Color Blind

by Gardin, Diana

  I consider that for a moment. I know how attractive Luka is. But I really hadn’t stared into his eyes all night. We had a nice date, and then it was over. But I do know what a great guy he is.

  And he had wowed me, impressed me, with the grandness of the date.

  “It was really nice,” I repeat.

  “And Cooper?” She narrows her eyes. “How did that come about, anyway?”

  Dara obviously has a preference where my dating life is concerned. I guessed it’s probably because Luka is Brandon’s best friend.

  “He asked for my number last week to go over some stuff for Lit class. His text on Friday night was really out of the blue. And…I just went, when he asked.”

  “And did you have fun?”

  I pull into Oceanview’s parking lot and park in our usual spot. Looking around, I notice Luka’s SUV nearby and Brandon’s Jeep in the next spot. I don’t see Cooper’s motorcycle and my stomach sinks with disappointment.

  I turn to face Dara, and answer her question honestly. “It was the most fun I’ve had in a long time. And the most fun I’ve had with a guy, ever.”

  “Wow,” Dara replies. She grabs her backpack and steps out. “Does Luka know?”

  “No,” I sigh. “I didn’t talk to him Saturday or Sunday. I was working on choreography all day Sunday. He texted me to see what I was doing, but I was so busy with dance.”

  This is becoming a lot more complicated than I had expected. I just want to get through my senior year, so I can start living my life as a performer. Now I have guy drama, which I definitely don’t want.

  I do not want it.

  “Are you going to tell him?” she asks.

  I shrug. “I guess so. It’s not a big deal, is it? I’m not dating Luka exclusively. I’ve never even kissed the guy.”

  As we walk toward the school building, Dara loops her arm through mine. “I love you, Cam. But I don’t think you have a clue what you’re doing. You need to tread carefully here. Don’t you know how long you’ve been waiting for a guy like Luka? Do I really need to sell you on all of his amazing qualities?”

  I send my eyes rolling lazily skyward. “No, Dara, I haven’t been waiting for anything. I’ve never needed a man in my life, and I don’t suddenly need one now. Sure, maybe there are some feelings involved here with Cooper and Luka. But I’m not falling all over myself to be with either one of them.

  “I know Luka’s a great guy. I didn’t ask for any of this, you know. I’m just going to see what happens. It’s not like I’m falling in love here.”

  “Well, you could, if you’d realize that Luka is perfect boyfriend material. Speaking of Luka…” she trails off suggestively and tips her head to the side, her gaze aimed straight ahead.

  “Hey girls,” Brandon’s relaxed tone meets us just inside the school doors. He puts his arms around Dara and pulls her close. “Cam! Up top.” He frees one arm long enough to high-five me.

  “My man had a great time with you Friday night,” he bends low to whisper, winking at me.

  My lips quirk upward at Brandon’s disclosure. I turn to Luka, who is standing on Dara’s other side.

  “Hey,” I said.

  He breaks into a wide grin, and his light brown eyes almost sparkle with happiness. His face turns on like a lamp when he smiles. He really is a cutie.

  “Hey there,” he says, and sweeps me up into a hug. “Good to see you,” he whispers in my ear.

  Luka’s arms around me feel so comfortable, I almost don’t notice what’s happening. It’s like I’ve been hugging him like this for eons.

  “It’s good to see you, too,” I reply, smiling up at him. Our foursome begins walking down the hallway, heading toward first period.

  “Hey, what’d you do the rest of the weekend?” Luka leans down to ask.

  “Um,” I begin.

  Suddenly, I feel movement behind me, and my sunglasses are pressed onto the top of my head. I turn under Luka’s arm, and find myself staring up into Cooper’s impossibly green eyes.

  His crooked smile jolts my system as he turns one corner of his mouth upward and his eyes burn into mine. He darts his gaze down at Luka’s arm as it drapes across my shoulders. Fire flickers momentarily in his eyes and then it’s gone as he looks back at my face. My chest constricts when I look back at him because the hurt in his eyes is evident. I don’t want him to hurt.

