Ruthless (An Enemies To Lovers Novel Book 4)

by Michelle Horst

  I take a deep breath. There’s no way I can walk away from her, especially now that I know she was upset because she thought I was screwing around.

  She was upset because she cared for me.

  That makes all the difference in the world.

  I reread her message before typing my reply.

  Willow: Please can we meet for dinner?

  Me: My place. Saturday.

  ∞∞∞

  WILLOW

  I’ve been on edge all day. I’m filled with anxious excitement, knowing that I’ll be seeing Marcus in a few seconds.

  I stare up at his apartment building as I take a deep breath.

  “Stay calm. Don’t panic. This is the chance you’ve been waiting for. Don’t mess it up again.”

  Yeah right, I’m only getting myself more worked up with the stupid speech.

  “Here goes nothing,” I whisper as I walk through the entrance.

  My heart starts to hammer wildly as I walk down the hallway, and when I reach Marcus’ front door, the thing is ready to beat right out of my chest.

  I send up a little prayer that things will work out and then knock.

  I hear movement on the other side of the door, and it makes my excitement spike sharply. When Marcus opens the door, I immediately start to talk.

  “I have something to say. Hear me out before I lose my nerve. I’m sorry I got drunk at your launch. I saw you with a brunette and assumed you slept with her. I was hurt and overreacted.”

  It’s so good to see him again. I have thought of him every single day over the past three years. It feels like only yesterday that I got drunk at the launch.

  “Also,” I add quickly as he’s about to say something. “I really need to get this off my chest. I’m not sorry for falling asleep on your couch. I’m definitely not sorry for sleeping on top of you. It felt amazing, and I hate that I had to pretend that it was awkward.”

  He smiles, but I hold up my hand as he opens his mouth to talk.

  “And.” He chuckles, and the deep sound washes over me like cool rain on a hot summer’s day. “I can’t be friends with you. I want more. I need more. Do you think there’s a possibility that you could have a romantic relationship with me? I know it will take time, but if there’s the slightest chance, I’ll be patient.”

  When I take a breath, and I’m about to rattle on, Marcus places his finger on my lips.

  “Are you going to stand outside the whole night, or would you like to come in?” he asks playfully.

  “I’d like to come in,” I mumble against his finger.

  He takes hold of my shoulders and pulls me into a hug. When his arms wrap around me, I press my face into his chest.

  I try to swallow back the overwhelming feeling of happiness, but a tear still manages to sneak over my cheek. I wipe it away and wrap my arms around his waist. He moves one hand to the back of my neck and holds me tighter as he buries his face in my hair.

  After a few minutes he turns us away from the door, and I hear him closing it before he resumes holding me.

  I can stand like this forever.

  Breathing his familiar scent, I still think nothing will ever smell as good as Marcus.

  Hearing his heart beating against my ear, I know it’s the most beautiful sound in the world.

  When he pulls back, I reluctantly let go of him. Nervous about where we will go from here, I tuck some hair behind my ear and smile shyly up at him.

  “I’m sorry I got the wrong idea when I saw you with your dad,” he says, as his eyes lock with mine.

  Those eyes. I missed them so much.

  My entire world is captured in the piercing blue of his eyes.

  “I got us Chinese,” he says as he turns and walks to the kitchen. “I got those spring rolls you like so much. At least, I hope you still like them.”

  “I do, and I’m starved.”

  We fall back into our routine as we move the food to the coffee table, and sit on the floor while we eat. Our eyes keep wandering back to each other, which makes us laugh.

  I lied when I said I was starving. I have no appetite and judging by the fact that Marcus isn’t touching his food, tells me he feels the same.

  I manage to eat one spring roll. I can’t force anything else down. Marcus cleans up, while I pick a movie.

  When he sees that I’ve picked The Notebook, he shakes his head.

  “What? I think it’s fitting,” I defend my choice.

  “Don’t blame me if I fall asleep,” he warns playfully.

  “As long as you know I’m leaving your ass on the couch, Pretty-Boy.”

  When the intro to the movie starts, Marcus whispers, “There’s still a lot we need to talk about.”

  I move to pick up the remote so I can pause the movie, but he stops me.

  “Not now. Let’s watch the movie first.”

  “Okay.” Feeling a little uncertain, I lean back against the couch.

  Marcus might as well talk now because there’s no way I can focus on the movie.

  He must sense my uneasiness because he reaches for the remote and turns off the TV.

  I swallow hard as I look at him. I didn’t expect everything to fall right back into place, but my nerves can only take so much.

  The corner of his mouth twitches which makes mine spread into a smile. When a sad look crosses his features, my smile dies a quick death.

  “There’s a reason I don’t date,” he says, and the words make goosebumps spread over my arms. Not the good kind.

  This is the part where he tells me once more that he can only offer me friendship. I close my eyes as I wait for the blow.

  “Remember I told you my father shot me?”

  My eyes pop open, and I frown. That’s not what I expected him to say. Marcus never talks about his past. When our friendship started, I tried to get him to open up to me, but I gave up when he made it clear that talking about our pasts were off limits.

  “I remember,” I whisper, hoping that he’ll finally open up to me.

