”

  My heart melts with love for him. Before I blurt it out, I lift my lips to his so he knows how much this means to me.

  “So it’s only me?”

  “It’s only you.” He says it with so much emphasis that I think he feels the same way about me.

  I decide it’s time to move on from the depth of this conversation to a lighter subject. “I have a suggestion. Why don’t I sleep on the right side so you can curl around me and still face the TV?”

  “That sounds good. And babe, you look like a beautiful vision from my dreams with my t-shirt on.”

  He kisses me sweetly and we roll to watch the TV.

  *****

  When I wake the next morning, I’m lying flat out on top of Declan’s chest. I try to get up quietly, but he feels me move and pulls me back down.

  “Good morning, sleepyhead. I was wondering if you were ever going to wake-up.”

  “What time is it?”

  “About nine.”

  “How long have you been awake?”

  “A while, I’ve been enjoying you.”

  “What about me are you enjoying?”

  “You wrapped around me. Your sweet breath against my chest and the way your eyes flutter when you’re dreaming.”

  “Wow.”

  “My thoughts exactly.”

  I lift up and swing over the bed. I motion towards the bathroom and he lets me go.

  In the bathroom, I rummage through my things and find a tie for my hair. I brush my teeth, use the bathroom, and wash my face. When I come out, the bed is empty. I find him in the kitchen making coffee.

  “Dec, something occurred to me after our conversation last night. If I’m the only one to ever be here, how did Sami know where you live?”

  “Great question, I certainly didn’t tell her. I don’t think Cooper would have told her so I can only guess she looked it up. I’m listed.”

  Creepy! I don’t want to think about that so I change the subject quickly.

  “I like your house. It’s nice for a bachelor pad.”

  “Bachelor pad, huh?” He grins.

  “Well, it seems a little big for just you. Have you always lived here by yourself?”

  “Yeah and it is a little big for me, but my sisters used to stay here before they got their own place.”

  “Did you decorate it yourself?”

  “Mostly.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “All the living room furniture, the office, and the guestroom were me. The girls picked out my kitchen dishes and accessories. I only just re-did the bedroom due to recent influence.”

  “What recent influence? I thought you said I was the only one who’s ever
been in your bedroom.” I think I feel bile in my throat. Am I that gullible?

  “You are the only one to sleep in my bed and spend time in my house. Abbi and Ella have been here and Abbi recently helped me pick out new bedding.”

  He must see me relax because he teases me, “Were you jealous?”

  I shrug and look around to avoid the question. “What was wrong with your old bedding?”

  “Nothing, I wanted something new. My stuff was slightly mismatched and I wanted to have the best for you. So I got new sheets, new pillows and some sort of duvet. Abbi said you liked soft sheets. I picked the color because it reminded me of your eyes.”

  “You did that for me?”

  “Yep- though I personally think six pillows is a little extreme since I want you to sleep on my chest every night.”

  “Then why?”

  “I was told specifically that you don’t like to share your pillows.”

  “YOU TALKED TO ROBBIE?” I shriek. Robbie’s one of the only people who knows how I am about pillows.

  “Yeah, he and Finn helped me out a little bit.”

  I reach over and pull him to me. I get as close as I can to his lips and whisper, “I can’t believe you talked to my brother and his best-friend about us. I also can’t believe they didn’t tell me. Did they help with all the surprises this weekend?”

  “Yes and no. I thought up everything myself, but I needed help with the wooing part. I needed to get an invite for Friday night and I knew Finn would be there. I also needed to talk to them so I could prove how serious I am about you.”

  “What did they say when you talked to them about me?”

  He laughs out loud and throws his head back. “Babe, they told me I was pussy whipped and they’d kick my ass if I ever did anything stupid again. Basically, I now know that all those guys have a concealed license permit.”

  I laugh along with him and throw my arms up. He looks back down at me and kisses me hard and deep. I melt into his touch and rub against his body.

  “Sparkle, do you want to drink your coffee now, or can we go back to bed for awhile?”

  “Bed.”

  He picks me up and carries me back to his bedroom. We spend the whole day wrapped up in each other. Even though I mostly lay on top of him, I show him the merits of having an abundance of pillows on the bed. His new bedding is amazing.