Surrendering

by Ahren Sanders

  “Yes sir, but I want you all to be careful and call me if you see anything suspicious or if you remember anything that might help us.”

  Two hours later, Raven’s test come back okay and she gets transferred to ICU. Jenna and James go in to visit her first and then Robbie. I tell Finn to go ahead of me because I need some privacy with her. After a few minutes, Finn comes out and his eyes are red. He says he has to go and he’ll be back tomorrow. My dad and sisters went home and will come back in the morning. James, Jenna, and Robbie already left for home to take a shower, but they promised to be back in a few hours. It’s just me now and I walk into her room.

  She looks so peaceful sleeping in the bed. I can see bruises all over her body, but she’s still the most beautiful sight in the world to me. I lean down and kiss her gently before pulling up a chair to hold her hand. I can’t stand seeing her like this, knowing she is in pain. I let out a breath and cry. I cry for the first time since my mom died. I bury my head next to her hips and let go. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I lost her. I replay the last four days in my mind and let it all out. I have never felt so helpless and scared in my life. Now I know that Ravenel James Hayes owns me, all of me.

  Chapter 37

  We’re Okay

  Raven

  I wake and feel something weighing down on my arm. There’s beeping and the smell of antiseptic; I’m in the hospital. The last thing I remember is seeing Anna walk into the room. I open my eyes and Declan’s head is on my hip and he’s been crying. He’s asleep, but I can see the tracks down his face. I run my fingers through his hair and he stirs.

  “Baby, wake-up.” My throat is scratchy, but I’m not in too much pain.

  He jolts up and looks at me with a face full of emotion. Tears fill his eyes and he puts his lips on mine for a brief second. “We need to call the nurse and let her know you’re awake.”

  “Okay, I need some water.”

  He rings the nurse and she comes in with a pitcher of water and ice chips. She takes my vitals and asks how I’m feeling. I tell her my head hurts and she calls the doctor and says he’ll be right in.

  “What day is it?”

  “It’s Sunday night. Do you remember anything?”

  “Somewhat, I remember opening the door and then waking up in a small room with a sliver of light. I remember Christie and her ranting about wanting you for herself. I got a migraine and was out of it. But for some reason, I felt someone rubbing my head and washing me down with a warm cloth. I remember trying to go to the bathroom and my hand was broken- OH MY GOD! I remember her trying to get my ring off my finger and I fought her. She broke my finger and then stomped on my hand thinking she could get it off, but it was too swollen. She left me alone. Then I remember seeing Anna in the light before I passed out.”

  “Baby, this is all my fault. I’m so sorry.”

  “What are you talking about?” Declan proceeds to tell me the story the officer told him including how obsessed Christie is with him. I can hear the guilt in his voice as the tears run down his cheeks.

  When he’s done, I caress his jaw with my good hand. “Listen to me; you’re not responsible for what that psychotic bitch did. Don’t you dare feel guilty. People are allowed to change, and you changed for the better. I don’t have any doubts about how much you love me. What happened in the past is done.”

  The nurse returns with the doctor and Declan steps back so they can examine me. He texts my family to let them know I’m awake and then his family as well. When the doctor finishes checking my body, he asks me a series of questions about the sequence of events. I confirm that I haven’t eaten since Thursday afternoon. He tells the nurse to have someone send up some food. He tells me about the concussion and gash on my neck from the fall. Luckily I don’t have any brain swelling. Since everything is okay, I’m going to be transferred to a regular room tomorrow and I will be released in a few days. He mentions cutting off my ring since my hand is so swollen and I freak out. I promise to keep the ice pack on it and Declan agrees to help. He thinks I should just cut the ring off too, but he isn’t the one wearing the engagement ring.

  Shortly after the doctor leaves, my parents arrive and my mom breaks down. She hugs me tight and I let myself cry against her chest. Declan excuses himself because there’s too many people in the room. He promises that he’ll just be down the hall. My dad asks a few questions, but tells me we’ll go over the specifics when I meet with Officer Redding tomorrow.

