South Dublin
Page 21
SDP: noun, abbr. South Dublin Princess; a spoiled and stuck-up young woman from South of the Liffey.
Sean Connery: noun, rhym. a heart attack, a coronary.
September 10: adj. petty, pointless or irrelevant. Example: ‘Claire is STILL going on about you scoring her boyfriend.’ ‘Oh my God, that is, like, SO September 10.’ ‘I know, it's like, GET over it, girl?’
Septic: adj., rhym. of or from the United States of America: Septic tank, Yank; noun a citizen of the United States of America.
Shabby: adj. hungover.
Sheets: noun euro.
See also: Shekels; Snots; Sponds; Squids; Yoyos.
Shekels: noun euro.
See also: Sheets; Snots; Sponds; Squids; Yoyos.
Sherman: 1. noun, rhym. bank; 2. noun, rhym. wank: Sherman tank.
S, H, I, T: noun shit.
Shit: verb to bullshit. Example: ‘Do not shit me, Dude – was that really a goy I got off with last night?’
Shitfaced: noun drunk.
Shmugly: adj. ugly.
Shoecotic: noun a severe mental state in which women lose contact with external reality while thinking about shoes.
Shoot the shit: verb to chat.
Shopper's remorse: noun a feeling of deep regret or guilt, mostly felt by women, brought on by spending too much money.
Shot at the title: noun a chance or an attempt to have sexual intercourse with someone. Example: ‘You see that bird over there – I'm thinking of giving her a shot at the title.’ ‘Which one? The one with the long curly black teeth?’ ‘Yeah.’
See also: Apollo Creed.
Shrapnel: noun loose change, usually that which is left after a night spent drinking in a pub or club.
Simon: adj. of the highest standard: Simon Best. [Simon Best is an Irish rugby international.]
Skanger: noun someone of low social standing.
See also: Fleck; Ken Acker; Knacker; Skobie.
Skobie: noun someone of low social standing.
See also: Fleck; Ken Acker; Knacker; Skanger.
Skobie tunic: noun a Celtic shirt.
Skobie Wan Kenobi: noun a nickname for a skobie.
Skull: verb to drink very quickly.
Slut wellies: noun knee-high boots worn by women, often of low moral virtue.
See also: Geebag gumboots.
Spit chunks: verb to vomit.
Snake-charming act: noun an erection. Example: ‘So how did you get on with Melanie last night?’ ‘You won't believe this, but her old dear walked in while we were getting down to business. And she was not amused by my snake-charming act.’
Snoopster: noun Snoop Dogg, a popular rapper.
Snots: noun euro. Example: ‘How much did your jacket cost you?’ ‘Eighty snots.’ ‘You could have got a new one for that.’ ‘Very focking funny.’
See also: Sheets; Shekels; Sponds; Squids; Yoyos.
So say: noun, rhym. bus: so say all of us.
Sovvy noun sovereign ring, worn by people of low social standing.
SP: noun, abbr. the situation: starting price.
Spadework: noun hard work, usually in chatting up a woman. Example: ‘I put an hour of spadework into that bird Hannah and she ended up going off with the captain of Clongowes.’ ‘In fairness, though, you're ugly.’
Spanish Archer: verb give someone the Spanish Archer: to cast a lover aside in a cruel, cursory manner: El Bow.
Spew: verb to vomit.
Spin: noun a drive.
Splash: verb splash one's Dubes: to vomit.
Sponds: noun euro.
See also: Sheets; Shekels; Snots; Squids; Yoyos.
Squeeze the lizard: verb to discharge urine.
Squids: noun euro.
See also: Sheets; Shekels; Snots; Sponds; Yoyos.
Steamer: noun a homosexual.
Steaming: adj. feeling or demonstrating anger or annoyance.
Steeped: adj. lucky.
Steve Silvermint: noun the personification of coolness; verb play it like Steve Silvermint: to perform a task in a cool manner. [Steve Silvermint was a character in a 1980s TV advertisement for Silvermint sweets.]
Stoke: noun, rhym. homosexual, bent: Stoke-on-Trent.
Stormer: noun a good game, especially in rugby.
Straight red: get a straight red noun to be dumped by a boyfriend or girlfriend without warning.
