In My Arms Tonight

by Bailey Bradford

  “We didn’t know,” his mother fairly screeched, but James was pretty sure they had known he was being kept doped up, and he knew he’d told them more than once he didn’t want to stay there.

  He wondered when and if his parent’s would notice Chase’s slip up about showing up at the clinic, facility, hell, whatever the place was. Then he decided it didn’t matter, because he could have visited any time and hadn’t admitted to being there when the breakout occurred.

  “The doctor told us he needed time for his mind to heal, and thinking about what had happened to him would be detrimental to his mental health!” And she definitely sounded closer. James held his breath as he peeked out of the crack. Sure enough, his parents had edged closer to the steps leading up to his place. Xavier and Chase were squared off against them, blocking their progress. All four of them were tensed, and none looked interested in backing down.

  “Except, we have it on good authority that one of the psychiatrists informed you both that James didn’t need to be held there—and you,” he pointed at James’ dad, “ordered him held and drugged and what the fuck kind of parent does that? I’ll tell you what kind, a fucked up kind. How can you not comprehend the utter wrongness of what you had done to your son?”

  “I don’t know where you got your information from, but we didn’t order James drugged into oblivion! We were told—I don’t owe you a goddamned explanation! We want our son,” his father snapped, taking a step forward. Chase spread his feet slightly and www.total-e-bound.com

  IN MY ARMS TONIGHT

  Bailey Bradford

  63

  dropped his hands to his sides, fisting them in a familiar way that meant bad things for whoever kept pushing him. “Neither of you have the right to keep him from us. Legally—”

  “Legally, he’s capable of making his own decisions. His psychiatrist will testify in court to that, and she’s a damned fine doctor.” Xavier shifted, his pose mimicking Chase’s and sending a trill of alarm through James. “I’m sure she’d also testify to the fact that rather than help James, you both ensured he’d be victimised again, and it will be James’ decision, not yours or Mrs Stratton’s, as to whether or not he wants to see or speak to either of you.”

  James’ father’s roar of outrage filled James with a different sort of fear, one that this entire confrontation would escalate into something violent, and he jerked the door open, shouting, “Stop!” Even though his voice cracked, shook, the four people below him froze.

  Terror bit at him as he took a tentative step to stand in the doorway. The promise of sunlight on his skin pulled at him as the heat washed over him.

  “James!” His mother brought a trembling hand to her mouth and started towards the steps, uncaring, he guessed, that Chase moved to block her from reaching the foot of the stairway. “James!”

  James started to back into the apartment only to stop. If he went inside now, if he shut the door, locked it, huddled on his couch or in his bed, would he be able to go outside again?

  Right now, it seemed to him he stood at a precipice, and if he made the wrong decision, he’d be smashed into a million pieces, never to be whole again. But would it be so horrible?

  “Yes,” James whispered to himself as he locked gazes with his mother. Even from this distance, he could see the pain and worry in her eyes, in her expression. Her hands fluttered about her face, brushing at her hair, her cheeks, her eyes. She stopped mere inches away from Chase, the only acknowledgement that the man was there at all.

  “James, please, we’re sorry. We just wanted to keep you safe.”

  If she’d meant to apologise and gain his forgiveness, that certainly wasn’t the way to do it. Anger filled him to the point of tinting his vision red. Her words were the prod he needed to get past his own fear at that moment. James stepped out—granted, it was only a foot or so, but he was still outside—and glared down at his mother.

  Fuck you!, he wanted to scream, but a small part of him was still logical, still calm. They always loved me, always wanted to help and see me happy even if they didn’t understand me. I wasn’t exactly what they wanted in a son, was too common for them at times, but they love me in their own www.total-e-bound.com

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  Bailey Bradford

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  warped way. Maybe they just went a little crazy with it. Even so, James wasn’t any less angry.

  Whether it’d been good intentions or not, they’d done something to him, something not too entirely different from what Rollins had done to him. Pain melded with the anger, chasing away the fear that held him immobile. He took another step forward and pointed a shaking finger at his mother.

  “You need to leave. I can’t talk to you or Dad right now.” He was hanging on to civility by a thread and it could snap at any time. The fury that had risen up and swamped him when he’d attacked Glenn Shearing was simmering just under his skin, and the possibility of losing it in such a manner in front of his parents loomed in his thoughts. That would be bad, really bad. It would give them even more reason to doubt his mental stability and the care he was receiving.

  His father tried to step around Xavier only to find his path blocked once again by the bigger man. “Son, please, the psychiatrist told us—”

  “I don’t care what the psychiatrist told you!” James shouted with enough force to make his throat burn. “I don’t give a fuck if you thought you were doing what was best for me! You didn’t ask, you didn’t listen, not to me! Not to me!” James didn’t know how it happened, but his mother was closer. He blinked, stunned to find himself halfway down the stairs. “You need to leave, both of you,” he said shakily, aware now of where he was as sweat soaked his brow and his back. A bead trickled down his forehead, tickling before he swiped at it. “I don’t want you here. I can’t talk to you, I don’t want to hear whatever it is you have to say, not now. Not ever, if you can’t respect what I want this time.”