  “Oh, thanks,” I breath. I’m suddenly breathless and flustered in Cooer’s presence. I worm my way out from under Luka’s arm. “I hadn’t even noticed these were missing.”

  “You left them on the picnic table,” he replies, his eyes never leaving mine.

  Dara clears her throat, helping me to clear my head and tear my eyes from Cooper’s.

  “See you in a minute,” Cooper says, as he saunters off to our first class.

  My small crowd is silent for a moment, watching me.

  My face grows warm as I silently put my sunglasses into my backpack. I ignore their attention, because I don’t want it.

  So Cooper brought me my sunglasses. Who cares?

  Luka finally speaks. “Uh, picnic table?”

  His eyes search mine, questioning.

  Dara hastily says, “Oh, it’s no big deal. She had lunch –“

  I shoot her a long, testy look before interrupting her. My look clearly says that I can speak for myself.

  “Cooper and I hung out on Saturday. It was a, um, last minute thing.”

  I feel that’s all the explanation I owe Luka, since we haven’t discussed being exclusive at all. I’m definitely not ready for that yet.

  “I see,” he replies, his brow furrowed.

  Brandon whistles. “Whew! Looks like you got another member in the Camryn Grimes fan club, man. But you’re up for a little healthy competition, aren’t you, Luka?”

  Luka nods, a determined gleam in his beautiful eyes. “I’m definitely up for it.”

  That sounds…alarming.

  I’m not interested in participating in any sort of contest between Luka and Cooper that probably will have less to do with me than with their own two manly egos.

  A frustrated sigh breaks free from my lips.

  At the end of the hallway, we part ways as we all go to separate classes. Luka squeezes my shoulders before walking off to his Statistics class.

  “I’ll see you at lunch,” he calls.

  I rush into Literature about two seconds before the bell rings, and land breathlessly on my seat in front of Cooper.

  He leaned forward, and I feel his warm breath tickle my ear. The warmth spreads from my ear to the rest of my body quickly, making me squirm in my chair.

  “I like your outfit today,” he informs me. “But not as much as Saturday’s.”

  I glance down at my cutoff white shorts and a burning heat flushes my face. I concentrate on taming my ragged breathing before turning around.

  “I bet you don’t,” I say. “But you won’t see that again until the bonfire.”

  His brow wrinkles in confusion. “Bonfire?”

  “Yeah,” I answer. “Every fall, the school throws a beach bonfire right before Halloween. It’s an party that no one misses.”

  “Okay then, I guess I won’t be missing it, either. Especially if it means I get to see you in that bikini again. Has Luka seen you in that thing?”

  I laugh. “Not that I know of.”

  He nods. “Good.”

  The redhead across the aisle leans toward us and uses a loud stage whisper to get Luka’s attention. “A bunch of us are studying at my house after school today.”

  “Don’t look at her. It’s worse than feeding them,” I say to Luka through almost-closed lips.

  He stifles his laugh long enough to nod solemnly at the girl beside us.

  “You’re impossible,” he tells me.

  “I know.”

  The rest of the period passes quickly, and when the bell rings, Cooper grabs my backpack from the ground next to my desk.

  “Beat you this time,” he
says. “Where to?”

  “How chivalrous,” I reply. Secretly, I’m pleased he didn’t let me get away from him when the bell rang. “I’m heading to French.”

  As we walk, Cooper tells me about the rest of his weekend; how he helped his aunt on Sunday do some painting around their house.

  “My mom says she’ll be here close to the holidays,” he comments.

  “That’s right, she’s not here. What’s she doing right now in Maryland?”

  He sighs, a look of irritation crossing his chiseled features. “She’s ‘wrapping up loose ends.’ Whatever that means. My mom’s always been a little flaky. She just divorced my third stepdad, and I guess she has some things to take care of before she can leave town. But I’m hoping this time around will be different. My mom and I have never been settled, you know? But her sister, my aunt Stacey, lives here, so I think she can help Mom get her act together. I’ve decided that no matter what happens, I’m staying. I like it here.”

  With this summation comes a small smile, and he darts a quick look at my face.

  “Good,” I say, without hesitation. “I like having you here, too.”