  “I was ten.”

  I want to reach out to him, but he gets up and walks to the kitchen. I’m not sure if I should follow. I glance over my shoulder and watch as he pours a glass of water. I can’t be sure, but it looks like he’s taking some Tylenol.

  He comes back and sits down, but this time he turns his body towards me. When he lifts his eyes to mine, and I see all the sorrow, nothing can stop me from reaching for him. I take hold of his hand and squeeze it tightly.

  “My father killed my mother and little sister. When I woke up the next day the life I knew was gone. Everything I loved ended overnight.”

  The impact of his words slams so hard that I can’t even suck in a breath of air. I can’t imagine what he’s been through. I come from a loving home. The kind of horror he lived through… it’s unthinkable.

  “Letting someone in means, I have to open myself up to losing another person.” He clears his throat which gives the words time to sink in.

  “Oh, my God,” I gasp when I realize what I did to him. “Just as you let me in, I left you.”

  My body moves before my mind can recover from the awful realization. I throw my arms around his neck and plaster myself against him.

  “I’m so sorry, Marcus. I never would’ve left if I knew that. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

  Now I understand why Marcus kept everyone at a distance. Knowing the pain and fear he’s been living with, makes my heart break for the man I love.

  I pull back and bring my hands to his jaw.

  “I promise I will never leave you again. It’s okay if we can only be friends.”

  Marcus just looks at me for a few seconds, then an awkward look settles on his face. I’ve never seen that look before.

  I let go of him, not wanting to make him feel more uncomfortable than he already does.

  “It’s going to take time. Let’s take things slow,” he clears his throat before he continues, “Really slow. I need to get used to the idea of dating.” />
  Wanting to put him at ease, I joke, “I don’t expect us to jump into bed today.”

  Marcus lets out a burst of laughter. “That’s the only part I’m really good at.”

  I shove his shoulder playfully. “You’re such a pervert.” I pull a face. “I suck at it.”

  Marcus tries to keep a straight face, but when I realize what I just said, I burst out laughing.

  “I don’t mean I suck at it. I meant I’m not experienced in the bedroom department.” Feeling a blush creep up my neck, I quickly change the subject. “Let’s start off as friends. We can catch up on each other’s lives and take it from there. I don’t want to force it.”

  “That sounds good,” he says, sounding relieved.

  Feeling happy with the progress we made tonight, I get up.

  “I’m gonna go. Will I see you for dinner next Saturday?”

  “Sure,” he says as he walks me to the door.

  I press a kiss to his cheek. “I’m glad we talked about everything. I really missed you, Pretty-Boy.”

  “Let me know when you get home, so I know you’re safe.”

  “I will.”

  I can’t stop smiling as I walk down the hallway. I have no idea what the future holds for us, but right now I’m happy.

  Chapter 12

  MARCUS

  Things feel back to normal between Willow and me. We’ve been taking it slow like we said we would. But she’s been back in my life for a month now, and I think the timing is right for us to have our first date.

  “Mr. Reed?”

  Hearing my name, I get up and walk to the reception counter. The lady points down a hallway.

  “You can wait in room number two. The doctor will be with you shortly.”

  “Thank you.”

  I finally gave in and went to see a doctor three weeks ago. Apparently, I have lead poisoning. Last week I had to endure a bunch of tests to see if there were any fragments left from the bullet that could be the cause of the lead poisoning. I’m hoping the fact that I’m meeting with the heart specialist means they know for sure what’s causing the lead poisoning, and can give me a solution.

  The weight loss is becoming a problem and the headaches never stop. I’m also starting to forget little things, which worries me. I can’t get rid of the metallic taste in my mouth. I’m tired of being sick. It’s been going on way too long. That’s why I’m here right now and not telling the doctors where they can shove their professional opinions.

  I walk into the room and sit down. Seconds later I’m freezing my ass off. I don’t understand why hospitals and doctor’s rooms are so fucking cold. It’s like they want to freeze the damn virus out of you.

  “Mr. Reed,” an elderly man says as he comes into the room. He closes the door behind him then takes a seat across from me. “I’m Dr. Barnard. How are you feeling?”

  “I’ve felt better,” I say as I watch him open a file.

  There’s a few minutes silence as he looks through the pages. I stare at the family photos he has on his desk to keep myself busy.

  “Right,” he says as he straightens his back. “Dr. Avery’s diagnosis is right. You have lead poisoning.”

  “I’m already aware of that.” I don’t have time or patience for this.

  “That’s where the problem comes in. Dr. Avery referred you to me after your tests came back.”

  Dr. Barnard holds an x-ray up and points to something. I can’t see shit.

  “When the bullet was removed, fragments were left behind.”

  Finally, we’re getting somewhere.

  “How are you going to treat it?”

  He clears his throat and folds his hands in front of him.

  “Mr. Reed the fragments are embedded in your heart. Looking at your file, I would not recommend surgery at this point.”

  I sag with relief. Thank fuck, they’re not going to cut me open again.

  “In your already weakened state, the risk would be too high.”

  Wait. What?

  “What risk?”

