Shadow (Defenders MC Book 1)

by Amanda Anderson

  “I’m so sorry. This is my fault. I’ve caused you trouble for years.”

  “You have given me joy longer.” Preach kissed her head. “You mean something to me Lacey girl and I’d give my whole world to keep you safe. Nana would too. Don’t you think anyone blames you for this. I just wanted to be the one to tell you. Shad is one pissed of son of a bitch right now so you need to be careful around him when he gets back.”

  Lacey’s heart fluttered. “Where is he?”

  “He will be by to see you when he gets back, but he has been through some real rough shit Lacey girl.”

  “Is he ok?”

  “He’s a shadow Lacey girl, always was and always will be. You start looking at him too hard and he might just disappear like all shadows do, best not to look too close.”

  Lacey didn’t understand. She wanted to know him. She wanted to stop fearing him.

  “He still scares me Preach.”

  Preach sighed. “He scares us all.”

  15

  Lacey struggled through the rest of the day and then the next with no word from Shadow. Two prospects came to guard her house and she was honestly grateful. Nana’s body was sent to the club and they planned her funeral with full honors of a member’s old lady. Lacey stood alone at the funeral, no one could comfort her and no one could take away her guilt. She felt responsible for every tear that fell that day. Preacher tried to reach out, but he didn’t know how to comfort her. It was Rider who finally just came and stood beside her offering his silent support that let her break down and let someone help her carry the burden.

  When Rider showed up that night she had begun to feel real terror and she was glad for the company.

  “Rider, where is Shadow? I have to know.”

  Rider met her eyes and she saw the muscles in his jaw harden as he ground his teeth.

  “I can’t tell you anything Lacey. I am under orders not to. I’m sorry.”

  Lacey could see that he wasn’t happy about the order, but he wouldn’t disobey it. Something was not right.

  “Is he ok? Can you at least tell me that?” She would beg if she had to. She had no pride when it came to Shadow. He had always been there to protect her like a phantom knight and now that he was gone she was afraid.

  “He is alive. That is all I can say. He will be back when he finishes what he is doing and until then I can’t say anything.”

  Lacey felt tears fill her eyes. She knew Shadow was doing something dangerous and probably because of her. Her heart broke.

  “Okay Rider. I won’t ask, but if something bad happens please tell me.”

  “I can’t make that promise.”

  Lacey felt her heart break. There was a chance that she would never see Shadow again.

  Rider became a fixture in her house. He came every night and soon they started coordinating dinner plans. Lacey liked his easy manners and over the top flirting and she found that she liked cooking for someone. His clear blue eyes sparkled when he paid her a compliment and Lacey soon started feeling butterflies when he was close. They rarely touched and he never made advances, but Lacey wasn’t sure she would mind anymore if he did. She missed the warmth of a man in her bed.

  Shadow had been gone for nine weeks and there had been no word of him. Lacey felt a mixture of foolishness and hope when she thought of him. Did their night together mean anything to him or was it all in her head? Was she being foolish to wait for him and shun the attentions of a man who was here?

  She didn’t know.

  What she did know was that the little stick in her hand said she was pregnant and she knew with certainty that Shadow was the father whether he wanted her or not. She sat on the cold floor of the bathroom and stared at the stick she had peed on only a few minutes ago. Her life had changed in a matter of minutes and she didn’t know how to move. Her life was still in danger. How could she protect herself and her child? Would she have to run like she had with Nana? She just sat there on the floor, scared, wearing her pajamas until she felt a warm hand on hers and a familiar scent wrap around her.

  “Hey there darlin’, starin’ at it ain’t gonna make it different.” He took the stick and tossed it in the trash and wrapped his arms around her. Just like that it all fell into place and she knew she had to start living again. Just like that Rider pulled the pieces back together and made her feel ok.

  “What am I going to do Rider? You know its Shadow’s baby.”

  “Yeah I know that.”