  A nurse delivers the food and it looks gross. My stomach turns at the smell of the soup. My mom laughs and texts Declan to come back to the room. We order take-out from one of my favorite delis and then he and my dad leave to pick it up.

  After they leave, my mom turns to me with tears swimming in her eyes. “Baby Girl, I have only been this scared one other time in my life and that was when your brother had his accident. I know you’re okay now, so I’ve allowed myself to relax. What you need to know is that Declan is a wreck. He’s trying to be strong, but I know the signs and he’s starting to come apart. He’s blaming himself for this and he might break down. He loves you so much and no one blames him for this. I’ll talk to him, but know he feels responsible.”

  “Mama, it’s not his fault. He can’t blame himself for her being crazy.”

  She nods her head in understanding and calls Robbie. She asks him to wait and come back in the morning because she is going to insist I rest after I eat. I hear him complain through the phone but he agrees.

  Declan and my dad return with the food and Dad makes arrangements for us all to eat in here together. The soup is magnificent. When I finish, I take Declan’s as well. He chuckles, but lets me take it willingly. The nurse comes in and tells us I have permission to move to a regular room earlier than expected. I look at my dad and know he is responsible for this. He’s also arranged for a nurse dedicated to me for the next twelve hours.

  Once I’m settled in the new room and Declan insists on keeping my hand under an ice pack. My parents tell me goodnight and that they’ll be back tomorrow.

  I encourage Declan to go home, but he’s staying. He only leaves my side to take a quick shower. He doesn’t have any fresh clothes, but he feels better.

  “Declan, will you sleep with me?”

  “Yeah, baby, I’m not going anywhere. I have a recliner over here.”

  “That’s not what I meant. Come into the bed with me. I need you to hold me.”

  He hesitates, but takes off his jeans and climbs into bed. I’m suddenly tired and I throw myself against his chest. It’s close to 3:00am and I don’t know when the last time was that he slept.

  “Dec, I love you.”

  “Shit, Sparkle, I love you too. More than you’ll ever know.”

  *****

  I’m finally released on Wednesday morning. My cast was put on yesterday and the swelling is almost gone. I spoke to the cops and my doctor was present to help fill in the gaps from my medical chart. The police have determined that Christie was working alone and is infatuated with Declan. They charged her with kidnapping and felony assault but may add additional charges later.

  Declan never left my side; his sisters brought him the things he needed. I know my nurses were fond of him because they flirted with him tirelessly. My room was covered in balloons and flowers and it took my family two trips to get them all to the car before I was wheeled out.

  My parents followed us to my house and helped unload everything. My mom makes a fuss about getting me into bed. Dad talked to the school and I don’t have to go back until Monday. All my work will be sent to me via email. After a huge homecoming, everyone left and Declan and I watched a movie before I fell asleep. He has been quiet since Sunday, and I know he’s still processing everything I told the police and Christie’s obsession with him.

  David came over and spent Thursday night with me since I couldn’t go to The Steamroom. He made dinner for us and I was surprised that Jimi and Abbi joined us instead of going out. Jimi had been by the hospita
l twice but got upset when he saw me. So I was glad for the chance to hang out with him tonight. We watched Thursday night comedies until I fell asleep on the sofa. Abbi helped Jimi carry me to bed.

  I woke when Declan came in and took a shower. I didn’t fall back asleep until he pulled me into him gently and kissed my neck. He was careful of my ribs. I laced our fingers together and we didn’t move for the rest of the night.

  It’s Friday night and I’m restless. I can’t exercise for two more weeks and I’m going stir-crazy being inside. I’ve spent hours on the phone with my girlfriends assuring them I was okay and promising a kick-ass slumber party next time they are in town. Declan’s at a meeting with Jay and the other guys so I log onto the Sayge Facebook page and see what’s been happening. My stomach drops. There are over two hundred friend requests in the queue and a thousand likes. There are hundreds of messages for me, people wishing me well and telling Declan directly to hang in there. Someone mentions setting up a fund for my recovery, but I write a post explaining that it’s not necessary. By the time I accept all the friend requests and update the show dates, Declan is already home.