  He cuts his eyes toward me, eyebrows raised. I keep my eyes trained on the hallway in front of us.

  Cooper drops me off at my French class, and then I have two more classes before lunch.

  When that last bell rings before lunch, I breathe a sigh of relief. I am starving, and I want to take a break and see my friends. I’m aware of the strange desire to lay eyes on Cooper again, too, but I ignore it.

  Walking toward the cafeteria, I feel eyes burning holes into my back. I turn in the hallway, and stare straight into the eyes of four girls who striking model poses.

  Alicia, Courtney, Desiree, and Keisha.

  The starring actresses of the P.B.G.C.’s. Alicia is definitely the ringleader, although I consider Courtney the attention whore of the clique.

  I look down at the back of my jeans. “Cute, huh? I got them on sale over the weekend. You’re staring at them right? Or are you just happy to see me?”

  “Neither,” Courtney answers. “Where are all your white girl friends?”

  “Probably the same place as your common sense,” I shoot back. “Why do you care so much about who my friends are? Are you dying to become my bff? Is that why you sweat me so much?”

  Alicia laughs. “Girl, we don’t let people like you in. You’re nothing like us. Keep walking.”

  I stare at the girls for a moment. I don’t want to do what Alicia says and keep walking, but I can’t see any reason to stand there any longer.

  I look each girl directly in the eye for a second longer, then turn and walk back down the hallway, head held high.

  ***

  Two weeks later on a Friday afternoon, I am preparing to launch the first nighttime performance of “Mamma Mia!” We ripped through our rehearsal earlier that day with a multitude of mistakes, which is typical of all dress rehearsals. Dancers missed their stage cues; actors goofed their lines. The crew had mixed up backdrops and set pieces, and the band had mistaken one song for another. It was how dress rehearsals went, but I’m still extremely nervous for the show tonight. “Mamma Mia!” is my baby, and I need it to grow and flourish.

  As I stand backstage, reviewing musical cues with the band director, Mrs. Bartos walks up behind me and gives my shoulders a squeeze.

  “I just finished going over the routine for “Dancing Queen” again, just to make sure they’ve got it,” she says.

  I nod, chewing on my bottom lip. Mrs. Bartos smiles reassuringly.

  “They’re going to be great, Camryn,” she says. “Now, do we need to rehearse your introduction?”

  I’m going to be introduced as the lead choreographer during intermission.

  “No,” I answer. “I’ve definitely got that covered. If I ever have to give a Tony award acceptance speech, I’m going to have one written out years ahead of time!”

  Mrs. Bartos laughs. “Okay then,” she says. “I’ll see you when the curtain opens!” She walks away, her heels clicking on the black marley floor of the stage.

  As I watch her go, a strong, steady arm encircles my waist.

  “Do you have time for one more question?” Luka whispers in my ear.

  I rest my head comfortably back against his chest and a bouquet of pink roses appears in front of me. “These are for you.”

  “Luka!” I exclaim. “That was so sweet. You didn’t have to—“

  “I find myself having to do anything that puts that smile on your face,” he interrupts me. “I can’t help myself.”

  Luka and I had been out together twice in the past week, and were getting closer all the time. We still hadn’t had “the talk” about whether or not we were an exclusive couple, but I think the rumor mill around school states that we are.

  How do I feel about it? I really like spending time with Luka. He’s sweet, thoughtful, and oh-so-nice to look at. There really isn’t much more to ask for. But that jet-ski ride and picnic with Cooper…I can’t get it out of my head. Cooper and I haven’t hung out since then. I’ve been focusing on the musical…and Luka. However, I still see Cooper every day in English Lit and around school. At lunch he started sitting with a group of musicians that are known for playing gigs around the city, and I miss his presence at our table. But I guess he feels out of place with me sitting next to Luka every day. I wonder if he’s given up any idea of something happening between us.

  The thought makes my heart clench, and I’m not sure why. If I wanted to be with Cooper, I would. But Luka’s presence has dominated my time since we met. It disappoints me that Cooper gave up so easily, though. I can’t deny it.