  The source of my problems starts to beat faster in my chest, and I get a feeling I’m not going to like what he says next.

  “Due to the already weakened state of your heart, you will not survive heart surgery.”

  I stare at the man, not understanding what he’s saying.

  “Repeat what you just said,” I whisper.

  “Mr. Reed,” he says, giving me a sympathetic look, “to remove the fragments from where they are embedded in your heart is a high-risk operation. Your heart will stop with such a strenuous surgery. The tissue surrounding the fragments are dying. Your heart is being poisoned by the fragments. At this stage, your body is still physically able to survive the operation, but your heart is not.”

  I sit frozen, unable to form words.

  Finally, I manage to whisper, “My heart is dying?”

  “Yes, Mr. Reed. With treatment, we will be able to prolong your life by a few weeks. I’m sorry.”

  I have so many questions, but instead of asking them I can only nod as he keeps talking, while my world implodes.

  ∞∞∞

  I flush the toilet and sag down on the floor. Resting my arms on my knees, I lean my head back against the side of the bathtub.

  I’m supposed to get ready for my first date with Willow.

  Today was supposed to be one of the happiest of my life.

  I’m only twenty-six.

  Bitter laughter burns through the taste of bile.

  My heart is dying.

  I’m fucking dying.

  I’m dying.

  It sounds surreal no matter how many times I say it.

  Dr. Barnard told me today that my name has been added to the donor's list. As if I’ll fucking live long enough to be considered.

  I can’t believe it.

  Death caught up with me after all.

  How am I going to tell Jaxson and Willow that I’m dying?

  Fuck.

  “Fuck!” I scream until my throat is raw and sobs start to shake my body. I drag myself into a crawling position as if I can get away from the death sentence hanging over me.

  “Why?” The word rips from me as the finality starts to sink in.

  When I have no more tears to cry, I drag myself up. I only make it to the hallway when it hits again – the inescapable fact – I’m dying.

  I will be dead in less than a year.

  That’s if I’m lucky, and so far luck hasn’t been on my side.

  Months – that’s all I have left.

  How am I going to tell Jaxson?

  Willow.

  I have to let her go. I don’t want her to see me get weaker as the poison kills me.

  The bleak hopelessness sucks me dry of my will to fight. The unbearable heartache of having to let Willow go, drags me back down to my knees.

  I always feared being the one left behind. I never thought I’d be the one leaving.

  ∞∞∞

  WILLOW

  Marcus has been avoiding me for a month. I’m not giving him a choice anymore. I told him I’ll be at his place after work.

  After he canceled our date, I didn’t think anything of it. But he never rescheduled, and he backed out of our Saturday dinners. His messages have become curt, and that’s when he even bothers to send one.

  I don’t know what went wrong. I thought we were doing well. I don’t know what brought on his sudden change of heart, but he owes me an explanation.

  When I get to his apartment, I knock a few times before I give up. I can’t believe he’s not home. This is not like Marcus at all.

  I sit down in front of his door. I will wait him out. There’s no way I’m leaving here without seeing him.

  By the time my backside is numb from sitting on the hard floor, Marcus steps out of the elevator.

  He looks so tired that I almost forget why I’m here.

  He doesn’t bother saying hello as I stand up and wait for him to unlock the door.

  He doesn’t
open the door, so we can go in and talk. Instead, he looks at me with no emotion on his face.

  “I’ve met someone else, Willow.”

  Shock vibrates through me, and his callous attitude only makes it so much worse.

  “I love her so we can’t see each other, even as friends.”

  “You met someone. Just like that?”

  I lift my chin, refusing to show him how much he’s hurting me.

  “Yeah, it was… sudden.”

  I nod slowly. There’s nothing I can say. Marcus deserves to be happy, it just won’t be me making him happy.

  “Okay. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

  His eyes meet mine, and for a moment I see my heartache reflecting in his eyes.

  “I wanted to make sure,” he says.

  “If you’re sure then there’s nothing I can say,” I whisper, unable to hide the ache spreading through me. “I hope she makes you happy, Marcus.”

  I feel like a zombie when I start to walk away. I expected a fight, but not that. Not hearing Marcus is in love with someone else.

  “Willow,” he calls after me.

  I stop, and as the first tear falls, I keep my back to him.

  “Thank you. I know my words will mean nothing now, but maybe one day you’ll remember them.”

  I grind my teeth and turn to face him one last time. The tears roll silently over my cheeks, and I take slow breaths so I won’t start sobbing.

  “When you give your heart to a man, make sure he deserves it. You are an amazing woman.”

  A tear sneaks down his cheek which breaks down the last of my control.

  I cover the sob with my hand, and as I turn around, he says, “I love you. I’ll miss you so much.”

  I run for the stairs, not wanting to wait for the elevator. I just need to get away from the man who broke my heart for the second time.

  ∞∞∞

  “You’ve been wallowing in self-pity for two months now,” Evie says. “Come home, Willow. Nothing is keeping you there. Leave the dead-end job.”

  She’s right. I should just pack up and go home.

  “I’ll have to give notice first,” I mumble.

  “Give notice then. We can be roommates again. You don’t even have to look for a new place to stay.”