  “Hey, babe, you hungry?”

  “Ravished. Can we go out to eat? I’m sick of being at home.” He looks at me for a minute, but shakes his head yes.

  “And another thing, can we stay at your place tonight?”

  “Why?”

  “Because I’m sick of everyone tip-toeing around me here and I want to be at your house.”

  “Okay, if that’s what you want. We’ll stay there.” He says hesitantly.

  “Is there something wrong, Dec? Don’t you want to stay at your house?”

  His expression changes and he smiles at me. “Yes, babe, I want you to be where you’re most comfortable. I thought you might like it here better.”

  I walk over and lean in close to his ear, “Well if we’re at your house, we don’t have to be quiet.”

  “Shit, Sparkle, we can’t have sex for another week.”

  “What? How do you know that?”

  “I asked the doctor on Tuesday.”

  Was he serious? “I’m feeling much better; I’m not going to break!”

  “You were in the hospital just two days ago. Prior to that you were held captive for four days. I think you’re underestimating the extent of the situation. If the doctor says no sex until next Tuesday, then that’s it.”

  “When you put it like that, I have to agree. But can we still stay at your house? I need a change of scenery.”

  “Sure, where do you want to eat?”

  “I think I want a cheeseburger.”

  “Anything for my girl, come on.” He grabs my things and takes me out to dinner. He doesn’t let go of my hand the whole evening.

  When we get back home and crawl into bed, I can’t shake the feeling that something’s off. “Declan, are we okay?”

  He stays silent a little too long, but sighs and says, “Yeah, baby, we’re okay.”

  Chapter 38

  Guilt is Killing Me

  It didn’t take me as long as I thought it would to get caught up in school. My kidnapping was kept under wraps, but a lot of people knew I’d been in some sort of accident from all the post on Sayge’s websites. The only people who knew the truth were my small group of close friends and a few of my professors. Because of his help, Brent has been asked to do an internship with my dad’s company this summer. He’s most likely going to be trained on office work and surveillance, but he’s excited. Mari and Kyle were shocked about Anna, but Mari told us Anna had been acting strange since she found out I was engaged. I couldn’t think about it anymore because I needed to move on. I had a few nightmares, but ironically the migraine I suffered during those four days may have helped me. Since I was in pain and passed out, I didn’t have time to fear. The few lucid moments I did have stuck with me, but I was able to work through the memories. It was also easier to move on when I got my cast off a few days earlier than expected. Now I didn’t have a constant reminder of the kidnapping.

  As I’ve been healing and moving forward, Declan has been doing just the opposite. I’m not the only one who’s noticed; his sisters are worried too. It wasn’t an immediate transition; he’s become reserved and quiet over the last three weeks. Next week is his birthday and I made plans for us that I’ve been keeping secret. Since my spring break was so close to my incident, I wasn’t able to go with him to the beach festival in Florida due to homework. But now that I’m caught up, I have plans to take him away for a weekend getaway. My goal’s to get him to open up to me and try to overcome this dark shadow following him because of Christie.

  I talked to the band and they cleared the show on Saturday night. I covered my class on Friday so we’re going to catch an early morning flight. I packed his bag and it’s ready to go.

  I wake him up on Friday morning and tell him we’re going away for the weekend. He actually looks relieved.

  Our drive to the airport is silent. He holds my hand, but doesn’t even ask where we’re going.

  “Are you going to keep this up?”

  “What?”

  “I’m not sure I like the silent and brooding Declan. He freaks me out. Are you ever going to talk to me?”

  He sighs again; this is becoming its own type of expression with him. “I’m sorry; I have a lot on my mind lately. I don’t mean to shut you out.”

  “Well STOP! I can’t take it anymore. Tell me what’s wrong with you. I need to know.” My emotions take over and the tears start falling. “You aren’t yourself; everyone is worried.”