Strop: noun a bad mood; verb have a strop on: to be in a bad mood. Example: ‘Are you going into maths today?’ ‘Nah, I bumped into Ms White earlier. She's got a serious strop on.’ ‘Let's bunk off early and hit Stillorgan Shopping Centre.’ ‘Cool.’
Stud muffin: noun a young man regarded as a good or prolific sexual partner.
Suck the lips off: verb to kiss someone in an enthusiastic or vigorous manner.
Swamp donkey: noun an ugly girl.
Swiss: noun, rhym. sex, hole: Swiss roll. Example: ‘I heard you've never had your Swiss.’ ‘Fock off!’ ‘Ever? In your whole life, like?’ ‘Sorry, do I know you?’
Sydney Parade: noun 1. a well-to-do suburb of South Dublin; 2. the last station before Sandymount when travelling northward on the Dart train. Verb get off at Sydney Parade: to use the withdrawal before ejaculation method of contraception.
T
Tallafornia: noun an ironic nickname for Tallaght, a populous and largely socially disadvantaged suburb of Dublin.
Tallafornication: noun sexual intercourse with someone from Tallaght.
Tanked: adj. drunk.
Taylor Keith: noun, rhym. teeth. [Taylor Keith is a brand of carbonated drinks popular in Ireland.]
Tear the back off: verb to speak ill of someone who isn't present.
Ten-four: exclamation used to express agreement or satisfaction.
Tennis racquet: noun, rhym. jacket.
Terry: adj. keen: Terry Keane. [Terry Keane was a notorious gossip columnist for the Sunday Independent in the 1980s and 1990s.]
See also: John B.
Textual intercourse: noun communication by SMS of a sexually suggestive or sexually explicit nature.
Theobald: noun, rhym. a phone: Theobald Wolfe Tone. [Theobald Wolfe Tone was the Protestant founder of the United Irishmen, who is regarded as the founding father of Irish republicanism. In 1796 he tried to enlist French support for an abortive rising attempt. He was tried for treason and cut his own throat when his request to be shot like a soldier was refused.] See also: Wolfe.
Thornley, Gerry: the rugby correspondent for The Irish Times.
Throw a bone: verb (of a man) to engage in sexual intercourse.
Throw the lips on: verb to kiss
TK Maxx: noun, rhym. toilet: jacks.
TK Nacks: noun nickname for TK Maxx, a department store that sells designer clothes at prices the lower social classes can afford.
TMI: abbr. an exclamation of revulsion or profound disgust when someone has related a story containing unnecessarily and usually nauseating details: Too Much Information. Example: ‘Oh my God, I haven't eaten for so long, my gums are storting to bleed.’ ‘TMI, Chloë! TMI!’
Toast: adj. 1. dead; 2. in trouble. Example: ‘Oh my God, I failed maths – I am focking toast.’
Tobler, on one's: adv., abbr. alone, on one's own: Toblerone. [Toberlone is a brand of popular confectionery containing chocolate, honey and almonds.] Example: ‘I heard Sophie's going to the debs on her Tobler.’ ‘Yeah, that's since I dumped her orse.’ ‘Way to go, Dude.’
Tonsil hockey, play: verb to engage in a kiss in which one or both tongues deeply penetrate the other's mouth.
Tony Blair: noun, rhym. hair. [Tony Blair was the Prime Minister of Great Britain between 1997 and 2007.]
Tony Smeeth: noun, rhym. teeth.
Tool: noun 1. a penis; 2. a foolish or disagreeable person.
Top tens: noun, rhym. pl. a woman's breasts: top ten hits.
See also: Airbags; Funbags; Lung capacity; Rack; Walters.
Total: verb 1. to beat up; 2. to crash and write off a car.
Tosser
: noun a stupid or irritating person.
Tosspot: noun a stupid or irritating person.
Town halls: noun, rhym. pl. testicles: balls.
Transmogrified: adj. very drunk.
See also: Horrendufied; Mullered; Trousered.
Trap: noun a cubicle in a public toilet. Example: ‘Dude, where are you?’ ‘I'm in Trap Two.’ ‘Oh… fock, has something crawled up your orse and died!’
Trouser: verb to put something, especially money, into the pocket of your trousers.