  “What am I going to do?” Lacey looked up into Rider’s eyes and saw something she hadn’t seen there before, hope.”

  “We have to tell Preach. He needs to know the whole thing and then I’d like to see if I can claim you, if you’ll have me. We can live right here like we have been. We can get married too.”

  He looked so nervous and Lacey felt her heart start to pound. She had to stop chasing shadows. Rider was here and he was offering her everything she wanted.

  “I think I would like to talk more about that.” She smiled and when Rider leaned in and brushed his lips across hers, she pressed back.

  Rider pulled her close and kissed her like he was starving for her. When the kiss ended he pulled her to her feet.

  “I’ll tell Preach we need to talk to him. I’ll see if we can do a lunch thing so we don’t fuck up your day too much.” He sighed and pushed his hand through his hair. “He might say no Lacey. Considering the situation, he probably will until Shadow has a chance to have his say.”

  “I know Rider, but I want to try.”

  “Me too. I’ll take you out for dinner tonight anyway. We still have something to celebrate.” His grin split his face and Lacey fell in love with him a little.

  “Shit. I don’t know what to do first.” His ears pinked at the tips.

  Lacey’s heart was warmed. He wanted to celebrate even if the baby wasn’t his.

  She smiled with the tears still drying on her cheeks and threw herself into his arms.

  “We have a whole life to celebrate!”

  He kissed her then and left her to dress for work, smiling.

  16

  Shadow crouched in the bushes and waited. He had waited for six hours for his opportunity and it was close. He had tracked the devils who had killed Nana and he was closing in on the last of them. He had killed ten men in his search for retribution and his need had only grown stronger. He had stopped using a gun after the first two. Guns were too loud and impersonal. He had always preferred a knife so he could feel the warmth of their blood as they died. These men were after Lacey. They wanted to take what was his and she was the only thing that had ever belonged to him completely. No one would take her from him and live.

  A man with a beer belly and thinning hair stepped from the rundown metal building with a girl that couldn’t have been older than eighteen and that was being generous. He looked around and started for the old van that sat out front. Shadow tensed. If he climbed in that van then Shadow would miss his chance. The fucker always fucked the girls before he left with them and he always brought them to the woods, far enough away that no one would hear their whimpers. The fucker was a sick bastard. He enjoyed hurting them just enough not to leave a mark or threatening them with a knife. He was supposed to take the girl to his club, but he liked the first taste. Shad had watched him from a far three times. This time he would gut the sick fuck.

  The man tied a dirty rag around the girl’s mouth and made her get on her knees. He pulled up the grimy skirt she wore and looked at her as he unbuttoned his pants. He never got the chance to touch her. Shadow pulled a curved blade from it’s sheath and ran the razor sharp blade across the man’s bulging gut. He let out a blood curdling scream as his guts spilled from the gaping wound. Shad pushed him to the ground and stood over him. He knew he looked like a monster, coated in the blood of this man’s brothers, but Shadow liked the looks he got.

  “You threatened my property. No one threatens what’s mine.”

  The man whimpered in agony.

&
nbsp; “I want to know everything you know and then I might take pity and kill you.”

  The man was terrified and Shadow fed on it. He let hate fill his eyes and smelled the sickening odor of urine scent the air.

  “You’re that kid. The one that nobody found. You burned up with your mama. You’re that fucking ghost man.”

  Shadow felt his blood run cold. “What about that kid?”

  “Dutch wanted his mama, but she was hung up on that cunt Preacherman who rides with the Defenders. Dutch went after her and she wouldn’t leave with him.”

  Shadow was shaking with rage now. He’d never known who had killed his mother and figured he never would. Now this man was spilling secrets that would have been better off left alone. Shadow felt something snap inside of him.

  “Dutch killed my mother.”

  “Yeah. Wouldn’t let nobody have her either. He locked the door and fucked her, but she wouldn’t leave. He doped her and she still refused. Just talked about her kid and how much she loved her man. Dutch couldn’t take it and he killed her. Couldn’t find the kid though.”