  “Well thank you,” I say to Luka. “I’m lucky to have such a thoughtful and handsome guy looking out for me.”

  “There was one other thing I wanted to give you before your first show,” he says. His voice has dropped an octave and he’s giving me a coy smile. “For luck.”

  Luka leans down, and as his soft lips approach mine, I close my eyes and will my anxiety about our first kiss away.

  His lips meet mine, and it’s warm and cozy. I snuggle into his arms as they wrap around me, and fog clouds my head as Luka sighs against my mouth. He tastes like butterscotch candy, and his skin is softer than I expected a boy’s to be. When the kiss ends, Luka lingers close to my face, breathing deeply.

  I brace my hands on his chest, my thoughts spinning. I look up at him, to find his eyes boring into mine.

  “Luka—“ I begin.

  His finger covers my lips. “Let’s let that marinate, okay? Good luck tonight. I’ll be in the audience, and I’d like to give you a ride after the show’s over if that’s alright.”

  Looking into his beautiful brown eyes, I can’t refuse him. I nod.

  After Luka leaves, the remaining hour before the show passes in a blink, and suddenly the house lights blink in the auditorium, and the first strains of “I Have a Dream” are wafting through the room. I take my place behind the stage manager in the wings, directing dancers as they swirl on and offstage.

  The first act passes faster than I expect, and suddenly the theater teacher is announcing my name. I smooth my short black dress nervously. My feet, in their stiletto red heels, propel me forward, and I drift to the podium on the side of the stage.

  “Thank you, Mr. Laffy, for that kind introduction. I’m so proud of my dancers in this musical. They’ve done all of the work; and made it really easy to choreograph a great show. Thank you so much for coming, and I hope you enjoy the rest of “Mamma Mia!”

  I walk off the stage to the sound of the roar of applause.

  “Well said, Cam Short For Camryn. Congratulations on the show. You’ve done an awe-inspiring job.” There stands Cooper, decked out in all his sexy leather and denim.

  “Hey, thanks Cooper. I didn’t know you were coming, since you weren’t able to get a last-minute part. I’m glad you’re, um, enjoying it.”

  Damn it! Why does he have to
look like that? Always good enough to take a bit of. Now I can’t even finish a sentence without stuttering.

  Cooper gives me his signature lopsided smile. “You’re welcome. I have something for you, but I’ll have to get it to you another time.”

  My eyes widened. “Really? What is it?”

  He rakes his eyes up and down my body suddenly, as if he’s just noticed what I’m wearing.

  “You look…ridiculously hot,” he says softly. “I thought you looked beautiful on stage, but this close…wow.”

  My mouth is too busy hanging open to be able to answer him, so I just nod.

  He grins. “What are you doing after the show? Maybe I can give it to you then.”

  After the show I have plans with Luka. Somehow I feel sorry to have to tell Cooper this. I really wish I didn’t have plans, so I could find out what he has to give me.

  “After the show is no good,” I admit. “Sorry.”

  He nods knowingly. “Someone beat me to it, huh?” He takes a step toward me.

  “Um, yeah,” I reply. There’s the stuttering again.

  He continues walking forward until he’s standing right in front of me. He takes my chin in one hand and rubs the side of my face softly with one thumb. He stares down at me, and all I can do is stare back. He’s held me in the palm of his hand the second he looked at me like I was something good enough to eat.

  “I want to kiss you,” he states simply. “You don’t know how much. Would you push me away if I tried?”

  My eyes are wide as I shake my head.

  “That’s something,” he whispers. He focuses on my lips as he speaks, which makes it really hard to concentrate on what he’s saying.

  “I’m not going to kiss you right now, though, Cam.”

  Disappointment washes through me. “Why not?”

  “Because I want to by the only guy allowed to kiss you when it finally happens.”

  “Oh,” is my brilliant response.

  Cooper bends down and pauses, his face so close to mine I can feel his warmth radiating out from his mouth. My heart stills and I look up at him, waiting. My lips are pursed slightly and I am hungrily anticipating the moment his lips will touch mine. I’m so tempted to lean forward and let my mouth graze his, but I somehow am able to restrain myself.