  The need to run back up the stairs was making him twitch, sending his breathing into overdrive, and he hoped his parents thought his panting was because he was angry, or winded, anything but terrified of being outside his safety zone. The tips of his fingers and toes tingled then went numb as his body struggled to get the oxygen it needed. He couldn’t get enough air in, knew a panic attack was starting. James tried to breathe, in through his nose, deep, pushing air past a constricted throat, remembering the techniques Dr Shariva had taught him.

  It helped, although not as much as he’d have liked. He’d have preferred not to have the damn attack to begin with, but until he got his head screwed on straight… If he ever got www.total-e-bound.com

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  his head screwed on straight. James was beginning to think that might never happen, even if he was currently standing outside sweating buckets under the hot Texas sun.

  “James, please.”

  His mother’s soft plea made his chest ache with a different kind of tightness. He longed to run down the stairs, to let her hold him and tell him everything would be all right, just as he had when he’d been a child, but there had been too much betrayal, whether intentional or not, and he couldn’t move past it. Instead, James looked her in the eyes, letting her see the depth of the pain he felt, hoping she understood that he wished things were different, then he shook his head, turned, and ran back up the stairs. He heard more arguing, more cursing, heard his name called more than once, but James ignored all of it and shut the door.

  A few minutes later he heard car doors slam and the growl of an engine, and wondered how long his parents would respect his wishes. He would have to talk to them, eventually, because he loved them, they loved him, and somehow that had turned into a hurtful thing. James wasn’t sure he was blaming them more than he should have—wasn’t sure he should be blaming them at all, because parents wanted to protect their kids, didn’t they? How many mistakes should be forgiven? His parents weren’t the first to fail their
child, and…and he wasn’t a child. He was an adult, a man trapped by his own fears. It would be easy to blame all of that on his parents, but that was crap, because James had been the one to initiate the whole scheme to take down Rollins. If he wanted to place the blame somewhere, he could start with himself—but he wouldn’t, not any more.

  Not most of the time, when he could manage to be logical. Rollins Sr and Jr were both the cause of all the bad shit that had happened to him, Chase, and Chase’s friend Adam and his mother Charlene, and no telling how many other people. When he thought about Mitch’s victims…

  “I’d do it again,” James muttered, and somehow that eased the fear and anger that seemed to be his constant companions.

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  IN MY ARMS TONIGHT

  Bailey Bradford

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  Chapter Fifteen

  Glenn signed the lease papers and handed them back to the rental agent with a sigh.

  He wasn’t sure he was doing the right thing, hanging around, but Les had told him he’d have a job with the local police department, and it’d kind of answered Glenn’s question about what he should do. Now he was wearing a uniform five days a week and writing speeding tickets, and it wasn’t so bad. He didn’t really miss working for the FBI, and he didn’t need the money—Xavier had insisted he’d pay for James’ medical bills, and Glenn had agreed somewhat reluctantly that that would be best, all things considered. James already hated him, no need to make it all worse.

  “You can move in at any time,” Rosemary, the rental agent, told him as she batted long lashes at him. Glenn knew he was being made an offer, had fucked enough women that he was familiar with the signs, but not having to feign interest sure took a burden off his shoulders.

  “Thanks. I’ll tell my friends, Les and his partner Adam, they can help me get settled in tomorrow.” He doubted he needed to name off the rest of his new friends for Rosemary to get the message. Good thing, because he had a whole herd of friends now, which was weird but nice, too. James was no longer the only reason Glenn decided to stay in town. Each time he met up with Josh and Nick, or any of the other men at the ranch, Glenn felt a little better about staying here. This weekend he’d even agreed to go to a barbeque at Chase and Rory’s ranch to celebrate Rory’s sister’s pregnancy. Glenn hadn’t met her or either of her partners yet, and he’d been a bit shocked, old prude that he apparently was, to learn of the threesome, but really, if it worked for them, then that was all that mattered. He’d try not to stare like an idiot, or ask any dumb questions.

  Rosemary cleared her throat and murmured “Oh, I see,” but other than that she didn’t seem too disappointed. Instead she smiled and arched one brow. “Ah, not to seem pushy and I hope I’m not jumping to the wrong conclusion here, but I have a brother, Troy—”

  Glenn was shaking his head almost immediately. “Sorry, I’m not—” He stopped. Not what?

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  “Not what?” Rosemary asked, echoing his silent question. “Gay? Available?

  Interested?”

  Glenn’s cheeks were burning as he nodded. “Uh, I am the first, gay, I mean, but I’m kind of, uh…” Something clicked in his head and he narrowed his eyes at her. “Your brother a bartender?” He remembered a big guy at The Xxchange, kind of rough looking but yeah, sexy too. Not that Glenn was interested.

  “Yeah,” Rosemary said, smiling rather smugly. “He needs a good man to keep him out of trouble.”

  Glenn snorted and shook his head. “Uh uh. I’ve seen him, it’d take a bigger man than me to corral him. Besides, I’m kind of not over someone yet.” And he was afraid he might not be for a while, but he was giving it a try. Just, not with Troy.