  Shadow screamed and launched himself at the man. He hacked at him until there was nothing left but a bloody mess. He didn’t spare a thought for the girl as he walked back to his bike. The devils had killed his mother and now they threatened Lacey. They all had to die.

  17

  Lacey was not happy. Preach had indeed denied them. He would not bless their match until Shadow was told about the baby and she felt there was more that he wasn’t telling her.

  Well hells bells, how could she tell him anything with him off and gone God knows where? She had been to the doctor and took her vitamins every day. She ate a healthy diet and exercised even when she didn’t feel like it. Rider moved into her bedroom and they started living life as a couple whether Preach would allow them to be official or not. The club knew they were together and that was enough.

  Shadow had become just that. She found out that he had gone nomad after hunting down the men responsible for killing Nana and no one heard from him. She suspected Preach did, but he never spoke of it. The rumor was that the Devils had lost almost half their numbers over a period of two weeks and all at Shadow’s hand and the numbers were still climbing.

  The baby she carried would be the Devil’s most valuable prize and the thought terrified her. Preach ordered around the clock guards, even when Rider was with her, but he would no longer meet her eyes. She didn’t know if it was because of Nana or Shadow, but he no longer claimed her as his family and she noticed. It broke her heart in a way that she had thought impossible, but every time he turned away from her she felt it as a blade to her heart.

  Lacey was now twenty weeks pregnant. She had a nice tummy going and she and Rider were going in for her checkup after they picked up a couple of cases of liquor to drop off at the strip joint the club owned. Today they would find out the gender and she wasn’t sure who was more excited, her or Rider. It was the first time she had been in the clubhouse since Preach had denied them and it felt strange being there.

  Angel was just walking out of Preach’s office and looked like she was mad enough to spit nails. She had only given birth a few weeks ago and already looked amazing, Lacey hoped she was so resilient.

  “Hey Angel!”

  Angel looked up and her face lost all color. “Lacey, you can’t be here right now. You need to leave, now.”

  Lacey’s heart cracked a little more. She wasn’t welcome at the clubhouse anymore, she knew that, but she wasn’t staying.

  Angel was dragging her to the door when Rider walked from the office looking like he could rip someone apart.

  He took one look at Angel and she let Lacey go and held up her hands in a show of peace.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Nothin’ darlin’ you ready to go to the baby doctor?” He kissed her nose, but she felt his tension.

  “Only if we can get ice cream after!” She beamed up at him and he offered her a smile that almost reached his eyes.

  “Sure, anything you want darlin’. What kind today?”

  “Peanut butter chocolate chip!” Lacey said loudly and Rider caught her when she threw herself into his arms laughing. He caught her just as a crash sounded from across the room. Rider grew deadly still and Lacey followed his line of sight until it collided with a man that filled her darkest dreams and a shiver ran through her body.

  Shadow.

  He stood at the railing to the upper floor totally naked. Three women crowded around him but his eyes were focused on Lacey and she shivered at the emotions that crossed his face when he saw her.

  He threw his arms wide and batted the women away. He slowly made his way down the stairs and Lacey was frozen to the floor. She vaguely heard Angel screaming at her to run and screaming for Preach, but nothing could get through the fog. She felt Rider tugging her, but she wouldn’t move. Then she was lifted and moving away from him. The mournful sound that followed her tore at her soul until she cried out in anguish. She looked up at Rider and saw the resignation in his eyes as he sat her on the floor and stood behind her, offering his strength.

  Shadow stalked her. He was still naked and he didn’t seem to care. His face was mournful and tears rolled down his cheeks unchecked. He reached out his hand to touch her.

  Preached stepped in front of Lacey before Shadow’s fingers could touch her. Shadow looked up at his father with such hurt in his face that Lacey didn’t know how the man could bear it.

  “You need to leave her alone Shad. Lacey needs to take care of herself and the baby and you aren’t ready to be a part of that yet. Get your shit together boy and then come back and claim your woman. It’s not the right time.”