Trousered: adj. drunk.
See also: Horrendufied; Mullered; Transmogrified.
Trouser gas: noun a fart. Example: ‘Dude, did you let off trouser gas in here?’ ‘Yeah. I think I actually need medical attention.’
Trouser melons: noun, pl. deposits of excess fat at the sides of a person's waistline.
Trout: noun a woman, especially middle aged, who is unpleasing to the eye.
Truncheon: noun an erection. Example: ‘I don't believe it, driver. This is my stop and I've a truncheon on me that could beat a donkey out of a quarry.’ ‘Looks like you're staying on all the way to the terminus, so.’ ‘That's just my luck! I hope it's not going to be another of those days again! I don't know!’
TUM: noun, abbr. an aesthetically unpleasing girl who will try to spoil the fun for her more attractive friends by being hostile to any man who comes within their orbit: Token Ugly Mate.
See also: UBM.
Tumbleweed moment: noun a short instant in which everyone present is momentarily shocked into silence by the stupidity or inanity of something that has just been said or done.
U
UBM: noun, abbr. an aesthetically unpleasing girl who will try to spoil the fun for her more attractive friends by being hostile to any man who comes within their orbit: Ugly Best Mate.
See also: TUM.
Ugger Hugger: noun a man with a penchant for girls in UGG boots.
V
Vallys: noun, abbr. 1. Valentine's Day; 2. Valentine's Day cards.
VHI-positive: adj. (of a person) having or being covered by Voluntary Health Insurance.
Vom: verb to eject matter from the stomach through the mouth: to vomit; noun matter ejected in this way.
Von Trapp: noun mouth. Example: ‘Have you finished your homework, Son?’ ‘Ah, shut your Von Trapp, you.’
W
Wagon: noun an overbearing or nagging woman.
Walk of shame: noun the long and lonely walk back to your friends after being red-carded by a girl you were trying to chat up.
Walters: noun, rhym. pl. woman's breasts: Walter Mitties, titties. [Walter Mitty was a fictional character famous for day-dreaming.]
See also: Airbags; Funbags; Lung capacity; Rack; Top tens.
Wankrupt: adj. (of a man) being unwilling or unable to perform sexually because of earlier masturbation. See also: Clip, nothing in the.
Wardy: noun nickname for Tony Ward, Irish rugby international who now works as a rugby journalist with the Irish Independent.
Waters, overfish the: verb to deplete the stock of available women by spending too much time in one pub or nightclub.
Way: adv. very. Example: ‘If you fell into a barrel of funbags, you'd come out sucking your thumb.’ ‘Dude, that's way harsh.’
WC: adj., abbr. (derogatory) working class.
Weapon of Mass Destruction: noun a particularly ugly female.
Wedge: noun money.
Wedgy: noun an act of mild torture, usually practised by schoolboys and adult rugby players, in which the victim's underpants are twisted until they snap, then removed from his body through the leg of his trousers; verb give a wedgy: to perform a wedgy on someone.
See also: Atomic wedgy.
Weekend at Bernie's: noun someone who shows no signs of life at social occasions. [Weekend at Bernie's is a US movie (1989) in which two company executives take their murdered boss to a beach party and pass him off as alive.] Example: ‘Did you see Amy's new boyfriend? He didn't talk to anyone all night.’ ‘I know. He's a total Weekend at Bernie's.’
Weight handicap: noun a girl who insists on accompanying her boyfriend on his nights out with his male friends.
See also: Yoko.
Wexican: noun a Dubliner who lives in Wexford.
Whatever: an exclamation used, usually by teenagers, to express frustration or scepticism.
Whip: verb to steal.
Wide-on: noun female arousal, the woman's equivalent of an erection. Example: ‘That bird has a serious wide-on for me.’ ‘Why wouldn't she? She's human, isn't she?’ ‘Thanks, Dude.’
Wilsons: noun, rhym. pl. tickets: Wilson Picketts. [Wilson Pickett (b. 18 March 1941) is a soul singer who was popular in the 1960s and whose hits included ‘In The Midnight Hour’ (1965), ‘Don't Fight It’ (1965) and ‘Mustang Sally’ (1966).]