  “I’d make some comment about size not mattering but that would be even more unprofessional than I’ve already been.” Rosemary grinned and waved the lease papers in her hand. “Usually I have a bit more decorum, but you are really attractive and it seems all the hot guys here are taken or gay. My choices are down to Jeb Riley, who has a beer gut that hangs halfway to his thighs, and Odom Meyers, and he’s barely twenty. Ick. I so don’t want to have to train a boy into a man. Well.” She dug in her purse and pulled out a set of keys.

  “These are yours. I hope you like your new place.”

  Glenn spent a couple more minutes talking to Rosemary. Once she was gone, he called Xavier to let him know he’d found a place. He didn’t turn down the man’s offer of help; Glenn’s stuff had been in storage for a week now, and while it wasn’t a lot, it’d sure be easier having several sets of hands helping with it. Besides, he always ended up enjoying the company of his new friends, and if he was lucky, maybe one of them would mention James, because Glenn just couldn’t ask. He felt pathetic, and he really wished he could have seen James take that first step out of his place to confront his parents, or at least tell James how proud he was of him, but none of that was possible. He couldn’t go back in time, and he couldn’t make James like him, so he would just have to get past his infatuation with the man.

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  IN MY ARMS TONIGHT

  Bailey Bradford

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  James was surprised to learn that Glenn Shearing hadn’t left. He wouldn’t have even known if he hadn’t overheard Chase and Xavier talking about helping the man move tomorrow. In the weeks that had passed since he’d gone batshit on Glenn, James had thought about him a lot. Enough to realise he was angry at Glenn for no reason, really, except he’d seen James weak and fucked up, and knew what had happened to him, and that shamed James. Which made him act like the world’s biggest asshole, as far as he could tell.

  What he couldn’t figure out is why Glenn had put up with it. Why he’d come down here, why he seemed to give a shit. Why he hadn’t left yet. Although, to be fair, that last bit might not have anything to do with him. He hadn’t seen hide nor hair of the man since that day in the kitchen, and it seemed like, from what he’d overheard, Glenn was making friends, at least with Xavier and Chase. And intending to stay.

  That gave James the same funny feeling he always got when he thought about Glenn, once the guilt and all the other stupid shit got out of the way. It was a warm, tingling sensation, kind of like all his DNA was getting happy in there and sending waves of joy through his system. It was weird and scary, but not in a bad way, not like he’d been scared when he’d been held captive and hurt. This was the kind of scary feeling he’d always wanted to feel, the kind that he’d longed for once, that let him know Glenn was someone he really wanted to know better.

  Except he didn’t think that was possible. James wasn’t anywhere near better, although he could take short trips from his place now. There was the whole issue of that, plus dealing with the idea even of a sexual relationship. Dr Shariva had informed him that soon they were going to start discussing the possible affects his experience might have on a future relationship. James was nervous about that, but he wouldn’t shy away from it. He’d already begun doing some reading on rape and its effect on a person, not because he’d been eager, but because he’d needed to stop being a victim. He had been, part of him would be, but that wasn’t the main part of who he was. James was done letting his past control him, even if sometimes he still had a panic attack, a flashback, and the nightmares.

  But giving up wasn’t going to happen, and somehow, finding out that Glenn was still here gave him a shove in the direction he wanted to go. There was a hope he didn’t want to acknowledge yet, because hope had been a fleeting thing when he’d been held in Rollins’ hell www.total-e-bound.com

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  Bailey Bradford

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  then the mental facility, but James couldn’t quite stomp it out. He wasn’t sure what he wanted, what he expected, exactly, but he wanted a chance to figure it out.

  James closed his eyes for a moment, leaning against the porch, his head pres
sed against the screen as Xavier and Chase went back and forth about whether or not they should take Glenn and whoever else helped with moving Glenn’s stuff to The Xxchange after they finished tomorrow. James’ heart lurched at the thought of Glenn surrounded by eligible, attractive, normal men, and damn it, that hurt, but what right did he have to protest Glenn going out and getting whatever he needed? Glenn didn’t owe him anything. James bit at his bottom lip. It was nothing to him if Glenn got laid, but he…he didn’t want Glenn hooking up with anyone for more than that. James wanted a chance. He just hoped Glenn would be willing to give him one when the time came.

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  Chapter Sixteen

  Since he’d started making the short walk between his apartment to the main house to join Xavier and Chase for lunch—or their breakfast, since The Xxchange closed so late—

  daily, James shouldn’t have had any problem doing it today. When he stepped outside and the warm sunlight caressed him from head to toe, normally he felt a sense of relief that he didn’t flip out, or gratitude that he wasn’t confined to his own apartment, not completely.

  This morning—afternoon, he corrected, he just felt agitated and in a hurry to get to the house.

  James pounded down the steps without taking his usual time to appreciate being able to leave his place. A sense of urgency was pulsing at the base of his spine, and he found himself pulling open the screen door to the house without even noticing the usual details like the way the oleander was blooming in shades of pink and white, or the flitter of metallic colours as hummingbirds dived for feeders. He didn’t notice if the sky was that solid, bright blue or if it was dotted with clouds. For once, he just didn’t care.