  “But I can come home now.”

  Shadow sounded like a scared child. He was completely disconnected. Lacey didn’t know what was happening but she damned sure wasn’t going to let it go on in front of her. She stepped around Preach.

  “Hello Shadow.” She gentled her voice as if speaking to a child.

  “You aren’t her.” Disappointment filled his voice. “How did you know what to say? You aren’t her.”

  That hurt. She wasn’t who he wanted. No one seemed to want her around these days.

  “She had to say it or I couldn’t come home. How did you know? Did she tell you to call me? Can I still come home? Is it safe? No one else knew the words. They have never known the right words. I want to come home now.”

  His expression had slowly evened out to that of the man she had known all her life. There was nothing in his face, but his eyes were alive.

  “Who Shadow?” Lacey placed her hand on his chest and he shuttered at the contact.

  “My mother.” He looked so lost as he looked back at Lacey with confusion. “Where is she?” His eyes searched the room.

  Preach capped his hand over his mouth and hardened his jaw. Lacey had heard stories of Shadow’s mother and the love Preach had for her, even now. He reached out and gripped Shadow’s shoulder. He had seen the way Lacey’s touch always got through to Shadow and maybe his would help the boy too.

  “She’s gone Marcus. She can’t call you in anymore. You have to decide to come home on your own.”

  “She always calls me home. I have to wait for the right words.” He looked to Lacey. “She said the right words. Now it’s safe and we can go get ice cream.”

  Lacey choked up. “Do you want to go get ice cream Shadow?”

  “Lacey, we need to go or you will miss your appointment.”

  “Are you leaving? Can I go?”

  Lacey looked to Rider and saw him frown. “Fuck no you cannot go to the damn doctor with us. Fuck no. You can’t be anywhere around her Shad, you hear me?”

  Shadow’s body went rigid and his voice hardened. “Why are you going to the doctor Lacey?”

  He was no longer that scared kid, now he was more like the boy from her childhood who demanded things from her with no feeling or compassion.

  “For a checkup.” Lace
y didn’t like the change. She placed her hand protectively over her belly.

  “Bullshit. You are a terrible liar. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

  Shadow took a step forward and Lacey stepped back against Rider’s chest. Rider wrapped his arms around her and Shadow’s face darkened.

  “Get your fucking hands off her Rider. I told you before what will happen if you touch her. I will put you in the ground and I will take my fucking time.”

  Shadow was vibrating with rage, but so was Rider and Lacey was in the middle.

  “Fuck you Shadow. Lacey is mine.”

  “I won’t tell you again Rider.” The menace in Shadow’s voice had Rider tightening his hold.

  “I don’t give a damn if you did claim her when you were kids. I claim her now in front of the whole damned club.”

  Shadow let out a guttural growl.

  Lacey reached out and touched his chest.

  “I’m pregnant Marcus.”

  He stumbled back away from her as if she had grown two heads.

  “Who? Who touched you? Fucking tell me so I can kill him. He’s not here? He fucking left you? Who?!” His voice rose with every word.

  Lacey looked around only then noticing that the clubhouse was totally empty. Shadow was pacing like a caged tiger and it was breaking her heart, but he was also pissing her off. She looked to Rider. Why didn’t Shadow accuse Rider, he was the obvious choice. Rider wouldn’t meet her eyes and that only made her angrier.

  “You! You are the father and you are the one that left me to deal with it on my own and when I was afraid and alone it was Rider that held me and it was Rider that bathed my face when I was sick. It has been Rider that has taken care of me while your child grows in my belly. Because. You. Left!”

  A sob broke from her chest and she couldn’t stand it anymore. She ripped herself from Rider’s arms and ran from the clubhouse. She climbed into her car. Either Rider could come on or be left behind. She cranked the car and started to back up when Rider slid into the seat beside her. Neither spoke, there were no words.