Winona: noun The Ryder Cup, a golf tournament played every two years between teams representing Europe and the United States. Example: ‘Didn't see you at the Winona last weekend.’ ‘No, I was actually in bed with Winona Ryder.’ [Winona Ryder is a Hollywood actress who has starred in such movies as Heathers and Girl Interrupted.]
Wolfe: noun, rhym. phone: Theobald Wolfe Tone. [Theobald Wolfe Tone was the Protestant founder of the United Irishmen, who is regarded as the founding father of Irish republicanism. In 1796 he tried to enlist French support for an abortive rising attempt. He was tried for treason and cut his own throat when his request to be shot like a soldier was refused.]
See also: Theobald.
Wrecked: adj. 1. hungover; 2. ugly.
Wrist, one off the: noun the act of masturbation.
WTF: text, abbr. What the fock?
Wuss: noun a weak or ineffectual person.
Y
Yoko: noun, abbr. an overly possessive female who insists on accompanying her boyfriend everywhere, much to the displeasure or annoyance of his friends: Yoko Ono. [Yoko Ono was the then girlfriend – and later wife – of Beatles member John Lennon, who, during the recording of the album Let It Be (1969), virtually took up residence in the recording studio rather than leave his side, causing the inter-band tension that was considered one of the contributory factors in the eventual break-up of the band.] Example: ‘I thought it was supposed to be just the goys going out tonight.’ ‘Sorry, Dude – she insisted on tagging along.’ ‘Oh my God, she is SUCH a Yoko. And she's bet-down.’ ‘Who are you telling? You just have to drink with her. I'm engaged to the focking hag.’ See also: Weight handicap.
Yolk: noun an ugly female. Example: ‘Oh my God, did you see the yolk I ended up with last night? I didn't know whether to ride her or milk her.’; verb to throw eggs at.
Yoyos: noun euro.
See also: Sheets; Shekels; Snots; Sponds; Squids.
Z
Zeppelin: noun a condom: love zeppelin.
Ross O'Carroll-Kelly's new book, Mr S and the Secrets of Andorra's Box, will be in bookshops all over South Dublin in October 2008. In fact, because Ross wants to do his bit for the underprivileged, it'll also be in bookshops beyond South Dublin. Here's a preview…
The doorbell rings.
I throw on my Leinster training top and my boxer shorts, then tip down the stairs and open the door. It's obviously someone with the wrong address, roysh, because it's a bird – eighteen, maybe nineteen – and without wanting to come across as, like, racist here, she's black.
I go, ‘Er, sorry, wrong gaff,’ and I go to close the door in her face but just as I'm about to, roysh, she goes, ‘I want to speak to Sorcha Lalor,’ except the way she says it, it's like Soar-chah Lay-lor
I'm there, ‘Soarchah Laylor's not here – what's all this about anyway?’
‘Hello,’ she goes, offering me her hand. ‘My name is Immaculata Okonjo. I come from Nigeria. My home is a small village called Owu-Ijebu in the Ogun State, a hundred and forty-five miles east of Lagos. My mother and father died when I was a little girl, my mother from tuberculosis, my father from ischemic heart disease. I was six years old when I
came to Owu-Ijebu. It is a small community with only twelve houses, a nursery, a primary school and a small clinic…’
Lois and Clark is about to stort so I end up going, ‘Is there much more of this?’ and she looks at me sort of, like, confused. ‘As in, can you get to the point?’ I go.
‘I am looking for Soarchah to thank her.’
‘Thank her for what?’
‘Because,’ she goes, ‘when I was six years old, she sponsored me.’
‘Sponsored you? To do what?’ She looks at me blankly. I'm there, ‘A walk? A skipathon? You're a bit late coming around for the do-ray-me, aren't you?’
‘No, no, no,’ she goes. ‘You don't understand. I mean she sponsored me. It was thanks to Soarchah that I was rescued from the streets of Lagos, where there are very bad men…’
Suddenly I'm like that focking Celine Dion, as in it's all coming back to me now. I actually remember her spon–soring a kid. She was a focking sucker for those ads on TV, especially if she liked the song – ‘You Raise Me Up’ or ‘Flying Without Wings’ or any of that focking muck.
There was always something about Westlife that made her want to set up direct debits.