  He parks the car and turns to me. “Shit, Sparkle, don’t cry. I’m sorry; I can’t get over what happened to you. At first I was just so happy you were okay. But then as you got better, it became clearer and clearer that it was my fault.”

  “Please quit thinking like that. Christie is a psycho stalker who thought she was in love with you. She followed you around, took pictures and videos of you without your permission. She came into your house and stole your clothes. Then she kidnapped your fiancé to try and get you back. How is that your fault?”

  “THE GUILT IS KILLING ME!” He screams. “Every time I think of the whole situation, the nameless girls on the video, the way I treated them, the way Finn looked at me knowing what an asshole I was, it’s eating me up. Then I think of the way you looked in the hospital bed, so broken, and I burn inside. You are the most important thing in my life and I put you in danger.”

  I’m full out crying. I’m not sure I can break through to him. He gets out and comes to my side of the truck and pulls me into him. He holds me as I cry into his chest and I feel his own tears on my neck.

  “I love you so much.”

  “I think you need to talk to someone about this. Maybe a professional that can help you navigate through these feelings. You aren’t the same person and I need you to be the Declan I know and love. Please think about it.”

  He rubs the tears from my cheeks and kisses a path down my face. “Okay, I’ll think about it.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Now are you going to tell me where we are going for my secret birthday celebration?” He smiles at me with his signature Declan smile.

  “Yeah, I’ll tell you. We’re going to Destin. We’re flying into Fort Walton and I rented us a car for the weekend. We have an oceanfront room and a private balcony. We’ll have full beach access, a pool, and the works.”

  “You did all this for me?”

  “Yes, you and I needed time away alone and I thought the beach was the perfect place. I even have some leads on good bands in the area to go listen to if you want.”

  “God, you’re perfect. Let’s go get our weekend started. As soon as we pass through those airport doors, let’s forget about everything that has happened for the next three days.”

  I nod my head and get my purse. He gets our bags and we head to get our e-tickets. I feel a sense of nostalgia as I think about the last time we were here with our trip to New Orleans. I pray
this trip will be as romantic and easygoing.

  We arrive at the gate and I get a text from Finn asking me to meet him later today. I reply I’m out of town with Declan. He doesn’t respond right away so I send another text to ask if we can get together on Monday night for dinner. He just says yes. Finn has been acting strange since I got out of the hospital; he’s rarely around. Whenever I see Jimi, he says he doesn’t know what’s going on. It’s been a month since I left the hospital and I miss the old Finn.

  Our flight is uneventful and I read while Declan works on some music. He smiles up at me when he catches me staring at him. His mood has shifted to his normal, playful self.

  The weather is perfect and we drive our convertible rental straight to our hotel. We still have the whole day ahead of us and I want to go straight to the beach. Our room is beautiful and the view is breathtaking.

  We change and I load a small beach bag with our stuff. Declan comes out of the bathroom behind me and whistles. I turn and do my best model pose for him. I’m wearing a new red and white halter bikini with a matching sarong. “You like?”

  He circles me and places his fingertips on the small of my back. “You look amazing. Is this a private beach?”

  “Not that I know of, but I’m not sure how many people are out there today.”

  “Do you want to go to the beach right now?”

  I swallow hard, trying to sound convincing. “Yep, right now.”

  He grins at my blatant lie. “You sure?”

  “Uh huh.”

  “Promise me something; promise me I can have you for two hours after the beach and before dinner. Although two hours may not be enough, it’s a start.”

  “Okay.” I croak. My insides melt.

  He laughs and gives me a kiss before grabbing our bag and leading me out of the room towards the beach.

  The day is beautiful. Declan joins in a beach volleyball game that’s seriously hot! It’s four-on-four and all of the guys are very good-looking. Sweaty, muscular, and covered in sand is a great look. When the game’s over, I pretend I haven’t spent the last forty-five minutes staring. Declan lands beside my chair trying to catch his breath. I giggle and pretend to read.